Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Elessar and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. I'm taking another vote: who wants Legolas to get pregnant a second time? Takes place sometime after the last chapter, after Kasia and Elleelen are sleeping in their room.

Amin Ai Olin
(My Little Secret)

Part 14. Quen- Yallume

          (To Speak At Last)

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After I fall, where do I stand?
After my heart is in your hands
And you've got it all
After I fall, where do I stand?
After I've loved you all I can
Will I still stand tall?
After I fall

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Legolas and Elessar were once more back in the King's room, with the Elf resting on the bed, stretched out, and the Man sat on the other side of it, looking at Legolas wordlessly. Both were wearing the clothes they had on earlier, and Legolas inclined his face towards Gondor's king a little warily, fatigue running through him. He could barely keep himself awake.

Elessar cleared his throat, before he muttered, 'I'm sorry.'

'Sorry? For what?' Legolas asked, his voice drawn and sad. 'Sorry won't change anything, Elessar; too much has happened for that. We both have done the other wrong and we both are sorry for what we said and did, but it won't make things right again.' A deep sigh left him, as he closed his cobalt eyes in regret. 'Nothing will.'

'Is there no way you will trust me again?' Elessar questioned, remorse making his voice husky. 'When I thought you were going to die… I wanted to die myself. I never meant for you to nearly perish, Legolas.'

The Elven beauty looked at Elessar solemnly. 'I don't know if I can trust you again. I trusted you once ten years ago, but I do not know you anymore. The Elessar I knew then would not have…' Legolas sighed again, before continuing with, 'I would not have… But nothing can be done about it now.'

Elessar flinched. 'I missed you terribly,' he confessed. 'It shattered my heart when you disappeared, and I did not want to believe that you would choose to run away, so I told myself you were dead. It was better than thinking you were upset enough to run away and leave without saying a word to me.'

'I… missed you, too. More than you can imagine, and sometimes I even thought of coming back to visit you, but there was Elleelen to think of… Maybe it was selfish of me to keep him to myself, but he is my little star; my hope, my reason for living,' Legolas told Elessar.

'You've changed,' Elessar murmured. 'I did not see this modest side of you before…'

Legolas replied, 'One cannot eat pride, Elessar, and pride swiftly fades when you have a child to feed and no money to buy him food. I learned the hard way that you must sacrifice pride to keep your child fed, when I begged for food to feed him.'

Elessar shook his head, feeling guilty. 'Why didn't you even ask for money from me, regardless of the fact that Elleelen was my son as well? Had he been another's son, I still would have taken care of both of you. The money in the treasury right now would more than pay triple of whatever you spent to keep Elleelen clothed, fed, and under a roof.' His dark grey eyes were reproachful, as he looked at Legolas.

'Elessar, I did not feel right asking for money from you, when I had born your child and not told you. My guilt wouldn't allow it, and some last vestige of determination and pride made me resolved to care for him by myself.' Legolas spoke quietly, dozing slightly.

The Man remained silent for a few moments, not noticing how Legolas' eyes were slowly turning vacant. 'I hope you were not upset about the way his eyes match mine, and any other similarities between Elleelen and myself.'

'I loved him for that, because he reminded me of you and kept my lov-' Legolas stopped speaking abruptly, getting a frown for it.

'Kept your what?' Elessar inquired, curiosity spurring the question.

'Nothing…' Legolas stated, as he shook his head, a silent refusal to answer the question.

Elessar was faintly tempted to seduce Legolas into answering, but he had already decided that he was not going to touch the beautiful Elf again without his permission, so he merely nodded. 'Keep your secrets, if you wish, fair one.'

A faint blush crept onto Legolas' face at the compliment, in spite of his attempt to remain unaffected by it. His silent prayer that Elessar had not noticed it was in vain, he noted, as he saw the faint look of amusement upon his face. Elessar was amused, but more surprised at the Elf's reaction.

'Have I never given you a compliment before?' he questioned. 'Surely I have before now.'

Legolas softly answered, 'You told me many times that I was a good friend and archer, but as for a personal compliment…' He shook his head. 'The most personal compliment you gave me was a thanks for giving you wise counsel in some of the matters you presided over as king.'

Elessar frowned slightly. 'You are very beautiful, Legolas. I shall have to make amends then, if I failed to tell you that before now.'

'Beauty fades, Elessar, save for those who are Immortal,' Legolas argued. 'Ten years have not changed you at all, for you still look very similar to the handsome, young Man I met a long time ago in Rivendell.'

'Handsome?' Elessar raised a dark eyebrow at that statement. 'You never told me that before.' He was pleased at the compliment.

'Then we are even,' Legolas yawned. 'You did not tell me that you thought I was beautiful.'

Elessar told him, 'Please, Legolas. We were friends for a very long time, and I know that I have not acted as a friend to you, but I would like for us to at least become friends again, if nothing more.'

'It will take time, Elessar, but I have not acted as a friend to you, either,' Legolas pointed out, half asleep. 'Tis as I said; we both have done wrong. Time is the healer of all things.'

'Perhaps you should get some rest, for you nearly perished today, Legolas. We can speak again later,' Elessar said.

Legolas yawned again, before questioning, 'What would you like us to be?'

Elessar felt a flush of his own on his face at the bold question. 'Friends, at least, if not…'

'Lovers?' Legolas knowingly inquired. 'I cannot say no to you; I will not lie and say that every touch you give me does not makes my body sing and long for more. I… would have preferred having a choice, though, instead of being outdone by the desire of my body.'

'Is that why you nearly died? Was it little more than rape to you?' Elessar's face grew pale, at the thought that that might be why Legolas had nearly died. 'Did I… force you to give in to me without you honestly wanting me?'

Legolas quickly murmured, 'No, Elessar… At least not the first time. The desire was mutual, but… I was angry with you for forcing me to either come here, or lose my- our son. And it made me feel like little more than a whore for you, because you wanted revenge; you did not want me, you wanted my body.'

'Where did you come up with that idea, Legolas?' Elessar informed him, 'I wanted all of you- I even said as much, and you bitterly asked me for the reason of why I wasn't happy, since I had everything that I wanted.'

'Why you didn't you just tell me?' Legolas weakly asked. 'Instead of…'

Elessar answered, 'Because I am a fool. I feared losing you again… and Elleelen. I thought it was the only way you would stay and not leave. I didn't want to lose either of you, and Kasia and Elleelen need to get to know each other better, as a brother and sister should.'

Legolas blinked a few times wearily. 'We've both been fools,' he muttered. 'It's Elleelen and Kasia we must think of now, not ourselves. Now that they know, we cannot keep them apart. They would not understand, and I am still bound to remain here.'

'Nay, Legolas. You have the right to leave, if you want to. I would… I ask that you stay, but I will understand if you go, with our son. Anger is no excuse for what I did,' Elessar stated. 'True, if we do not wed, Elleelen will be declared illegitimate, but I will still acknowledge him as my son, heir or not. However, that also means that sooner or later I will have to marry another and have a second son, which I am not particularly looking forward to.'

'Kasia should be your heir,' Legolas protested. 'She's as fit as Elleelen to rule, and she's lived here all of her life.'

Elessar grimly smiled. 'I tried that, Legolas; the advisors refuse. My heir must be male, despite my objections to such an old-fashioned rule. If a son of mine is not declared as an heir, then one of Faramir's sons will be, and I know that none of them are fit to be a good leader for my people. I must consider them as well, in whatever I do.'

Legolas said in a low voice, 'Even when you slept with me? I may or may not have conceived, Elessar. It will take two or three weeks to know if I have, and until then… I will not- I cannot leave. If I left, I would be obliged to leave Elleelen here, because both of you need to bond, as do he and Kasia. But I would sooner cut out my own heart than take him away or be separated from him.'

'I know,' Elessar admitted. 'I had forgotten… again. If you are expecting my child, I will provide for you, whatever you decide to do. I… do not want you to be put in the position of being nearly forced to sell yourself to keep a job again, for I care for you too much to let that happen.'

'I- thank you.' Legolas bit his lower lip, wishing that Elessar would touch him, though he felt weak for wanting such a thing, since he was only a few seconds away from sleeping.

Elessar urged, 'Sleep, my… Legolas. I will not touch you, unless you want me to.'

Legolas could not fight it any longer and as he finally gave into sleep, he whispered, 'But I want you to touch me.' His expressive azure eyes went vacant and empty, not seeing the startled look on Elessar's face.

After gently tucking some blankets around the sleeping, exhausted Elf, Elessar stood and blew out the candles, before he returned to the bed. The king laid himself out on his side of the large bed, careful not to brush against Legolas, for one touch might undo his good intentions. Though Legolas had just unwittingly given him permission to touch him, the Elf was asleep, and Elessar no longer wanted to take unfair advantage of Legolas.

After an hour of listening to Legolas breathing deeply beside him, Elessar, too, relaxed enough to sleep as well, pulling a light, silk blanket over himself, before he drifted into a restful sleep.

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Somewhere outside of Mirkwood

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Two tall figures rode on Elven stallions, wearing old, faded clothes, with the hoods of their cloaks pulled over their hair and ears. The only hint of what color their two different hair shades were came from the wisps of dark hair escaping from the slightly smaller figure's hood, while blond wisps freely brushed against the other figure's face, being plucked by a small breeze in the night.

'It will take us a few days to reach Gondor,' Elrond said, speaking in a low voice. 'Until then, I pray that Legolas will not be in such grievous pain, for it will slow our journey down even more if it effects you as well, Thranduil. The pain of one of your children suffering so must be a grievous one.'

'It is,' King Thranduil answered quietly. 'My son had best be alive, well, and whole when I find him, after what I have felt through our bond. Though I do not think he will be happy to see me again, for we did not part on the best of terms.'

Elrond compassionately placed a hand on Thranduil's shoulder. 'I know you did not, Thranduil, but your words were spoken out of anger and fear. Speak from your heart when you talk to him this time, and do not be afraid to admit that you made a mistake ten years ago, when you last saw him. Legolas has surely missed you, for you were very close to him, moreso than the others.'

Thranduil nodded. 'I hope he does not hate me, Elrond. Your words are true and honest; I was too harsh on him, but I did not want him to have to suffer as I did, being a single parent after… Regrets matter little, unless they can be used to start over. I miss him, and find it a struggle to get by daily without truly knowing what he is facing that hurts him so.'

'Do not judge yourself too harshly, my friend,' Elrond Peredhil counseled. 'I know that for the most part, Legolas has been well, but he truly misses you, as a son should miss his father. And his son is a delight, for I saw and spoke with him myself on Legolas' last visit to Rivendell.'

'Good. Thank you for keeping a discreet eye on him for me, Elrond. I know that you did not approve of my actions regarding Legolas, and I would take back the words I spoke to him if I could,' Thranduil seriously told the half Elven lord.

Elrond nodded. 'I would have watched over him and made certain that he was not taken advantage of again without you asking me, but it did mend our friendship, for until then, I had not realized that you were deeply affected as well over what had happened. You cannot take back your words, but you can apologize for them, Thranduil.'

Thranduil mused, 'When did you get so wise in these matters, Elrond?'

A fleeting shadow crossed the Elven lord's face before he murmured, 'Each of us have our own pain, my friend, whether or not we show it. Come, let's ride before we spend all of the night talking.' He pressed his knees into the stallion he rode, encouraging his horse into a fast gallop.

'Aye,' Thranduil said, his heart lighter for the wise words of a good friend. He, too, spurred his horse faster, to match the pace that Elrond had set.

To be continued