Other: Again, another apology from me for the major delay in the update.

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " ". Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. This song is also not mine, it's called 'Vision of Love', by Mariah Carey.

Amin Ai Olin
(My Little Secret)

Part 17. Mily- Mela

       (To Long For Love)

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Treated me kind
Sweet destiny
Carried me through desperation
To the one that was waiting for me

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All eyes turned to Elrond in shock, for none of those present had ever heard the typically calm and stoic Lord of Rivendell tell anyone to shut up, let alone his foster son, Elessar, or King Thranduil of Mirkwood. Yet he had done just that, for he was tired of the arguing and greatly concerned about Legolas.

But the dark-haired Elven lord was sternly looking at Thranduil and Elessar, a frown on his face. Silently, he took Legolas' limp body from his father and walked away, carrying him gently, curtly telling both Elessar and Thranduil not to follow him. Kasia and Elleelen followed closely behind Elrond, their eyes wide with shock. Neither of them had ever heard an adult yell at anyone to shut up, and it had surprised them both when Elrond had. The fighting had, at least temporarily, ceased for the moment, and Elrond took advantage of that to find an empty room, with a bed in it, to place Legolas in.

Covering the golden-haired Prince with a soft, woolen blanket, Elrond finally looked at his young granddaughter and his young grandson. Even if Elessar and Legolas had betrayed Arwen, Elrond still felt paternally toward his foster son, which would make Elleelen his grandson as well.

"Please take care of him, Kasia and Elleelen, while I speak to Thranduil and your father," he requested quietly, not wanting the children to hear the tongue-lashing he was going to give his old friend and foster son. It was bad enough that they had been fighting in the first place, but did they have to do so in front of the young ones? Checking Legolas' cheeks and forehead, Elrond's concern grew when he felt how clammy and cool the younger Elf was to the touch, and he bit back a sigh.

"All right, grandfather," Kasia said, knowing better than to argue with him. Her grandfather was more stubborn than even she was, and that was saying something. Strands of her loose, dark hair now covered her slightly pointed ear tips, as she looked at her brother, who seemed uncertain as of what to say. Sometimes Kasia was jealous of how close Elleelen was to his father, because she envied him being able to spend so much time with Legolas, who was very kind and nice. Elessar was truly a loving father, but he rarely had time for his young daughter, who loved him despite that fact.

Elleelen nodded, but he was too worried about his father to say anything. Fear shone in his grey eyes, because his daddy looked so… lifeless, as if he were dead. The small, golden-haired boy looked forlorn and alone, as he climbed onto the bed where his father lay, before taking one of Legolas' larger hands in his, holding it between his two smaller ones.

"Daddy, please wake up," he sniffed, his lower lip trembling slightly. Tears threatened to fall, and Elleelen blinked them back, because he wasn't a crybaby.

Kasia whispered, "Legolas?" in an unusually quiet voice, looking sad herself. Legolas just could not die, he couldn't, it would be too upsetting for her. He was nice and patient with her, and he treated her as a father would treat his own child, with patience and love, though he could also be firm when it came to discipline.

Elrond watched the children for a few moments, seeing the heartbroken expressions on their identical, young faces, and he shook his head, before leaving the room silently. The Elven lord kept his face neutral, returning to the kitchen where Thranduil and Elessar were glaring at each other again.

Legolas lay unmoving in the bed, his blue eyes vacant but not in the dreaming state that Elves' eyes entered when they were asleep. Rather, his eyes were hazy, as if he were fighting an intense internal battle, which he was. Legolas did not plan on dying easily, and he was determined not to give into this. Not only for the sake of the children- his son and sweet, stubborn Kasia, but because despite everything: the fighting, his anger, and what Elessar had done… Despite all of that, Legolas still loved him, a tiny bit. If he was honest with himself, the Prince would admit that he could love Elessar as much as he once had, before everything that had happened, before Elleelen had been born, and before that night. But Legolas was afraid to, for he might still be in love with Elessar, but the Man who had been his best friend had changed so much that he barely recognized him in his past words and deeds.

The fact remained that though Elessar was obviously attracted to him, he had said nothing about love, which meant that he didn't feel the same, and Legolas was not going to bare his heart for it to be broken again, as it had been when Elessar used his body and emotions against him. Still he felt shame for that, because he shouldn't have given in so easily to that, but now Elessar seemed to have had a change of heart- sort of. Legolas, however, was still wary, though, for Elessar seemed to forget so easily what he had done to him.

But none of that mattered right now, as Legolas battled inwardly, to keep his soul from escaping to the Halls of Mandos, forsaking his life, the children, and Elessar. Pain, intense pain and grief were tearing at his soul, telling him to give up and let himself die, rather than be hurt like this any longer.

I will not, Legolas thought desperately, but it was so hard to keep fighting, and he couldn't hear Elessar anywhere. I cannot die, the children… Elessar… Somebody help me, please…

At his bedside, Kasia and Elleelen sat, one on each side of him, each holding on to one of Legolas' hands, as if by doing so it would keep him alive. Neither Kasia nor Elleelen knew what to do, so they continued sitting there, both very near tears, begging Legolas not to die, clinging to his hands tightly, seemingly trying to anchor him to Middle Earth, so he wouldn't leave.

"What should we do?" Elleelen choked out. "Daddy's getting worse, I d-don't want him to die!" He sniffed again, and a few tears had escaped from his grey eyes by now, running down his face silently.

Kasia shook her head. "I don't know, last time h-he came back on his own, but Legolas looks so bad… Maybe we should get Father, he'd know what to do…" Her own eyes, a replica of both her father and her brother's eyes, were spilling over with her own unshed tears.

In the kitchen, Elrond was giving Thranduil and Elessar a severe scolding, glaring at them both reprovingly. "If it wasn't bad enough that you were fighting like that, did you have to do so in front of Elleelen and Kasia?" he demanded. "Not to mention that part of the reason Legolas is now fighting for his life is because you were fighting like that. Right now, the only things that matter are your children, Aragorn, and Legolas' life." Sighing, taking in a deep breath, Elrond tried to calm himself down, but he'd had to listen to them arguing again. "And if the two of you don't stop this ridiculous fighting, I will take Legolas, Kasia, and Elleelen with me to Imladris and leave the two of you here."

King Thranduil of Mirkwood was gaping at his old friend, he'd never seen Elrond so angry before, not in all the time he had known the Lord of Rivendell. But he did feel ashamed when he was forced to realize that part of the reason his son was now in such grief was because of the way he and Elessar had been fighting. Thranduil couldn't help his feelings, he felt so guilty over all but banishing Legolas from Mirkwood, because he had refused to name the sire of his child. It made him feel better to cast the blame on Elleelen's sire- Elessar- than face the fact that he had done little better, leaving his son and grandson homeless because of his stubbornness.

He hadn't meant to yell such things in the presence of the children, once again his temper had gotten the best of him, and Legolas was paying the price for that, struggling to keep himself from dying. But Thranduil still wanted Legolas to come to Mirkwood, and he would not budge from that. It was quite possibly the last chance Elleelen would have to meet his two remaining uncles and to get to know him, for very soon Thranduil would be leaving the shores of Middle Earth for the Havens, along with his other two children. Legolas would not be leaving, his father knew, though his heart ached at such a decision, which would eventually cost Legolas his life. Though Elves who remained behind from the Havens lost their Immortality, they still had longer lifespans than most Men, and until all of the Elves, save the few who were remaining behind, had left for the West, the Immortality of those who stayed would not begin to fade.

Elessar was surprised when he saw a strange look in Thranduil's eyes- a haunted, saddened look, and despite his reluctance towards Legolas going to Mirkwood with their son, he felt compassion stir in his heart. "What troubles you so, King Thranduil?" he questioned quietly, knowing that his foster father was right. If he didn't want the one he loved to die, he had to stop arguing with Legolas' father. And Elessar also knew that he would have to speak to Kasia and Elleelen, to make certain that they weren't too upset over what they had heard.

Never before had the King of Gondor argued like that in front of his daughter- or his new-found son, because he hadn't wanted to upset them. But the instant that Thranduil had said that he wanted to take Legolas back to Mirkwood, fear, undeniable and utter fear had entered Elessar's heart, fear that if Legolas went back to his home, he would never see him again, or their son. After all, Legolas had no reason to stay in Gondor- it wasn't like he loved him or anything, Elessar reflected painfully. Though he loved Legolas fully, he hadn't done a very good job of showing it, and he was paying the price for that. The thought of losing Legolas and Elleelen was terrifying to Elessar, who had lost his wife so long ago. Arwen had known of his feelings for Legolas, before he had known his own heart, but she had never learned that they had been acted on, subconsciously, after he and Legolas had both gotten drunk.

But Elrond was right- if he continued to argue with Thranduil, it might cost Legolas his life. That was a chance that Elessar was not willing to take, because he loved Legolas greatly, though he did not know when his feelings for his best friend had grown into something more. Always they had been friends, since they were young, and affection had always been between them, shown in gestures and touches, in words and deeds. Their friendship had been instantaneous, and they had been like brothers, sharing everything together- secrets, a room, and even bathing together, up until they both felt a bit uncomfortable with that, since each harbored something for the other.

Thranduil was startled when Elessar asked him what was wrong, for it had not been in an angry tone or anything, instead being thoughtful and quiet. "Soon, my children, save for Legolas, and I will be departing Middle Earth for the Havens. If Elleelen doesn't come with Legolas now, so both of they can see their Kin in Mirkwood, my grandson will never know them or me, and Legolas will never be reunited with his family," the King of Mirkwood replied solemnly, sadness in his voice.

"Then… they must go," Elessar realized, voicing it aloud. "But they have to return here, I could not bear to lose them, not after losing Arwen so long ago." He was not so selfish as to deny his son and Legolas this last chance to see Legolas' family in Mirkwood, though his heart ached terribly at the thought and fear of letting them go. "They must return before you leave…" But Elessar was still terrified that once the visit to Mirkwood was over that Legolas would not return. What was there for him to come back here for, besides Kasia? True, he loved Legolas, though Legolas only seemed to desire him, which was not love.

Elrond was relieved and it showed across his face, in his eyes. He hadn't liked being placed in the middle between one who was as a son to him, and one of his old friends, though they had, at least, listened to him. He could understand a father's longing for his son and grandson, and the longing within Elessar's heart. The Elven lord was only glad that they were willing to put aside their differences, at least for now, for the sake of Kasia and Elleelen, and for Legolas' life.

It had not been too long ago that Elrond had lost the one he loved to grief, and he had not wanted to see that happen again, to someone else who was in love with another. Though no physical mark was upon the raven-haired half Elf, the marks inside of his heart had never faded, and still remained, even after all this time. There had been no warning of the grief and then… it was too late. The one he loved had not said a word about the grief that plagued him, until the day he had died. The grief, Elrond had been reassured, had not been because of him, but from another source, an outside source that had never been named or spoken of, and by then, it was too late. Elrond Peredhel was left alone to deal with his own grief, and only his children had kept him from following his lover to his own death, though it had been so tempting to do so, to leave Middle Earth for the Halls of Mandos, in the hopes of a reunion with his loved one.

"Thank you, Elessar," Thranduil said, a relieved look in his own eyes. He could see that it was not easy for Elessar to admit that Legolas and Elleelen had to go, to say goodbye, if nothing else, and he could also see how much Gondor's King loved his son and grandson. Thranduil hadn't seen it earlier, but it had been there, he realized, hidden beneath his anger and bitter words, just as Elessar's fear had been.

Elessar nodded, and looked away, before he decided to go make certain that Legolas was truly all right. Elrond hadn't said whether he was or not, and Elessar was very worried about him. Silently, he left the kitchen, in search of wherever his foster father had taken Legolas, but he began walking faster when he heard a frightened young voice- his son's.

"Please, daddy!! Don't leave me!" Elleelen pleaded, sobs escaping from him. His father was so pale now, and was only getting worse, for his skin tone was now nearly white, instead of the color of ivory. Shivers were running through the immobile Elf who lay on the bed, as if he were dead. Only two things proved Legolas was still alive- his chest continued to rise and fall slowly, as he breathed, and his heart was still beating.

"I'm getting help," Kasia cried, jumping off the bed and running to the door- which opened on its own. She stepped back, and relief appeared in her grey eyes when she saw her father. "Father, he's getting worse…" She grabbed Elessar's larger hand and pulled  him over to the bed. "Please help him, I don't want him to go away like Mommy had to…" The young girl did not remember her mother dying, for she had been very young, but when she had asked where her mother was, Elessar had told her that Arwen had grown very ill and that, in the end, she had had to go away, although she hadn't wanted to leave the ones she loved behind. But Arwen had loved her daughter very much, and Elessar made certain that Kasia knew how much she was loved.

Elessar could only stare in shock and horror, for a few moments, when he saw how far gone Legolas was. He looked like he was on the brink of death, and Legolas' soft, rose-colored lips continued moving, as if he were trying to say something but liked the strength to speak. "Legolas, can you hear me?" he questioned, placing his free hand on Legolas' cool forehead, terror running through him, fear present in his voice.

Legolas merely groaned, his eyelashes fluttering weakly as he hovered between life and death, neither having complete control of him. He did not want to die- he could not die. He was weakening so badly, and was only faintly aware when a slightly rough hand touched his forehead, and a familiar voice began speaking to him. "E-Elessar," he mumbled, his vision distorted and growing darker by the moment. His voice was barely audible to the Man who stood there, looking stricken, but before Elessar could say anything, Legolas' eyes closed.

To be continued