Song: "Where are you going" By Dave Matthews Band
I walked back toward my apartment the picture clenched in my hand, I was still in shock I hadn't even realized that my left arm was still in bad shape. I knew that I needed to get it checked out before I left for Julie's house. Plus I needed to find out where she lived, so I knew I had much that still needed to be done. I stopped and headed toward the hospital instead as it seemed more tears were falling from the sky. I walked into the hospital entrance and looked at the receptionist, she just blankly stared at me, I was soaking wet, and there was some evidence of blood on my arms. I felt as if I had the tears and the blood of all those I had hurt or killed today.
"Can I speak with a doctor please?" I asked, she was still in a daze but she slowly responded.
"Umm, yes, right this way please" I attempted to give her a smile but it seemed it didn't work.
"Where are you going"
She led me to a small room, and told me the doctor would be in soon, my arm was in pain and well I felt I deserved it, for what I caused, this is more of a testament to whose lives I have taken away from. I sat there quietly when the doctor strolled in.
"Good evening, I see you're not in very good shape." I glanced at the doctor and responded to him
"No, my left arm is in a lot of pain, I think it might be broken, the rest is minor cuts and bruises, I just wanted my arm x-rayed" I knew that I sounded a little rushed for time, but I didn't need to go through the whole caring patient doctor bit.
"Alright then, we will get you into x-ray right away" the doctor then left me alone again.
"With your long face pulling down, don't hide away"
Loneliness I think will be my undoing, I have such a hard time being separated from other people. The mind is a dangerous thing, and when left to wander, you can become too delusional. This war can drive many people insane and many people are forced to question everything that they had thought was right in their mind.
"Like an ocean that you can't see but you can smell"
The doctor came back in and instructed me to follow him into the x-ray room, I followed and then was given the lead jacket for protection and then had my arm x-rayed, the doctor then directed me back to the room, and he left again, off to get the results. I waited patiently trying to remain a sane state and keep my composure, then the doctor came in.
"Well you were right, it's a break right here" the doctor pointed out on the x-ray, it was a bad break, I new I would be out with this injury for a while.
"So what's next then doctor?" I looked trying to look concerned, although it was totally faked
"Well we will get a cast to hold the bones in place and then we will place your arm in a sling for further protection" He walked off to get the necessary items and I was left again to myself.
Man how I want to talk to someone, I wish one of the other pilots was here, I have to make sure I get in touch with them when I get home. I mean, in this wasteland of lost sanity, only those who have experienced what you have can help and be their as a friend and a support, and that's what I need now. The doctor came back in with all the necessary supplies, he fixed up the cast and the sling, I thanked him and paid him. Then I left, I could still feel the receptionists eyes, almost glaring at me. I shook it off and headed back outside into the storm.
"And the sound of the waves crash down"
The lightning was striking and the rain was coming down harder, it seemed the heavens wanted to wash away the blood and destroy the remains of the war, but with man out in search of ultimate power, that goal will never be achieved. I ran for my apartment building and walked in, I rushed up the stairs and into my apartment, and I went into my room and changed. I then sat down and just broke into tears, I thought it was so random but I needed too, today's events were so overpowering that I couldn't hold it in anymore
"I am no superman, I have no reasons for you"
I decided to call up Trowa and see where he was, I knew him the best out of the pilots and I knew I could talk to him. I dialed up the number and it rang.
"Hello" It was Trowa
"Trowa, am I so glad to hear your voice" My spirits lifted like a 150% percent.
"Quatre, what's going on?" It seemed he didn't expect my call.
"Today was rough, OZ set a trap for me, and I fell into it, I broke my arm, and now I'm out of the scene for the while, other than that, it just was a really rough day on my heart and mind" I didn't want to hold back to him, but I did cause I didn't want him think I was losing it.
"I know what you mean, well my mission has been accomplished here, the base was destroyed and with the greatest of ease, it seems they were just planning for you" He was so cocky, I didn't care though, I needed someone to talk too.
"Where you are is where I belong"
"Well, you think you could come here? I could really use someone to talk too"
"Sure Quatre, I should be there tomorrow evening, just gotta get everything set here" I smiled at his reply
"Alright Trowa, I'll see you tomorrow then, night"
"Night Quatre" I hung up and just took a sigh of relief.
"I do know where you go is where I want to be"
I knew next I needed to send the information to Heero and find the location of Julie so I could meet up with here and finishes that mans last request. I grabbed my laptop and booted it up, I logged on to the Internet and connected the scanner I had, I scanned the picture and emailed the picture asking him to check all databases possible for a match with the name and picture, I hoped he would have it for me tomorrow. It was getting late so I decided I should get some sleep I headed into my bed and just laid there thinking about all the events of the day.
"Where are you going? Where do you go?"
Why was I chosen to endure this, sent on a mission to stop the OZ organization, from what over taking the earth? Does it matter, I mean at this point if we stop OZ the Earth Sphere Alliance will take over, then they will be our target, it's a vicious meaningless cycle, with all our lives being hung in the balance. It's so hard to be human and a soldier at the same time, that's why so many make a choice, human or soldier, I can't make that choice and I NEVER will. I am in such an emotional mess, I needed to get some rest maybe I could clear this up in the morning.
"Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?"
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I woke up the next morning and it seemed the sky had cleared up and it looked like its was going to be a nice day, my first struck of good luck in a while. I walked over to my sink and washed up, I knew that if I was going to see Julie today, I needed to look presentable. I then went over to my laptop and booted it up; I checked the mail and Heero had replied. He knew I got hurt so Trowa must have talked to him after I got off, figures. He left the information I needed. It was a short drive, but she was in Cairo, so I could go and be back in time to see Trowa.
"If along the way you are grown weary you can rest with me until a brighter day and you're ok"
I got dressed in some nice close and walked down to my car out in front of the apartment building. I got in and began to drive, I realized it was little more difficult with one hand but I was able to drive cautiously. Looking out in the city it was amazing to see how life had returned to normal people were out and bout, children were playing, and it was all without a care. They don't even realize how much this city was in danger not even 24 hours ago, and how many people died by my hands. I drove out of the city and headed to Cairo. For the rest of the trip I just attempted to think about how I would address her, I mean she could take this the really wrong way, but I am doing this by the mans request, not hers. I glanced at the email sitting in the passenger seat, and followed the directions until I pulled up into her drive way. I walked up and knocked on the door, I felt as if I was tempting fate.
A woman of medium stature opened the door, her medium size curly hair dropped a little below shoulder level and her brown eyes were fixed on my sling, as if I was here for medical attention. I looked at her, and she turned her eyes up to me.
"Hello Julie" she stood a little shocked, and then a little annoyed
"How did you know my name?" she asked rather angrily. I handed her the picture with the note on the back and se went back into her state of shock look.
"I was sent here by your boyfriend miss" I felt awkward, almost intimidated by this woman, but I knew what I needed to do. She immediately invited me in and we both sat down at a table.
"I am no superman"
"What…..happened to him?" she asked fearing the worst
"I have no answers for you"
"He's dead, and I was responsible" I was in a state of fear, for her reaction, but I did not expect what she did, she was crying.
"I went up to him and he gave me that picture and asked me to tell you that he loved you with all his heart and he was thinking of you before he died" she was still in tears, I couldn't help this woman. She had every right.
"I don't know what's left anymore, this war is pointless, and I don't want to fight anymore, but we are all fighting for our lives, I'm sorry your boyfriend was caught in the struggle" She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and asked
"…Please Leave" and I followed her request and left, I felt terrible for her.
"I am no hero, oh that's for sure"
The drive home felt much longer than the drive there. I was just left thinking of what I had done to that woman, I shattered her hopes her dreams and her future with that man. Why did I have to tell her? Why did I feel compelled to listen to that man? How can I go and kill so many people and yet still contain morals to do the right thing? I couldn't answer my own questions. I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want to fight, I want peace to come back to the world, and all people can live, and they don't have to fight for it. I had finally made it home, I went up to my apartment and sat at the table, the sunset was so beautiful I continued to think to myself.
"Where are you going? Where do you go?"
Why do I continue this? I mean fighting like this is pointless. I want to help all people and not just fight on a side, I mean, when people are threatening my life than I must defend myself, but when I initiate the attack, I am massacring innocent lives. I desire not to be hated, but to be loved, I do not want anyone to suffer based on what I have done, and yet that has already happened.
"I am no hero, oh, that's for sure"
I pull out of my pocket a gun and put it on the table. I could end it here, and stop it myself; it would be retribution for all those I have killed and save me from having to ruin anyone else's life. This would be fair punishment for what I had done. I reached for the gun but suddenly another hand stopped mine and picked up the gun.
"I do know where you go is where I want to be."
"….What are you doing?" It was Trowa!
"I was paying retribution for all those people I have killed" Trowa placed the gun in his pocket, not before he took out all of the bullets.
"That's too easy, Quatre did you think of anyone else before you moved for that gun?" he looked at me, he was totally serious
"Yes, everyone I have killed or
hurt." Trowa shook his head
"What about those people who would be hurt by your death?" He looked at me, he knew what to say and he had hit it right on the dot. My eyes seemed to well up again; I placed my head down and began to cry again.
"Where are you going? Where do you go?"
Trowa placed his hand on my shoulders and said
"Its ok, someone is here for you now, relax, and let it out"
"Let's go…"
- Lost Wolf
(Note: I don't own GW or anything about it, I also don't own "Where Are You Going" which is sung by Dave Matthews Band)
(Part III – Where does this leave Quatre? Will he fight, or will he not? Hold for part III in the Scars of War)