Chapter 6
I was seeing things.
"Minato. Minato." My eyes snapped back to my aunt's much darker ones, her hair pulled back tight enough that it was starting to make the skin around her face look like wrapping paper pulled too tight. Everything about her held the same tightness - from the scarf that was nearly choking her to the buttons running along her blazer front. "Really. You always were such an airhead."
Airhead was a strange word to use. It held the same kind of childhood affection that an old nickname would - the smell of watermelon in summer and hot saki late at night. My family had been calling me variations of that name for much of my adolescents and all of my young adult years. Did it bother me anymore? I couldn't tell. It felt like I had been living too long to be shouldered into anger by these sorts of things anymore.
"Um." My throat closed around whatever I had been about to say. There - just behind my second aunt's shoulder was the bloated body of a - of - my insides quivered, hot, foul saliva coating my tongue. I didn't know what I was seeing. I didn't know what that… thing was.
A jittering croak clawed at my ears, making my skin crawl. The voice warbled, reminding me of a dying animal, its groans squealing out in odd crescendos. "Save some for us. Save some for us."
"Minato!" I jerked, my silverware clattering to the table in a cascade. A dozen eyes cut to me and I gulped, yanking my gaze to my aunt's eyes. Had it seen me? Had it noticed? "Honestly, what's going on with you tonight?"
"I'm - I'm sorry. I just… too many hours in the shop," I forced out, keeping my eyes on her. I fumbled with my silverware, my fingers coating in pasta sauce as I dug it out from my plate. 6 sets of eyes tracked my movement, varying degrees of criticism tightening their lips.
My mother and father had each had 3 sisters - an odd stroke of serendipity that lingered through their marriage. In my parents' absence, my aunts had taken it upon themselves to oversee nearly every part of my life. They liked to nag. They liked to meddle. In some cases, they even relished it.
"I told her to cut down on those hours," Himari muttered disdainfully to her sister, Hikari. Hikari, Himari, and Hiyori all shared the same severe eyes, the same full lips set in a milky oval face.
It was like staring into different versions of my mother's face, different lives with different outcomes and struggles. There she was at 43, her husband an overseas broker, her life bundled up in a museum, living among oil paintings and sculptures. Then there she was, living a life as a reporter, too busy to get married for more than one or two years at a time. And finally, there she was if she had kept to their hometown, keeping the house that had been their mother's before them, happily married with too many children to keep track of.
It hurt to look at them. Hurt more than I could put into words.
I dragged my eyes away, forcing them to my father's three sisters. In them, I could see nothing of the gentle curves of my father's smile-stained face. Their faces were taut and serious like triple heads of the same cold statue. They sat much the same - stiffly, almost like they were trying to punish themselves. Enju was the youngest, born after my father had already moved away for college. Their age gaps were almost staggering, each of them reading like plot points on the same timeline.
Shion came next, the forever middle child, her presence so small that she felt like a small comma between her two sisters, the boisterous Enju and the cynical Umi. She held the same shyness even in her older age, her face lightly lined, her hair pulled back in a non-descript bun. On her other side, Umi boiled, nearly drowning out any flecks of personality that seeped from Shion. In the middle of the storm that the other aunts were, it was hard to keep track of Shion, to know her thoughts.
Umi wasn't so hard. She raged and roiled by herself. A year older than my father, she had always been the head of the household. Where my mother's family had been well-off, my father's had struggled through their childhood and teen years. They barely had enough to send the first male to school, leaving Umi to shuffle along through life in near darkness. She had married young and divorced just as young. Already, she was with her third husband, her wealth growing with each whirlwind leap into vows. Enju seemed to like goading her own, the younger sister's eyes twinkling at the harsh rebuke Umi had for every bit of male attention.
"I told you to cut down on those hours," Himari chastised me, whipping around to glare across the table at me.
I avoided looking at her, drawing my eyes to the chaotic mush of peas and pork on my plate. My mind hung nervously on the presence of the creature only a few feet away, trying desperately to shake it off but not entirely able to. I was seeing things. I had to be seeing things.
"I.. I've been getting a bit more customers recently," I supplied, wincing at the shaking I heard in nearly every word I said. What if this wasn't a figment of my imagination? Worse - what if it was but I was… stuck? Was that the right word? Stuck? What if…
What if I was going crazy?
"Honey," Hikari started out slowly and I braced. There was a way that people like Hikari spoke. A way that spoke to quiet restraint, a short warning in the lilt of their voice that warned the receiver that what was about to be said wasn't going to favor them. It reminded me of how many kids and grandchildren she had scuttling around her own home. I forced a smile, hoping that the unbearable stiffness in my cheeks wasn't as apparent as it felt. "You know… you know that you're getting older-"
"That's a horrible way to put it, Kari," Hiyori drawled out and the other aunts murmured their agreement, nodding in musing agreement.
"Absolutely dreadful," Umi chortled, her eyes twinkling around like we were all in on some grand joke.
"I knew we should have planned something out," Enju sighed and then let out a low disdainful growl as Himari's foot connected with her shin under the table.
Beside me, Hikari scowled, glaring at the other aunts. "Well, by all means, take the lead."
Shion's eyes darted around, settling on mine with a wide-eyed pity. Or perhaps that was just nervousness over being forced to come to this dinner at all.
Umi leaned back in her seat, her eyes unflinchingly direct as she held my gaze. Across from her, Enju let out a long sigh and let a cigarette, dragging over an ashtray from the middle of the table. The cloying smell of expensive tobacco stuck in my throat, fogging the restaurant around me.
"We're worried about you, Minato," Umi stated blandly and for a moment I thought that she was telling me about the weather report, her voice was so flat. "You work nonstop and you're looking around the restaurant like a madwoman right now. The stress of running a full-time bakery is clearly-"
I didn't usually interrupt my aunts. I had been slapped enough times when I was younger to break that habit. But I could see where this was going. I could see my aunts nodding silently in growing agreement as my aunt went on.
"I'm handling it," I breathed, ignoring the tight-lipped glares from my other aunts. "It's been a bit busy but there are times like this-"
"We're not saying you're not handing it, dear," Himari jumped in, patting my hand.
"We're incredibly proud of what you've done for yourself," Hikari nodded, her lips opening and closing for a moment before she whispered: "Your mother and father would be so proud."
The air thickened at the sudden statement. I didn't say anything, staring hard at the thick liquid clotting around my pork and vegetables. We didn't bring up my parents.
"We didn't come here to bash you. Or wallow." Umi added the last bit sharply. "We wanted to talk to you because we think that it would be easier…with someone. By your side. A partner."
I yanked down my overwhelming urge to cringe. The sound of that thing grew a bit louder, ringing sharply in my ears. "Save some for mmmmeeeeeeee-"
"- for me. This is for you. For your own good," Hikari sighed. "Are you even listening?"
"I-" The bloated body of the wormlike creature withered, knocking against the heels of the couple that it was under. I swallowed down my own jolt of revulsion and fear, watching as the man lost hold of his silverware and they went tumbling to the ground.
"Sorry," he muttered, embarrassed leaning down to pick up the utensils. A long, slick tongue slithered from the creature's lips, warts disfiguring it. It dragged slowly along the man's wrist, down to his pinkie-
"Umi and Himari aren't married," I blurted out, the words thick. I flinched as all of my aunts blinked, looking vaguely surprised.
"But I was, darling," Umi said, her eyes narrowing on me. "And so was Himari. We know the benefits of marriage as well as the pitfalls. And we know that one of those benefits would be a reprieve from all the work you've put onto yourself."
"I like my work," I breathed, my eyes catching on the worm as the man stood, his face a mottled red. Slowly it wrapped its swollen body around his ankle, inching up his calf.
"Honestly," Hiyori said, smoothing a hand through her hair. "You've wasted your life-"
"Hiyori," my other aunts warned, glaring across the table at her. I flinched, the words hitting me too hard. Too hard because I knew that I had done a lot. I knew that I had worked hard and had never doubted that I deserved the praise that my bakery got. But sometimes… sometimes I felt so… hollow. I had given up all the luxuries of youth to pursue this dream and now I was unsure if I had… done it correctly.
"She knows I'm proud of her," Hiyori defended, her shoulders going up. Her head whipped around to glare at me. "You know I'm proud of you."
"She didn't mean to sound like an ass," Himari sniffed, shooting her sister a withering glare.
Hikari muttered something that sounded a lot like, "A common occurrence."
"It's time for you to settle down," Umi stated bluntly and Enju stubbed out her cigarette with a final huff of smoke. I blinked through the haze. "You can't possibly be fulfilled in that job."
"Umi," Shion whispered in reprimand and I might have been shocked if I hadn't felt so absolutely gutted.
Was that my worth? Even to my aunts? Did all of my accomplishments boil down to my marital status?
I hated myself in that moment. I hated that they were right and that I couldn't simply be content in my work. I hated that even though I loved everything about what I did, that I coudln't be completely happy with the successes that I had. It felt like a failure on my part - an admission of a stereotype that I had adamantly fought against for most of my life.
Now, here I was, buckling. Daydreaming about a man who I had spoken to a handful of times. Sitting in the dark, feeling carved out even as I looked around at all of my successes. I felt selfish, ashamed.
"Your mother and father wanted us to take care of you, Minato," Enju was saying. I felt like my shoulders slip forward, my spine withering under all of the words I wanted to say. Unwanted, my eyes moved to the table again, watching as the man coughed, his face pinching in pain as he shrugged into his coat. The bloated body of the warm whined greedily, squeezing itself farther up his leg. I gulped down my repulsion, chilled. "So… we've decided to help you a bit."
"Broaden your horizons," Umi supplied, sounding closer to a tour guide.
"Get you a date," Himari finished bluntly and the aunts nodded in a unified front.
I gulped down another wave of revulsion, this type a completely different kind. I didn't want help. Not from them. Not with their idea of what I needed - like I was an orphan in need of some good structure, a new set of parents. I was a grown-up. And I needed another grown up not someone who would lead me around like a dog-
Yellowed eyes snapped to me, that disfigured tongue lulling out of thin, chapped mouth. Its eyes rolled, the whining growing in volume. I felt my stomach twist, ice pressing up my spine until I couldn't think straight.
Was I losing my mind?
I needed to get out of here.
"I- I have to go," I snapped, scooting back from the table fast enough that I almost ran into a passing neighbor. I apologized, grabbing my purse to a chorus of voices.
"You drove her away!"
"I told you not to-"
"You can shove it, En-"
"Minato, darling, sit-"
"You can't simply walk away whenever things are uncomfortable-"
I raised my voice over the deign, sweat starting to collect at my nape, my fingers shaking around the strap of my purse. Was I losing my mind? "I have to go. Thank you for the meeting-"
"Can't you just stay-"
"We really did take a lot of time to get together a list-"
"Fax it to me," I said tightly, turning on my heel and hurrying away. People and places flashed around me - people, places, and those things. My breath sawed from me as bulging eyes stared at me from darkened corners and atop buildings, strange warbling voices following me. I tried not to look - I tried to keep my growing terror locked inside of me as I got onto the train and nearly screamed at a slime-green rodent with rolling eyes. I tried to keep all of it down as I darted past lit walkways and signs, flinching away from odd, horrifying creatures creeping along corners, clinging to oblivious people.
They couldn't see them.
No one could see them.
The door to my tiny apartment slammed shut behind me, the haunting call of those - those - my head scrambled. I was going insane. I had lost my mind. Laughter spilled from my lips followed by the frantic press of tears as I slid down the cold wood of my door. What was I going to do?
Outside, framed by the clear glow of a full moon, the pots at my balcony rattled, clicking against one another in warning. They had always been like that - tinkling when there was no wind, shifting when I hadn't moved them. I had always chalked it up to forgetfulness or some other mundane occurrence. A little part of me had even hoped… hoped that it was my parents.
I gulped down a gasp, pressing a shaking hand to my mouth. Framed in the cool gossamer of my curtains was the bulbous shape of a sitting insect, its legs tucked snuggling to its side, head tipped to the side as it stared intently into my room. My heartbeat frantically at my ribs, looking for a way to beat out of my body and out of this situation.
The creature's mouth opened slightly, a low, keening cry slipping from between its lips as I forced my gaze away. If I didn't move - If I didn't breathe - I shut my eyes tight, cramming my legs closer to my chest. Please go away. Please go away.
It's been a really dark couple of days. I honestly didn't even want to post this or write at all but a Ukrainian influencer asked that we continue to post our content as usual so... I guess that's what I'm trying to do now.
My thoughts and prayers are with the people in Ukraine. I'm sorry I can't do more.