Thank you to the people from reddit who reviewed the previous chapter! :)
If anyone wants a good laugh, read the review of chapter one from JaimeBrienne! I don't even feel the need to reply. It would be like arguing with a flat earther.
Love, however, did not come. For nearly a month they spent a lot of time together, and Brienne seemed to fall more in love with him each day, though she never voiced it, which he was quite relieved about. He, however, felt nothing, other than admiration and friendship. Nonetheless, he kept trying, surely in time his feelings would grow.
After all, it wasn't all bad. Jaime did enjoy being able to be in a relationship that could be publicly acknowledged. He liked being able to take her hand, or kiss her randomly. He just wished it were another woman that he was able to do such stuff with. A woman with eyes the same color as his and hair as bright as the sun.
It was nice to have sex too, even if it wasn't really that good. He needed the release and it was better than masturbation at least. Without his right hand, masturbation had never really been the same. He knew it wasn't Brienne's fault. For one, she was new to lovemaking, and two, he doubted it could ever be good with anyone but Cersei anyways. Brienne's body for one just didn't fit to his the way Cersei's did. And he constantly found himself being disappointed in Brienne, when she didn't respond in the same ways Cersei had, or like the same things she had, though of course he never voiced this displeasure.
When Jaime finally tells Tyrion about them, Tyrion informs him that he has known for weeks now. He asks Jaime if he's going to stay here in Winterfell. Jaime confirms he is and confirms Brienne is as well. Tyrion tells Jaime that he is happy he's happy.
Jaime isn't happy though, not really, but if he's fooling Tyrion then he reasons it won't be long before he fools himself, as well. After all, didn't someone once say "fake it, until you make it?" It seemed just crazy enough to work and Jaime was hopeful there would one day be a day where he didn't long for Cersei anymore.
When Tyrion makes a joke about "climbing for it," Jaime laughs along with his brother. They toast to "climbing mountains" and Jaime's glad Brienne doesn't walk in at that moment. He has a feeling she wouldn't find the joke so funny. Knowing her, she would have been offended. He wished she had more of a humor.
Then Tyrion asks, "What's she like down there?"
Jaime refuses to answer, and they go back and forth for a bit before they hear the voice of an old friend.
"I knew you were fucking her," states Bronn of the Bllackwater.
The two turn to look as Bronn makes another remark ."A pair of tall blonde tuffs. It must be like looking in a mirror."
Bronn enters the room and he is holding a giant crossbow. Tyrion doesn't ask about it, for whatever reason. Instead he asks Bronn why he isn't carrying a drink. So Jaime inquires about it.
Jaime isn't surprised to find out Cersei wants him dead. A bit hurt, but not surprised. He knows how she gets. She'd probably ordered the hit right when he left, when her rage was fresh. She'd probably be devastated and full of regrets if Bronn succeeded. Nonetheless, he finds it a bit amusing that his sister would choose Bronn of all people to kill him. Does she not understand just how easily the man can be bought? Cersei should have known that Bronn would try to negotiate before killing either of them. He would surely accept Tyrion's higher offer as a good enough reason not to kill them. His beautiful, golden fool of a sister.
There is some back and forth between the three, and Bronn hits Tyrion in the nose. Jaime stands up angrily, but Bronn is still holding that damned crossbow. Tyrion thinks his nose is broken. Bronn assures him that it isn't.
Then, Bronn says something that makes Jaime's heart drop to his stomach, "I knew your sister was dead the second I saw those dragons. Now your army may be torn to shit, but I'd still bet on your dragon Queen to win."
The second Jaime hears those words he is sick to his stomach. The thought of Cersei dead. It's more than he can bear.
Bronn debates the merits of whether or not to kill him, or Tyrion, and Jaime briefly wonders then if this is the end. If he would be killed by a man sent to kill by the woman he loved. He wonders if Cersei would cry when she heard the news, or if she would just rejoice in the fact that her traitorous brothers were no more. Then he calms himself. This wasn't just any man. This was Bronn. Bronn is his friend. Or at least he hoped they were friends. Besides that, he surely wouldn't be talking now if he actually planned to kill either of them.
Tyrion makes Bronn an offer of High Garden and Jaime just cannot help himself. He comments, "Highgarden, are you mad?"
Tyrion replies back, "It's better than being dead."
Jaime comments, "He's not going to kill us, he wouldn't be talk-" He stops himself as an arrow flies from Bronn's crossbow, missing his head by mere inches.
That sets Jaime's temper off and he feels the need to inform Bronn that Highgarden will never belong to a cutthroat.
Bronn argues that, and makes a seemingly good point. Tyrion gives Bronn his word that Highgarden will be his. He tries to convince Bronn to go south with them in the morning. It doesn't work and Bronn takes his leave, promising to find Tyrion when the war is done.
Later that evening, Jaime finds Brienne and Sansa talking in the courtyard. They seem to be having an intense conversation and neither look happy. Reluctantly, Jaime approaches and asks what happened.
Brienne informs him that one of the dragons was killed, and several ships destroyed and Missandei captured.
Sansa then looks him dead in the eye and informs him, "I always wanted to be there when they execute your sister. Seems like I won't get a chance." She then walks away and he is left alone standing with Brienne. He tries his best to hide how upset the thought of Cersei being dead makes him. When Brienne takes him by the hand and leads him away, he thinks he must have succeeded in hiding his anguish. She leads him back to her chambers.
Jaime needs to forget. Needs to not think of Cersei. He tells himself that she is hateful. That she deserves her fate. She even sent an assassin to kill him. He must stop loving her. He must. He can't allow it anymore. Not when he has a good woman here in front of him who would never hurt him. So he pulls Brienne in for a kiss.
They end up fucking and it's a welcome distraction, but once it's over Jaime's thoughts are back to Cersei again. Brienne falls asleep next to him and he stays up for hours in despair. He thinks of all the reasons why he should love Brienne. He thinks of all the reasons why he shouldn't love Cersei. After a while he leaves the bed, no longer feeling right laying next to Brienne. He sits in the chair and debates a bit more before his mind is made up. He is Cersei's and like it or not he loves Cersei and he must go back to her. If he doesn't and she dies he will never again be happy. He feels guilty about Brienne, but he knows it is nothing compared to the guilt he would feel if Cersei died without him. So he makes up his mind to leave.
He thinks of leaving a note, but has no idea what to say. The truth would only hurt her more, and he had delayed long enough. His indecision had already cost him time, and he couldn't afford to waste more. So he leaves without a word.
As he leaves, he knows now that he is hateful. For here he has a good woman who loves him with all her heart, yet he loves a hateful woman who sent an assassin to kill him. Not only that, but he has done so many hateful things for this woman. Things she both requested and required of him, as well as things she did not. Things he would all do again for her.
As he is getting his horse ready to leave, He notices Brienne approaching.
"They're going to destroy that city. You know they will," she tells him.
"Have you ever run away from a fight?" He asks her.
She walks up to him and grabs him by the face. "You're not like your sister. You're not. You're better than she is. You're a good man and you can't save her. You don't need to die with her. Stay here. Stay with me. Please. Stay." Her eyes fill with tears as she finishes the last sentence.
He hesitates, unsure of what to say back. Her pleading has not changed his mind in the slightest, but he feels enough guilt that he knows he must at least attempt to ease her sorrow. He knows that telling Brienne the truth, which is that he loves Cersei and is fully prepared to die by her side if it comes down to it, will do little good to ease her pain. So instead, he tells Brienne all the hateful things he's done for Cersei. Brienne is a good woman and though she knows what he did to Bran Stark, she does not know that he killed his very own cousin just so he could get back to Cersei. Nor does she know that he truly would have killed every man, woman, and child in Riverrun just to get back to Cersei. He ends his speech by informing Brienne that Cersei is hateful. But so he is.
He hesitates for a moment, giving her a chance to slap him. He truly feels he deserves it. Instead, she just stands there, silently sobbing.
He finally turns away from her, and mounts his horse and begins to ride away. Brienne's sobs get louder, but he forces himself to continue on and doesn't spare her a glance. She is stronger than him, so much stronger, not just physically, but she has an emotional strength that he admires. She will be fine in time, and finding out how hateful he truly is will certainly help with that.
So Jaime rode on, thoughts of Brienne quickly leaving him as thoughts of Cersei and what he would say and do once he saw her took over. He wasn't a fool. Even though he was the stupidest Lannister he knew that his chances of actually convincing Cersei to surrender or flee were slim. He knew she would likely die in the Red Keep if it came down to it. Still, he loved her so much that if she were dead, his life would be meaningless. Trying to love Brienne had been a foolish mistake. Cersei had his heart and always would. He realized suddenly that he should have put more faith in his own saying "We don't choose who we love." He had tried to choose and only ended up delaying the inevitable. For he knew for certain now that he would rather die with Cersei than live with Brienne. So he rode on, doubtful, yet hopeful that he could save the woman he loved, but resigned to the fact that if he couldn't, he would do his best to ensure he died in her arms.