Late at Night With The Deep Eyes

The Insanity Continues.....

Disclaimer: Yeah... I don't own'em... never will.... I'm thinking about making a chat fic with all the FF:TSW characters sometime.. What do you think?

Warnings: This fic is not for anyone slightly sane....

&-&-&-&

Ryan sighed as he drifted off into a peaceful slumber. After that reprimand from Gray, Jane and Neil should be quiet for the rest of the night, which meant he could rest easily.

"Hey, Jane, I still think we should act out that fic sometime."

Ryan's eyes snapped open in fright. Dear gods, no! Let him face the phantoms unarmed, anything but this!

"No, Neil," Jane replied sounding quite irritated.

"Well, what happens if the phantoms wipe out everyone else and we have to repopulate?"

"Neil, humankind is doomed if you were the only male left to repopulate."

Jane closed her eyes, satisfied that he wouldn't be able to come up with a comeback to that one. At least not an intelligent one. "You're just jealous."

Jane sat up, realizing that this particular argument could go on until it was time for the morning wake-up call. "Why would I be jealous of you? I could kick your ass any day."

"Maybe," Neil admitted reluctantly, "but I'm so much better looking than you."

Jane sighed. He would come up with anything for the sake of an argument. Still, she wasn't willing to turn down a challenge, especially if it came from him. She snorted. This one would be easy to win. "I think not."

"I think so. Why do you think I have a much bigger fan club?" he gloated. It was so much fun to get into these arguments.

"Because its a great way for people to get together and make fun of you," Jane offered. Neil pouted. This wasn't the way this was supposed to be going.

"Fine. There's only one way to settle this," he replied, formulating a plan.

Jane pulled out her gun and jumped onto his bed, aiming the gun at him. "I agree."

Neil gulped nervously. "I didn't mean by violence," he muttered. He cleared his throat. "I think we should ask other people."

Jane put her gun down. "Alright, but you'll quickly find out who the better member of this team."

They both turned towards Ryan. "Sergeant."

Ryan groaned. He hadn't really been paying much attention but whatever they wanted, it could not be good. "We need to ask you something," Neil began.

"We need you to tell us which one of us is better looking," Jane said rather bluntly.

Ryan looked at the two of them with a look of sheer terror on his face. Slowly, he crawled off his bed and made his way to the door, watching them the entire time. Once at the door, he turned and ran screaming "Captain!" as he raced down the hallway.

"That was successful," Jane mumbled. She noticed Neil pulling out his laptop and connecting to the internet. "Neil, what the hell are you doing?"

Neil looked at her as if it should be perfectly obvious. "I'm going online to see what other people think."

Meanwhile, Ryan had made it to the captain's door and began to pound on it frantically. "Captain, please, for the love of God, let me in!"

A very annoyed looking Gray opened the door. "Sergeant, what do you think you're doing?" he said as Ryan pushed past him and sat down on Gray's couch.

"You got to help me," Ryan pleaded.

Back in the Deep Eyes' room, Neil had connected to the internet and was opening his various messengers. "Who should we ask first?" Jane said, looking at his lists of online "buddies."

"Let's ask Firesong first," Neil said, opening up the message box.

Hotstuff457: Hey, Firesong, I have a question for you.

Jane snorted. "Hotstuff? You really are delusional." Neil gave her a hurt look before turning back to his computer.

Firesong121: Ask away.

Hotstuff457: Who do you think is better looking? Me or Jane?

Firesong121: You, definitely. You are so hot.

Neil stuck his tongue out at Jane as Firesong continued to praise him. "You see? They love me."

Jane raised an eyebrow in response. "Neil, isn't Firesong a guy?"

Neil looked at the stream of praise coming onto his screen and quickly hit the block button. He shuddered. "Remind me not to talk to him again."

"Try Vulpix next," Jane suggested.

Hotstuff457: Vulpix, who's better looking, me or Jane?

Vulpix225: *yawns* Do you realize what time it is?

Hotstuff457: Yeah, but....

Vulpix225: I need my beauty sleep and you woke me up for an idiotic question like this? Why I ougtha...

Neil and Jane both flinched and turned away as a string of obscenities crossed the screen. Neil closed the message block. "Remind me only to talk to her during daylight hours." He studied his list of online "buddies." "Maybe we should try Farrel next."

Hotstuff457: Is Jane better looking than me?

Farrel: Hmm.... Why are you asking?

Hotstuff457: Just answer the question.

Farrel: Yes, by far. G'nite.

Jane smirked. "That's one for me."

Neil sulked. He was winning, even if it had only been by one vote. Now they were tied. "Yeah, yeah. Let's see what happens after we talk to Nekessla."

Hotstuff457: Hello, Nekessla.

Nekessla: Who the hell are you?

Hotstuff457: Do you think I'm better looking than Jane?

Nekessla: I don't even know who the hell you are. Leave me alone.

Hotstuff457: Could you just answer the question?

Nekessla: Go to hell, you bastard. You talk to me again and I'll send my entourage after you.

Neil and Jane both blinked. "Okay, that was strange. Neil, what did you do to that poor girl?" Jane asked angrily.

"How should I know? Vulpix told me she loved us."

Jane shook her head, muttering something about not trusting teenage girls who watched Pokemon. "We still have one more person we could ask," Jane said, pointing to the last name on the screen.

Neil gulped. "Are you sure you want me to ask him?" That seemed like a dangerous plan that could get them kicked out of the army.

Jane shrugged. "We need to break our tie somehow."

Neil took a deep breath before starting the conversation.

Hotstuff457: Sir?

Psychogeneral307: What do you want, Fleming?

Hotstuff457: I was wondering, sir, if you could please tell us who you found more attractive. Myself or corporal Jane Proudfoot?

Psychogeneral307: Are you two on something?

Hotstuff457: No, not exactly, sir...

Psychogeneral307: Or maybe you've been smoking?

Hotstuff457: No, sir.

Psychogeneral307: Or did something hit you on your heads?

Hotstuff457: No, sir, if you would please just answer the question...

Sexytrench has just joined the conversation.

Sexytrench: Major, what the hell are you doing chatting with this soldier?

Psychogeneral307: Sorry, general.

Sexytrench: Shut it. I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses. You're supposed to be ordering those cookies for me. Or did you forget, Elliot, whose in charge around here?

Psychogeneral307: No sir, sorry, sir. I'll get right on it sir.

Neil quickly disconnected from the chat before General Hein remembered he was there.

"That was a wasted of time," Jane said, leaning back against the wall.

"I guess there is only one way to settle this," Neil said, pulling out a deck of cards.

"Neil, do you really think we can settle this with a game of cards?"

"Sure, high card wins." He put the cards down in the center of his bed.

Before Jane could pick up a card Gray came bursting into the room. They both looked up at him surprised. "Would you two like to tell me why you felt that you had to traumatize the Sergeant?"

"We traumatized the Sergeant?" Neil asked. Now that was a next to impossible feat.

"Yes!" he bellowed.

"All we did was ask which one of us is better looking," Jane said, climbing back down to her bed.

Gray looked at them as if they had both gone entirely insane, which wasn't too far from the truth. "Speaking of which," Neil piped up, "Captain, which one of us do you find more attractive?"

Gray glared at them. "I'm better looking than both of you combined. Does that answer your question? Now, for god's sake, stop traumatizing your Sergeant!" With that, he stormed out of the room.

"No he's not," Jane and Neil both mumbled as they prepared to go back to sleep.