Title: Suze Smackdown: Suze vs. Jessica "Lightning Girl" Mastriani
Author: Cerasi J.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jenny Carroll's two best heroines face off in the ultimate showdown.
Disclaimer: ::snorts:: Oh please, as if you people haven't figured it out by now…
Author's Note: I would like to say thank you to my lovely reviewer Heather, who gave me this idea. Thanks! =) Oh yeah, and if anyone is wondering, Ewan McGregor played in Star Wars as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Robert Patrick plays John Doggett in The X-Files, Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond are from Celebrity Deathmatch.
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Suze Smackdown: Where our favorite Mediator whoops ass.
Suze vs. Jessica the Lightning Girl
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Cerasi J.: "Hey everyone! Welcome back to another round of Suze Smackdown! The only sport that's more violent than a profession hockey game! Let's say hi to our co-hosts! Everyone say hi to Brittany!"
*Cerasi J. points to a girl sitting beside her*
Brittany: *Smiles, waves* "Hey!"
Cerasi J.: "Good to see 'ya, Britt, let's meet the other co-hosts!"
*Cerasi J. points to Lauren, Beth, Jesse and a newcomer… Jessica Mastriani's biker hunk, Rob.*
Cerasi J./Lauren/Beth/Brittany: *Sigh*
Rob: *Looking unimpressed* "Hey."
Lauren: *Tears her eyes away from Rob* "Lets get down to business and meet our contestants!"
*Cerasi, Beth and Brittany continue staring at Rob.*
Jesse: "Oh, for the love of God…"
Lauren: "A-HEM!!"
All three girls: "Huh? What?"
Suze: (From the ring) "Oh man, here we go again."
Cerasi J.: *Snapping back to attention* "Oh, um, yeah, okay… in the right corner we have the World Champion… SUUUUZZZZEEE SIMOOOONNNNN!!!!"
Jessica: (Ignores Cerasi; from other side of the ring) "Hey! What gives!? Why are they looking at OUR boyfriends? I thought that girl Brittany had a thing for Ewan McGregor!"
Suze: "Hey, yeah! And Cerasi has a thing for Robert Patrick!"
Cerasi J.: *Gulps, slumps down in seat*
Lauren/Brittany: "Robert Patrick?"
Cerasi J.: "Hey, he looks good in jeans, what can I say?"
*All four girls look at Rob and sigh again.*
Jessica: *Turns to Suze* "Okay, you know what? I'm tired of them looking at my boyfriend."
Suze: "Agreed."
*Suze and Jessica storm up to the commentor's box, and yank all the girls down into the ring.*
Brittany: "Hey! What'd I do?!"
Cerasi J.: "Dammit, everytime I do one of these, I wind up getting the crap kicked out of me…"
*Jesse and Rob look at each other and scramble into the chairs Cerasi and Brittany just vacated.*
Rob: "Good afternoon sports fans! I'm Johnny Gomez."
Jesse: "And I'm Nick Diamond."
Rob: "Looks like it's gonna be an all-out Chick Fight."
Jesse: *Grabs popcorn*
Rob: "In the right corner we have Suze Simon and Jessica Mastriani!"
*Camera pans to right corner of the ring, to see Jess and Suze huddled together, mapping out their battle plans.*
*Cheering*
Jesse: "And in the left corner, we have…" *Looks at cue cards* "… Cerasi J., Brittany, Lauren and Beth."
*Camera pans to left corner of the ring, to see Cerasi J., Lauren and Brittany planning something evil. Beth is staring up at the commentor's box.*
Beth: "I LOVE YOU JESSE!!!"
*Rob and Jesse look at each other, shrug.*
Jesse: "Let's get it on!"
*Bell dings. Jess and Suze turn to the four girls and glare at them.*
Suze: *Points at Beth* "Jesse's MY boyfriend, you *bleep*!"
Crowd: "Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh…"
Cerasi J.: "Okay, Simon, you're goin' down!"
*Cerasi lunges at Suze and they roll around on the floor of the ring*
Beth: "Nobody calls me a *bleep*!"
*Beth also lunges at Suze. Dust flies.*
Jessica: *Shrugs* "YAAAAHHHH!!!"
*Jessica runs at Brittany and Lauren*
Rob: "Whoa! Lauren'll be feeling that one in the morning!"
Voice: "I'm sure she will."
*Rob and Jesse look over to see Gina sitting between them.*
Rob/Jesse: *Drool*
Gina: "Ooh! Poor Suze!"
*All three watch as Cerasi J. lands a right hook to Suze's stomach.*
Jesse: "Yeah, that's nice…" *Puts his arm around Gina* "Doin' anything Friday night?"
Rob: "What about Saturday?"
*Back in the ring, Brittany and Lauren seem to have fought Jessica into one corner of the ring.*
Brittany: *Pant, pant* "Take that!"
Lauren: "Nobody screws with the Union."
*Lauren and Brittany high five*
*On the other side of the ring, Suze seems to have pinned both Beth and Cerasi, and is now pummeling them.*
Brittany: "This is all your fault, Mindy!"
Cerasi J.: "OW!! How do you figure?!"
Brittany: "Well, you're the one writing this fic!"
Cerasi J.: "Oh."
*Up in the commentor's box, Jesse and Rob are now both dying for Gina's attention.*
Rob: "Go out with me!"
Jesse: "No, me!"
Rob: "ME!"
Jesse: "NO! ME!"
Rob: "Meeeeeee!!!!" *Pouts like a small child*
Gina: "Oh, for the love of all that's purple and furry, I'll go out with both of you!"
Rob: *Stops* "Oh, well, that takes the term doubledate to a whole new level, doesn't it?"
Gina: *Giggles*
*Rob, Gina and Jesse all stand up to leave.*
*Jessica just happens to look up at the ring.*
Jessica: "HEY!!!"
*Suze looks up, gapes.*
Suze: "HEY!!!"
Cerasi J./Lauren/Beth/Brittany: "HEY!!!"
Gina: "Uh oh."
*Gina, Jesse, and Rob make a run for it. Cerasi, Lauren, Beth, Brittany, Suze and Jess all give chase.*
In our next episode of Suze Smackdown: Will Suze and Jess finally catch up with Gina? Will Jesse fall madly in love with Cerasi and run away with her? We may never know…