A/N: Some Kyle and Cartman banter because I don't have it nearly often enough anymore.
Enjoy~
Perhaps leaving the group of teenagers to their own devices was not in the best interest of the king and queen, but they knew that Kyle had to be the one to make the peace within the group. Their interference would be nothing but an annoyance amongst the small clan. Kyle walked with Cartman or Kendra on either side of him, Stan standing to the back and watching the Wizard King suspiciously for any sudden moves to be made against his prince. He didn't like the look and feel of mischief that he could feel from the monarch, didn't like what his fucking plans had took from him in the end.
"Have you ever seen Drow land before, Princess?" Kyle asked, trying to keep a 'conversation' building between them. The blonde glanced down at him and shook her head, her braid swishing over her shoulder in a soft rasp against her dress' silk sleeve. He offered a smile, "Well, it's quite wonderful. I think you'll enjoy learning of our culture."
Cartman scoffed, "Yeah, if one enjoys the prospects of being involved in a land that uses bark as currency."
Kyle scowled, looking towards the taller dignitary and letting out a long breath, giving a sarcastic grin. "Well, not all of us can afford the luxury of using pies as our way of life." The king narrowed his eyes, Kyle returning the expression, both of them shrugging off the hands of Butters and Stan as they tried to calm the boys down. Kyle finally turned from him back to his betrothed and cleared his throat. "For the record, we don't use 'bark'," he rolled his eyes. "What we have are polished wooden coins that we use amongst our villages. That way if someone from say, Kupa Keep," he flickered his eyes to a frowning Cartman, "were to come and rob us, then it would be useless outside of our respective properties."
Kendra cocked her head, waving Butters beside her and grabbing the paper and quill he was carrying with him, quickly jotting down a note as Kyle watched uncomfortably. She handed him her parchment and watched him with interest as he read, 'So what do you use if one travels outside the lands of the Drow?'
Kyle smiled a bit, looking back at her curious stare and feeling a sliver of relief. At least she seemed to care about his land's customs. He handed her back the paper, "We rarely travel outside the lands," he explained. "When one does for royal business, we have a small collection of human currency stashed away for such an occasion. Now and then, if a Drow travels to the human land and finds themselves in possession of currency, if they can prove that it was taken fairly, then we'll exchange the value of the human money with that of our own coins as payment."
"Which is why we have to keep Drows away from our treasuries," Eric scoffed. "Just who knows what you all consider to be 'fairly'."
"Taken or traded with permission," he seethed bitterly. "Elves are an honest race. We don't care much for deception as it interferes with the progression of a well-founded society. Something you humans have yet to seem to grasp." He didn't notice as Kendra gulped and nervously tucked hair behind her ear, eyes flittering about the massive corridor.
"Have you not noticed that you are the only elf in this group?" Eric raised his brow, stopping his gait and the rest of the party halting with him.
Kyle narrowed his eyes, "Perhaps. But Stanley, Token, and Clyde have been raised among the elves. They know our values. They hold them as dearly within them as I do myself. Your paladin seems to be of the trustworthy note," he gestured to a beaming Butters. "And Princess Kendra has shown no signs of deception, so I can only assume that she holds the same policies. So far, the only one here exhibiting any hint of mendacity is yourself, Your Majesty," he said with the subtle, spitting ferocity of fire.
Cartman growled, turning to face the small elf. "Oh?" he cocked his brow. "And just how have I done so, Kahl?"
The redhead bristled, the mispronunciation bringing about stilted, angry memories of childhood. The way the glutton wouldn't stop, refusing to grant him even the slightest respect or dignity of his name. "Who comes to a land to proclaim friendship and insults their currency of all things?" he hissed.
Cartman growled at the disrespectful tone, "Keep in mind I'm of a higher ranking, Prince."
"Keep in mind that I'm now betrothed," he said bitterly. "Which means when I take the throne, I'll already be far ahead of you, King," he fired back.
He scoffed, leaning down towards the boy's stern face. "Betrothed to my given woman of my land, Jew."
"A woman who will be acclimated to the processes of my people, Fatass," he growled. "You seem to forget that when you marry into a land, you are part of that land. Where you come from holds very little bearing except in proclamation of your training alone."
He flicked Kyle's nose and the redhead growled furiously. "I don't think that counts here," he said darkly. "Two different species is a little different than your father taking that Jersian and letting her drown in your culture..." he paused and smirked. "Though, I can tell the blood of her rushes through you. You're certainly pigheaded enough."
Kyle bared his teeth, eyes spitting threats if the king didn't back out of his fucking face. "You're one to be calling someone pigheaded, Tubby!" he hissed.
Amber eyes slitted dangerously, "You little-"
"Sir, stop!" Butters pleaded, running back to his side and pulling Eric back. "Your Majesty, this ain't right," he pouted. "C'mon, now, ya promised not t' fight with His Highness," he gestured to the fuming elf.
Stan gulped, putting a hand on the trembling Drow's shoulder. "My Prin-" he stopped with a vicious side glance. "Ky," he corrected. "Please. This is for you and the princess, not for him," he jerked his head towards the glutton.
"I am a sovereign, may I remind you, Ranger," Cartman warned lowly.
"Not in this land you're not," Kyle narrowed his eyes. "You are a guest. And you will treat my subjects with kindness when you are within my walls." He stepped back up towards the heavyweight, green clashing against brown like a swamp, drowning all those who stood beside them in the thick, soupy tension. "Your ranking doesn't matter here," he said. "Here, my ranger is above your standing. And so is she," he gestured back to Kendra who blinked in surprise. "She's not 'your' woman anymore," he said lowly. "We don't pretend to own people here."
He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, "You have servants."
"Paid help, actually," he said thickly, turning on his heel and continuing to lead the group down the halls. "The term servant is just that, a term. Servants are paid, they get to go home or live in the quarters we provide, whichever they prefer. They can come and go from the job as they please. Your help comes down to being nothing more than slaves," he hissed in disgust.
Cartman scoffed, "Which is why your kingdom is always in such financial struggle." He grinned, noticing the stiffening of Kyle's back at the reminder.
"Finances are not everything," Kyle said calmly, keeping his head held straight. "We have community. That's all that matters to us."
"Never thought I'd hear a Jew say that," he smirked.
"YOU FUCK!" he yelled, snapping his head to the side and going to leap towards him before Stan's strong arms caught him and moved him back. He squirmed, swiping his hand towards the guffawing king. "Lemme punch him, Stanley! As your prince, I command you!"
Stan shook his head. "My Prince, my job is to protect you. I'm protecting you from doing something you'll regret."
"I won't regret it, I'll savor it," he hissed.
"Remember that your very recently betrothed is here," Token raised his brow, looking between him and the silently laughing Kendra. "Might want to make a better impression, Your Highness."
Kyle's face erupted in a blush at the reminder, looking back at the princess holding a gloved hand over her covered mouth and shaking in amusement, watching the elf with glittering cerulean eyes. He slumped in Stan's grip embarrassedly, the ranger unwillingly letting go of the prince as Kyle took a deep breath. "As my guest, I ask that you remain quiet unless you have a question that does not insult my people," he said curtly to the brunette. He sighed and turned back to the princess. "Sorry," he mumbled.
She rolled her eyes amusedly and waved off the notion. He blushed again and cleared his throat, waving for them to follow as he took off once more. "So, what do you do to pass your time, Princess Kendra?" he asked politely, waiting for her to write her note and brushing hair out of his eyes, subtly scratching under his insufferable crown.
He took the paper as she finished, 'Not too much unfortunately. Fatboy over there keeps me under fucking lock and key.' Kyle smirked, huffing out a small laugh as he continued, 'I mostly just people watch.'
"Well, there's a lot of people to be watched around here," he chuckled. "Our kingdom is close. Everyone knows everyone. Before you know it, you'll be in a lot of social circles." Kendra nodded softly, eyes gleaming with the prospect of being able to get out of a palace now and again. "Do you read?" Kyle asked.
She held her hand up and tilted it a few times and he nodded in understanding. "Well, sometimes is better than never," he said softly, waving her to follow his lead as he took the group down the length of the corridor and stepped up to a pair of large double doors. Token and Clyde stepped up and the elf scoffed. "For the love of God, you two! You're as bad as Stanley! I can open my own goddamn doors!" he snapped, slapping Token's hand and pushing open the barrier, muttering to himself as he let the princess into the room, quickly letting go of the heavy wood to smack into Cartman's face.
"Stupid fucking Jew!" Cartman muttered angrily under his hand as he cupped his throbbing nose. Butters sighed tiredly, escorting his king into the room and his jaw dropping.
"Golly," he said in awe, stepping into a massive library with the lot of them, looking at the vast expansion of books lining nearly every square inch of the room.
Kyle looked at Kendra staring with wide eyes and chuckled, "Welcome to my second bedroom," he joked lightly. "A little soon I know, but I think we can get away with it." Stan flicked the back of his head and Kyle looked back and shrugged with a smirk. "You're not moving to a very...exciting city," Kyle winced, the blonde looking back down at him curiously. "We're a pretty quiet bunch, especially around the palace. So in here is really where you're going to find the most to do outside of royal bullshit," he rolled his eyes. "And it's where you'll find the most about our culture."
Kendra smirked under her scarf, jotting down a note and handing it to him with a quirked brow. 'Aside from you, I assume? I'm much more an auditory learner, My dear prince.' Kyle blinked and blushed at the title, looking up at her with a shaky smile.
"Of course I'll help you learn," he assured her. "But if I'm unavailable for whatever reason, then in here is where you'll find your answers."
"In all those times when you're laid up sick, right, Kahhllll?" Eric drawled.
He froze and took a calming breath. "I don't get sick nearly as often as I used to," he murmured.
"Oh, Lady McCormick, you should've seen your poor little fiancé," he taunted, pinching Kyle's cheek. "He'd be so sickly and just couldn't even move," he pouted. "Taking these spells all the time. Isn't that right, Kahl?"
Kendra looked at him in concern and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah. Well...it's not so bad anymore," he muttered, batting away the king's hands. He crossed his arms and shifted uncomfortably. In his youth, they didn't even know if he'd live to see his fifth year. After that, the frailty calmed, but illness took hold of him constantly all the same. He'd spent so much of his childhood laid up in bed, panting and sweating and crying as his body betrayed him, full of shakes and nausea that he could never seem to run from. Over time he'd learned to control it, but it never seemed to fully leave him, often attacking him from nowhere and rendering him helpless for at least a week from such a brutal assault.
"His Highness has taken great strides in his health," Stan narrowed his eyes in warning to the king to keep his distance from his prince, Cartman giving him a returning challenging stare.
A note was pushed under Kyle's face and he read, 'What's wrong?'
He looked up at the blonde and shrugged. "It's just a problem I've dealt with all my life. Have to be particular about what I eat and keep up with an array of medical potions. It'll knock me on my ass now and again but I'm fine."
She cocked her head, taking the paper back and grabbing a fresh one from Butters' hand, writing and handing it to him with a shrug. 'Well, I make a mean batch of soup for when that happens.' Kyle looked up and gave her a soft smile, her eyes returning the expression. The elf felt some calmness wash over him. This wasn't exactly how he'd pictured it'd go with his betrothed, but it could be so much worse. He could be dealing with a female Cartman of all people, so he'd just have to find his silver lining with what he could.
He sighed, "Enough about that. Is there any place in particular you'd like to see?"
She looked up for a moment thoughtfully before scribing her answer, handing it to him with a wince. 'Could I see my room? My travels have left me pretty exhausted.'
He blushed, "Sorry, I didn't even think to ask you about-" he stopped as she held up her hand and grabbed the note again.
'Don't be. I didn't realize until just this moment how tired I am.'
He nodded, "Yeah, I'll show you to your room."
"No, Kahl, I'll take her since I know where she'll be staying. I need to have a talk with the princess," Eric drawled.
Kyle narrowed his eyes, "I think we should let her decide-"
"No," he cut him off. "Besides, how do I know you won't cast some dark elven spell to make her strip naked for you?"
Kyle's face fell into a paled horror before it was replaced with an inexplicable fury. "How dare you!" he shouted, making his approach towards him before Token and Stan grabbed around his waist. He mindlessly shouted gibberish as they tried to keep the small elf under control, begging for him to calm himself down. Kendra watched him for a moment before turning to scowl viciously at the laughing king. She growled under her breath, quickly scribbling another note and walking to the side of the redhead. She tapped his head to get his attention, watching as the boy shot his face up towards her, smiling at him with her eyes as she'd learned to do so well throughout the years. He simmered, the larger boys letting him go, keeping close to him to intercept if yet again needed. Kendra handed him the letter, clasping his hand and patting it gently before turning to walk out with the Wizard King, Butters following quickly behind.
Kyle watched after them and blinked, Kendra turning and taking another quick glimpse at him before letting her attention fall back forward as they left the library, Cartman still laughing about the 'weak elf' all the way. He took a deep breath, turning down to the note and cocking his head. 'At least we know we have one thing in common: We both hate that fat sack of shit. At least once he leaves, we'll both be free to ignore what he says. Given that's rather hard considering his gigantic fucking mouth, but the attempt can at least be made.' Kyle snorted, shaking his head as he continued scanning along the beautifully scripted writing. 'By the way, are you always so easy to blush? Or is that just for me?' Kyle gulped, the smile falling and his face reddening yet again. Stan, Clyde, and Token read over his shoulder, looking and smirking at the young elf's heated coloring.
"It's a fair question," Clyde teased.
"I don't think I've ever seen you get red so easily," Token continued.
He looked at them angrily, "Watch it, or I'll have your heads." They all looked at him with wry expressions and he slumped. "Fine. I'll kick your shins," he huffed as they softly laughed. He sighed and shook his head, folding the note and sticking it into the front of his robe. "Guys, I really don't think this is going to work."
"You seem to like her, though," Token observed. "And she seems to like you. I think you'll make a fine match."
"How am I supposed to rule a kingdom with someone who can't speak?" he asked quietly. "Especially someone who has to learn of our ways from the ground up?"
Stan patted his shoulder lightly and took a deep breath. "I'm...sure she'll do fine, My Prince," he said quietly. The two of them looked at each other, sadness echoing in their eyes before they had to break away from the other's stare.
Kyle slowly reached up and placed his hand atop Stan's, his fingers lightly curling around his ranger's and nodding, looking at the door and letting out a long breath through his nose. "We can only hope."
A/N: Thanks for R&Ring!