*Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or Splinter or April, blah, blah,
blah. I do own Kelen, Lauren, Josh and Trent.
Note: This is about seven months after Kelen has left. Part 1 is told from Raph's point of view, part 2 is told from Kelen's, then part three from Raph's…you get the idea.
Part One
(Raph's POV)
The thick night air engulfs my being as I walk along the streets of New York. The world is cruel. I hate it. And I hate her. But I love her. I've never felt anything like this. "Six months…" she said. It's been seven. She lied. She says she wants to be here, but maybe that's a lie too. Part of me wants to kill her. Make her feel as terrible as she's making me feel. The other part of me knows she already feels terrible and wants to hold her until there is no more time. God, this is confusing. She's hurting me so badly. Why does she want to do this to me? The logical side of me knows she isn't trying to do this to me, this is just the way it is and she can't help it. I don't care right now. All I need to do right now is get rid of this rage, this burning fury. Why is this happening to me? Why is the person who I love the most being taken away? Does someone up there think this is funny? I've been through enough. I love her, damn it! I love her. And she is hurting so badly from this asshole who likes to call himself her father that she has a hard time understanding what love is. I shoved my hands in my coat pockets and kept walking. Man, how is Donny taking this so well? How can he understand? Why would her father do this? I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him. That was my goal for tonight. Find and kill her father. If I kill him, she'll come back. She'll come back and I'll make sure she never leaves again. Everything will be fine. That's what I told Donny. His words pounded in my head. "No, Raph. Everything won't be fine. She'll still be hurt. She still won't understand real love. Killing him will only get rid of part of the problem. The other part is going to take time…" I don't give a damn about time. I got all the time in the world. Kelen, I just need to see you. God, I wish you could hear me. I wish you knew how beautiful I think you are. How much I love you. Man, it's hard to tell you though. I didn't mean to get so mad at her, to yell at her like I did.
A few hours earlier…..
"Hello?"
"Hey Kel,"
"Hey Raph! What's up?"
"Nothin' really. Just felt like talkin' to ya."
"Okay. Have anything in mind?"
"Kinda. Kel, when are you coming back?"
"Raph…we've talked about this. I don't know, why do you keep asking?"
"'Cause you told me six months and now its been seven. That's why."
"I know, Raph, I'm sorry. I really thought I could get out of here."
"You lied to me."
"…..What? You think I lied? Raph, I mean, how could you think I'd do that?"
"Because you did."
"Raph! I didn't lie to you; I really thought I'd be back by now. This isn't my fault."
"Fine Kel, it isn't your fault. You think that if that's what keeps you from feeling guilty."
"Raph, what's wrong?"
"Nothin'. I just don't like to be lied to."
"I didn't lie!"
"Of course not."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"Making me feel so bad!"
"You did it to me first."
"Raph, look, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad."
"You should be sorry. You're ruining my life!"
"How am I doing that?!"
"I would think you know since you've been doing such a good job of it."
"Raph, stop!"
"Why should I? What right do you have to come into my life and make me fall in love with you, and then leave and keep giving me crap about when you're coming home?!"
"I'm coming home! And you have no right to make this my fault!"
"It is though, isn't it?"
"What?"
"You could have stopped your dad a long time ago. But you didn't, which is why he's still here. Isn't that your fault?"
"…I, I mean…Raph don't"
"Isn't it?!"
"I guess so."
"That's what I thought. So you have been lying, right?"
"I don't know,"
"Right?"
"I guess I have been."
"Yeah. You have."
"I have to go now."
"I'm sure you do."
Present time…
Damn, why did I do that? She probably hates me. I spun on my heel and started to go at a quick pace towards home. I got there quickly and found that my family was asleep. Good. I went to the phone and called April. I asked her if I could talk to Kelen for a couple hours. The payphone doesn't exactly call long distance. She said yes and I was over there in ten seconds flat. She had left the window open and had gone to bed. It was late. I slipped inside and took off my coat and fedora. I got to the phone and punched in Kelen's number. I really hoped she was still up.
"Hello?" It was Lauren.
"Hey Lauren, could I talk to Kelen?"
"She isn't speaking to you right now, try back later." She hung up. Damn it. How could I have done that to Kelen? Now they both hate me. I dialed her number again. It rang once.
"Two seconds is not later," Kelen told me, she sounded exhausted.
"Kelen, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you," I said.
"Raph," she didn't sound happy. "I can't be with you anymore."
I was shocked. I stumbled backwards and fell onto the couch.
"What? Kelen, no, don't do that," I pleaded.
"I'm sorry Raph. I've been treated like shit my whole life, I can't take it from you too," she had made up her mind. She sounded tired, like she'd been crying.
"Kelen, don't say anything, just let me talk for a minute," I said slowly, "I'm sorry. I really am. I miss you so much, and I was mad that you weren't back. This isn't your fault. It was never your fault. I don't know why I said what I did, but if I could, I'd take them all back. You aren't ruining my life. You make my life great. I don't think I can live without you."
The fact I might lose her was slowly sinking into my mind. We had fought before, but neither of us had ever come close to breaking up. I hadn't even ever thought about it. I mean, she's my everything. Even though I'd never tell her that, she might take it the wrong way.
"Raph, I know you're sorry. But the fact that you did it once means you could do it again."
"But, I love you."
"That scares me, Raph. No one has ever loved me."
That's what this is about. She doesn't know how to deal with the fact that someone might love her.
"Yes they have, Kel. I'm sure your mom loved you. And Lauren loves you, and your brother,"
"But no one has loved me like you do," she stated. I didn't know what to say. "I mean, I've never had anyone look at me and think I'm beautiful. No one has ever kissed me like you do. And the fact that you love me, that you really and truly love me, well, it just scares me."
"I thought you loved me, too." I said, very confused.
"I think I do, but I've never fallen in love before. I don't want to get hurt," she said.
"I won't hurt you."
"But you already have." she pointed out.
I have. I hurt her. Just shoot me already and get it over with.
"Kelen, I will never hurt you again. I would never try to hurt you in the first place. But if you think you love me then don't break up with me. Please, give me one more chance, Kel."
I was begging her. I was literally begging her. She was quiet for a moment.
"Kel?"
"I'll think about it."
"Promise?"
"I promise. But that doesn't mean yes. You really hurt me."
And she really sounded hurt, which made it worse. It wasn't like she was just saying this to make me feel bad, which she was, I had really hurt her.
"I'm sorry Kelen," I said.
I must have apologized like ten times. I don't think I've ever apologized that much.
"Okay. Look, I'll call you later, like tomorrow maybe. I'm not sure I'll have thought about it by then though, so please don't call me if I don't talk to you by then. I'll try to get back to you this week, until then don't call, don't e-mail me, don't do anything. Just… leave me alone for a while."
Ouch. That hurt. I guess I deserve it. I'm willing to do anything for her right now though.
"Alright, Kel, whatever you want."
"I mean it Raph."
"Okay, I promise."
I don't really think I can promise her that I won't call, but maybe she wants me to call anyway.
"Bye Raph."
"Bye Kelen."
She hung up. I can't ever remember feeling this depressed. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't believe I said that to her. 'I'm not going home; Leo or Master Splinter has probably realized I'm gone. I'll go to Casey's.' I thought.
I put my stuff back on and slipped back out April's window. I was mad and upset. And tired. I needed to go to sleep. I walked to Casey's apartment and found that he was asleep. Big surprise. I went into the guest room, which is really kinda my room, and laid back on the bed.
All I could think about was Kelen. And, trust, me, you can't sleep when you're thinking about her. She's just so beautiful, and sexy, and… arrgghh, how could I have done that to her?
Part Two
(Kelen's POV)
I hung up the phone in the kitchen and walked into the guest room. It was more comfortable than my room and I figured I'd sleep better in there. I sunk into the mattress, letting the cool peach sheets caress my body, and closed my eyes. It was impossible to sleep though. Someone knocked on the door.
"What?" I asked.
"Can I come in?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah, sure."
It wasn't like I was going to sleep anyway. She sat down next to me.
"What'd you tell him?" she asked. I had told her about our previous conversation.
"That I'd think about it."
She rolled her eyes in disbelief. Any guy who did that was a bastard in her eyes. Hence the fact that she fell in love with Donnie, the gentlest guy on Earth.
"You must love him a lot. You would have told anyone else off."
I shuddered. I couldn't help it. The word "love" had been having that effect on me lately.
"What?" she asked.
"I really don't know if I love him."
"Okay," she said slowly. "That makes no sense. If you don't love him, then don't think about it. If you do, it's another story."
"I don't know though."
Almost as if on cue, the phone rang. 'You have got to be kidding,' I thought. I picked up the phone.
"What?" I asked harshly.
"Not a night person I take it," said Leo.
"Sorry, Leo," I said, rubbing the back of my head.
"That's alright. Anyway, I have a question."
"Shoot."
"Do you know where Raph is?" he asked.
My heart jumped. As much as I hated to admit it, I was worried all of a sudden.
"No," I said, praying he hadn't done something stupid.
"Has he called tonight?" Leo asked, sensing the worry in my voice.
"Yes," I said, becoming more worried.
"What happened?" he asked, equally worried, but trying to stay calm.
"We had a fight. I came close to ending it."
"Oh, man," he whispered. "Look, Kelen, I'm going to go find him, I'll call you back later."
He hung up before I could say anything else. I dropped the phone. I remembered what Raph had said, "I don't think I could live without you…" But he wouldn't. I told him I would think about it, right? He's smarter than that. He wouldn't really do that, would he? I looked at Lauren.
"What is it?" she asked.
I couldn't say anything. I had just made the biggest mistake of my life and now I might never have a chance to correct it.
"What?!" she asked again.
"Raph's gone. He left after he called me."
Lauren wanted to panic, but wouldn't let herself. Her logical side kicked into overdrive. Her brow furrowed as she lost herself in thought. All of a sudden, she jumped from the bed and snapped.
"He can't call you from his house, their phone doesn't go long distance!" she shouted with a smile. I thought about this.
"So?" I asked, not following at all.
"So, he either had to call from April's or Casey's. He's probably still there," she said simply. 'Oh,' I thought. 'So this is why I keep her around.' I stared intently at the phone, waiting for it to ring.
Part three
(Raph's POV)
Just as I thought it was possible to sleep, someone rang Casey's doorbell. 'Shit,' I thought. 'Now I have to start all over.' I heard Casey stumble out of bed and walk to the door. I rolled myself out of bed and followed, stopping before a wall that blocked my view to the door. Casey looked out the peep hole. He laughed and turned to me. "It's Leo," he said. I groaned. Great. Just what I needed. I walked over to the door and flung it open. He just couldn't give me any peace.
"You know, you have quite a way of worrying us," he said, before I could open my mouth.
"What the hell is that s'pposed to mean?"
"That Kelen is at home, sitting by her phone, waiting for me to call and tell her you're still living," he said.
He barged through the door. I think that statement was supposed to clear things up, but it didn't.
"What do you mean? What the fuck does Kelen have to do with this?" I asked, growing angry and depressed at the same time at hearing her name.
He sighed. "I didn't know where you had gone when you never came home after taking a walk, and I thought Kelen might know, so I called her."
I wanted to punch him. He had no right calling MY girlfriend unless it was an emergency. And trust me, there are plenty of times when I don't come home and he never has to call anyone. The more I thought about it, the more upset it made me. He had proved over and over again that he might have feelings for Kelen. And calling her late at night while I was gone wasn't doin' much for him.
"Bastard!" I yelled. "Don't ever call her again unless I say it's okay, or unless it's absolutely necessary! The last thing I need is to lose her to my goddamn perfect brother!"
He looked a little taken back. "Raph, I wouldn't take her from you. I just had a bad feeling, that's all! I called her and when she said you'd had a fight, I got worried. Look, she thinks you've hurled yourself off some bridge, so just call her, and I'll…I'll see you in the morning." He sounded a little angry. I watched him leave and slam the door. I picked up the portable phone and started to head back to my room. But I ran into Casey.
"So, you and your hottie had a fight, huh?" he asked with a smile. I growled at him, but he didn't get the point. "What, now that I called her hot you gonna put a restraining order on me?" He asked.
I slammed the door to my bedroom and sat down on the bed. She *was* hot, but I was the only one allowed to think that. I remember the way Casey's jaw had dropped the first time he had met her. I think we all had been in shock that a girl that good looking and sweet would stay friends with us after we had saved her. Usually they freak out and run away. And, I gotta admit, when Lauren and Donnie set us up, and she practically asked me to put my arm around her, I didn't know what to think anymore.
I remembered the phone in my hand and dialed her numbers. She almost picked up before it rang.
"Leo?" she asked.
"No," I growled.
"Oh Raph, thank God!"
That's more like it. "What's the matta' with you? I stay at Casey's for one night and you and Leo freak out on me and you suddenly come to the conclusion I've killed myself?" I asked.
"To quote you, 'I can't live without you…' I was just worried," she said. "And…I'm sorry. Oh, and I forgive you, if you still have your apology out on the table."
"Well, that was fast," I said shocked, not that I was complaining or anything.
"Yeah, I know, but when I thought I might have lost you forever, I just…realized it."
"Realized what?"
"That I can't live without you either."
Okay, so it wasn't love yet. But she had been through a lot and I just had to wait for her to realize that I really do love her, and would never hurt her like her father has. I smiled anyway. I mean, there is a girl on the phone who can't live without me.
"Okay. So you forgive me, and everything's cool, right?"
"Yeah, it's all good," she said.
"Good."
"Yeah."
"So, anything else?" I asked. Maybe she really did love me. It can't hurt to ask.
"Not right now," apparently she had caught on to what I was asking, "But I'll let you know as soon as it happens."
I sighed. It was disappointing to have the person you love not love you back. Especially after you thought they really did love you.
"Alright, but Kel? If you ever do fall in love with me…"
"Raph, you know I love you. I always have. I just have to find out what that means before I let myself fall any further."
"Oh. I'm glad…" that was an understatement, I was thrilled. "Anyway, if that ever happens, what are we going to do?" I had been wondering for a while now. What would happen? Was it possible to take it to the next step?
"Raph, what do you mean?"
"I mean what's gonna happen to us. Ya can't just move into the sewers and disappear forever. And I can't really move top side. What'll we do?"
She was quiet for a little while, like this thought had never entered her mind.
"I'm not sure Raph, but if it ever comes to that point, I'll figure something out. I promise I will."
"Okay."
"Why ask now though? Planning on proposing?" she asked jokingly.
I jumped a little. I mean, yeah that's what I was talking about, but the thought of marrying her was to big too handle.
"No! I just…you know, was kinda wondering if…"
She laughed. "It's alright Raph; you don't have to answer that."
"Good, I don't know what to tell you!" She laughed again.
"We haven't had a conversation like this in a while," she noted.
"Yeah, let's keep it that way, okay?"
"Ummm…yeah, sure."
"Oh man, you want to talk about this?"
"Well, yeah, kinda."
"Why?"
"It's important to me."
"But I hate talks like this!"
"I know. Sorry, but we have to have this talk now. Remember, you owe me."
She was right, I did. God, she had no idea how uncomfortable this made me. Especially when Casey was probably standing on the other side of the door and would tell my brothers.
"Could we have it later, Kel?" I asked.
"Nope. Now looks good."
"Fine," I gave in. It would happen sooner or later.
"Do you think we'll get married?"
I tensed up. I wasn't expecting that so quickly. I squirmed a little. What was I supposed to tell her, no? I couldn't do that. But if I tell her yes, she'll talk about it more. Classic no win situation.
"I don't know, Kel. I mean…I don't know."
"Raph! I promise not to torture you whatever you say."
I exhaled. Sure she promised, now at least. "Well, but I really don't know. I mean, I want to…well not now! I'm not even sure we could, but yeah, I guess so. I mean, maybe. I mean…I don't know! Why are you doing this to me?!"
She laughed. She actually laughed! She was enjoying this! This was cruel. She probably doesn't even want to know, she's just getting me back! Man, she knows how to push my buttons!
"Kelen! That isn't fair!"
"Yes it is! You owe me! But don't worry, I'm nineteen, I'm sure I can a few years."
"Could I go now?" I asked. Man, I hated this.
"I suppose so."
"Can we not talk about this, or anything else serious for that matter, for a very long time?"
"I guess, but I'm not making any promises."
She needs to know all this crap from time to time. She never really had a family, so I guess it's pretty important to her. Ah, well. I'll live. I never really have "talks," so it always makes me nervous when she brings something like this up. But hey, I almost lost her tonight. And she thought she lost me, too. So whatever it takes, ya know?
*Alright readers…I'm blank. What should happen next? Any ideas are appreciated! Thanx!
Note: This is about seven months after Kelen has left. Part 1 is told from Raph's point of view, part 2 is told from Kelen's, then part three from Raph's…you get the idea.
Part One
(Raph's POV)
The thick night air engulfs my being as I walk along the streets of New York. The world is cruel. I hate it. And I hate her. But I love her. I've never felt anything like this. "Six months…" she said. It's been seven. She lied. She says she wants to be here, but maybe that's a lie too. Part of me wants to kill her. Make her feel as terrible as she's making me feel. The other part of me knows she already feels terrible and wants to hold her until there is no more time. God, this is confusing. She's hurting me so badly. Why does she want to do this to me? The logical side of me knows she isn't trying to do this to me, this is just the way it is and she can't help it. I don't care right now. All I need to do right now is get rid of this rage, this burning fury. Why is this happening to me? Why is the person who I love the most being taken away? Does someone up there think this is funny? I've been through enough. I love her, damn it! I love her. And she is hurting so badly from this asshole who likes to call himself her father that she has a hard time understanding what love is. I shoved my hands in my coat pockets and kept walking. Man, how is Donny taking this so well? How can he understand? Why would her father do this? I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him. That was my goal for tonight. Find and kill her father. If I kill him, she'll come back. She'll come back and I'll make sure she never leaves again. Everything will be fine. That's what I told Donny. His words pounded in my head. "No, Raph. Everything won't be fine. She'll still be hurt. She still won't understand real love. Killing him will only get rid of part of the problem. The other part is going to take time…" I don't give a damn about time. I got all the time in the world. Kelen, I just need to see you. God, I wish you could hear me. I wish you knew how beautiful I think you are. How much I love you. Man, it's hard to tell you though. I didn't mean to get so mad at her, to yell at her like I did.
A few hours earlier…..
"Hello?"
"Hey Kel,"
"Hey Raph! What's up?"
"Nothin' really. Just felt like talkin' to ya."
"Okay. Have anything in mind?"
"Kinda. Kel, when are you coming back?"
"Raph…we've talked about this. I don't know, why do you keep asking?"
"'Cause you told me six months and now its been seven. That's why."
"I know, Raph, I'm sorry. I really thought I could get out of here."
"You lied to me."
"…..What? You think I lied? Raph, I mean, how could you think I'd do that?"
"Because you did."
"Raph! I didn't lie to you; I really thought I'd be back by now. This isn't my fault."
"Fine Kel, it isn't your fault. You think that if that's what keeps you from feeling guilty."
"Raph, what's wrong?"
"Nothin'. I just don't like to be lied to."
"I didn't lie!"
"Of course not."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"Making me feel so bad!"
"You did it to me first."
"Raph, look, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad."
"You should be sorry. You're ruining my life!"
"How am I doing that?!"
"I would think you know since you've been doing such a good job of it."
"Raph, stop!"
"Why should I? What right do you have to come into my life and make me fall in love with you, and then leave and keep giving me crap about when you're coming home?!"
"I'm coming home! And you have no right to make this my fault!"
"It is though, isn't it?"
"What?"
"You could have stopped your dad a long time ago. But you didn't, which is why he's still here. Isn't that your fault?"
"…I, I mean…Raph don't"
"Isn't it?!"
"I guess so."
"That's what I thought. So you have been lying, right?"
"I don't know,"
"Right?"
"I guess I have been."
"Yeah. You have."
"I have to go now."
"I'm sure you do."
Present time…
Damn, why did I do that? She probably hates me. I spun on my heel and started to go at a quick pace towards home. I got there quickly and found that my family was asleep. Good. I went to the phone and called April. I asked her if I could talk to Kelen for a couple hours. The payphone doesn't exactly call long distance. She said yes and I was over there in ten seconds flat. She had left the window open and had gone to bed. It was late. I slipped inside and took off my coat and fedora. I got to the phone and punched in Kelen's number. I really hoped she was still up.
"Hello?" It was Lauren.
"Hey Lauren, could I talk to Kelen?"
"She isn't speaking to you right now, try back later." She hung up. Damn it. How could I have done that to Kelen? Now they both hate me. I dialed her number again. It rang once.
"Two seconds is not later," Kelen told me, she sounded exhausted.
"Kelen, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you," I said.
"Raph," she didn't sound happy. "I can't be with you anymore."
I was shocked. I stumbled backwards and fell onto the couch.
"What? Kelen, no, don't do that," I pleaded.
"I'm sorry Raph. I've been treated like shit my whole life, I can't take it from you too," she had made up her mind. She sounded tired, like she'd been crying.
"Kelen, don't say anything, just let me talk for a minute," I said slowly, "I'm sorry. I really am. I miss you so much, and I was mad that you weren't back. This isn't your fault. It was never your fault. I don't know why I said what I did, but if I could, I'd take them all back. You aren't ruining my life. You make my life great. I don't think I can live without you."
The fact I might lose her was slowly sinking into my mind. We had fought before, but neither of us had ever come close to breaking up. I hadn't even ever thought about it. I mean, she's my everything. Even though I'd never tell her that, she might take it the wrong way.
"Raph, I know you're sorry. But the fact that you did it once means you could do it again."
"But, I love you."
"That scares me, Raph. No one has ever loved me."
That's what this is about. She doesn't know how to deal with the fact that someone might love her.
"Yes they have, Kel. I'm sure your mom loved you. And Lauren loves you, and your brother,"
"But no one has loved me like you do," she stated. I didn't know what to say. "I mean, I've never had anyone look at me and think I'm beautiful. No one has ever kissed me like you do. And the fact that you love me, that you really and truly love me, well, it just scares me."
"I thought you loved me, too." I said, very confused.
"I think I do, but I've never fallen in love before. I don't want to get hurt," she said.
"I won't hurt you."
"But you already have." she pointed out.
I have. I hurt her. Just shoot me already and get it over with.
"Kelen, I will never hurt you again. I would never try to hurt you in the first place. But if you think you love me then don't break up with me. Please, give me one more chance, Kel."
I was begging her. I was literally begging her. She was quiet for a moment.
"Kel?"
"I'll think about it."
"Promise?"
"I promise. But that doesn't mean yes. You really hurt me."
And she really sounded hurt, which made it worse. It wasn't like she was just saying this to make me feel bad, which she was, I had really hurt her.
"I'm sorry Kelen," I said.
I must have apologized like ten times. I don't think I've ever apologized that much.
"Okay. Look, I'll call you later, like tomorrow maybe. I'm not sure I'll have thought about it by then though, so please don't call me if I don't talk to you by then. I'll try to get back to you this week, until then don't call, don't e-mail me, don't do anything. Just… leave me alone for a while."
Ouch. That hurt. I guess I deserve it. I'm willing to do anything for her right now though.
"Alright, Kel, whatever you want."
"I mean it Raph."
"Okay, I promise."
I don't really think I can promise her that I won't call, but maybe she wants me to call anyway.
"Bye Raph."
"Bye Kelen."
She hung up. I can't ever remember feeling this depressed. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't believe I said that to her. 'I'm not going home; Leo or Master Splinter has probably realized I'm gone. I'll go to Casey's.' I thought.
I put my stuff back on and slipped back out April's window. I was mad and upset. And tired. I needed to go to sleep. I walked to Casey's apartment and found that he was asleep. Big surprise. I went into the guest room, which is really kinda my room, and laid back on the bed.
All I could think about was Kelen. And, trust, me, you can't sleep when you're thinking about her. She's just so beautiful, and sexy, and… arrgghh, how could I have done that to her?
Part Two
(Kelen's POV)
I hung up the phone in the kitchen and walked into the guest room. It was more comfortable than my room and I figured I'd sleep better in there. I sunk into the mattress, letting the cool peach sheets caress my body, and closed my eyes. It was impossible to sleep though. Someone knocked on the door.
"What?" I asked.
"Can I come in?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah, sure."
It wasn't like I was going to sleep anyway. She sat down next to me.
"What'd you tell him?" she asked. I had told her about our previous conversation.
"That I'd think about it."
She rolled her eyes in disbelief. Any guy who did that was a bastard in her eyes. Hence the fact that she fell in love with Donnie, the gentlest guy on Earth.
"You must love him a lot. You would have told anyone else off."
I shuddered. I couldn't help it. The word "love" had been having that effect on me lately.
"What?" she asked.
"I really don't know if I love him."
"Okay," she said slowly. "That makes no sense. If you don't love him, then don't think about it. If you do, it's another story."
"I don't know though."
Almost as if on cue, the phone rang. 'You have got to be kidding,' I thought. I picked up the phone.
"What?" I asked harshly.
"Not a night person I take it," said Leo.
"Sorry, Leo," I said, rubbing the back of my head.
"That's alright. Anyway, I have a question."
"Shoot."
"Do you know where Raph is?" he asked.
My heart jumped. As much as I hated to admit it, I was worried all of a sudden.
"No," I said, praying he hadn't done something stupid.
"Has he called tonight?" Leo asked, sensing the worry in my voice.
"Yes," I said, becoming more worried.
"What happened?" he asked, equally worried, but trying to stay calm.
"We had a fight. I came close to ending it."
"Oh, man," he whispered. "Look, Kelen, I'm going to go find him, I'll call you back later."
He hung up before I could say anything else. I dropped the phone. I remembered what Raph had said, "I don't think I could live without you…" But he wouldn't. I told him I would think about it, right? He's smarter than that. He wouldn't really do that, would he? I looked at Lauren.
"What is it?" she asked.
I couldn't say anything. I had just made the biggest mistake of my life and now I might never have a chance to correct it.
"What?!" she asked again.
"Raph's gone. He left after he called me."
Lauren wanted to panic, but wouldn't let herself. Her logical side kicked into overdrive. Her brow furrowed as she lost herself in thought. All of a sudden, she jumped from the bed and snapped.
"He can't call you from his house, their phone doesn't go long distance!" she shouted with a smile. I thought about this.
"So?" I asked, not following at all.
"So, he either had to call from April's or Casey's. He's probably still there," she said simply. 'Oh,' I thought. 'So this is why I keep her around.' I stared intently at the phone, waiting for it to ring.
Part three
(Raph's POV)
Just as I thought it was possible to sleep, someone rang Casey's doorbell. 'Shit,' I thought. 'Now I have to start all over.' I heard Casey stumble out of bed and walk to the door. I rolled myself out of bed and followed, stopping before a wall that blocked my view to the door. Casey looked out the peep hole. He laughed and turned to me. "It's Leo," he said. I groaned. Great. Just what I needed. I walked over to the door and flung it open. He just couldn't give me any peace.
"You know, you have quite a way of worrying us," he said, before I could open my mouth.
"What the hell is that s'pposed to mean?"
"That Kelen is at home, sitting by her phone, waiting for me to call and tell her you're still living," he said.
He barged through the door. I think that statement was supposed to clear things up, but it didn't.
"What do you mean? What the fuck does Kelen have to do with this?" I asked, growing angry and depressed at the same time at hearing her name.
He sighed. "I didn't know where you had gone when you never came home after taking a walk, and I thought Kelen might know, so I called her."
I wanted to punch him. He had no right calling MY girlfriend unless it was an emergency. And trust me, there are plenty of times when I don't come home and he never has to call anyone. The more I thought about it, the more upset it made me. He had proved over and over again that he might have feelings for Kelen. And calling her late at night while I was gone wasn't doin' much for him.
"Bastard!" I yelled. "Don't ever call her again unless I say it's okay, or unless it's absolutely necessary! The last thing I need is to lose her to my goddamn perfect brother!"
He looked a little taken back. "Raph, I wouldn't take her from you. I just had a bad feeling, that's all! I called her and when she said you'd had a fight, I got worried. Look, she thinks you've hurled yourself off some bridge, so just call her, and I'll…I'll see you in the morning." He sounded a little angry. I watched him leave and slam the door. I picked up the portable phone and started to head back to my room. But I ran into Casey.
"So, you and your hottie had a fight, huh?" he asked with a smile. I growled at him, but he didn't get the point. "What, now that I called her hot you gonna put a restraining order on me?" He asked.
I slammed the door to my bedroom and sat down on the bed. She *was* hot, but I was the only one allowed to think that. I remember the way Casey's jaw had dropped the first time he had met her. I think we all had been in shock that a girl that good looking and sweet would stay friends with us after we had saved her. Usually they freak out and run away. And, I gotta admit, when Lauren and Donnie set us up, and she practically asked me to put my arm around her, I didn't know what to think anymore.
I remembered the phone in my hand and dialed her numbers. She almost picked up before it rang.
"Leo?" she asked.
"No," I growled.
"Oh Raph, thank God!"
That's more like it. "What's the matta' with you? I stay at Casey's for one night and you and Leo freak out on me and you suddenly come to the conclusion I've killed myself?" I asked.
"To quote you, 'I can't live without you…' I was just worried," she said. "And…I'm sorry. Oh, and I forgive you, if you still have your apology out on the table."
"Well, that was fast," I said shocked, not that I was complaining or anything.
"Yeah, I know, but when I thought I might have lost you forever, I just…realized it."
"Realized what?"
"That I can't live without you either."
Okay, so it wasn't love yet. But she had been through a lot and I just had to wait for her to realize that I really do love her, and would never hurt her like her father has. I smiled anyway. I mean, there is a girl on the phone who can't live without me.
"Okay. So you forgive me, and everything's cool, right?"
"Yeah, it's all good," she said.
"Good."
"Yeah."
"So, anything else?" I asked. Maybe she really did love me. It can't hurt to ask.
"Not right now," apparently she had caught on to what I was asking, "But I'll let you know as soon as it happens."
I sighed. It was disappointing to have the person you love not love you back. Especially after you thought they really did love you.
"Alright, but Kel? If you ever do fall in love with me…"
"Raph, you know I love you. I always have. I just have to find out what that means before I let myself fall any further."
"Oh. I'm glad…" that was an understatement, I was thrilled. "Anyway, if that ever happens, what are we going to do?" I had been wondering for a while now. What would happen? Was it possible to take it to the next step?
"Raph, what do you mean?"
"I mean what's gonna happen to us. Ya can't just move into the sewers and disappear forever. And I can't really move top side. What'll we do?"
She was quiet for a little while, like this thought had never entered her mind.
"I'm not sure Raph, but if it ever comes to that point, I'll figure something out. I promise I will."
"Okay."
"Why ask now though? Planning on proposing?" she asked jokingly.
I jumped a little. I mean, yeah that's what I was talking about, but the thought of marrying her was to big too handle.
"No! I just…you know, was kinda wondering if…"
She laughed. "It's alright Raph; you don't have to answer that."
"Good, I don't know what to tell you!" She laughed again.
"We haven't had a conversation like this in a while," she noted.
"Yeah, let's keep it that way, okay?"
"Ummm…yeah, sure."
"Oh man, you want to talk about this?"
"Well, yeah, kinda."
"Why?"
"It's important to me."
"But I hate talks like this!"
"I know. Sorry, but we have to have this talk now. Remember, you owe me."
She was right, I did. God, she had no idea how uncomfortable this made me. Especially when Casey was probably standing on the other side of the door and would tell my brothers.
"Could we have it later, Kel?" I asked.
"Nope. Now looks good."
"Fine," I gave in. It would happen sooner or later.
"Do you think we'll get married?"
I tensed up. I wasn't expecting that so quickly. I squirmed a little. What was I supposed to tell her, no? I couldn't do that. But if I tell her yes, she'll talk about it more. Classic no win situation.
"I don't know, Kel. I mean…I don't know."
"Raph! I promise not to torture you whatever you say."
I exhaled. Sure she promised, now at least. "Well, but I really don't know. I mean, I want to…well not now! I'm not even sure we could, but yeah, I guess so. I mean, maybe. I mean…I don't know! Why are you doing this to me?!"
She laughed. She actually laughed! She was enjoying this! This was cruel. She probably doesn't even want to know, she's just getting me back! Man, she knows how to push my buttons!
"Kelen! That isn't fair!"
"Yes it is! You owe me! But don't worry, I'm nineteen, I'm sure I can a few years."
"Could I go now?" I asked. Man, I hated this.
"I suppose so."
"Can we not talk about this, or anything else serious for that matter, for a very long time?"
"I guess, but I'm not making any promises."
She needs to know all this crap from time to time. She never really had a family, so I guess it's pretty important to her. Ah, well. I'll live. I never really have "talks," so it always makes me nervous when she brings something like this up. But hey, I almost lost her tonight. And she thought she lost me, too. So whatever it takes, ya know?
*Alright readers…I'm blank. What should happen next? Any ideas are appreciated! Thanx!