Author's Notes: Hmm...Hotohori. He's not quite so hard to write about, so I'm too intimidated by the idea of writing him. It's chichiri's section that's looming over my head right now. That's going to be quite a daunting task considering I've never written him before. ^_^ But we'll see.
Warnings: Mildly mature references.
Spoilers: Mild for first part of series and Suzaku Den.
Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters. (Heheh...I've been writing FY so frequently recently that I accidentally placed it as the series title in an MKR disclaimer I wrote. >_
Devotion
Sei: The StarI knew her long before I met her. I saw in my dreams, created her in my mind's eye, molded her to the ultimate perfection. She was my world, my everything. It was the idea of seeing her someday that comforted me in my sorrowful moments, the vision of her that plagued my mind when it was idle.
And I came to love her with all my heart and soul and being. I swore to make her mine. Of everything I'd lost because of who I was, I refused to lose her.
But I did anyway.
All my life I have been so little. A puff of air, a cloud of dust, a shadow in the light. I was the puppet and the palace advisors controlled the strings. My mouth formed to move the words, but it was their voices who dictated the land. I was a tool, and asset. I had command but no indentity. I was a piece, an insignifcant part of the puzzle.
But with her...I wanted to be something to her. I wanted to be her love, her life, her everything. I would belong to her the same as she would belong to me.
I've never actually owned myself before. My body, beautiful as it was, belonged to the throne that required an heir to continue the line. Not even my soul as my own, restricted as it was to the confines of Konan. Beloved as they are to me, my people are my prison; it is my duty to protect and serve them, not the other way around. In reality, it is the king who must be slave to the people in order for a country to stand strong. He must sacrifice his own soul so that they will rise together as one nation, proud and loving, splendid and glorious. We are owned by the very people that worship us.
But my heart, the single piece of my being that I was allowed command over, I did not allow incarcerated. That I saved for her because for her I would do anything, so my dreams would come true. If I were to be a man enslaved, I would not mind if it was she who placed the shackles upon my feet.
But she rejected it anyway.
My mother fought an admirable battle to make me the primary heir to the throne. She suffered for that victory, for being given one chance to see the son she had struggled to raise rise above the rest. I wonder, sometimes, if the anguish we endured was worth it. She died for our cause, but I lived on to suffocate and drown in it.
By Suzaku, I must sound so selfish. After all, was I not born with the silver platter of privilege already placed in my hands? How can I complain when life has given me such wealth, such power and ability? It was by the stars that I was destined to become what I am, but it because of the stars that I am bound to Miaka and country as well.
Two choices, two halves of my soul torn in different direction. I once wondered if there was ever any release, if there was a end to this cycle of loneliness.
I think, perchance, that I've found my answer.
Red always has and will be my favorite color. It was the same tint that encircled and stained the glow of my symbol when it first appeared, it was the shade of crimson of Suzaku's feathers that surrounded and comforted in his fiery warmth, bringing me to peace with the grief that plagued my soul, and it the color of a nation that would bring my eternal dream closer to my heart. It was everywhere I turned. In the varicolored sunset of a summer day, in the flames of the shrine's holy fire as it crept into my soul and wrapped my heart in fire, encouraging my heart to live on.
But things have changed, and Miaka has taught me to love many colors now. Blue and green and orange and hazel and violet...Colors that are the essence of my world, shades of the evening horizon that signal the setting of my own sun.
The time for confession has come and gone. Now there is only time for resolution. For love borne in other colors. I will live on, I will survive.
But I will never stop loving her.
Never.
Final Notes From the Author:
Hmmm...I'm not sure if anyone thinks this is in character or not. Hotohori's never been a favorite of mine. He tends to be emotionally weak when it comes to love, but at the same time, you can't help but admire his devotion to those around him. So, for someone like myself, it's hard to do. ^_^ Next up should be Mitsukake for those who like him. (I like him!)
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! Oh, and to Cadence, no, I didn't past off of anything. There's no novels that delve into it, so that was something of my own imagination. The basic idea I was trying to get across is that Suzaku's powers are both blessings and curses. In one way, it makes Chiriko a highly intelligent partner, but at the same time, it separates him from others, trapping him in a realm between childhood and adult hood. Understand now?