Author's Notes: Alright, here's Tamahome's excerpt. ^_^ I love Tama-chan, so it was fun writing his; I do hope you enjoy reading it. However, apparently quite a few of you weren't satisfied with Hotohori's excerpt. Hmm...I'll have to rectify that. Expect a rewriting of his entry very soon! (But please don't complain about Tamahome being cut and dry...he really just is that kind of character.)

Warnings: Mature themes.

Spoilers: Entire series.

Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters, especially Tamahome.

Devotion

Oni: The Demon

``It is impossible to love and to be wise. ''
- Francis Bacon, Essays

Little ghost is what they used to call me. Through the streets they would chant the cruel rhyme, taunting me as I would walk home, making fun of the one thing I could not control. Their parents rarely ever challenged their behavior, allowing me to suffer, looking on carelessly as each and every child murdered my sense of caring and dignity. After all, what wasn't to make fun of a little boy with a symbol on his forehead? Oni, demon, no less.

I hated them. I dislike them now. People who spent their life reveling in the pain of others as they defile and destroy every piece of who they are simply because they are different. It doesn't matter who you are or why; it's just the fact that you don't conform to their mold.
I was teased for my poverty, too. They would turn to me with leering grins, plucking at my ragged clothes and messing with my dirty hair, tearing holes where already sharp blades had torn through my soul. I think that's wear my obsession with money first began, where I first vowed to never be that poor little boy walking down the street again.
If I ever had a family, I would make I wasn't my father. I wouldn't be the man who found love, then lost, and then allowed it to ruin him.
But I am my father. In just so many ways. I fell in love despite telling myself I would not; I fell in love but with a woman I could never truly have.
I hate her sometimes. How does she do it? Make me feel the way I feel? Is she some sort of witch casting her spells upon me, enchanting me in every way as she weaves me deeper into her web?
There are two things my father told me watch out for in life, two things that I should hold close and take precious care of throughout my life.
The first was money. Elusive as the fleeting tiger, it ran faster than water through a man's hands, leaving him behind a broken, impoverished individual. Money was a dangerous tool exploited by dangerous men; it had led to the ruin of many individual, both great and small, and I was no exception to the rule.
So he taught me how to bargain, how to keep my eggs in more than one basket. Always have a backup, he would tell me, and never let a charismatic merchant haggle you into paying a penny more than what you had planned.
I bided my time and finances well, waiting for the big sales to come through the city in order to buy the more expensive commodities my family required and becoming a cool, calculating individual when it came to the art of spending.
But that was only one thing, and in the end, all that was gold eventually faded away anyhow.
The second item my father forewarned me about was my heart. Now this, he told me, was far more precious than money, and though I could never hold it in my hand, it was far more difficult to tend and care for than coins ever were, as the god of love is an artful and crafty adversary.
So I prepared myself. I hardened the edges I'd already roughed over a thousand times, becoming a cold, sometimes inconsiderate individual. I was the guy who would do anything for that extra cent, who would sacrifice god and country for the sake of the gold glinting in the light of the evening.
But I serve the god of love, and as such, I could never force myself to become the unfeeling individual I desired to be. And she saw that.
And then she manipulated it.
She is...amazing. I have never met anyone like her before. How does she do it? Make me feel weak in the knees whenever she comes near, even after I promised myself that I'd never let a woman take advantage of me?
And she has taken advantage of me. In the worst way, too. She doesn't even realize it, the power she has over me. I would move entire mountains for her if it meant one last brush of sweet, rosebud lips against mine, I would sell my soul to the devil and his disciples if it meant giving hers one more day of freedom.
Damn her. I hate her sometimes.
But I love her too. It's just like the others said: I'm just a fool in love, following the girl I fell for through danger and joy all alike. I've lost my head, my fortune, and my family because of her, yet I still follow.
Because she is who she is. Because I love her.
My father once told me that nothing is for certain in this life. The winds change and people change with them. Seasons come and seasons go, and the heart forges it's own path no matter the mind of its owner.
There are very few things I'm sure of anymore, but there is one I know. I love her, and I will protect her at all costs, no matter what the future may bring
Because I'm a fool. And I'm in love.



Final Notes From the Author:

I always adored Tamahome. He's not the favorite of many, but I do feel that he has quite a few darker aspects behind him than many of us think. I'd really like to try a hand at his past, if there wasn't already a novel about him out.
This story was supposed to reflect the paradoxical aspects of love. While love "sets you free" it also imprisons you. It's a harsh, sometimes cruel reality whose worth can only be measured by the participants of the relationship.
I'm not going to pretend that I know about love or what it means to be in love. After all, I'm only fifteen, but for those of us who do know love...please give me a heads up if you think I did all right. ^_^
Oh, and yes, I'll be rewriting Hotohori's story by popular demand and displeasure--it is a little cut and dry.
Thanks for reading.

-Chao-chan