This was actually one of the first chapters I wrote for this story, funnily enough. It was going to be part of a one-shot collection called "The Hard Questions" that was just a series of interactions between the Avengers and their kids, but I ended up adapting most of them into this story.
Chapter 33: A Weekend with Uncle Bucky
Bucky checked everything within reach for choking hazards, removed and replaced the childproof caps on the cleaning products in the basement just to make sure they worked properly, and remade the bed in the second bedroom. The sheets were new and patterned as vibrantly as he could stand, replacements for the plain gray ones that had once covered this bed. Bucky had stripped it, thrown away those sheets, and left it bare for nearly a year. He hoped tucking his not-niece into it would help cushion that memory with some new ones. Carol May would be arriving any minute to stay for the weekend. Parker and Michelle (but mostly Parker) felt bad that she wasn't getting as much attention in the weeks since Ben was born, and Bucky offered to let her stay over and "Relive the glory days of being an only child." They'd enthusiastically agreed.
Bucky spent the entire week leading up to this preparing. He knew all of Carol May's favorite games and activities from all the times he'd visited the Weavers, but he also wanted to introduce her to something new. He got them tickets to the DC United vs. New York City FC game at Yankee Stadium on Sunday afternoon. Hopefully, she'd be just as excited as he was to see live soccer. Bucky hadn't watched the sport from any perspective but the goal in a long time.
The doorbell rang. Bucky could see Parker through the glass panel in the door, and the very top of Carol May's head as she jumped up and down to try and see inside.
"Uncle Bucky!" Carol May had her arms wrapped firmly around him a mere half a second after he opened the door.
"Hey kiddo." He laid his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"Up," she demanded.
"Hey, what do we say," Parker warned.
"Up please."
Bucky bent down and wrapped his arm behind her. He waited for her to put an arm around his neck for stability, then straightened back up, resting her weight on his hip. "You're getting so big," he said. "Before you know it, I won't even be able to pick you up!" It was something everyone said to young kids, but in his case, he meant it. Holding her was already testing the limits of his capabilities, and before long she'd grow enough that he couldn't possibly maneuver her.
"Never!"
"As you can see, she's pretty excited," Parker said.
"Are you sure? Because it looks to me like she'd rather go home and take a nap with her little brother," Bucky teased.
"No! Ben is so boring."
"Boring?"
"Yeah. He sleeps all day."
"He'll do more when he's a bit older," Parker assured her. "But for two whole days, you get to hang out with Bucky, how does that sound?"
She reached out a hand and ran it over the stubble on his jaw. "I love you," she told him for no reason at all. Bucky adored it.
"Love you too. We're gonna have so much fun this weekend, I know it."
"Yay! But not 'til Daddy goes."
"What? Daddy's so much fun." Bucky was not-so-secretly excited to be the fun, exciting uncle. He knew fathers didn't come much more fun than Parker, but he supposed anything different from the norm would be exciting for a little kid. Hopefully, Carol May would continue to enjoy spending time with him even as she got older.
"I'm fun," Parker defended.
"Bye Daddy," Carol May said finally. Parker shrugged, a smile on his face, and waved goodbye, leaving Carol May's little suitcase by the doorway.
"See you later Parker. I promise I'll give her back to you in one piece."
"Of course. Have fun, you two!
"Hey, can you do me a favor before you leave?" Bucky asked.
"Sure."
"Could you put her car seat in the back of my car? I have no idea if I'd be able to do it by myself. Keys are on the hook."
"Yeah, of course. Good thinking. While you're at it, can you show me where the keys to the Harley are?"
"Haha. Never." Bucky warned. There existed a list of people allowed to ride Steve's bike, and Parker didn't make the cut. The only people with that honor were Natasha, Josiah, Steve Danvers, Maria, and Monica. Steve didn't trust anyone else not to joyride to the point of getting into trouble.
As soon as Parker shut the door behind him, Carol May squirmed to be let down and took off running through the house. "Where are you going?" Bucky called after her. She made a full lap of the house before stopping in front of the living room bookcase.
"Your books are big," she said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, those are grown-up books." Bucky really hoped he didn't have to talk her out of reading any of them.
"What are they about?"
"Boring stuff."
"Why do you have them?"
"I just meant they'd be boring for you. Not for me and Steve." Most of those books were his, not Bucky's.
"Not this one!" she reached up to grab Barnes and Rogers off the shelf. "Daddy reads me this one. And Uncle Tony too. They say you and Steve made it."
"Yes, we did."
"Can you read it to me?"
"How about we save the story for bedtime. I have something even more fun we can do right now."
"What?"
"You want to go to the playground?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, let's go."
He grabbed a navy baseball cap off one of the hooks in the foyer and toed his shoes on. Carol May watched him do it and immediately asked, "Can I wear a hat too?"
"It's gonna be too big."
"I don't care!"
"Okay, which one do you want?" Bucky kept only two on the hooks: his plain navy one and Steve's LXV one. The rest spent most of their time in the closet, except when he chose to wear them. He dug them out and offered them to Carol May.
"That one." She chose the black one that read, "More than 4%" in gold letters. Bucky tightened it as far as it would go, but it still fell over her eyes. He resisted the urge to laugh.
It took them about ten minutes to walk to the playground. They could've gone faster, but she kept alternating between wanting to hold his hand and running all over the place skipping over cracks and looking at bugs in the grass. When they arrived, she grabbed his hand and dragged him after her. The hat fell off, so he attached it to his belt loop for safe keeping. He stood on the mulch beneath the equipment while she climbed around, laughing to himself as he noticed he was the only man here. The rest were moms or female nannies. One of them ended up right next to him as her kid crawled through the same tunnel Carol May had just traversed.
"It's not too often I see dads here," she told him. "Your wife is very lucky."
Bucky smiled politely, but opened his mouth to correct her. Carol May beat him to it. "He's not my dad," she called from the top of the playground structure. "And he's gay."
He nearly choked on his own laughter. The woman's expression was priceless. Bucky considered correcting her, but he figured the whole "gay vs bi" discussion could be shelved for another day. "I—I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed."
"It's okay. Just remember this, next time you make assumptions, okay?"
"Yeah, of course." She continued, "So, if you're not her father…"
"She's my niece." It wasn't exactly the truth, but it was close enough and didn't require additional explanation.
"Oh, okay."
"Uncle Bucky! Watch this!" Carol May found the tic-tac-toe board at the top and spun all of the pieces as fast as she could.
"Whoa, that's fast."
"Can you help me hang from the bars?" she asked, pointing across the playground to the monkey bars.
"Sure, but you've gotta come down first."
She raced down the stairs and grabbed his hand. Bucky dropped to one knee before the bars and helped balance her as she used his thigh as a step stool. He left her hanging and grabbed onto the bar next to her so they could be face-to-face. The bars were too low for him to properly hang, but he brought his knees up to his chest and cranked out three pull-ups.
Carol May's eyes lit up. "Whoa." She dropped to the ground and latched onto him. Bucky let his feet hit the ground and looked around, noticing that they'd drawn a bit of an audience. They all quickly turned away as soon as they noticed his eyes on them. Without another word, Carol May raced back to the playground. Bucky shook out his arm and followed.
They stayed for forty minutes before Carol May got tired, at which point she asked to be piggy-backed home. "You've got to hold on tight," he reminded her. He could do it, but since he could offer no support on the left side, more of the responsibility fell to his passenger. Luckily, she was small enough that his arm could reach almost all the way across her. They arrived home around eleven o'clock, Carol May's energy restored while Bucky's was drained from carting a toddler on his back for half a mile.
He helped Carol May wash her hands. "What's this?" she asked of the little scrubber suction-cupped to the inside of their sink.
"That's a brush to help me wash my hand," Bucky explained. It was impossible for him to get the back without help.
"How does it work?"
Bucky showed her by washing his own hand. Carol May tried it out herself. "Scratchy."
She dried her hands and bolted out of the room, leaving Bucky to shut off the water and dry up some of the splashes she'd made around the sink. When he left the bathroom, he found her in the hallway staring at the various decorations on the walls. "Is that real gold?" she asked, pointing to the shadowbox containing his Paralympic medal.
"Yeah. Most of it is actually silver, but it's coated in real gold."
"And you got it 'cause you're good at soccer?"
"Yeah. Everyone on my team got one."
"Can I wear it?"
"No. It stays in the box." Bucky himself hadn't even worn it since he first won it. Maybe when she was older, he'd let her try it on. That would make him the favorite uncle for sure.
"Boo."
She didn't stay disappointed long, and switched to looking at the Avengers picture frame. However, it was hung a bit too high for her to get a good look at it. Bucky watched her adorably stand on her tippy toes for a few seconds before he offered to take it down so they could look at it together. "Okay!" she eagerly agreed. He took the frame off its hooks and carried it to the sofa. Carol May crawled up and snuggled into his left side. Bucky propped the large frame up on his knee and angled it so she could see better. Her eyes scanned every picture before zeroing in on one. "There's Daddy!" She pointed to the one of him and Tony on the beach.
"That's right. He and Uncle Tony built that sandcastle in the background."
"Uncle Tony builds the best stuff."
"Yes he does."
"Who's this?" she asked, pointing to the archery photo.
"That's Clint and Kate," Bucky told her. "They're both good friends of your Auntie Nat."
"Can I meet him?"
Bucky's heart broke. He didn't know how many conversations like this Parker had had with his daughter, so he didn't know what he should or shouldn't tell her about the hardships that wreaked havoc on her family over the years. Without her father here to ask for guidance, he decided to just go with whatever felt right. "Clint isn't here anymore, sweetie. He died a long time ago."
"So he's with Uncle Steve?"
That remark made him feel marginally better. "Yeah. He's with Uncle Steve."
"I wonder what they're doing right now."
"Probably talking about how awesome you are."
She smiled, then pointed out Auntie Nat and Uncle Nick, then the selfie of him, Parker, and Carol. "There's Daddy again."
"Yep."
"What's in his nose?"
"It's a tube," he said matter-of-factly. "Your dad was having trouble eating normally, so the tube helped him."
"Why?"
"I think your dad would rather he tell you about that than me, okay?"
"Okay. Who's this?" She pointed to Carol.
"That's Carol. You're named after her."
"Oh yeah! She's pretty. Is she with Uncle Steve too?"
"Yeah, kiddo."
She didn't seem fazed by the fact that so many of the pictured people were no longer living. Then again, she was only three and probably didn't understand exactly what that meant, and she'd never known anything else. "Is he with Uncle Steve?" she asked, pointing to the third person in the picture. Bucky almost started crying, because that was him and he wanted to be with Steve but at the same time he couldn't imagine being anywhere but right here.
"No, that's me, silly."
"That's you?"
"Yeah. That's me."
"But you don't have any hair." She pointed to his bald head in the picture.
"I didn't back then. I was taking medicine that made it fall out."
"But it grew back?"
"Yes, it did."
"I like your long hair better."
"Thank you." It had grown in since he last buzzed it, and he was keeping it about the same length he used to when Steve was alive. However, he did decide to keep the stubble instead of being clean-shaven all the time. He thought it made him look older, which was fitting because he felt ancient most of the time.
"Where's Alpine?" Carol May asked.
"He's probably hiding because new people make him nervous. He'll come find us when he wants to be pet."
"Okay."
They spent the rest of the afternoon playing games and looking through more photo albums. Bucky showed Carol May his favorite one, but when she reached for the book of Polaroids from Wanda and Victor, he made her put it back. He didn't think he'd ever share those images with anybody. They made mac and cheese for dinner, supplemented by a microwaveable bag of peas and carrots which Carol May ate without complaint, much to Bucky's relief. He didn't want to have to enforce the eating of vegetables for fear of compromising his "fun uncle" persona. She put up a slight fuss at having to go to sleep, but when he warned there would be no stories without the rest of the bedtime routine, she stepped into line. Bucky read her Barnes and Rogers as promised, tucked her into bed, and kissed her good night. It helped, bringing something so happy and wholesome into a room that had spelled nothing but sorrow for the past three years.
~0~
Carol May sprinted away from him, squealing with delight. Bucky followed. She bounded up and down stairs, climbed ladders, and crawled through tunnels as fast as her little legs could carry her. He kept pace with her easily. Every so often, he'd put on a burst of speed and grab her ankle to brush her shoulder only to fall back again as she shrieked and cried, "You'll never catch me!"
She ran towards the fire pole. Bucky had never let her slide down one before because she was too young and he didn't trust himself to catch her if she fell. "Stop!" he called, but it was too late. Carol May bounded over the edge without even reaching for the pole first and plummeted towards the ground. Her scream of terror punctured Bucky's eardrums as he stood frozen in place.
He was busy worrying about how to tell Parker that his daughter got hurt on his watch when the horrible sound gave way to giggles. Bucky walked over to the edge of the play structure and looked down.
"Daddy, put me down!" she demanded, squirming to be set free. But it wasn't Parker who caught her. In fact, the little girl he'd been chasing this whole time wasn't even Carol May. Her skin was lighter, her hair fairer, and her eyes not deep brown, but an intimately familiar blue.
The man hugging her tight and saying, "No, I'll never let you go," was Steve, with a smile that lit up everything in a ten-foot radius.
"Bubba, make Daddy let me go!" she called.
I'm Bubba, he realized with a warm flickering sensation in his chest. And Steve is Daddy.
Bucky reached out to slide down the pole and join them…
And then he woke up alone. Instinctively, he reached for Steve's side of the bed, despairing when his arm met nothing but a cold pillowcase. The vividness of the dream began to fade, but one thing stuck in his head like a splinter: Steve cradling that little girl who looked so much like him. Bucky had let their child fall, but Steve caught her. The dream was so different from the nightmares that used to plague him, but haunting all the same.
He needed Steve to catch him now, before this train of thought spiraled into a grief so deep that it prevented him from caring for the child currently under his supervision. While he loved spending time with his friend's daughter and soaking up all the love she had to share, at the same time it embittered him because Steve literally fought for his life just to meet this little girl and he deserved to watch her grow up. Carol May deserved to grow up with Steve there, not just stories and photographs, but she'd never know anything more than that, never truly know just what her life lacked. And if that wasn't a fucking tragedy.
Alpine mewled hungrily outside his door. Bucky hauled himself out of bed to give the cat his breakfast. He wove in and out of Bucky's legs the whole way to the kitchen.
"Good morning." The little voice from the living room startled him so badly he tripped over Alpine and had to grab the counter to keep from falling over.
"How long have you been up?" he asked. Carol May sat in the armchair with Barnes and Rogers perched on her lap.
She shrugged. "I can't tell time. But Daddy says don't wake people up on weekends 'less it's a 'mergency."
"Well, I'm glad you found something to do while you waited. You hungry?"
"Yeah."
"I was just about to feed Alpine, and then I can make us some breakfast, how does that sound?"
"Good."
She followed him right alongside Alpine as he filled the cat's water bowl and then set down his food. Clearly, the cat's hunger overpowered his shyness. He even let Carol May scratch him behind the ears after he finished eating.
"Uncle Bucky, were you sad when the lady at the park said you had a wife?"
He had no idea she'd even retained memories of yesterday's conversation with that woman, much less that she had any awareness of his emotions regarding the situation. "No, I wasn't sad," he said. She wasn't the first to assume his marital status, and she wouldn't be the last, especially since he still wore his ring. "Everybody makes mistakes sometimes."
"I know. But husbands and wives make people happy, and you don't have one."
"Husbands and wives make some people happy, but not everybody," he reminded her.
"Uncle Steve made you happy."
"Yeah, he did." So fucking happy. Every day Bucky wished he could go back to reexperience just one second of that happiness.
"Maybe you can find another person to make you happy."
"You make me happy."
"I can't be your wife. I'm too little."
Bucky cracked up. God, the audacity of this child. She was so much like both of her parents that it was dangerous. Still, she did have a point. Over the past few months, Bucky had begun to long for that kind of intimacy with another person. But that was too much to lay on a three-year-old, so he changed the subject.
"Are you excited to see some soccer today?"
"Yeah!" she cheered. "What team are we rooting for?"
Bucky hadn't invested himself in able-bodied soccer since high school, but he would always be a New Yorker. "We're rooting for New York City FC. They're gonna be wearing blue."
"Okay!"
After breakfast, they made their way to the stadium. He kept the radio tuned to whatever station Carol May wanted which, surprisingly, was some weird alternative/indie station. Bucky guessed this was the sort of thing MJ listened to. He didn't want to risk losing her in the busy stadium, so he told her to hang onto the hem of his jacket whenever he needed his hand free. They made it to their seats without a problem. Carol May watched eagerly as the players ran out onto the field, but then she tugged on his sleeve and looked up at him, brows furrowed.
"What's the matter?" Bucky asked. She'd been bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement the whole way here, but now she seemed almost nervous.
"Are we in the wrong place?"
"What do you mean?" Bucky was certainly no Parker or Tony, but he was smart enough to know that this was definitely Yankee Stadium and that their tickets were indeed for the match taking place before them.
"You said we were gonna watch soccer." She looked back out to the field with her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"This is soccer."
"No it's not," she insisted. She gestured towards the players on the field. "Where's their crutches?"
Bucky almost slapped himself in the face as the realization came over him. The only soccer Carol May had ever seen was the way Bucky and his teammates played it. She had no way of knowing that it was derived from a sport typically played on two legs. The notion was so amusing that he started laughing. Carol May's frown deepened and she crossed her arms. "What's funny?"
"Sorry." He took a deep breath to quell his laughter. "You only play soccer with crutches if it's amputee soccer. That's the kind I play. This is just normal soccer. They have two feet, so they use them to run with the ball." Bucky had explained amputee soccer so many times, but he never imagined he would one day have to explain able-bodied soccer. But he could not be happier that this was the case. For Carol May, he was the norm, and those with all their limbs intact were the anomaly. And if that wasn't the epitome of inclusivity and equality, Bucky didn't know what was.