Title: Broken Wings (2/?)
Author: Kerianne (mpike@froggernet.com)
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst
Pairings (eventual): Seishirou/Subaru (well, sort of ^^;;;), Sorata/Arashi, Seiichirou/Karen, anything else I decide to stick in
Spoilers: Up to and including the January Asuka installment
Summary: An eventual AU taking place after the January 2002 Asuka. Subaru's hearing voices, Aoki's grieving, and Arashi's wondering just where her powers went...

/.../ - Seishirou ^^;;;
*...* - regular thoughts/italics

Chapter Two:

It had been a successful day, Subaru reflected, calmly smoking a cigarette and watching through the window as darkness crept over his garden. Well, *their* garden now, he supposed.

He smiled. It was awfully quiet tonight. The dark, hungry mutterings at the back of his mind from the ancient power he now possessed (or was it possessing him? he never could remember) had fallen into a drowsy, satiated silence. It was pleased with the offering. And why not? She had been a lovely woman, and her soul had been pure and clean. He imagined that the sakura liked those types best.

In the absence of distraction, he could feel Seishirou's presence within him that much stronger. When he relaxed, clearing his mind of unnecessary thoughts, the voice would come to him. /You did well, Subaru-kun./

"I'm glad you think so." His heart stirred for the first time in years, and for a single dizzying moment he thought he was 16 again. That he really was "Subaru-kun", trusting, naive, childlike. Innocent.

/You'll always be Subaru-kun to me,/ Seishirou murmured fondly. /I've missed you, you know./

"We'll never be separated again," Subaru whispered feverishly. A kind of fierce joy was flooding his body, and he welcomed it with open arms.

/That's right./ A moment of silence, then... /Let me see you, Subaru-kun./

Wordlessly Subaru stood, left his place by the window, and crossed the room to stand before the full-length mirror on the wall. He looked once, and saw himself through his own eyes-- a pale young man, much too skinny, tired and fragile and weak. His eyes drifted closed, then opened again, and this time he saw what could have been a total stranger staring back at him from behind the glass. Not pale, but fair, with smooth, creamy skin. Not too thin, but just the right size to maintain his graceful, delicate beauty. Perfect.

/Perfect.../ Seishirou's voice echoed. /You're still so beautiful.../ Moving on its own, his hand lifted and ruffled soft black hair, slipped down and caressed his cheek, played over the hollow of his neck. All the while, his heart raced in a manner that his own touch could not possibly cause.

"Sei-- Seishirou..." he stammered, hardly daring to speak lest the illusion be shattered and he would find himself alone with his thoughts again.

/Yes?/

"Is... is it really you?"

The question hung plaintively in the air for a moment, then was answered by a deep, low chuckle as Subaru's hand moved back up to gently cup his own cheek. /Doesn't it feel like me, Subaru-kun?/

Subaru's only answer was a soft sigh. An unseen wind snuffed the fire in the fireplace, plunging the small room into darkness. His eyes drifted shut, and ghostlike lips pressed themselves gently against his own.

He thought maybe he could get used to this.

* * * * *

"Karen-san! What happened?" Yuzuriha gasped, looking up from the shoujo manga magazine she had been engrossed in with a start. An odd trio had made quite a dramatic entrance to the mansion-- an exhausted Karen with a tear-streaked face, carrying a small, sobbing girl in her arms, followed by Seiichirou, his expression an eerily silent mask of calmness. "Did someone get hurt? What's going on?"

Not answering, Karen crossed the room and gently set the child down on the couch, where she abruptly curled into a ball and cried harder. "Watch her," Karen said, in a voice that rang with barely controlled sorrow and anguish. Seiichirou kept walking, through the room and up the stairs, seemingly oblivious to his daughter's cries and Karen's sadness. A moment later, a door slammed somewhere above them, and Karen gave a jolt as if she'd been slapped.

"Karen-san, what's going on?" Yuzuriha asked again, her wide-eyed gaze flitting between the child on the couch and the fire-mistress's pale face.

"Nothing. Aoki-san... Subaru..." She stopped, breath hitching in her throat, and continued in a softer voice. "Nothing. I have to talk to him. Watch her, please." She turned swiftly and went up the stairs. Behind her, she dimly heard Yuzuriha yelp, "You saw Subaru-san?" She chose to ignore the question.

The door to the first guest bedroom was closed. Karen pressed her ear against it, but heard nothing but a tense, uneasy silence. Hesitantly she knocked a few times.

No response.

"Aoki-san..." She made an attempt to keep her voice calm and level. "I wish you'd open the door. I just need to know you're all right."

Silence.

"... Even if you're not all right. Please."

When even this plea went unresponded, Karen sighed and put her hand on the doorknob. She debated with herself for a moment, wondering whether she shouldn't just leave him alone for a while to let him come to terms with what had happened; but the sudden terrifying images that floated into her mind were enough to convince her to open the door, if only to make sure he was still functioning and alive.

Seiichirou was sitting on the bed, his back to the door, staring out the window. Holding himself perfectly straight-- too straight, it seemed, painfully so-- without a single sign of tremors or instability in his posture. Karen almost hesitated to approach him; she had the sudden feeling that she would be disturbing a terribly delicate balance, and that one or the other of them would be pushed over the edge if she did anything to upset it. Ultimately, worry won out over this feeling, and she crossed the room and sat down beside him.

He didn't flinch, didn't turn to look at her; it seemed as if he wasn't even aware that she was there. She resisted the sudden urge to scream, instead electing to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better," she began, aware that she sounded horribly cliched and insincere, but being at a complete loss as to something more meaningful to say. "I just want to let you know... if you need anything, I'm here."

"Don't bother." She flinched at the flat, empty tone in his voice. His eyes never wavered from their fixed point outside the window, his posture still unnaturally straight. "It was my fault, I deserved it, and I don't want anyone else suffering on my behalf."

Karen felt tears welling up in her eyes again. She forced them down, and leaned forward, speaking intensely. "That's *not* true. What happened tonight was... was an abomination. No one deserves that. Least of all you..." She paused, and swallowed hard. "I don't want you to feel that way," she finished helplessly.

"It doesn't matter. Don't waste your time. It's over now." There was no sign of sadness, anger, or any emotion at all in his tone; nothing more than an indifferent resignation. He could have been talking about the weather, or a tough day at work.

Frustration and worry building within her at his unresponsive attitude, she pulled the curtains shut so hard that the cord nearly snapped, cutting off his view to the outside world. "Stop it!"

"Stop what?" Seiichirou asked calmly, shifting his gaze from the now-blocked window to meet hers. She flinched at the strange sight of familiar eyes, behind familiar glasses, with such an unfamiliar lack of sparkle and warmth.

"Stop pretending you don't care," she murmured, not breaking the gaze, although it unsettled her. "It broke my heart, and I didn't even know her. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. You're never going to recover if you don't..."

"I'm fine." The words, meant to reassure, chilled her to the bone.

"Even if you don't want to talk about it, there are matters you need to deal with," Karen continued desperately. "Your daughter."

"What about her?"

"She needs you. The two of you need to be there for each other--"

"Shimako-san needed me too," he interrupted. "And where was I then? Where was I when the time finally came to act on my promise?" His voice began to tremble a little. "I broke it..."

Karen closed her eyes for a moment. When she looked back at him, there was a deep sadness in her eyes, but she held his gaze firmly. "There was nothing you could do. You can't blame yourself. You lost someone important, someone who you loved very much... but there are still others who are not lost yet. And you still have a chance to try to protect them." She reached out and gently clasped his hand, hoping he wouldn't pull away. "Can you do that?" she asked softly.

The editor's eyes were wide behind his glasses. The experienced, fatherly air that was often around him was gone, replaced for the moment by fear and uncertainty. "I... I don't know," he murmured, finally losing the last of his indifferent mask, and sinking into the bed as if exhausted.

"You can," Karen insisted, squeezing his hand, as he had done for her just an hour or so earlier. "You'll make it. If... if you want me to, I can... try to help you..." She felt suddenly shy, but at the same time she knew she needed to give something back to him in exchange for the void he had filled in her life.

He didn't answer for a long time, staring down at the floor with a blank, dejected look in his eyes. "If you really want to," he responded finally, in a flat tone.

Karen smiled. It wasn't much, but it was a start. Giving his hand another small squeeze and then releasing it, she stood up. "Get some rest. Yuzuriha, Kamui and I will keep an eye on Yuka-chan until you're recovered."

Seiichirou looked up and nodded tiredly. Karen was about to shut the door behind her when his voice stopped her. "Karen-san..."

"Yes?"

"... Thank you."

She couldn't help smiling. "It's nothing. Really. Now get some sleep."

* * * * *

In front of Sorata's bed, Arashi was pacing back and forth. Her throat felt tight, as if she were about to cry. It was still a strange sensation for her. She'd become so used to living life without emotions, and now that Sorata had awakened them--

It was all his fault, she realized, staring down at her hand again, then looking back up to the still-sleeping boy on the bed. She looked away after a moment, ashamed and confused. She still cared for him. Looking at him, knowing he loved her and was there for her, she still felt warm and safe. And yet...

And yet, he had taken away her defenses, and she was no longer safe at all.

"Sorata-san." She spoke without thinking, her voice coming out harsh and tense. He stirred, dark eyelashes fluttering, and winced in his sleep at some twinge of pain from his injuries. "Sorata-san," she said again, in a gentler tone, leaning forward to brush her fingers across his uninjured hand.

His eyes opened, and he smiled. Not as brightly as he usually did, dimmed by pain and medication, but there was a new tenderness in his eyes as he looked at her. "Good morning, Nee-chan... Arashi." She could feel herself flushing; when he used her first name, it sounded intimate and tender.

"How long have I been asleep?" he continued, stretching a little and wincing again.

"It's nearly dinnertime," she said, a faint smile playing over her features, although the lump in her throat was still intact. Just being around him for a moment had set her at ease at least a little bit.

"Honestly? I feel so lazy!" He chuckled a little. "Really wore me out last night, eh?"

Arashi's face flushed deeper, and she averted her eyes to the ground, torn between feeling happiness at what they had shared and worry about its implications.

Sorata noticed her discomfort, and was unsure of how to interpret it. In his typically straightforward style, he asked, "Are you all right with it? What happened between us? I know it was all a little sudden..."

She looked up, guilt written all over her face. "Oh... no, no, everything's fine... it was wonderful." She tried to smile, and failed.

"Something's wrong," he said softly, shaking his head. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you into anything--"

"It isn't that." She couldn't disguise the anxiety in her voice. "It's just that... when I woke up this morning, I..." Trailing off, she lifted her hand, looked down at it, then let it fall helpless into her lap.

When Sorata spoke again, it was in a more serious tone than she had ever heard from him. "Arashi. Tell me what's wrong."

"... I lost it," she whispered. "My... powers, my sword... it's gone." The feeling of being near tears had passed, and she lifted her head to look him calmly in the eye. "I'm no longer the Maiden of the Ise Shrine, Sorata."

His reaction was, predictably, one of shock. At first he looked as if he thought she might be joking; then reality set in and his eyes widened, reflecting guilt, sorrow and shame. He didn't speak for a long time, and when he finally did, he sounded like a lost little boy. "Arashi... I... I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault," she said, but she had to avert her eyes, because it *was* his fault.

"You... you can still make a kekkai, can't you?"

"Yes... at least, as far as I know."

"Right... I doubt you have to be a virgin to be able to make a kekkai... if that was true, Karen-san would be out of luck." Sorata's attempt at humor fell flat in the tense atmosphere, and he quickly switched back to a serious tone. "I... well... I don't know what to say..."

"Neither do I." She met his eyes again, and he could see that she was beginning to close up to him again. Desperately he searched for the right words to say, the perfect line that would make everything right again.

"They say that everything happens for a reason, you know," he began.

Arashi gave a short, humorless laugh. "Destiny. I know. I've heard it all before."

"Destiny will be the death of all of us one day," he said, and she couldn't quite tell if he was joking or serious. "But... we only have so much time. All of us. But especially you and I. And... sometimes, in a situation like ours, you just have to take it one day at a time, and take your happiness where you can find it."

She looked up, a little startled that the normally flippant Sorata was being so philosophical. He smiled at her.

"This doesn't have to be the end. We'll make it through. Remember, I'm supposed to protect you. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is God setting the big plan into motion. We need each other more now than we did before... and I need you to trust me, to take care of you."

"I don't want to be taken care of," she snapped, filled with sudden alarm. "I don't want you to risk your life for me. How can you just sit there and talk about your own death like that?" Her voice built in intensity as she spoke, and she felt again as if she were going to cry.

"I've been hearing about it since I was a little boy, Nee-chan," he said gently, with a sad smile. "I guess you could say I'm desensitized. Besides, it isn't so bad. Not if it's for you."

"Why... why did you choose me?" she whispered, despair coloring her voice.

With some difficulty, Sorata picked himself up from the bed and leaned forward enough to take her into his arms, holding onto her as her tears finally spilled over.

"I had a feeling," he answered simply, stroking her hair.

~end chapter 2~