We now return to 'Life Behind the Fantasy' to see who's next up to be
filmed!
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[Kuja turns the camera dramatically to the side, and we're shown a small stain on a badly painted wall.]
Beatrix: Wrong side.
[Kuja quickly turns the camera to the other side of the corridor, and we see an already open door. Beatrix pushes it open further. Freya's sitting in front of her dressing table, surrounded by mountains upon mountains of tissues.]
Freya: ATCHOO!
Beatrix: Bless you.
Freya: *looks up* Thanks... What's with the video camera?
Kuja: It's, uh, for the...end credits.
Beatrix: Yeah! End credits! Right! Hey, can we get an interview? The fans'll love it!
Kuja: *under his breathe* Yeah, and we can add another few dollars onto the price...
Freya: I guess...ATCHOO! ...Ugh. I can't find any tissue boxes with tissues left in it!
Beatrix: Anyway! *turns to the camera* Now we'll get an exclusive interview from Freya Crescent!
Freya: Hi. ATCHOO!
Beatrix: Now, Freya, I see you're still in the rat costume. Why is that?
Freya: ...Costume?
Beatrix: Yeah...'cuz you can't...can't really be...
[Freya puts her hands on her hips, and glares at Beatrix, who pales.]
Beatrix: You mean...!!!
Freya: -__-;; Duh! ATCHOO!
Beatrix: ...But during shooting, weren't you complaining you were allergic to rat hair?
Freya: I am.
Beatrix: ...But that...doesn't make sense...you'd have to be allergic to...YOURSELF?
Freya: ...Yeah. ATCHOO!
Kuja: *busts up laughing* Allergic to herself! AHAHA!
Freya: Look...I really need a tissue...so if you guys don't have one, I'm gonna go find one.
[Freya pushes past them and goes down the corridor.]
Beatrix: O.o That would explain the number of tries it took to get a take without her sneezing...
Kuja: *still laughing* My turn! Allergic to herself...ha ha!
[They switch places again, and we watch and wait as Kuja tries to calm down.]
Kuja: I'm fine now...I'm OKAY! Aha! AHAHA! ...Phew...I'm done. Moving on! *starts to walk* So Freya was not in costume, contrary to the beliefs of a certain misinformed co-presenter. But while a likely costume turned out to be real, there is someone in costume whom you might not have expected to be. And this will serve as an introduction for...
[The camera turns, and we see a close-up of a large, golden star hung on a door, with big, bold letters on it; "Madame Carol". Kuja knocks on the door, and it's opened by a tall, well built man, wearing a dark suit. Smoke fumes leak out of the door crack.]
Man: Yes?
Kuja: Heya, Muscle-Head. We're here to interview Miss...I mean, 'Mz' Carol. It's for the end credits.
Man: ...Hold on.
[The door slams shut in Kuja's face. While voices inside start to discuss something, Kuja looks mischievously into the camera.]
Kuja: Ladies and gentleman, Eiko will be out to grace us with her grand presence shortly. I apologise now for poor picture conditions caused by fumes, and any heart problems caused by her unexpected appearance.
[The door is suddenly swept open (into the back of Kuja's head) by a rather old, very short woman in a silky-looking dressing gown. She's waving a long cigarette holder, and squirting perfume at herself at high-speed.]
Mz Carol: DAHLINK! Why didn't you tell me there was more shooting, eh? I would have got ready!
Kuja: Last minute decisions, I'm sure a professional like you can understand. *winks behind her back* It's for the end credits.
Beatrix: *muttering* You'd better watch where you spray that perfume; it might catch light on your fag and blow up...hack-hack They'll probably be able to smell you while they watch this... *aloud* You look just fine as you are, Mz Carol. Lovely as usual.
Mz Carol: Aha, thank you dahlink!
[She sweeps in front of the camera and poses, knocking Kuja out of the way.]
Mz Carol: This will be going out to my fans, yes? I want to say thank you to all the wonder-
Kuja: *pops in front of her* Nono, no need! You're doing that just by appearing on this video, trust me...and, know what? I think you've thanked your adoring fans quite enough. We don't want to trouble you any longer, Mz Carol.
Mz Carol: ...Very well, dahlink!
[She turns to the door, stopping to kiss at the camera, before opening the door, and entering the smog filled dressing room.]
Kuja: *shudders* Yes, it's true. The little 6-year old brat Eiko is played by an old woman. No one's quite sure how old she is; we've narrowed it down to between one and two centuries. *rolls eyes* We had to throw so many scenes away because she ran off to get another cigarette. You can smell her before she even gets to the set. You saw that huge guy who opened the door? There are another 9 of them in there. She says she's been alone a long time, and needs company.
Beatrix: Notice how the director poked fun at her? "I don't wanna be alone anymore." Heh!
Kuja: Why was she hired rather than an actual kid? "She has experience." "6- Year olds are too hard to work with for a big project like this." HOW did she get away with it? Some miracle make-up work and lots of computer enhanced images. Go figure.
[The view jolts as Beatrix throws the camera at Kuja.]
Beatrix: My turn! Okay! ^__^
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O.o Two...interesting secrets out in the open now...how many more will be revealed? You're gonna have to wait a little longer, 'dahlink'!
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[Kuja turns the camera dramatically to the side, and we're shown a small stain on a badly painted wall.]
Beatrix: Wrong side.
[Kuja quickly turns the camera to the other side of the corridor, and we see an already open door. Beatrix pushes it open further. Freya's sitting in front of her dressing table, surrounded by mountains upon mountains of tissues.]
Freya: ATCHOO!
Beatrix: Bless you.
Freya: *looks up* Thanks... What's with the video camera?
Kuja: It's, uh, for the...end credits.
Beatrix: Yeah! End credits! Right! Hey, can we get an interview? The fans'll love it!
Kuja: *under his breathe* Yeah, and we can add another few dollars onto the price...
Freya: I guess...ATCHOO! ...Ugh. I can't find any tissue boxes with tissues left in it!
Beatrix: Anyway! *turns to the camera* Now we'll get an exclusive interview from Freya Crescent!
Freya: Hi. ATCHOO!
Beatrix: Now, Freya, I see you're still in the rat costume. Why is that?
Freya: ...Costume?
Beatrix: Yeah...'cuz you can't...can't really be...
[Freya puts her hands on her hips, and glares at Beatrix, who pales.]
Beatrix: You mean...!!!
Freya: -__-;; Duh! ATCHOO!
Beatrix: ...But during shooting, weren't you complaining you were allergic to rat hair?
Freya: I am.
Beatrix: ...But that...doesn't make sense...you'd have to be allergic to...YOURSELF?
Freya: ...Yeah. ATCHOO!
Kuja: *busts up laughing* Allergic to herself! AHAHA!
Freya: Look...I really need a tissue...so if you guys don't have one, I'm gonna go find one.
[Freya pushes past them and goes down the corridor.]
Beatrix: O.o That would explain the number of tries it took to get a take without her sneezing...
Kuja: *still laughing* My turn! Allergic to herself...ha ha!
[They switch places again, and we watch and wait as Kuja tries to calm down.]
Kuja: I'm fine now...I'm OKAY! Aha! AHAHA! ...Phew...I'm done. Moving on! *starts to walk* So Freya was not in costume, contrary to the beliefs of a certain misinformed co-presenter. But while a likely costume turned out to be real, there is someone in costume whom you might not have expected to be. And this will serve as an introduction for...
[The camera turns, and we see a close-up of a large, golden star hung on a door, with big, bold letters on it; "Madame Carol". Kuja knocks on the door, and it's opened by a tall, well built man, wearing a dark suit. Smoke fumes leak out of the door crack.]
Man: Yes?
Kuja: Heya, Muscle-Head. We're here to interview Miss...I mean, 'Mz' Carol. It's for the end credits.
Man: ...Hold on.
[The door slams shut in Kuja's face. While voices inside start to discuss something, Kuja looks mischievously into the camera.]
Kuja: Ladies and gentleman, Eiko will be out to grace us with her grand presence shortly. I apologise now for poor picture conditions caused by fumes, and any heart problems caused by her unexpected appearance.
[The door is suddenly swept open (into the back of Kuja's head) by a rather old, very short woman in a silky-looking dressing gown. She's waving a long cigarette holder, and squirting perfume at herself at high-speed.]
Mz Carol: DAHLINK! Why didn't you tell me there was more shooting, eh? I would have got ready!
Kuja: Last minute decisions, I'm sure a professional like you can understand. *winks behind her back* It's for the end credits.
Beatrix: *muttering* You'd better watch where you spray that perfume; it might catch light on your fag and blow up...hack-hack They'll probably be able to smell you while they watch this... *aloud* You look just fine as you are, Mz Carol. Lovely as usual.
Mz Carol: Aha, thank you dahlink!
[She sweeps in front of the camera and poses, knocking Kuja out of the way.]
Mz Carol: This will be going out to my fans, yes? I want to say thank you to all the wonder-
Kuja: *pops in front of her* Nono, no need! You're doing that just by appearing on this video, trust me...and, know what? I think you've thanked your adoring fans quite enough. We don't want to trouble you any longer, Mz Carol.
Mz Carol: ...Very well, dahlink!
[She turns to the door, stopping to kiss at the camera, before opening the door, and entering the smog filled dressing room.]
Kuja: *shudders* Yes, it's true. The little 6-year old brat Eiko is played by an old woman. No one's quite sure how old she is; we've narrowed it down to between one and two centuries. *rolls eyes* We had to throw so many scenes away because she ran off to get another cigarette. You can smell her before she even gets to the set. You saw that huge guy who opened the door? There are another 9 of them in there. She says she's been alone a long time, and needs company.
Beatrix: Notice how the director poked fun at her? "I don't wanna be alone anymore." Heh!
Kuja: Why was she hired rather than an actual kid? "She has experience." "6- Year olds are too hard to work with for a big project like this." HOW did she get away with it? Some miracle make-up work and lots of computer enhanced images. Go figure.
[The view jolts as Beatrix throws the camera at Kuja.]
Beatrix: My turn! Okay! ^__^
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
O.o Two...interesting secrets out in the open now...how many more will be revealed? You're gonna have to wait a little longer, 'dahlink'!