A/N: Posting this early because it's on the shorter side. I've been getting a bit distracted by a new fandom, but I should be able to finish this. Thanks for the patience, for anyone who is still reading this.

12/6/2020 Edit: So, decided to streamline the way I'm doing content warnings for this fic by putting the major ones in the first chapter. If there is anything besides those, I'll warn for them in individual chapters. Also, I've done some major revisions on this chapter and minor, though still plot-relevant revisions on previous chapters, so it would probably be a good idea to go back and read those.

Ash only was her true self in dreams. The image was fuzzy when she looked down at herself, and looking into a mirror revealed only a shadowy blur, but Ash knew the feeling of it. It seemed natural in a way that no body she had since worn had. It felt like hope.

Ash hated it.

A familiar voice came down from the stairs. "Ashley, breakfast's ready!" It was her father.

"If you don't come down, I'm going to eat it all," came another familiar voice. It took Ash a second to place it. Her little sister. Of course. How could I have forgotten? It had been so long. So long since Calamity rose. So long since—

She looked around the room in attempt to center herself. The landscape paintings were still there, every brushstroke of delicate watercolor in the exact place she remembered them. Her friend Amanda had worked hard on them. Ash suddenly clenched up. No—Think of something else.

Posters. Posters were safe. In a row above her bed were all of the posters from shows she had been a part of. She regarded each one, basking in the memories of simple times. Cats. She had been in sixth grade then, had been almost too nervous to say her lines, but had gotten the courage to do it. Somehow. Even if she did miss a couple. Midsummer Night's Dream. Eighth Grade. Not much to say apart from that she could rock that donkey head. The Scottish Play. Ninth Grade. Honestly, Grant should have expected that skiing accident after saying the play's name out loud. The rest came back easily: Mamma Mia. She Kills Monsters. Matilda. Her breath caught as her eyes landed on another poster, one that had never hung in that room, one that barely had a chance to hang at all.

Into the Woods. Her second play of college, the last before—

Before—

No. She couldn't think about it. Everything was fine. Her family was back, alive. She was back to her original body. The sky was back to normal. She could start again, live the life she was meant to. She-

"Ashley? Are you coming?" Her mother. Her mother had never known who—No. Everything was fine. Everyone was alive.

"Just a sec, Mom!" Ash called back. She took in a deep breath, centering her mind on the smell of breakfast from downstairs. Bacon, as Dad used to make it. Slightly charred, just a hair away from setting off the fire alarm. The smell of—No. She couldn't—

No. She made a promise. She wasn't going to run any more.

It reminded her of the smell of smoke.

Knives may have been her weapon of choice, but she always had a talent for arson.

Ash hurried downstairs. She'd see something, anything that didn't remind her of what she'd done, right? Surely after everything that had happened, the Universe was capable of being kind?

Some dark part of her felt she should have expected the sight that greeted her in the living room. Two bodies lay at the table, throats slashed out. Her handiwork. She had always been messy with her prey. The eggs at the table were still warm, and their scent mingled with that of the blood scattering the entire room to produce a scent that made Ash want to hurl.

One body was missing. Her sister. Ash hoped she would never know who had done this.

As flames started to lick the walls (all the better to hide the evidence), her only thought was how she should have known what was going to happen. Hope was for the innocent. And even then, people like her could snatch it away.

Ash was beyond hope. She closed her eyes and let the fire take her.

As Ash shot awake, she became dimly aware that she was screaming. Hurried footsteps came from a few rooms over, and the door burst open with a cracking sound.

Dr. Carpenter stood in the doorway, silhouetted in what little moonlight shone in the window behind her. Her hair shone wild and silver in the light.

As soon as Ash was able to breathe from the combination of her nightmare and the noise, she came to realize that Dr. Carpenter was holding a gun. Ash's thoughts raced. She knows my weakness and oh sparks oh sparks I'm going to die, she thought. Her logic belatedly caught up to her sleep-deprived mind. She wasn't even around when I got injured. And even if Dr. Carpenter knew, she doubted she would be able to trigger it. Resolve and hope were two very different animals. Ash blearily put her hands up. "S'fine," she said. "I do this all the time." Not even a lie. "Your niece screaming would have been higher pitched anyway."

It took Ash's sleep-clogged mind a few seconds to realize that was exactly the wrong thing to say. "What. Did you say?" Dr. Carpenter growled, raising the weapon at Ash.

Oookay, Ash thought. How to dig my way out of this one. "What I meant was, you didn't come in here because you were worried about me," she said. "Did you?"

Dr. Carpenter glared at Ash. Her finger was off the trigger for now, which Ash noted as a good sign. Not that a shotgun could do more than inconvenience her, but really, it was best for everyone involved. Particularly Dr. Carpenter. "You saw something, didn't you?" Ash continued. "When you found me. That's why you've been so hostile, and why your niece keeps looking like she wants to run away when I'm around."

Dr. Carpenter sighed, lowering her weapon slightly, though keeping her eyes drilling into Ash. "I did. The way you healed, it wasn't natural."

"And so you've been wondering whether saving me was a mistake," Ash said. She nodded her head towards Dr. Carpenter's weapon. "Mind putting that away?" she said.

In the dim light, Ash could see Dr. Carpenter's grip get tighter. "So you could kill me?" She said.

"Why the sparks would I—" Ash cut off. Stupid. As if she had needed much of an excuse when she had been in the grip of her powers. "You're not wrong to be worried," she said. "If it helps, you would very much know if I were in that—" she took in a breath. "Frame of mind. Subtlety has never been one of my powers."

Still no budge from Dr. Carpenter. Right. Ash didn't think she was very convincing either. "Look, why didn't you just skip this whole 'middle of the night' rigamarole and shoot me while I was still out?"

"I made a promise," she said. "Do no harm. I suppose that might be difficult for someone like you to understand."

"You'd be surprised," Ash said, looking down at her hands. My ability to hold to that could use some work, she thought. If you were in my place, she thought but did not say, would you have kept your promise too? Either way, Ash feared the answer.

She shook her head. There would be plenty of time to ponder that disturbing question when she wasn't having a gun pointed at her face. While she didn't think she was in any danger, Ash didn't know Dr. Carpenter well enough to rule out the other woman being able to trigger her weakness. "The gun's just for show, then?" Wait, no, Ash thought. You're supposed to be defusing the situation, not fusing it even more. "You made that promise, right?"

"Don't you dare use that against me."

"That came out really badly," Ash said. "Sorry. My diplomacy skills are five years out of practice."

Upon noticing Dr. Carpenter's silence, she continued. "What I mean is that violence, threats, lies, all that stuff is the easy way of getting stuff. And up until a very short while ago, I didn't care about any of the consequences. I—"her voice broke. "I couldn't care about any of the consequences." And it looks like my attempts to not hurt any more people are so ham-handed they're still causing people pain.

"I get it. You're scared of me. Everyone here is scared of me. And with my history, you're not exactly wrong."

"It's not much, but I can be out of town as soon as I get better." Ash gave a rueful smile that she hoped Dr. Carpenter could see. "At least then you won't have to worry about me anymore."

"And leave the deaths of people in other settlements on my conscience? I want you to do better. No one else dies because of you. Promise me that."

Just a few months ago, Ash would have murdered the woman for the impertinence of her comment. Now, she wasn't sure what to do. Dr. Carpenter did have a point, but how could she promise to do what she had failed to ever since she had gotten her powers? So that's it, then, she thought, looking down at her hands. Promise the impossible, or live with knowing I didn't even try.

"With everything I've done, I don't know if I can do that. I will promise to try," Ash said after a long pause.

Something in Dr. Carpenter's gaze seemed to soften. "You will do better than that."

Ash took a deep breath. "In five years, not one Epic has managed to keep that promise. Including-"her voice broke. "Including, myself. Trying is all I can do. But I will do that with all of my heart." What's left of it, anyway, she thought but did not say.

"Sorry about waking you up," she said. "My dreams get kinda violent." In the dark, Ash caught what almost could've been a smile on Dr. Carpenter's face.

"Get some rest," Dr. Carpenter said.

"I'll try."

Nearly a hundred miles away, in a place that still knew warmth, it was also night.

"Is that all?" Lydia Chambers, Evan's new team leader, asked.

"Most of it," Evan said. "To be honest, I didn't catch all of what happened. It was all over so quickly." He paused. "I'm almost positive on the weakness, though. She turned and ran as soon as I tried it."

"I'll have Charlie look over your report. I'm sure you're correct, but-"Lydia broke off.

"He likes checking himself. Probably best to have an experienced set of eyes take a look at it anyway," Evan said.

"And you're certain your past with her won't get in the way of the mission?"

Evan sighed. Of course this question would come. To be honest, it had taken him quite a while to even answer it for himself. "You're familiar with the two main theories on why Epics hurt people, right? If it's one of them, she was probably lying to all of us the entire time and thus deserves it."

"And if it's the other?"

"If what I knew of Julie was at all correct, I think she'd understand." Evan looked down at his feet, trying to gather his thoughts. He sighed. "That night-" He broke off. When he spoke again, his voice was ragged. "I don't know. It was like she was a completely different person."

"People surprise us," Lydia said. Her eyes were far away."Not always in good ways."

"You knew someone."

"Evan, you know the rule." She paused. "Yes."

"I won't ask any more, I swear." Evan paused, taking a moment to collect himself, giving a weak smile to Lydia. "So. What's the plan?"