Michaelangelo:
I felt like I'd just been hit by a bus. I could hear the words coming out of her mouth, and yet it was like I just couldn't take them in any more. My brain was still caught on that one sentence and I couldn't quite get my thoughts around it. "I really can't say why at this point, but they removed your shells…" She said the words, and all my thoughts just froze up. They removed your shells. I didn't know who "they" were; I really didn't care right at that moment. I couldn't look over at Donatello or Raphael. I couldn't even look down at myself. I had no idea where it came from, but a thought occurred to me and snapped me out of it.
"Where's Leonardo?"
I realized that I'd interrupted whatever she was saying, but I didn't care. She stopped in mid-sentence and looked at me.
"He is…in another room. He is not as far along in the healing process as the 3 of you and he needs more time. He's under very close supervision. He will be fine; it's just going to take him a little longer."
"If you're in here with us, who's monitoring him?" Donatello's voice sounded unusually flat. I still couldn't look at him.
"My sister, Athena. She's very well trained in medicine. She's the one who got your brother out of there; she's quite concerned with his well-being."
She didn't say anything else, but stood there and looked at us as though she were waiting for one of us to speak. If she was waiting on me, she was going to stand there for a while.
I really wanted to go back to sleep. I couldn't think about this. I didn't want to have to think about it ever. I wanted to sleep and wake up again and be back in my own bed, being woken up by Raph and Leo having another argument. That would sound like music to my ears at this point. I just couldn't really imagine Raph and Leo arguing again. I couldn't imagine anything ever being the same again.
Donatello:
I shut the emotional part of my brain off. Well, as much as anyone can do that, really. I only wanted the science part right now. I needed the logical part of my brain to tell me that it just wasn't possible. To be honest, from what I knew about our anatomy, it wasn't. Our shells were fused with our vertebrae. Well, once upon a time they were, anyway. How the hell could you take it off without killing us, or paralyzing us? And why? Why would anyone want to do such a thing? I quickly re-directed my thoughts away from that line of questioning. I didn't want to go there.
I'm a turtle, a mutant turtle, but still a turtle. Turtles have shells. How the hell can you be a turtle if you don't have a shell? My mind was just inundating itself with questions--questions that I didn't have the answers to. I wanted to ask this woman, but I just couldn't speak. Raphael and Michaelangelo were silent. I wanted to turn my head a little and look over at Mike, but I couldn't. I didn't want to see him that way; I didn't want to see myself that way.
I could feel myself getting angry, and I didn't get angry very often. That's always been Raphael's job. I could only imagine what my brothers were feeling because there was no way I was going to ask.
Raphael:
Never in my whole life had I wanted to be as angry as I did right at that moment. I've been told, over and over, that anger makes me weak. I've never cared, and I still don't. Well, maybe I care, but I'm powerless to fight it at any rate. How ironic that at that time, when I needed my anger the most, I couldn't find it. I couldn't get mad because I couldn't feel anything. I hate being angry all the time; hell, I get madder just because I get mad. As much as I hate it, it's me. It's comforting. I'm comfortable being pissed off. My emotions right then, or the lack thereof, were just so unknown to me.
I knew even then that I was just trying to distract myself by thinking about what I was feeling instead of thinking about what was right in front of me. I couldn't feel much below my neck. I didn't really know what that was about and right then I didn't care. I could feel enough to know she told us the truth. I could feel that it wasn't there. It felt sort of like waking up in somebody else's body. It just didn't feel…right.
The silence in there might as well have been another person, it was so present. Somebody needed to say something because it was uncomfortable as hell in that room and there was no way I was going to trust my voice to break the silence.
As if she was reading my mind, she looked at us and said, "I know this is a lot for you to take in right now. I can't imagine how you're feeling. Please know that you're in the very best hands and you will be just fine. Your bodies are going to feel strange to you as the feeling starts to return, but that's normal. The most important things you can do right now is get plenty of rest and just try to prepare yourself mentally for recovery. You're going to be back on your feet before you know it."
Panaceia:
I'm not even sure that they heard anything I said, but I felt better just saying it to them. I just wished there was something more that I could do.
"Well, I'll leave you three alone, if you want to talk. I won't go far so if you need anything just give a shout."
There was no response from any of them.
I turned around and gathered my things to bring down the hall. When I turned back to face them, Donatello was staring straight at me. There was so much in his eyes that I was unable to speak. I didn't have to.
"You've been sedating us, right?"
I wasn't sure how to answer that, but since honesty was usually the best policy, I went ahead. "Well, yes, but I just wanted the chance to explain things to the three of you at once."
"Good. Sedate me again."
"Excuse me?" I hadn't really been expecting that.
"Whatever you were using before, I don't care, I just want you to give it to me again."
"But…"
"Me too." I turned and looked at Michaelangelo. The look on his face nearly broke my heart. I sighed inwardly. I should have taken Psyche's advice. She had suggested that we brace their minds before waking them and telling them, but I had insisted on doing it my way. It was obvious they weren't ready, and they would rather feel nothing than what they were feeling. I didn't feel I had much choice except to respect their wishes. I would have to try to repair the damage once they were under again.
"Raphael?" I had to know if he shared their feeling.
He nodded.
I turned again and tapped the commands into the computer. I ended with the obligatory tap on the 'Enter' key.
"You'll feel drowsy again in a moment, then you'll return to sleep. Try to remember that things will be better when you wake again."
I quickly turned and left the room.
Donatello:
She seemed really nice, but I didn't think she had a clue what she was talking about. From where I was lying there wasn't much chance that things would be better unless I woke up and found out this was a dream, or a joke. It would be a really sick joke. She was right about the sedative though; I could feel the darkness returning. Funny that I couldn't wait to leave this before and now I was welcoming it back.