A/n: Hello, folks, and greetings from Paris! Yes, I am sitting at a weird keyboard in a hotel lobby, at quarter past midnight. I think. Sorry no update for so long…internetless camp for THREE WEEKS! choke, gasp, fall over Also sorry if this chapter isn't up to standard and drags a bit. Ash and I own nothing. Continue the craziness!
Chapter Five-The Caravan
Rosalind and Ash, on a sugarhighs as usual, bounced happily around the mass event of packing going on around them. Rosalind contemplated dazedly why so much luggage was needed for a three day trip-the attempt to outfit the newcomers had failed miserably with the Great Dress Misadventure, much to Lady Alanna's amusement. Rosalind herself was very smug for at least digging out a somewhat fitting pair of breeches, shirt and tunic. Stubborn Liz was probably now comfortable in a CLEAN pair of jeans, and Ash…Ash had never gotten around to changing out of her purple monkey pajamas.
Ash and Rosalind were suddenly brought back to Earth-er-the ground-by a glaring servant who evidently thought they ought to stop bouncing on Numair Salmalin's suitcase. Yes, Numair was visiting Pirate's Swoop, as well as Daine and the Royal kids, who were trying to sneak away from Mommy and Daddy Highness for awhile, plus Neal, who everyone decided was necessary to keep the All High Crazy Ones in control, and Kel, who Neal dragged along for the heck of it. Cleon had thrown a temper tantrum, and had seemed dangerously close to decapitating someone when Rosalind made faces at him from the departing road party.
When they finally got out of Corus, Rosalind struck up a loud rendition of On the Road Again. Note: Rosalind couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if her life depended on it. As horses neighed in terror and Alanna turned an ominous shade of powerpuff purple, Ash decided to join in. Ash is destined for great things in music, and Neal promptly started spewing off bad poetry to her voice. The only problem was that Ash didn't know the song, and could only follow Rosalind's example. Between this and Neal's antics, the drivers all covered their ears, leaving the frenzied horses free rein. Ash caterwauled on as our friends the frenzied horses tried to flee, leaping off the road, through rivers…*Cut that wild west music! It's drowning out the sounds of screaming!* And everyone was screaming, well, everyone except Alanna who was cussing and Ash who was singing and Neal who was reciting. This continued, until Ash was suddenly struck by bright orange lightning. "NOOO!" Rosalind screamed, throwing herself down by Ash's still figure. "Not Ash! Not my friend and faithful servant Ash!" Rosalind grew red(not that she noticed, she was to busy being dramatic)with a growing sense of determination. "Don't worry; Ash, you shall not have died in vain!" Ashley suddenly perked up. "I'm not quite dead yet!" She announced, but Rosalind ignored her as she stormed off to confront the evilly laughing Roger of Conte. The evilly laughing nut suddenly stopped evilly laughing. "Hey! YOU'RE not allowed to come back from the dead, just me!" He yelled at Ash in a quickly growing hissy fit. "Ah shut up, you scruffy looking nerf herder!" Rosalind muttered bad temperedly, and glared at Ash, who looked injured. "I didn't bring him in! This is YOUR chapter!" "Well, I certainly didn't-" Roger broke into more mad laughter, and started chanting: "The Union did it, the Union did it!" Blank stares. Roger started up again. "We petitioned the Dark God for a Dead Villain's Union, and have now set up a reincarnation system with Customs and Security Gates. The Union is democraticly run by…" Roger rambled on and on until Rosalind muttered, "He deserves to have Lydia sicked on him!"
Meanwhile, back at the house, Lydia, Jayde, Bethanie, Liz and the rest of the gang were happily watching Spaceballs as the fourth movie in a Mel Brooks marathon, interlaced with Patrick arguing for Monty Python and highly physical and interactive games of War. Lydia had just declared War on Jayde, but decided to attack Patrick instead. Thankfully for Patrick, the GREEN MIST arrived for its prey!
"Chapter One," proclaimed Lydia, then caught sight of Roger and began to drool. Ash and Rosalind raised their eyes to the sky. Then, to the amazement of all heaven and earth, a dopey grin plastered itself on Roger's face. "Hello," he stuttered drunkenly, "I like your platinum blond hair.." And to the further shock of all heaven and earth, Lydia didn't snap his head off on the spot. "Really? You're sorta hot…" Then they wandered off, leaving Ash and Rosalind gaping like dead codfish.
Liz and the rest of the crew were just beginning to notice Lydia's absence, but were distracted by Maura's sudden enterance with a small pop. "Hey Maura!" Bethanie greeted. "How was the zoo?" Maura started giggling maniacly. "The lions are happy!"