The USS Voyager was in orbit of an m-class planet and several alien
spacecrafts surrounded it. Inside sickbay, B'Elanna cradled her new born
baby while the Doctor worked busily at a monitor, humming to himself as
he did so. Sickbay doors opened and Tom came in. B'Elanna looked up at
him as he walked over to her.
"About time. I thought you'd abandoned us."
"I couldn't get here," he said, kissing her cheek softly. "These Zyranth
people are everywhere. You literally have to fight your way through the
corridors."
He kissed his baby. "And how is my beautiful little Miral today?"
"Tired, I hope," B'Elanna said. "She cried half the night."
Tom took the child in his arms and gazed at her adoringly. "She's so
perfect," he said softly. "Just like her mother."
"Careful, mister," B'Elanna smiled, "or flattery will get you everywhere."
Sickbay doors opened again and a group of aliens entered. They
were very tall and a distinctive shade of purple. Their appearance was
rather unnerving, but they were one of the friendliest people the
crew had ever encountered and were genuinely fascinated by Voyager. The
Doctor immediately left his monitor and hurried over to them.
"I'm sorry, sickbay is not part of the tour today. I have a new mother
and baby in here who need peace and quiet. Be on your way please."
Tom smiled as he watched the Doctor usher them through the door. "A
fountain of charm, I must say."
"Try being cooped up with him for hour after hour. He's driving me
crazy."
The Doctor walked over to B'Elanna. "I heard that, Lieutenant. It's
not much fun for me either having a baby crying in my earole when I'm trying
to concentrate."
"Then let me return to my quarters," she egged.
"You need to be supervised."
"It's not like I'm going far. You can check up on me anytime."
"Give you an excuse to leave sickbay and meet some of the Zyranth,"
Tom said. "I hear they are very impressed with your vocal skills."
The Doctor's ego was stroked. "They are?"
"Absolutely. Icheb says your recordings are going like hot cakes."
The Doctor straightened himself proudly. "Very well, B'Elanna, I'll
allow you to return to your quarters. But you must stay in bed, no exertion."
"Understood, Doctor."
He sighed contentedly. "Well, then, I think I'll take a stroll around
the ship...speak to my admirers."
As he left sickbay, B'Elanna turned to Tom. "You are terrible, Tom
Paris. Are the Zyranth really interested in the Doc's singing?"
"Well," he smiled, "if they're not, they soon will be."
Chakotay tried to push his way through crowds of excited Zyranths to
make his way to Astrometrics. Every now and then someone stopped him, either
wanting to ask him a question or talk about the ship. At last he made it
to his destination, all the more worse for wear.
"I see you only narrowly survived the mayhem," Seven said, glancing
at him quickly before turning her attention once more to the screen before
her.
"Only narrowly," he smiled. "It's on occasions like this that I miss
Neelix. He would have had everything underhand. But at least Tuvok's in
his element cataloging all "damage" to the ship. Last time we opened the
ship like this he came up with a three page report. I can't wait to see
how long this one is." He paused. "What did you want to see me about?"
"I have detected a nebula, fifteen light years away, that appears to
contain a multitude of wormholes."
Chakotay scrutinised the screen, interpreted the visuals. "Do any of
them lead to the Alpha Quadrant?"
"It's impossible to tell at this distance."
Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "I'll inform the Captain. She
might want to cut short our shoreleave and explore this nebula."
"They may not be wormholes," Seven said as he turned away.
He turned back to her. "What else could they be?"
"I think there may be a Borg transwarp hub buried inside the nebula.
There are only six in the galaxy and I know there is one somewhere in this
region of the Delta Quadrant."
Chakotay swallowed nervously. "If there is a Borg transwarp hub, there
will be Borg. Have you detected any cubes?"
"Yes. A dozen within the last hour at least."
Chakotay inhaled sharply. "This nebula, is it on our charted course?"
"Yes."
"Then you'll have to plot another one. Hub or no hub, if that nebula
is crawling with Borg, we're going to stay well clear of it."
"The only alternative course takes us through a region of space highly
concentrated with gas clouds and thousands of astroids."
"It's preferable to a confrontation with the Borg. Send the course
corrections to the Bridge and I'll inform the Captain."
The Borg infant smiled in Janeway's arms and shook a rattle at the alien
looking down at her. She liked the colour of his skin, the way a silver
cloak he was wearing sparkled in the light, and the glittering rainbow
belt he wore around his waist.
"Interesting creature," he said, gently touching her face. "Will the
implants grow as she does?"
"They will adapt," Janeway replied. "We're hoping the Doctor
will be able to remove more of them as she grows."
"I have never heard of any drones being retrieved from the Collective
and regaining their individuality. Yet you have retrieved several.
Remarkable."
The door chime sounded.
"Come in," Janeway cried.
Chakotay came in. "May I have a word, Captain?"
She nodded and turned to the alien. "Excuse us a moment, Storvorak."
She then turned to a young Ensign who was standing quietly behind her and
held out the baby to her.
"All yours, Ensign."
Janeway and Chakotay then retired to her bedroom. She turned
to him as the silver doors closed behind them.
"What is it?"
"Seven's found a nebula fifteen light years away that she believes
contains a Borg transwarp hub. The whole region is crawling with Borg."
Janeway took a deep breath as she absorbed this. "This nebula, is it
on course?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, if we circumvent, we'll be travelling through
dangerous space for a while. But I think it's preferable to a confrontation
with the Borg."
"Without a doubt."
"I also think we should cut short our shoreleave and get the hell out
of here."
"Agreed. I'll tell Storvorak that we need to resume our journey."
Janeway and Chakotay returned to her living room.
"Alright, Sarah," Janeway said, addressing the young ensign who was
politely answering Storvorak's questions, "you and Emily can leave now."
The girl nodded, almost in relief, and left the room. Chakotay
followed her and Janeway walked over to her guest.
"I hope everything is alright," he asked, genuinely concerned.
"Yes, thank you," Janeway replied. "My First Officer was just politely
telling me that we really need to resume our journey. We have a long way
to go."
Storvorak stepped forward. "It may not be necessary."
Janeway looked at him in confusion.
"Your journey." He paused. " I know to you we are a humble species,
but we know this region of space well, and I think in this case can be
of assistance to you."
"In what way?"
"There is a Borg transwarp hub, fifteen light years from here, buried
inside a nebula. Using cloaking technology, we have been observing the
hub for years. We plan to destroy it soon and free this
region from the threat of assimilation, a threat that clouds our joy, our
freedom to explore space as much as we would like." He paused. "We have
details on almost every aperture and could supply you with the co-ordinates
of one leading to the Alpha Quadrant. We could also provide you with
our cloaking technology that would enable you to enter the nebula undetected.
"
Janeway's eyes lit up with temptation but she maintained caution. "I
would have to discuss such a plan with my senior officers."
Storvorak nodded and smiled. "Then you do that. In the meantime, I
will order my people to vacate your ship."
Janeway smiled. "Thank you."
All the senior staff, except B'Elanna, were present in the briefing
room as Janeway told them of the offer.
"We have waited seven years for an opportunity like this," she said,
studying the faces of everyone who sat before her, trying to interpret
their expression, trying to find some glimmer of enthusiasm. "We have no
reason to distrust these people, every reason to believe the mission would
be a success." She paused. "Seven years ago I made a decision that stranded
this crew 75,000 light years and a lifetime's journey from the Federation.
Not for a moment have I regretted destroying the array and saving the lives
of the Ocampa, but I have often regretted the way I made that decision.
I made it alone. I should have discussed the matter with you all, should
have explored other avenues, avenues that would have allowed us to destroy
the array and get home. I won't make an alone decision this time. This
decision has to be your decision."
A long silence followed and everyone looked at each other uncomfortably.
Tom was the first one to speak.
"I think it's too risky. I say we decline."
Harry turned sharply to him. "I say we accept."
There was a tense silence. Chakotay broke it. "I'm with Tom. I think
it's too risky. If the Borg detect us, we would all be assimilated." He
turned to Seven. "Seven?"
"I am not convinced the Borg are unaware of their presence in the nebula.
It's quite possible the Borg choose to ignore them."
"Oh come on, Seven," Harry said, "when have the Borg ever ignored anyone?
If they knew about them, they would have assimilated them."
"We only have their word for it that this cloaking technology they
wish to give us works," Tom continued. "They may be deceiving us, using
us as guinea pigs. For all we know, this technology may never have been
used before."
"Then how come they can supply us with the details of an aperture than
leads to the Alpha Quadrant?"
"We only have their word for that too."
Janeway turned to Tuvok. "Tuvok, what is your opinion?"
"I also agree with Mr Paris. I believe entering the nebula would most
likely result in our destruction rather than our return to the Alpha Quadrant."
"No," Harry cried, "you're all just cowards. If we don't take risks,
we'll never get home."
"You don't have the safety of a wife or a child to think about," Tom
cried.
"No," Harry replied, "I have a family over thirty thousand light years
away to think about, a family I want to get back too! You just don't want
to get home. You've said often enough that your life on Voyager is better
than what you ever had back there..."
Janeway interrupted. "That's enough, Mr Kim."
"But..."
"I said enough." She paused. "I say we put this to the vote. All those
in favour of accepting the offer, raise your hand."
Only Harry raised his hand.
Janeway took a deep breath. "Then we refuse." She stood up. "Commander
Chakotay, show Storvorak in. The rest of you, dismissed."
As they left, Janeway's eye caught Harry's. He shook his head at her
in disapproval and then hurried from the room.
When they had all departed, Chakotay showed Storvorak in and then left
him and Janeway alone.
Storvorak walked over to Janeway. "Have your officers decided?"
She nodded and there was infinite sadness in her eyes. "I'm afraid
we must decline."
The alien averted his eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"But it was a most generous offer," Janeway said, trying to overcome
the tremor in her voice. "Thank you very much."
Storvorak looked up at her and smiled warmly, but sadly. "If
you should you change your mind, the offer will stand for as long as the
hub does."
"Thank you," Janeway said again, tears welling in her eyes.
He took her hand in his. "I hope you find your way home, Captain. I
truly hope you find it."
There was something in the way he said those words that sent a cold
shiver down her spine. He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently.
"Blessings be with you."
"And with you," she whispered.
She watched him leave the room and then turned to the window, looked
out at the infinity of stars before her. This was a mistake. Every part
of her told her this was a mistake. But she couldn't force this on the
crew, she couldn't make another alone decision.
Moments later, the doors opened and Chakotay came in. He slowly walked
over to her and stood behind her. "We've made the right decision," he said
kindly.
Janeway was a moment in answering. "Then why does every part of me
say the opposite?"
She was on the verge of tears and he saw her struggle to hold them
back. He put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture, but she
moved away. "I've got a lot of reports to check. You take the Bridge."
She was about to walk away from him, but Chakotay gently caught her
arm. "You can't go on like this, Kathryn."
"Like what?"
"Shutting yourself away from everyone, denying yourself basic comfort.
You're becoming more and more withdrawn and spend almost every minute of
every day working."
"I have a lot of work to get through."
"I know you too well, Kathryn. You still blame yourself for us
being stranded in this quadrant. You feel because it was your decision
to destroy the array, an action that stranded us, you must deny yourself
any kind of happiness."
"No, I..."
"Yes. You need to let go, need to stop punishing yourself for something
that was out of your control..."
She looked up at him, anger beginning to set in now. "By taking you
to my bed, I suppose? That's what this is really about, isn't it? You've
always made it quite clear what you want from me!"
He wasn't going to rise to the bait. "I'm not going to let you twist
this, Kathryn. Every day that passes you distance yourself more and more
from those around you. You've built such a shield around yourself that
not even I can penetrate it anymore. You pretend as though everything is
fine, that you don't need anyone, don't need anything, but I know that
you're lonely and that you're hurting deeply. You need to let someone in.
You need to let someone love you."
"You're out of line, Chakotay..."
"No. It's the duty of a First Officer to ensure his Captain's well
being in every possible way and it's the duty of a friend to speak freely.
You don't have to live this way. We don't have to live this way."
"There is no other way," she cried. "Tell me what other way there is!"
"We acknowledge our feelings for each other and act on them, instead
of trying to brush them under the carpet and pretend they don't exist."
"Our feelings? I have never said I have feelings for you, Chakotay.
I have never said it!"
"Then tell me now! Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me!"
The angry fire in her eyes waned as she looked into his and deep pools
of tears welled there instead. He had shattered her defences, no where
to hide. She averted her eyes, turned slowly away from him. "Don't do this,
Chakotay," she whispered. "Please. It doesn't matter how I feel. We're
Captain and First Officer. That relationship can never be compromised."
"I'm well aware of our responsibilities, Kathryn. But that doesn't
mean we can't be here for each other, comfort each other, give each other
the love and support we both need. Other people on the ship manage to combine
both a professional and a personal relationship and I know we could too.
Look at how well Tom and B'Elanna have made it work."
"They're not Captain and First Officer," she replied. "If they slack,
we can keep them in check. If we slack, if we get too caught up in the
personal, who is there to keep us in check? I need to keep some distance
between us, Chakotay. I need to keep focussed on getting this ship home.
I need to keep some emotional detachment. If I've become more withdrawn
then it's because keeping that detachment has got harder and harder over
the years. I've come to love people on this ship, come to love them deeply.
A Captain is not supposed to love her crew, she's supposed to command them.
I've had to withdraw myself, had to stop participating in so much social
activities, and I've had to withdraw myself from you. I have to be a better
captain, have to keep striving, do what it takes."
"A better captain? You're an incredible captain."
"No. I've failed. I've failed this crew. A better captain would have
found a way of destroying the array and using it to get home. A better
captain would have got her crew home by now, and a better captain wouldn't
have fallen in love with her First Officer!"
Chakotay took a deep breath. "You're being much too hard on yourself.
Things didn't go the way any of us planned. But none of it is your fault.
We had to destroy the array and protect the Ocampa. You made the decision
all of us would have made. And people fall in love with people they work
with all the time, fall in love when they least expect it. Seven years
ago we were enemies and, if things had gone to plan, you would have captured
me, handed me over to the Federation, and we would probably never have
seen each other again. But here, on Voyager, we've had the chance to get
to know each other. In getting to know each other, in supporting each other
through very difficult times, we've come to care for each other, to trust
each other. Love, real love, isn't something to be ashamed of, Kathryn.
It's a precious gift, the most sacred gift that one person can give another."
She looked up at him. "And the one that causes us the most pain." A
tear ran down her cheek. "There are so many obstacles between us, Chakotay,
so many barriers." She paused. "I know you've suffered, know you've lost
people, but I'm not as strong as you. I can't allow myself to love you
only to lose you. Everyday something happens that threatens our lives,
hostile aliens, an anomaly... I couldn't retain objectivity in grief. I
need objectivity."
"A cotton thread above a den of lions," Chakotay said gently, "that's
what you're walking here. But can it hold your weight? If something happened
to me today, tomorrow, would it save you from falling into the lions den
that is grief?"
She whispered softly. "No, but I wouldn't have the memory of us to
deal with."
"No, instead you'd have the futility of regret, of missed opportunity.
Which memory would you rather have?"
She looked deep into his eyes. "I would rather have the thread." She
put her hand to his cheek and another tear ran down her own. "I need that
thread, Chakotay. If things were different, if we were back home, then
I could dispense with it. But not here, not on Voyager. Too many people
are depending on me, on us, to get them home."
Chakotay took her hand in his. "Then I'll wait, Kathryn. I'll wait
until we get home."
"It could take years."
"I'll wait as long as it takes."
She shook her head. "We can't live with the promise of a tomorrow that
might never come. You have to let go, Chakotay. You have to stop
waiting, stop hoping."
"I can't, Kathryn, not when we see each other every day, work together
every day, and not when I know you feel the same. When you were still engaged
to Mark, still in love with him, I forced myself to put you out of my mind
and sometimes I was able to do that. But since the slip stream incident,
things have been different. I knew then that you had feelings for me too."
He paused. "I think we should make a commitment to each other, even if
it's only a commitment to wait. At least then we can acknowledge
our feelings, be here for each other."
Janeway drew away from him. "That would be a dangerous game, Chakotay.
First we acknowledge our feelings, then we begin to act on them, a hug
here, a kiss there, and a little taste of the forbidden just makes it all
the more desirable. We can't have it both ways. I know I'm boxing things,
putting this in a black box, putting that in a white box, when really they
all belong in a grey, but it has to be that way for me. I know it's
difficult, know it's painful. But as long as we are Captain and First Officer,
I need those parameters."
Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder and this time she didn't recoil.
"And I can't stand by and let you waste the best years of your life on
principles and ideals that don't belong in this quadrant. I love you too
much, Kathryn."
She looked up at him. "It's my life, Chakotay."
"But not just your heart." He paused. "At least take time to think
about what I've said. You don't have to make a decision right away. But
just think about it."
"There's no point."
"I think there's every point. You've obviously thought enough about
reasons why we can't have a relationship, it's about time you began to
think about reasons why we can." He paused. "I'll cook us a meal on Friday
night and we can discuss things further. If you need more time, that's
fine, but for now, let's make Friday a goal post. Deal?"
Janeway hesitated, but then nodded. She then turned away from him.
"Now, if that's all, you'd better go to the Bridge and take this ship out
of orbit. I'm not feeling well and will be in my quarters for the rest
of the day."
"Kathryn..."
"My final word, Chakotay. Now, get to the Bridge!"
The tension was crushing.
"As you were," he whispered
.
Once he had left the room, Janeway turned wearily from the window and
sat down in her chair. She felt tired, so tired, and this complication
was not what she needed right now. If only Chakotay could be content with
the way things were. If only he wasn't so perceptive, wasn't able to penetrate
the shields she had so carefully built around herself.
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."
She wearily responded. "Go ahead."
"Ensign Kim has not reported for duty."
"Acknowledged," she said quietly.
"Do you wish me to speak to him once we are on course?"
"No," she replied. "Leave it to me."
Harry lay on his couch in his quarters and stared vacantly at the ceiling.
The door chime sounded, but he just ignored it. It sounded again
and reluctantly he sat up. "Come in."
Janeway entered. Harry looked away from her and did not stand up. Janeway
walked over to him.
"I'm sorry you're disappointed, Harry."
He was a moment in answering. "It seems I'm the only one who really
wants to get home."
"You know that isn't true," she said gently.
He looked up at her now. "Then why did we let this chance pass us by?"
Janeway sat beside him. "There were too many risks, Harry."
"But they were risks worth taking. If we don't take risks, we'll never
get home."
"We will get home," Janeway said firmly. "You have to keep believing
that."
"I want to, Captain," he said sadly, "but the longer we're out here,
the harder it gets."
Janeway put her hand on his. "I know. But think how far we've come
in seven years. We've travelled almost half way across the galaxy. We'll
make the same advances again. Just keep believing it, Harry. Just keep
believing it."
The Doctor worked at a monitor, singing loudly. Seven came in and he
stopped.
"In a good mood, Doctor?"
"I'm always in a good mood," he chirped.
Seven looked around and saw that sickbay was deserted. "Where's Lieutenant
Torres?"
"In her quarters. She wanted to return there and as she and the baby
are both in good health, I saw no reason to object." He stepped away from
the monitor. "Now, how can I help you?"
Seven hesitated. "I would like...I would like to discuss the removal
of my failsafe device."
The Doctor beamed a smile. "I thought you would change your mind...eventually.
For weeks I've worked on ways to remove it, and have finally discovered
a way that will allow me to remove it in one operation."
"What are the risks?"
"None. I have conducted holosimulation after holosimulation and every
time the operation has gone smoothly."
"When can it be done?"
"Whenever you like," he smiled. "Now, if you want. I have no engagements
this afternoon."
Seven nodded. "That is acceptable to me."
The Doctor stepped closer. "May I ask what changed your mind?"
Seven hesitated. "Finding the Borg transwarp hub." She paused. "When
I first came to Voyager, everyone saw me as Borg. They feared me, kept
their distance, apologised if they made a negative remark about the Borg.
I was Borg first, then human. But over the years I have become a part of
this crew. When we were discussing whether or not to accept the Zyranth
offer, I was considered part of this crew, part of this family, not Borg.
There was no doubt, no suspicion. No one feared I would betray them. It
made me realise that the only person who sees me as Borg is myself.
The Borg robbed my parents of their lives, robbed me of my childhood.
They are a race guilty of murdering billions and yet I cling to my Borg
identity instead of truly embracing the humanitarian values Captain Janeway
has taught me. I take refuge in denying emotion because emotion is frightening
to me, but without emotion there is no compassion, no love. I did not choose
to be assimilated, it was an act beyond my control. But I have control
now, have a choice now, and I choose humanity." A ghost of a smile passed
her lips. "It's time I allowed Anneka to live again."
We are approaching the USS Voyager.
Shannon stirred, the voice bringing her back from the brink of unconsciousness.
She was so tired, so weak, and she could feel her life slowly draining
away. She managed to raise herself, sit up against the wall of the shuttle.
"Computer, scan the ship," she cried, "locate Captain Janeway."
Unable to comply. No information available for Captain Janeway.
"Kathryn Janeway," she corrected. "Locate Kathryn Janeway."
Kathryn Janeway located.
"Where is she?"
Restate question.
"What part of the ship?"
No information available for USS Voyager.
Shannon took a deep breath, tried to think, think...
"Create internal visual of USS Voyager. Show position of Kathryn Janeway."
Visual created.
Shannon looked in the direction of the console. Somehow she had
to get to it, but it was as if she was at the foot of a mountain looking
up at the summit. She dragged herself towards it, towards her
chair. She gripped the seat of her chair and tried to pull herself onto
it. But it was no use. She just didn't have the strength. She wept softly
and leant against the base of the chair, recovering her breath, trying
to fight the blackness consuming her. She had to think. She couldn't give
up now, not now.
"Computer," she cried, "is Kathryn Janeway alone?"
Over 100 lifesigns onboard.
"Locate lifesigns...Is Kathryn Janeway in a room alone?"
Please understand, her whole being ached, please understand.
Kathryn Janeway is alone.
"Shields...are the ship's shields raised?"
No shields detected.
Shannon took a breath. "Cloaking frequency," she continued, "load our
cloaking frequency into a padd, display, and freeze display."
Request processed.
"Transport padd to me."
Seconds later the padd materialised beside her. Shannon reached for
it and clutched it in her hand.
"Now, transport me to co-ordinates of Kathryn Janeway."
Request processed.
Soft carpet replaced the cold floor of the shuttle as Shannon materialised
in the Captain's quarters. She tried to focus on her surroundings, make
her bearings, but the lights were dim, couldn't see. She caught her breath
when she heard her mother's voice in the distance.
"Coffee, black."
Janeway picked up the replicated coffee, took a sip, and then turned
around, about to make her way to her couch. She almost dropped her coffee
when she saw the figure of a young woman lying on the floor before her.
She put her coffee down on a glass table and hurried over to the girl.
She was lying on her side, black hair tumbling over her face, and there
were blood stains on the deep blue outfit she was wearing. Her breathing
was shallow, difficult, but she was obviously conscious. The girl
tried to raise herself, but fell down again. Janeway knelt beside her.
"Lie still, you've been injured."
Shannon looked up in the direction of the voice. She saw a blurred
image of her mother's face before her. It was difficult to keep focussed
now, difficult to concentrate. Janeway inhaled sharply when she saw Chakotay's
tattoo emblazoned on the girl's forehead.
"Who are you?"
"I'm from the future," Shannon said weakly, "here to help you."
Janeway swallowed. "The future?"
"We were trying to stop B'Elanna. She had a temporal deflector. Her
ship exploded, we got pulled into the rift. Nothing I could do..."
Janeway drew away from her, not sure what to make of this, and
afraid to believe her.
"You need medical attention," she said briskly. "You can explain later."
"No..." Shannon protested. "No one must know I'm here...must die...don't
belong here." She stopped for breath. "I've arranged everything. My shuttle
is close...cloaked...Transport me back there afterwards. I will initialize
self destruct. Ship will vaporise. No one will know I was here..." She
gestured to the padd in her hand. "You'll find everything you need here
to locate my shuttle..."
Janeway took the padd, studied the data on the screen. There were numbers
at the top, a date, a stardate, a year, 2404.
"You must accept the Zyranth offer," Shannon continued. "You must get
Voyager home."
Janeway put down the padd on the table, still not wanting to believe
this. "From the future or not, I'm not having you suffer like this." She
hit her combadge. "Janeway to the Doctor."
Shannon's eyes flew to Janeway's face. "No, Mom...You mustn't. No one
must know...please..."
The Doctor's voice interrupted. "I'm in the middle of an operation,
Captain. Is it urgent?"
Janeway made no reply. She just stared vacantly at Shannon.
"Captain?"
"No, Doctor," she said quietly, "it can wait. Janeway out."
It was a long moment before Janeway spoke again.
"What did you just call me?"
Tears welled in Shannon's eyes. "I called you Mom."
Janeway drew away from her. "No, that can't be..."
"It's true. You thought you couldn't have children, too late. But you
had me, the 15th of October, 2382."
Janeway stood up. "No, you're an imposter, a deception. You can't be
my daughter!"
"Please," Shannon cried, beginning to weep. "Please, you have to believe
me...not much time...You have to accept the offer...have to get Voyager
home. You can't let it happen again, not again..."
She wept softly and her painful sobs knifed Janeway's heart. She knelt
beside her again, pulled out her tricorder, and scanned her. Tachyon particles,
human dna... She hit her combadge. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."
"No," Shannon cried again, "can't know..."
"I'm just checking something," Janeway replied.
"Janeway to Seven."
Again only silence answered. Seven had to be regenerating.
"Janeway to Tuvok."
Tuvok's voice replied. "Go ahead."
"Have any temporal anomalies been detected in this region of space
within the last few hours?"
Tuvok was a moment in responding as he checked. "There was a temporal
anomaly less than 0.3 light years away at 10:36 hours. It collapsed four
minutes later."
"Thank you," Janeway said quietly. "Janeway out."
She turned slowly to Shannon, stared at her. This beautiful young woman
couldn't be her daughter, not hers and Chakotay's. It was impossible, just
impossible.
And yet she had to be.
There was no way the Zyranth had the technology to perform a deception
like this and it was also beyond the capacity of the Borg. Unless she was
dreaming, this had to be real, absolutely real. She reached out and
touched Shannon's hair. It was soft, silky. Real.
"What will happen if we don't change our minds, don't accept the offer?"
"Over a hundred people will die," Shannon replied. "You'll be forced
to settle the remaining crew on a planet."
Janeway was silent a moment, absorbing the horror of this. "How...How
will they die?"
"An anomaly. It will come all of a sudden, nothing you can do..."
"Tell me about the anomaly. If I know about it, I can avoid it."
"Don't know about it, not much. It just came all of a sudden. You always
regretted not accepting the offer. You told me just now, in the shuttle..."
She almost gasped for breath. "Must believe me, must listen."
"I believe you," Janeway whispered. "I believe you."
The girl smiled softly. "Then transport me to my shuttle. Not much
time...tired..."
A tear ran down Janeway's cheek. "Do you think I'm sending any
daughter of mine back to a shuttle to die alone?"
"You must...must vaporise...no debris..."
"I'll vaporise the shuttle from Voyager. You're staying here, understand?"
Shannon nodded. It was so good to have her mother alive again, taking
care of her. She felt her mother's hand on her shoulder. "Do you
think you could make it to the couch with my help?"
"Can try."
It took supreme effort, but she managed to raise herself enough for
Janeway to help her to her feet. Her legs were weak, could barely
hold her, and all was blurred now. She collapsed onto the couch, leant
breathlessly against the back of it. She was trembling violently, struggling
for every breath. Janeway sat beside her and brushed the girl's hair away
from her face. "You were very brave to come here, Shannon."
"How do you...know my name?"
"Because I always said that if I had a little girl, I would call her
Shannon, after my ancestor."
Shannon leant her head against Janeway's shoulder, and Janeway hesitantly
put her arm around her.
"You took me to the Millenium Gate," Shannon continued, "when we got
back...took me there. The Zyranth came again, you see, ten years ago. They
found us, helped us, transporter technology, advanced. I didn't want to
go, leave Federa....was afraid. I ran away...the caves...You found me,
told me it would all be alright, that I'd like Earth...nothing to fear.
But I was afraid, so afraid. So many people, so much technology...We had
nothing on Federa, nothing but shelters. I wanted to go back, cried every
night. But I got used to Earth, even liked it." She was fighting for every
breath now, fighting to stay conscious. "It will recognise your voice,"
she said, "the computer. You can initialise self destruct...must be self-vaporisation
or it will explode ... debris... contaminate the time-line...authorisation
is Janeway beta four two..."
"I'll do that," Janeway whispered.
Shannon nestled closer to her. "They changed colours."
"Changed colours?"
"The flies...lake Oranthum... You always wondered whether..."
"Each one changed colour or each fly was a different colour."
"Yes," Shannon smiled.
As children, on one of many camping trips, Janeway and her sister had
sat at the lakeside at midnight and watched as the flies danced over the
centre of it. Her father had told her they were fairies and, as he had
told her, she had believed him. She had never forgotten their beauty, the
way their lights made pretty patterns against the black sky. All her adult
life she had wondered whether each creature was its own colour or whether
each one changed colour. She had never found out.
"We took a boat...was fourteen...tried to catch one...tipped the boat...fell
in the water...you..."
Her voice faded into silence as the last breath left her body. Then
she was still, completely still. Slowly Janeway drew away from her and
Shannon's head fell back lifelessly against her arm. Janeway gazed at her
tearfully, touched her face. She looked so much like Chakotay with her
dark hair and dark skin and yet looking at her was almost like looking
in the mirror of time and seeing a reflection of her younger self. Tearfully
Janeway kissed her forehead tenderly and then lay her gently back against
the couch. She took the girl's hand in hers and a tear ran down her cheek.
"It will be better for you too," she whispered. "I promise it will
be better."
Transporter room two was deserted when Janeway arrived there, just as
she expected. Transporting cost energy and they tried to use as few site
to site transports as was possible. She imputed the data from the padd
into the computer and within seconds the computer had located a shuttle.
It was travelling at the exact same speed as Voyager. Janeway touched the
screen image. Touching it seemed to connect her with the shuttle somehow,
made it seem more real. She fought the tears that were welling in her eyes
and hurried on with the transport. She had to get this done before people
started asking questions. She then hit her combadge. "Janeway to Tuvok."
"Go ahead, Captain."
"Report to transporter room two immediately."
"On my way."
Tuvok arrived within minutes.
"What has happened, Captain?"
"Something I can't tell you about," she replied. "Temporal prime directive.
But I want you to transport me to a cloaked ship that is pursuing us."
"Alone?"
"It's perfectly safe." She handed him the padd. "The cloaking frequency
is contained here, but I have already initialised transport. All I
need you to do is energise and transport me back at my command."
Tuvok hesitated. "I do not think I can comply, Captain, not without
guarantee of your safety."
"What you think doesn't come into this. I'm giving you a direct order.
The future is at stake here and you will comply and tell no one of this,
understand?"
Tuvok nodded. "Yes, Captain."
The shuttle was bathed in a soft blue light. Janeway looked around as
she materialised. The ship had taken a beating but the technology still
looked impressive. Her eyes fell to the floor and she saw Shannon lying
on the floor before her. She was lying rather awkwardly on a piece of broken
console. Janeway knelt beside her and moved her slightly so that she lay
flat on the floor.
"Shannon?"
Janeway froze at the sound of her own voice calling. Slowly, hesitantly,
she turned in the direction of it. She gasped when she saw an older version
of herself resting against the wall of the shuttle. Her head was bleeding
and she was obviously dazed and in a lot of pain. It was a long moment
before Janeway had the courage to go over to her.
"I needn't ask who you are," she said quietly.
The Admiral's eyes fluttered open and she gazed at the younger version
of her self looking down at her. Then she closed her eyes again.
"Looks like we're giving the time-police another headache," she said
with a soft smile.
"Never mind the time-police," Janeway replied, "we're giving me a headache."
The Admiral almost chuckled, then fell serious. "Where's Shannon...my
daughter...?"
Janeway hesitated. "Shannon's dead."
There was a long painful silence and then the Admiral began to weep
softly. "I thought she was...couldn't see her...hear..."
"I'm sorry," Janeway said gently.
"Help me to her...please...must see her..."
Janeway carefully helped the Admiral to Shannon. The Admiral lay on
her side beside her daughter and tearfully touched her face, stroked her
cheek. "I shouldn't have let her come with me," she said. "I shouldn't
have allowed it." She took Shannon's hand in hers. "My darling, precious,
little girl..."
"She came to Voyager," Janeway said, struggling to hold back her tears,
"transported herself. She told me what would happen if I don't accept the
offer the Zyranth have made. She told me I must accept it."
"And you must," the Admiral replied, not taking her eyes from Shannon's
face for a moment. "You can't let it all happen again...not now you have
the chance to put it right..."
Janeway edged closer. "Tell me about the anomaly. Tell me how to avoid
it."
"There is no way. For the next two years you'll be travelling through
dangerous space. There'll be black holes, gaseous clouds, radiation, nebulas...There
will only be four or five paths you can take and every one will bring you
into contact with the anomaly. To avoid it, you only have three choices.
You can either reverse course and try and take Voyager home through the
Gamma Quadrant, circumvent this space by going through Borg territory,
or trust the Zyranth and take Voyager home through the nebula."
Janeway was silent a moment as she absorbed this. "If we go through
the Gamma Quadrant it would take decades more to get home and travelling
openly through Borg space is unthinkable."
"Which only leaves you the nebula." Her tears fell softly, steadily,
falling onto Shannon's dark skin. "And you want to take Voyager through
that nebula. You want it with all of your heart. Don't make the mistake
I did. Don't be afraid of making an alone decision. It was right
when you destroyed the array and it would be right again. Sometimes a captain
has to make a decision for the whole crew. This is one of those times."
"If you want me to accept the offer, why did you try and stop B'Elanna?"
"Because I knew it was unlikely the Flyer would survive the kind of
temporal rift she was generating." She paused. "And because even
if she could survive, we don't have the right to change the future by changing
the past, to choose who should live or who should die. How do you choose?
How do you choose which moment of time to go back to? Do you save only
the people you love? What of other people? Everyone is loved by someone."
She paused again. "But what is my past hasn't happened to you yet. Your
future still has to be written. My past, your future, they're both merged
here in the present and the way I've come to understand it is that the
temporal prime directive doesn't apply to the present, can't apply. The
present is ours for the taking, for the moulding. And there is a vast difference
between creating an opportunity and seizing one. All this was beyond our
control, not intended. I was just about to transport to Voyager myself,
tell you...but you'd raised shields...was going to send a message..." She
stopped, took a breath. "You've got a second chance. Don't throw it away.
You'll spend the rest of your life regretting it."
"I will accept," Janeway said quietly. "I will take Voyager back to
Zyranthium, tell Storvorak we've changed our minds."
The Admiral smiled through tears. "With a slight modification to their
proposal, of course."
Janeway smiled in return. "Of course." She paused. "I think I had already
decided...after what Shannon said. I was only here to initialise self-vaporisation."
The Admiral turned to her now. "I always knew that would come in useful
one day. It was my idea...after what happened with Henry Starling."
"Quite an idea, I'll have to remember it."
The Admiral turned back to her daughter. "Computer, initialise self-vaporisation
in five minutes. Authorisation Janeway Beta four two."
Self-vaporisation sequence initiated.
"There's one more thing before you go," the Admiral said. "Accept Chakotay's
love and give him yours. Even if you don't get home, even if you have to
go through the Gamma Quadrant, give him your love." She paused. "The dinner,
Friday night, the thread was your answer, the necessity of the thread."
A tear ran down her cheek. "But it didn't hold your weight. A year
before the disaster, Chakotay was seriously injured on an away mission.
He was in a coma for weeks and all that kept him alive was technology.
You remembered his words...which memory. You realised then how wrong you
had been, how much you wished memories of love existed in the place of
regret. But still when he recovered you held back from him, wouldn't open
your heart and let him in. It wasn't until Federa that you did." More tears
ran down her cheek. "All those years wasted just because you were afraid
of the love you had always wanted. That's the real reason, that's what
frightened you, the depth of his feeling, the depth of yours. Never had
you loved like that before, never had you been loved like that. But you
wanted to be. All your life you had wanted to be loved just for who you
were, not what you were or what you could become. But three years, that's
all you had together. Chakotay died of a disease, a disease that claimed
the lives of eight more of our crew. We'd lost the Doctor, didn't know
how to treat them. Others, like me, recovered, only for the diesase to
come back. It came back for me three years ago. Doctors were able to save
me, but said without a cure I'd be lucky to live eight years. Shannon was
always so worried and I worried for her. There was just the two of
us, you see. Phoebe was killed in a mountain accident eighteen years ago
and Mom died not long after." She paused. "But when Chakotay died, never
was I sorry for what we had, never could be. I was glad of the love we
had shared, so glad."
She stroked Shannon's cheek, kissed her cheek, her forehead.
"Go back to your ship, Captain," she said sadly, almost with contempt
for her younger self. "You don't belong here."
A tear ran down Janeway's cheek and she hit her combadge. "Janeway
to Tuvok, Energise."
Seconds later she dematerialized. Admiral Janeway lay her head
on her daughter's shoulder, held her close, and wept softly.
"We'll see, Tuvok," she said, "we'll see."
She walked over to the console, imputed data, and studied the image of the shuttle on sensors. Moments later, it vanished. The shuttle had vaporised.
"Mission accomplished," Janeway said, fighting the tears. She then quickly cleared the screen, erased the data. When that was done, she hit her combadge. "Janeway to Paris."
Tom's voice sounded. "Go ahead, Captain."
"Change course, return us to Zyranthium. Janeway out."
Tuvok stepped closer. "Captain?"
"I've changed my mind. We're going to accept the Zyranth's offer."