The Wisdom to Know the Difference
God, grant the me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
*
On with the story! I will have a longer author's note at the bottom. This chapter will hopefully be longer. Enjoy!
Breakfast at The Burrow was always a noisy affair. Fred and George donated generously to the chaos, as did Mrs. Weasleys' shrill cries for them to stop. People were yelling for food to be passed, and morning conversation (and, yes, it cannot be denied, arguments) were well underway. With a table setting made up of Mrs. and Mr. Wesley, Fred and George, Ginny, Percy, Ron, and occasionally Bill or Charlie, who could be surprised?
Which is why it was most peculiar that the breakfast table was almost silent this morning. Mrs. Weasley rushed about tight-lipped, putting more and more food on everyone's already full plates. Ron sat staring straight at food, pushing it around on the plate and not saying anything. Fred and George, in an unusual display of empathy, were quietly eating. Finally, Mrs. Weasley spoke up,
"Ron, dear, have you heard from Harry lately? It seems like a long time since he last wrote." Mrs. Weasley was growing more and more concerned about the boy who she seemed to believe was one of her own. And it cannot be denied that Harry was in desperate need of the mothering.
"Yes, mum, he sent an owl just this morning, remember?" Ron tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, which was hard because he was every bit as worried about Harry as his mother was.
"Well, now, what did he say? How are his aunt and uncle treating him? Is he getting enough to eat? Has he been sleeping well? How is he feeling?" Under this barrage of questions, Ron felt his annoyance grow.
"What does he ever say, mum? 'I'm doing well....' 'No bad dreams...' 'Plenty to eat, I am sleeping better...' You know it's a lie, mum! Since when does Harry ever let us know when he is not okay? He is trying to hide himself from us ever since that blasted tournament! And you know what the worst part is? The part that clinches it all? I don't even know what bloody happened to him, so I can't help! He won't tell anyone what happened! I bet the only people that know are the professors and Sirius! God knows something awful went on, he came back with a stab mark on hi arm, and now suddenly, Voldemort is back! He must have gone through something awful, and I don't know what it is! I bet it's torturing him, eating at him, and he won't let me know!"
Ron's voice was rising uncontrollably, as the words he had been keeping in since school let out poured from his mouth. Fred and George were staring with their mouths slightly open, and Molly Weasley was holding her hand against her mouth as sadness and horror grew in her eyes. Ron's voice now dropped to a broken whisper.
"Harry won't let me help him, mum. And I want so much to help him." Ron turned away suddenly, trying to hide the tears forming in his eyes. Mrs. Weasley rushed forward, holding her youngest son tight in her arms.
"I know, Ron, I know. We all want to help him. He just can't bring himself to tell us now. All we can do is let him know we will be there for him, and make him feel loved. When he's ready, he will come to us. We just have to be there for him." During this, Fred and George left the room silently. Ron thought he heard one of them say, "Poor bloke" under his breath as they left.
"I wonder whom he was talking about?" Ron thought to himself, "'Poor bloke' who?" As though she was reading his mind, Mrs. Weasley said quietly, as though to herself only,
"Poor Harry. Poor Ron. Poor world."
"Yes, that's right," Ron said as he left the now almost abandoned kitchen, "Poor Harry. Poor us." With that, Ron went up to his room to spend another day wondering over, as every Weasley member was, what the future would hold, and if they would be prepared for it.
***********************************************************************
( A/N-Well, should I stop it there? Nah, you guys need a something more than that! How about a little Harry in your life?)
It was also breakfast time at the Dursleys', although the atmosphere was a bit different. Dudley sat gnawing on his celery and orange, Vernon hid behind the paper, Petunia nibbled at her food while trying indiscreetly to figure out who was visiting the next door neighbor's. And Harry Potter was sitting at the corner of the table, chewing on his half-celery stick methodically, never lifting his eyes from the table.
This worried Vernon to no end. Who knew what plots were being hatched inside that little demon's head? The boy had been unusually quiet this summer, and his eyes held a well- er, haunted look. He just agreed to all the chores and work imposed on him, never saying a sarcastic remark or retaliation. Ah, well. Who cared what was wrong with the boy? As long as he did his work, and made no trouble, they would put up with him. Why, Vernon, reflected, he didn't even need to lock the door to his room at night now...maybe this new Harry was a good thing.
Harry, for his part, figured that Vernon was trying to figure him out whilst hiding behind the morning paper. He couldn't care less. The work the Dursleys' gave him kept his mind on other things, and thinking about other things was at the top of his list right now. No mater how hard he tried, he couldn't keep the memories of the third task out of his mind. Voldemort's voice...Cedric's voice...and, oh, God, his parent's voices. But almost worse than the voices was the blame. That horrible, sinking feeling that was becoming more and more strong. That voice that hissed,
"It's all your fault...you asked him to take the cup, you made him go with you, and brought him to his death, you fool..."
Harry tried desperately to ignore the voice, to brush it away. But he couldn't. It was always there, was becoming a part of himself. Maybe if he told someone else, got the memories off his chest... but, no. He just couldn't bear more pitying looks, more hushed voices behind his back. He just wanted to be normal, to be another kid. But that was not to be. He would never be just another kid and he had to accept it. That was just the way it was.
Thank God for Sirius. Sirius was what kept him going when things became bad, when the voices were loudest. Even Sirius, though, was always reassuring, 'it wasn't your fault Harry, it wasn't your fault...'
Why couldn't someone say something other than that? Why couldn't someone say, 'What's done is done. You can't dwell on it.' He needed to hear those words. When it came down to it, he needed his friends. He needed magic, witches and wizards. He needed Ron, the Weasleys', Hermione, Sirius. He knew he was hurting them by refusing to tell them what happened, by lying through his teeth in all of his letters. But he hoped they would understand. Hoped they would give him a chance to lick his wounds, to control himself. He hoped that, when he was finally ready to talk, they would be there for him. He hoped.
*
Whew! That took me a while. I tried to express Harry's feelings a little more clearly this time. And I always wanted to show what Ron thought about everything...I hope it was realistic. I may or may not give a Hermione part, I think that the relationship between Harry and Ron is much more important to build upon. And there will definitely be some Sirius-Harry interaction later! I have a great conversation between rolling around in my head right now!
Since it's summer, my updates should be pretty frequent. At least one every two days, I hope, and probable more!
Yay, I got reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was mentally preparing myself for there to be none. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I become. Please be critical and suggest things! Thank you to my very first three reviewers:
WhetherRose- aw...*blushes shyly*. I am glad you like it. I love that quote, it is actually a prayer. I thought it was perfect, and I will work it into the story. I will definetly e-mail you! Thanks for your interest!
GMTH- no way am I stopping anytime soon! This will be a chaptered story, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it! I tried to get more Harry thoughts in there for you...hope you liked!
googleduckie- Thank you! I am trying to make this seem semi-realistic to the book. I hope I am pulling it off!
Thanks, everyone! Review, please! Love you all
Balizabeth
God, grant the me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
*
On with the story! I will have a longer author's note at the bottom. This chapter will hopefully be longer. Enjoy!
Breakfast at The Burrow was always a noisy affair. Fred and George donated generously to the chaos, as did Mrs. Weasleys' shrill cries for them to stop. People were yelling for food to be passed, and morning conversation (and, yes, it cannot be denied, arguments) were well underway. With a table setting made up of Mrs. and Mr. Wesley, Fred and George, Ginny, Percy, Ron, and occasionally Bill or Charlie, who could be surprised?
Which is why it was most peculiar that the breakfast table was almost silent this morning. Mrs. Weasley rushed about tight-lipped, putting more and more food on everyone's already full plates. Ron sat staring straight at food, pushing it around on the plate and not saying anything. Fred and George, in an unusual display of empathy, were quietly eating. Finally, Mrs. Weasley spoke up,
"Ron, dear, have you heard from Harry lately? It seems like a long time since he last wrote." Mrs. Weasley was growing more and more concerned about the boy who she seemed to believe was one of her own. And it cannot be denied that Harry was in desperate need of the mothering.
"Yes, mum, he sent an owl just this morning, remember?" Ron tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, which was hard because he was every bit as worried about Harry as his mother was.
"Well, now, what did he say? How are his aunt and uncle treating him? Is he getting enough to eat? Has he been sleeping well? How is he feeling?" Under this barrage of questions, Ron felt his annoyance grow.
"What does he ever say, mum? 'I'm doing well....' 'No bad dreams...' 'Plenty to eat, I am sleeping better...' You know it's a lie, mum! Since when does Harry ever let us know when he is not okay? He is trying to hide himself from us ever since that blasted tournament! And you know what the worst part is? The part that clinches it all? I don't even know what bloody happened to him, so I can't help! He won't tell anyone what happened! I bet the only people that know are the professors and Sirius! God knows something awful went on, he came back with a stab mark on hi arm, and now suddenly, Voldemort is back! He must have gone through something awful, and I don't know what it is! I bet it's torturing him, eating at him, and he won't let me know!"
Ron's voice was rising uncontrollably, as the words he had been keeping in since school let out poured from his mouth. Fred and George were staring with their mouths slightly open, and Molly Weasley was holding her hand against her mouth as sadness and horror grew in her eyes. Ron's voice now dropped to a broken whisper.
"Harry won't let me help him, mum. And I want so much to help him." Ron turned away suddenly, trying to hide the tears forming in his eyes. Mrs. Weasley rushed forward, holding her youngest son tight in her arms.
"I know, Ron, I know. We all want to help him. He just can't bring himself to tell us now. All we can do is let him know we will be there for him, and make him feel loved. When he's ready, he will come to us. We just have to be there for him." During this, Fred and George left the room silently. Ron thought he heard one of them say, "Poor bloke" under his breath as they left.
"I wonder whom he was talking about?" Ron thought to himself, "'Poor bloke' who?" As though she was reading his mind, Mrs. Weasley said quietly, as though to herself only,
"Poor Harry. Poor Ron. Poor world."
"Yes, that's right," Ron said as he left the now almost abandoned kitchen, "Poor Harry. Poor us." With that, Ron went up to his room to spend another day wondering over, as every Weasley member was, what the future would hold, and if they would be prepared for it.
***********************************************************************
( A/N-Well, should I stop it there? Nah, you guys need a something more than that! How about a little Harry in your life?)
It was also breakfast time at the Dursleys', although the atmosphere was a bit different. Dudley sat gnawing on his celery and orange, Vernon hid behind the paper, Petunia nibbled at her food while trying indiscreetly to figure out who was visiting the next door neighbor's. And Harry Potter was sitting at the corner of the table, chewing on his half-celery stick methodically, never lifting his eyes from the table.
This worried Vernon to no end. Who knew what plots were being hatched inside that little demon's head? The boy had been unusually quiet this summer, and his eyes held a well- er, haunted look. He just agreed to all the chores and work imposed on him, never saying a sarcastic remark or retaliation. Ah, well. Who cared what was wrong with the boy? As long as he did his work, and made no trouble, they would put up with him. Why, Vernon, reflected, he didn't even need to lock the door to his room at night now...maybe this new Harry was a good thing.
Harry, for his part, figured that Vernon was trying to figure him out whilst hiding behind the morning paper. He couldn't care less. The work the Dursleys' gave him kept his mind on other things, and thinking about other things was at the top of his list right now. No mater how hard he tried, he couldn't keep the memories of the third task out of his mind. Voldemort's voice...Cedric's voice...and, oh, God, his parent's voices. But almost worse than the voices was the blame. That horrible, sinking feeling that was becoming more and more strong. That voice that hissed,
"It's all your fault...you asked him to take the cup, you made him go with you, and brought him to his death, you fool..."
Harry tried desperately to ignore the voice, to brush it away. But he couldn't. It was always there, was becoming a part of himself. Maybe if he told someone else, got the memories off his chest... but, no. He just couldn't bear more pitying looks, more hushed voices behind his back. He just wanted to be normal, to be another kid. But that was not to be. He would never be just another kid and he had to accept it. That was just the way it was.
Thank God for Sirius. Sirius was what kept him going when things became bad, when the voices were loudest. Even Sirius, though, was always reassuring, 'it wasn't your fault Harry, it wasn't your fault...'
Why couldn't someone say something other than that? Why couldn't someone say, 'What's done is done. You can't dwell on it.' He needed to hear those words. When it came down to it, he needed his friends. He needed magic, witches and wizards. He needed Ron, the Weasleys', Hermione, Sirius. He knew he was hurting them by refusing to tell them what happened, by lying through his teeth in all of his letters. But he hoped they would understand. Hoped they would give him a chance to lick his wounds, to control himself. He hoped that, when he was finally ready to talk, they would be there for him. He hoped.
*
Whew! That took me a while. I tried to express Harry's feelings a little more clearly this time. And I always wanted to show what Ron thought about everything...I hope it was realistic. I may or may not give a Hermione part, I think that the relationship between Harry and Ron is much more important to build upon. And there will definitely be some Sirius-Harry interaction later! I have a great conversation between rolling around in my head right now!
Since it's summer, my updates should be pretty frequent. At least one every two days, I hope, and probable more!
Yay, I got reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was mentally preparing myself for there to be none. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I become. Please be critical and suggest things! Thank you to my very first three reviewers:
WhetherRose- aw...*blushes shyly*. I am glad you like it. I love that quote, it is actually a prayer. I thought it was perfect, and I will work it into the story. I will definetly e-mail you! Thanks for your interest!
GMTH- no way am I stopping anytime soon! This will be a chaptered story, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it! I tried to get more Harry thoughts in there for you...hope you liked!
googleduckie- Thank you! I am trying to make this seem semi-realistic to the book. I hope I am pulling it off!
Thanks, everyone! Review, please! Love you all
Balizabeth