The Wisdom to Know the Difference
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
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Per Dumbledore's orders, Sirius Black was "laying low" at Remus Lupin's house. He had alerted the old crowd, and ensured that everyone who counted knew of Voldemort's rebirth.
Voldemort's rebirth... the words echoed inside him and caused him to shudder. Voldemort, the one who killed Lily and James...Voldemort, cause of terror on Earth for years...Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew's master...
As the list went on Sirius grew more and more bitter, and his heart gave a twist as he thought, "Voldemort, who kidnapped Harry and tortured him, Voldemort, who made Harry an orphan, Voldemort..."
That was the hardest to accept. After everything he had already done to him, Voldemort kidnapped Harry, forced Harry to duel against him, had him stabbed and tortured. Voldemort was the reason that Sirius was in Azkaban, the reason Sirius was never there for Harry.
Harry. At the thought of his godson, Sirius sighed, the noise coming out like a choked sob. Harry didn't deserve this. After everything that had happened to him during the tournament, the last thing Harry needed was to be shipped off to those horrid relatives of his. Harry needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to him, someone to comfort him. He needed someone who cared. And God knows he had none of those things living with his relatives.
Sirius wished he knew how Harry was doing. Sure, he got owls from him, but those letters had become more and more troublesome in what they left unsaid. Sirius knew that Harry was not okay, so why did Harry insist he was doing fine in his owls? He had been alone so long that he has become far too self-sufficient and dependent. He needed to know that it was okay to be scared, or sad. But he didn't. Because of Peter Pettigrew and because of Voldemort. And because of himself, Sirius.
"God, I am so sorry, James," Sirius whispered to the night, "I screwed everything up, didn't I? You sure made a mistake when you made me godfather. I have done all the wrong things since I told you to switch secret keepers. How can one man mess up his life and everyone else's so badly?"
"Sirius?" At the voice Sirius jumped. He hadn't thought anyone was there.
"Remus. You scared me. Don't do that, please!" Sirius breathed out in relief. He was so jumpy these days.
"I'm sorry, Sirius, I heard you talking. Are you okay?" Remus sat down on the couch next to Black and studied his face anxiously. He was very worried about his friend. Hell, he was worried about the whole bloody world lately.
"I could ask you the same thing", Sirius thought to himself. Life had been hard on Remus, there was no denying it. He had needed James and Sirius and they had left him. Sirius didn't even want to think about what all those years alone were like for him. Out loud, he said,
"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking out loud, is all."
"Sirius. I heard you. You can not blame yourself for everything that has just happened, or anything that happened long ago. You are not at fault. You are human, and if you want to blame yourself for something, try blaming yourself for that God-awful dinner you tried to make last night." Sirius grinned at Remus' attempt to lighten the mood.
"All right, so I am not a chef. It was only burned a little." Remus raised an eyebrow at this but said nothing. Sirius sighed,
"I have just been thinking about Harry. I just know that he blames himself for what happened. He is so sensitive and takes the world on his shoulders! I need to see him, Remus. I have to talk to him. He needs me. And, like always, I am not there when he needs me the most." Lupin became very exasperated. Didn't Sirius realize that Harry was doing the very same thing that he was? Blaming himself when the situation was out of his control?
"Sirius, you bloody idiot, open your eyes! Yes, Harry is blaming himself, and yes, he needs you! And you can't be there for him at this moment. But that - is- not- your-fault, do you understand me? You are blaming yourself for everything, and so is he! Stop wallowing in your self-pity and realize that you are doing the same thing he is! How do you truly expect to help him if you can't help yourself? Lily and James died almost fifteen years ago, and, as much as it pains me to say it, you need to move on! James would say the same thing if he was here, and you know it! Yes, you made a mistake. That only makes you human! You need to start seeing things realistically, and then maybe you can start on helping your godson when he needs you!" Remus snapped his mouth shut. He had been waiting to say these things for a very long time. He just wasn't sure how Sirius would take it.
Sirius' expressions were almost comical to watch. He went from shock, to anger, to sadness, and finally, finally, to acceptance and determination.
"Are you quite through now, Remus?" Not waiting for an answer, and seeing the half-sheepish, half frustrated look on Lupin's face, he continued, "You're right. I know you're right. Now, the most important thing is Harry. I need to see him, Remus. He needs me. We need a plan."
"Sirius, you know full well that Dumbledore will not let you into the Dursley's house. With all of the wards and protections around there, the Ministry would be swarming the place before you got half a foot inside."
Refusing to admit defeat where seeing his godson was concerned, Sirius pressed on: "Well, isn't it possible that I see him away from his house? Somewhere that isn't the Dursley's but is still safe? And someone who knows about me?"
"Sirius, honestly, who do you think that might be? One of the Dursley's benevolent neighbors, perhaps? I want to help you, really I do, but I just can't see a way for you to visit him. There is really no one around who can provide the protection needed-" Remus broke off abruptly, and looked at Sirius. He could tell he was thinking the same thing.
"Arabella," they both breathed out at the same time. "Arabella Figg."
Remus turned around, and threw a handful of powder into the fireplace where a fire was roaring merrily.
"Dumbledore," he called out, "may I have a word?" The kindly old face of Albus Dumbledore appeared in the fireplace, smiling warmly at both Remus and Sirius.
"Yes, of course Remus, what can I do?"
"We need your approval for this plan of ours..."
Several minutes later, after everything had been explained and hashed out, Dumbledore gave his approval.
"Though I warn you, Sirius, this visit must be brief. We risk a lot by doing this. If I weren't aware of how much Harry was in need of talking to someone, I would never have even considered it. Be safe. As a mutual acquaintance of ours might say, 'constant vigilance!' And, before I forget, I have begun preparation for protection around the Weasley's home. If all go well, Harry should be able to spend a few days there before term starts. I will contact Arabella now, I am sure she will have no problems. Goodbye, Sirius, Remus, and remember- be careful."
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Well! I certainly am keeping these chapters updated! I hope I am not spoiling you, you won't always have it this good!
How about that? A little Sirius angst for you? I have to admit I do like angst, especially Sirius-Harry. I tried to keep it realistic, it was really hard for me to do. Sirius is much more developed in fanfiction than he is with J.K.R, and there are not any scenes with Just Sirius and someone else, excepting Harry. Which is tough, because I love Sirius!
I am afraid that the whole Arabella Figg thing was just too predictable, but I didn't know whom else Harry could visit. Don't worry, Harry will let the Weasley's know what happened, just give him some time! I don't plan on letting this fic run into Harry's school year, so it will be fairly short. I am thinking maybe three more chapters, possibly four.
So, what did you think? Should I start ducking from the rotten vegetables yet? Remember, review, review, review! You will make me the happiest girl in the world...
Balizabeth
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
************************************************************************
Per Dumbledore's orders, Sirius Black was "laying low" at Remus Lupin's house. He had alerted the old crowd, and ensured that everyone who counted knew of Voldemort's rebirth.
Voldemort's rebirth... the words echoed inside him and caused him to shudder. Voldemort, the one who killed Lily and James...Voldemort, cause of terror on Earth for years...Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew's master...
As the list went on Sirius grew more and more bitter, and his heart gave a twist as he thought, "Voldemort, who kidnapped Harry and tortured him, Voldemort, who made Harry an orphan, Voldemort..."
That was the hardest to accept. After everything he had already done to him, Voldemort kidnapped Harry, forced Harry to duel against him, had him stabbed and tortured. Voldemort was the reason that Sirius was in Azkaban, the reason Sirius was never there for Harry.
Harry. At the thought of his godson, Sirius sighed, the noise coming out like a choked sob. Harry didn't deserve this. After everything that had happened to him during the tournament, the last thing Harry needed was to be shipped off to those horrid relatives of his. Harry needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to him, someone to comfort him. He needed someone who cared. And God knows he had none of those things living with his relatives.
Sirius wished he knew how Harry was doing. Sure, he got owls from him, but those letters had become more and more troublesome in what they left unsaid. Sirius knew that Harry was not okay, so why did Harry insist he was doing fine in his owls? He had been alone so long that he has become far too self-sufficient and dependent. He needed to know that it was okay to be scared, or sad. But he didn't. Because of Peter Pettigrew and because of Voldemort. And because of himself, Sirius.
"God, I am so sorry, James," Sirius whispered to the night, "I screwed everything up, didn't I? You sure made a mistake when you made me godfather. I have done all the wrong things since I told you to switch secret keepers. How can one man mess up his life and everyone else's so badly?"
"Sirius?" At the voice Sirius jumped. He hadn't thought anyone was there.
"Remus. You scared me. Don't do that, please!" Sirius breathed out in relief. He was so jumpy these days.
"I'm sorry, Sirius, I heard you talking. Are you okay?" Remus sat down on the couch next to Black and studied his face anxiously. He was very worried about his friend. Hell, he was worried about the whole bloody world lately.
"I could ask you the same thing", Sirius thought to himself. Life had been hard on Remus, there was no denying it. He had needed James and Sirius and they had left him. Sirius didn't even want to think about what all those years alone were like for him. Out loud, he said,
"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking out loud, is all."
"Sirius. I heard you. You can not blame yourself for everything that has just happened, or anything that happened long ago. You are not at fault. You are human, and if you want to blame yourself for something, try blaming yourself for that God-awful dinner you tried to make last night." Sirius grinned at Remus' attempt to lighten the mood.
"All right, so I am not a chef. It was only burned a little." Remus raised an eyebrow at this but said nothing. Sirius sighed,
"I have just been thinking about Harry. I just know that he blames himself for what happened. He is so sensitive and takes the world on his shoulders! I need to see him, Remus. I have to talk to him. He needs me. And, like always, I am not there when he needs me the most." Lupin became very exasperated. Didn't Sirius realize that Harry was doing the very same thing that he was? Blaming himself when the situation was out of his control?
"Sirius, you bloody idiot, open your eyes! Yes, Harry is blaming himself, and yes, he needs you! And you can't be there for him at this moment. But that - is- not- your-fault, do you understand me? You are blaming yourself for everything, and so is he! Stop wallowing in your self-pity and realize that you are doing the same thing he is! How do you truly expect to help him if you can't help yourself? Lily and James died almost fifteen years ago, and, as much as it pains me to say it, you need to move on! James would say the same thing if he was here, and you know it! Yes, you made a mistake. That only makes you human! You need to start seeing things realistically, and then maybe you can start on helping your godson when he needs you!" Remus snapped his mouth shut. He had been waiting to say these things for a very long time. He just wasn't sure how Sirius would take it.
Sirius' expressions were almost comical to watch. He went from shock, to anger, to sadness, and finally, finally, to acceptance and determination.
"Are you quite through now, Remus?" Not waiting for an answer, and seeing the half-sheepish, half frustrated look on Lupin's face, he continued, "You're right. I know you're right. Now, the most important thing is Harry. I need to see him, Remus. He needs me. We need a plan."
"Sirius, you know full well that Dumbledore will not let you into the Dursley's house. With all of the wards and protections around there, the Ministry would be swarming the place before you got half a foot inside."
Refusing to admit defeat where seeing his godson was concerned, Sirius pressed on: "Well, isn't it possible that I see him away from his house? Somewhere that isn't the Dursley's but is still safe? And someone who knows about me?"
"Sirius, honestly, who do you think that might be? One of the Dursley's benevolent neighbors, perhaps? I want to help you, really I do, but I just can't see a way for you to visit him. There is really no one around who can provide the protection needed-" Remus broke off abruptly, and looked at Sirius. He could tell he was thinking the same thing.
"Arabella," they both breathed out at the same time. "Arabella Figg."
Remus turned around, and threw a handful of powder into the fireplace where a fire was roaring merrily.
"Dumbledore," he called out, "may I have a word?" The kindly old face of Albus Dumbledore appeared in the fireplace, smiling warmly at both Remus and Sirius.
"Yes, of course Remus, what can I do?"
"We need your approval for this plan of ours..."
Several minutes later, after everything had been explained and hashed out, Dumbledore gave his approval.
"Though I warn you, Sirius, this visit must be brief. We risk a lot by doing this. If I weren't aware of how much Harry was in need of talking to someone, I would never have even considered it. Be safe. As a mutual acquaintance of ours might say, 'constant vigilance!' And, before I forget, I have begun preparation for protection around the Weasley's home. If all go well, Harry should be able to spend a few days there before term starts. I will contact Arabella now, I am sure she will have no problems. Goodbye, Sirius, Remus, and remember- be careful."
**********************************************************************
Well! I certainly am keeping these chapters updated! I hope I am not spoiling you, you won't always have it this good!
How about that? A little Sirius angst for you? I have to admit I do like angst, especially Sirius-Harry. I tried to keep it realistic, it was really hard for me to do. Sirius is much more developed in fanfiction than he is with J.K.R, and there are not any scenes with Just Sirius and someone else, excepting Harry. Which is tough, because I love Sirius!
I am afraid that the whole Arabella Figg thing was just too predictable, but I didn't know whom else Harry could visit. Don't worry, Harry will let the Weasley's know what happened, just give him some time! I don't plan on letting this fic run into Harry's school year, so it will be fairly short. I am thinking maybe three more chapters, possibly four.
So, what did you think? Should I start ducking from the rotten vegetables yet? Remember, review, review, review! You will make me the happiest girl in the world...
Balizabeth