Any middle of a road trip sometimes entails getting lost in the process of travel itself, coming rather close to a proverb that Smokescreen did not know. There was an allure to the journey itself and the hours that passed, especially as there was a shift in the air as he and Roland continued their journey westward.
Their morning began in Missouri still, with Smokescreen perusing the radio that was installed in his alternate form to fill in the air. The abandon from last night never seemed to leave his companion as he tried to search for stations that seemed to align with his tastes. It wasn't long until Smokescreen found a station that seemed to service something called 'adult contemporary,' with some rather earnest sounding ads playing as background as he sped through the continued flatlands and stretching into Missouri. It was not long until the announcer made a note regarding the next song.
"Folks, listen up, we got a classic from the late 80s here. This is Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" coming up."
The smile and rush of dopamine was another unmistakable tick he could observe, one that made the Autobot chuckle as what was a trip through flatland had now began to turn into a bit of a party in his interior. It wasn't difficult to sense that Roland was hesitant to truly let himself go and have fun, and this was a part of his companion he wanted to see more. It was endlessly fascinating to see just how much human music had its particular effects on people, no less how intricate and diverse it seemed. There was music back in Cybertron to be sure, but he had no time to compare as he focused on wanting to encourage his passenger to have some fun in this early morning trek what Roland had marked as the state of Oklahoma.
As the beat began to reverberate through his alt form, Smokescreen wished he had some sort of hologram to really drive the interactions home and get his human companion to loosen up. Another part of his processor also recognized the name, which also began to further explain Roland's rather excited reaction. Given that this was one of two singers that his companion identified as being a rather strong influence, he was interested to see the kind of specific music he would've likely listened to at the regular.
"You gonna sing along to this one? Felt like you were about to have fun," He said so with a sly tone.
"Smokescreen this is only like one of my favorite Whitney songs," the excitement was palpable, even though nerves were at the clear forefront. "You know what, screw it. It's just us two, who needs to warm up?"
Now that was what the Autobot liked to hear. He internally grinned as it didn't take long for Roland to get into the groove of singing along, his voice molding within Whitney's recording as Smokescreen turned up the volume. His processors picked up both voices as his companion was matching the original singer beat by beat, an easy indicator that this was a song that he had sung multiple times in the past. There was an abandon to the way Roland navigated the song, with clear imperfections in comparison to Whitney's studio recording. However, there was enough practice, skill, and even some sass that to the Autobot's receptors, his companion honestly sounded great to the point where he didn't mind that Roland was really letting loose during the chorus.
The moment was far too precious for Smokescreen, almost resulting in spots where Roland would forget that he needed to maintain an appearance of 'driving.' The more he listened, the more he began to develop a fascination with human culture and their artistry. He wasn't particularly sure how to describe what Whitney and Roland were particularly doing, but the best his processor could come up with were vocal acrobatics. Oddly enough, the more difficult the song became and the more intense the vocals got, the more his companion met the challenge of matching Whitney to the note.
There was a still considerable amount of distance between now and Tranquility. The temptation to simply focus on getting there was still at the back of his processor, yet there lingered an instinct in his spark to slow down to really take in human culture as it was without any sort of pretense. There were numerous chances to inquire during the slow ride to Oklahoma, though he didn't want to disrupt the in-between moments of Roland putting in clarifying details of what songs he liked and what he didn't find much favor in. It wasn't difficult to notice the pattern of how his companion seemed to enjoy consistently older material, the singer often joking that so much of what he liked would often be released long before he was even conceived of in human terms.
All Smokescreen could do was believe Roland at his word, especially given that the radios that the latter seemed to enjoy the most held a reticence in playing far more contemporary material. He did note the almost overemphasis on powerful vocals and overly sincere emotional displays, the songs seeming to really prize displays of prowess that were intermixed with melodrama. As the human put it across, 'this is what I basically trained with,' and it certainly began to explain some of the earnestness. A lot of it did admittedly begin to sound and blend similarly to one another especially as a few hours would begin to pass.
However, it was in the stops was where Smokescreen finally found the wherewithal to ask the younger singer more directly about human culture. Despite the sometimes-aggravating traffic, Smokescreen feared that they might be progressing much faster than intended especially given that he hadn't even so much as detected Decepticon forces. The first stop they made for the day that didn't involve tolls and or checks was when the human needed some fast food to keep awake for the continued drive towards Tulsa and eventually, Oklahoma City.
For the sake of keeping company, Roland had agreed to eat inside Smokescreen's interior so long as care was taken not to spill too much food waste. Besides, the Autobot figured that it would be more opportunities for conversation.
"So," Smokescreen began as soon as Roland entered the car. "Been getting more curious about human culture since you basically had a lot of fun with the radio." Oh, how he enjoyed just how easy it was to fluster this particular human. He could sense the singer wanting to slink and hide, before he heard a 'oh not that' under his breath.
"All you have to do is ask," and it was just as similarly entertaining how it could be difficult for him to recover from being so easily flushed, the sentence being paused with some chuckles to ease off from the embarrassment. "What do you want to learn about? There's a lot we can do pass the time around here…"
"Hah, well this might be a big one then. What do you humans normally do for fun? I know what you do, but it's getting a bit boring just seeing all of you in cars all the time. Or just buildings and landscapes all the time if you get what I mean."
He could see Roland contemplating a response for a few seconds, though Smokescreen hoped he hadn't left some form of offense with what he'd inquired. It wasn't the most elegant way of putting it across, but if things were going to go rather slow, there wasn't much both him and his companion except find themselves on the road. Sure, there were stops to maintain Roland's human functions and needs in the sense of gathering food, going to the bathroom, or stretching. However, there was not much beyond that.
"That is a huge question, Smokescreen. A really big one, actually." Roland ended that statement with a casual chuckle, before easing into an expression pursed in deep thought. "It depends on the person. Honestly… we could go see a movie or visit a cultural landmark. I've spent a lot of time living near both coasts, but this is my first time in this region of the United States, actually."
"What's a movie?"
Primus, he was not expecting the singer to let out quite an exasperated noise.
"I forget you're not from here…"
"Hey! There's only so much info I downloaded before I crash landed," The Autobot retorted back. "But seriously though, what is a movie exactly?"
"Alright… Let's back on the road and I'll explain along the way."
"On your command, Roly."
It was also surreal to be taking on what basically felt like commands to him, even though he knew that was by far from Roland's true intent. Still, he could not resist the temptation to push the singer's buttons here and there, the 'Roly' nickname especially becoming a fast way to leave the human a flustered mess for a moment. He wasn't sure how to keep reading the biological spikes that kept emanating as he made it a habit to scan Roland's vital signs here and there, but he figured what he was doing wasn't landing on the sign of genuine annoyance.
As Smokescreen got himself fonto the interstate system en route to Oklahoma City, he was greeted to an explanation of what human movies were. Mediated by Roland, what Smokescreen was able to garner was that movies were basically stories told through moving pictures, sometimes accompanied by music, sometimes without even so much as dialogue from the actors on the screen. Of course, Roland tried to qualify some of his much larger, abstract descriptions, but Smokescreen felt like he got the general gist of another form of art that humans produced. It certainly piqued his curiosity to see one for himself.
"So, what's the best way to see one of these movies anyway?" Smokescreen asked midway through their discussion.
"Well… multiple ways, really. People usually see new movies in these spaces called theaters. You can basically fit in a couple of hundred people at a time and you basically see it on these huge screens." The Autobot also could not deny that his companion was quite the talker when one set him loose on a particular topic. He almost wondered what a more in-depth discussion on human music would look like. "In our case… If there's some near Oklahoma City, a drive-in theater wouldn't be a bad idea."
"…What are those?"
He wasn't quite sure if Roland was pulling his pedes with the snort that came out of his mouth. He swore he'd keep locking the singer into a constant cycle of exasperated responses, though Smokescreen had to admit, it was amusing to see this side of a human being that seemed often to border on the perpetually flustered.
"Imagine this wide-open space where people drive up in their cars all in a row. Then in a direction we're all facing is basically a huge screen where the people that actually run the drive-in theater project the movie."
To Smokescreen's processor, the whole arrangement actually sounded perfect. He wished that his capabilities to project some sort of holoform were operational, though he hoped that perhaps time would aid him. However, the lack of any obvious energon source would put to pasture any thought of a quick repair. His processor stumbled upon the biggest minus of going slow, especially if there was already an active CMO already on Earth. He was in condition to fight and perhaps survive with his spark intact, but in optimal and peak condition he was not.
"That's… I can see how that'd be perfect," still, he tried not to let those thoughts invade so much of his processor that he lost the plot of at least having some sort of decent downtime. "I get to drive you and we watch one of these movies. People would think I'm your sweet ride, they check me out, and I get to hide and enjoy something you like. Sounds like a great deal." If he could've, he absolutely would've pulled off the kind of grin that he knew would get his companion flustered.
Turning up the inner hotshot within him always seemed to consistently do the trick. Smokescreen couldn't help the laugh when he saw Roland's silent yet flabbergasted response. Not even sensors were necessary to detect that the human was flustered once more, needing a moment to come up with some sort of response.
"You had me until you called yourself a sweet ride. Smokescreen what even…"
"It's the truth, Ro. Trust me, in comparison to the other 'Bots,' I'm probably the best looking one out of all of them."
The quick muttering of 'oh my god' below Roland's breath and a deep sigh that was heaved out of jest was all the reaction that Smokescreen needed.
"Okay, before we get off-topic, and I know you are a very fabulous looking ride. This is the fanciest I've ever ridden in." It was also rather adorable to see Roland try to act stern and commanding. Smokescreen acquiesced to his expression, knowing they could get lost in a back and forth and completely forget about the concept of human movies altogether. "Anyway, I'll look up some movies we can watch together. I'll have to bias it to my tastes… there's not too many movies about music but I can look up something."
"Heh, any movies about cars, or maybe even action? Maybe even robots, too?" He was being a bit facetious with those options, though at the same time he wasn't. He was errantly curious to see how humanity would come to represent someone like him from the information he gathered. The state of human technology had meant that robotic creations had existed, but the thought of their sentience was only spoken of in the vocabularies of possibility.
"There's a lot of those, yeah." There was also something refreshing in seeing him be a bit more loose instead of receding inwards. Smokescreen was errantly interested in the kinds of human media that would attempt to represent robotic organisms. "Another time though, Smokescreen. What I want to show you is something more aligned with my tastes."
That wasn't particularly surprising.
"Well, you got my curiosity bud."
"Okay, so the movie I have in mind is something called 'A Star Is Born.'" The excitement in Roland's voice was easy to sense, even without the need to physiologically scan him. "It's a sad one, just as a warning. There's a lot of versions of the movie that exist out there, but the one I'd like for us to watch was like… 34 years ago? It's old in our terms at least."
From the information that Smokescreen was able to gather as he landed, it seemed to reinforce the fleeting nature of human lifespans. 34 in comparison to the normative human lifespan was stretching to early middle age depending on the area where one lived, but the Autobot was cognizant of the fact that a single Vorn was roughly the equivalent of one human life. However, he tried to push that rather existential thought out of his mind, trying to find some way to get back into the moment.
"Feel free to tell me all about it, heh."
Hearing Roland talk about the movie's premise was quite a way to fill in the time. It wasn't too difficult to get lost in the drama that his companion was presenting, the story being basically a tragic romance about a couple named Esther and John. Unsurprisingly, the plot was a star-crossed romance between the couple, in which Esther was the young starlet with aspiration towards the music business, while John was the person who would help Esther's career shine.
"Hence, 'A Star Is Born,'"
"You humans really love to be clever, don't you?"
Ultimately, the way the romance worked entailed Roland describing it as a couple figuratively and literally 'meeting in the middle.' John's career in contrast to Esther's was one falling on the wayside, which provides much of the central drama that drives the film. This culminates in John taking his own life, leaving Smokescreen in a rather shocked silence, almost to the point where the Autobot nearly forgot traffic's existence. For a few split seconds, Roland found himself being confronted with an aggressive driver who shouted at him, seeing the other flip the bird before they would speed off.
Admittedly, Smokescreen felt like he may have been overreacting given what he'd heard of the war. Still, it was a difficult thing to process someone's willingness to do such an act, even if it was inflected through something fictional.
"Primus, Ro… I know you described it as a sad one, but I wasn't expecting that. And you okay?"
"Sorry… sorry…" A confrontational driver caused Roland to be quite a mess for a few moments, the unmistakable signs of stress. He could feel the trembling of human hands on the steering wheel, and Smokescreen scrambled to try and make the interior more comfortable by turning up the warmth and securing his companion further. "I'm fine, yeah. Haven't had a close call that close in a while. Anyway, yeah… that… happening to the guy is a thing that occurs through all the movies. Everyone that sees the movies basically knows the plot beforehand, it's just a matter of the details, really."
"I…" Yet somehow, such a grisly fact only intensified his curiosity to watch the film. There was the reassurance that he was able to surmise that nothing about the film was actually real, but the human predilection for fiction was something he hadn't quite encountered in Cybertron. "First I meet you as a nervous singer, and now apparently I'm learning the humans really love depressing stuff. But talking seriously though… I'll watch it with you. I've seen how you talk about it."
"We're not all depressing all the time, Smokescreen. I promise."
Smokescreen wasn't sure how much to believe the statement. He wasn't sure how much more to pry, but he figured to let it go for now. What constituted conversation in regards to crossing the state lines from Missouri to Oklahoma was mostly Roland figuring out what to get for food and drive-in theaters were in the state itself. The landscapes of the United States seemed to have only grown far more depressingly flat. Though Smokescreen tried to stay silent about it, there really wasn't much variation to the sights if at all, the roads mostly turning into flat stretches of concrete interspersed with some development, rest stops, and whatever else was there for the people that did live around these parts.
Hours would pass, interspersed with breaks and some city exploration, until they reached the state's eponymous city. Roland in the interceding time had found a drive-in theater in one of the smaller towns surrounding Oklahoma City that, as fortune would have it, would be playing the movie that he wanted to see. As heretical as it sounded his processor, Smokescreen swore Primus was playing some sort of funny game with him and this human, or perhaps it was just circumstance itself laughing all the way Unicron. Either way, he acquiesced to his companion's request.
The establishment that Roland had led them a drive-in that specialized in playing particularly older movies. From first blush, Smokescreen could see the appeal. With a busted holoform, he didn't need to resort to having to spin his wheels around a strange place and risk being caught. He could simply enjoy the movie that was playing and for a moment, be surrounded by a whole modicum of other cars. What he also especially enjoyed was that, in comparison to the regulars that seemed to drive into the establishment and paid for their tickets, his alternate form was clearly the flashiest and most powerful car. Even if it resulted in some consternation and anxiety from Roland, Smokescreen did appreciate the admiration and looks of envy.
However, he didn't try to bask in it for too long, the spikes of fear and the rush of adrenaline he could sense from his companion the sign that he needed to get into the actual space of the theater itself lest he have a genuinely panicking Roland in his interior. Getting onto the actual driveway wasn't too huge of an issue with his companion paying for an early evening show, with Smokescreen having to hold back the chuckle when he heard the human say 'just one person.' Still, he had to stay his glossa from exposing himself, knowing that just his form alone was attracting attention that was becoming quickly unwanted. For stops like this, Smokescreen couldn't escape that people were either complimenting his form or eying Roland with suspicion.
He appreciated the attention, but when he saw his companion's stress levels continue to spike into an uncomfortable pattern, that was where he'd begin to draw lines.
"Everything alright, Ro?" Smokecreen would ask as he began to drive his form over one of the free spots.
"For now, yeah. I just don't like it when strangers stare at you like that especially… I'll be fine, I'm just like this at a lot of new places."
Smokescreen couldn't escape the thought of needing to look out for Roland more, but he could see from his companion's expression that the movie was due to distract him. He figured that it was best to talk to him about what to for the rest of the trip once the movie was complete. The actual establishment itself wasn't much to write home about except for the developing rows of cars that would begin to pile into the lot. However, the real show began when a projector was turned on, and soon enough, the first shots from the movie began to play through the screens. Humans had some fascinating ways to spend and enjoy their downtime and he couldn't help but be amazed at the change of mood he sensed from Roland.
As the movie began in earnest, he found that it wasn't too difficult to follow through with the plot, even if the movie did admittedly border on being a bit too dramatic at times, and perhaps even dragged. Strangely enough, it was when Esther commenced her rise to fame was when Smokescreen began to get more attached to what was happening on the screen, and there was an appeal to seeing two characters' lives on screen that were not his own. It was as if he was transported to another world entirely, living vicariously through the drama that he would never play a part of. Was this a dynamic he would like to see actually play out in his existence? No… and he had no doubt there would be Autobot comrades that wouldn't have the patience for this movie.
Still, with the lack of other Autobots and Decepticons, and with the presence of someone who was so earnestly invested in the love story between Esther and John, his curiosity behind how this romance was doomed to fail intensified. In the process, he'd also begin to learn about some aspects of what it entailed for someone like Roland to succeed in music, or at the very least, his companion's vision of it. He had half a processor to interrogate his companion about how he'd see someone like Esther, especially given that such a choice of movie was far from clever. It also did not take long for Smokescreen to learn about the process of how humans were so enamored by tragedies that played on-screen.
John's downfall and eventual death was one that was telegraphed from his deteriorating behavior. Even with Roland's forewarning, there was something that unsettling in the dramatics surrounding the male lead's death via a car crash. He was so lost in the thicket of Esther's mourning that he did not realize that John's car was unconsciously reminding him of Sideswipe to a certain degree. It was only when Esther's weeping transitioned into the beginning of the finale performance that he checked in on Roland, who looked so gripped and absorbed into the movie that there was no chance his attention would've been pulled. While his companion would occasionally describe and contextualize some of the things going on and would remind Smokescreen that this was still a work of fiction, there were spots where the human would remain deathly silent. Unsurprisingly, the final moments of the movie were one of those.
The finale was a rousing affair, though he sensed it would be a far more rapturous experience for Roland than it would be for him. Given the rather older nature of the movie, the focus was entirely on Esther without any sort of fancy effects or cut-outs to other scenes as she would sing out the climactic sequence. It didn't take long for Roland to begin quietly singing along and become far more lost in the drama than Smokescreen would ever be, with the Autobot finding himself caught in the middle of a strange call and response. He was caught in who he presumed to be one of his companion's idols singing her heart out in tribute to her fictional lover's demise. The music only began to grow in further intensity before ending with a defiant declaration of the song's title, with Roland having gripped the steering wheel as Esther was looking up towards the camera and the figurative heavens. He too was also looking up towards the projection, basking in the tragic fantasy before the movie would have to conclude.
So much was going on all at once to the point where Smokescreen did not even realize that, as far as his vocabulary was concerned, Roland was leaking. He could hear the hitches in breath and the strain in trying to remain calm as he could sense an increase in oxytocin and endorphins from his companion's way. He had no idea how to begin to calm him down, though he heard a really weak 'Smokescreen, you can drive us out,' and he would quickly comply.
"Sorry, sorry," Roland uttered through the tears, visibly overwhelmed still from the movie.
"Ro, it's fine." He continued to keep the interior warm and cozy, hoping it'd at least help at a physiological level. "Are you okay, though?" He'd never handled a leaking human until this moment, but even he knew that making some sort of wisecrack or joke would not be the wisest of ideas.
"I should've known the movie would've done that to me," he wasn't sure how much he could bear Roland sounding so… sad, for a lack of a better word. "I'll be fine. I just need a moment to let this out. I'm… sorry for crying. I'm probably getting tears in places… ah, I'm sorry."
Crying, that was what it was called. Smokescreen responded with making sure to drive at an easy place, trying to go into a direction of some sort of eatery or safe place to help calm down his companion.
"Ro… seriously, don't worry." It wasn't that Autobots didn't get emotional. Oh, he knew they did just from hearsay at least. However, being surrounded by many combat veterans sometimes would get the better of one's emotions through some form of repression. As a result, seeing someone be so open about how they felt was an alien experience to the rookie. "If you… need to let it out or something, do you need to get out? Or do you want to… talk?" He wasn't sure how much help he could be, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to try.
"Talking's fine." That, he was relieved. He wanted to find a way to get Roland to feel better. "Uh… do you think you could drive us to… something fast food for a drive through? And then after that… maybe like a nature reserve?"
"Say no more, bud. Just tell me the directions."
While it was a bit of a process, it didn't take long for Roland to find a nature preserve towards the direction of Oklahoma City itself. Given that was where Smokescreen needed to head to get to Tranquility, Smokescreen had sped off, making sure to keep his interior comfortable and easily acquiescing to the fast food that his companion had ordered. Of all the things the rookie expected during his career as an Autobot, this was hardly what he had expected all those eons ago serving in the Hall of Iacon. As surreal as it felt to be carting about an alien organic whose very planet seemed to be endlessly teeming with them, there was something oddly refreshing about simply… living. It would be patently untrue to say that he Decepticons weren't entirely out of his mind.
He couldn't help the vigilance, making sure to scan the area and continue to be on the lookout, knowing that he needed to transform at a moment's notice in case there were more. However, the good fortune accorded to them for the past day or so had allowed Smokescreen time to think and bask in the time with his still new companion. On that same companion, Roland seemed to further calm the more the drive progressed, with the human being now having had to focus on making sure that Smokescreen was heading towards the right nature preserve.
For that, he was glad.
For one thing, it allowed Smokescreen a chance to stretch his pedes in his true form without the necessity of having to fear a human stranger seeing him. Plus, he was also glad to see that his companion was calming down somewhat. Taking the time to allow Roland to gather his belongings before Smokescreen transformed and having a sight that wasn't the endless stretch of flat farmlands was at least a fresh of breath air. He wasn't sure what would follow once they go towards another state, but he figured to worry about that once they were actually on the move. As Smokescreen transformed, he reached out a servo to gently pat his companion's shoulder, trying to get used to the disparities in strength between humans and Cybertronians. The action didn't seem unwelcome, Smokescreen's optics catching his companion surprisingly leaning into the touch before leading them onwards with his belongings and food in tow.
"You doing okay now, Ro?" He slowly retracted his palm, trying to maintain a careful distance so as to not risk squishing him to the ground.
"A bit better, yeah."
For that, Smokescreen was relieved.
"So… kind of at a loss of questions, to be honest bud." He hoped that didn't come off wrong, but he had a feeling there was something deeper than just Roland loving the movie for entertainment. He wasn't sure for the basis of such a speculation exception for a plot that he knew the singer would easily sympathize and insert himself in. "But I still wanna talk to you about what happened when you were watching, but… why that movie?" He tried to suppress the temptation to connect it back to humans as a whole.
"You're fine…" He wasn't sure where to take Roland's word, but he figured not to fight it. "I've been thinking about it. The movie usually hits hard for me but I didn't expect it to hit hard now. But… I have a deeper connection that I've been kind of keeping mum on. It's why I sang to that last bit and forgot I was… with you. You don't mind me sharing some more stuff, right?..."
"Not at all, bud." If anything, Smokescreen wanted to hear more about who his companion was, so long as he felt ready to reveal those details. He'd been trying to take care not to pry so strongly that he'd end up accidentally causing Roland to recede, but he figured now was the time to ask some of the burning questions in his processor. "So… yeah, I've noticed you ended up a lot more invested in the movie than I thought. I was expecting the tragedy cause you told me about it, but… I wasn't expecting you to sing along. You humans are…"
"Weird?"
"Heh, I didn't even get to my question, but… what made you so connected to this in particular? The whole thing with the music and fame wasn't lost on me," Smokescreen couldn't help but smirk when he saw Roland look away flustered. "I won't judge ya. You kinda know my deal with the whole wanting to be a greater Autobot soldier. What's your deal with A Star Is Born?" It felt odd to speak of the title as if he himself knew of the movie.
"It's kind of a sentimental attachment," The singer began, keeping a steady pace as they both walked down the nature preserve. The entire time, Smokescreen would be keeping a vigilant watch for any other life form, whether that be another human being or maybe even a Decepticon. "The movie itself wasn't… really received that well to be honest. But for me… the character, Esther, reminds me a lot of my mom, actually."
"A… mom? Is that your other sire?" It was another gap in Smokescreen's knowledge of how humans conceived their young.
"I… oh my, another time. We don't need to get into that tangent," curious as the Autobot was, he kept quiet. "I used to watch A Star Is Born as a kid. It was that and seeing the singer I've mentioned as a kid was part of how I fell into the dream of being a music star. My mom also had the same dream as I did. She wanted to be a star, and my Dad would tell me that last bit with Esther when she sang along after John died… that was one of her favorite songs to sing, along with a lot of others."
This was the first he'd heard of Roland talking about who he presumed would be his other sire, or perhaps creator would be a better term even if humans did not obviously bear sparks. It certainly went a long way to explain the cathartic moment of Roland singing along to the movie screens. There was a nostalgia to the way the singer spoke, with Smokescreen wondering the deeper nature behind his companion's family. Still, he listened closely until the human fell quiet, Smokescreen's faceplates contorting in obvious thought.
"What… else happened with your mom, Ro? I know that's a slag of a question depending, so don't even worry about having to answer it." Smokescreen noticed the careful way of his companion's wording even through the nostalgia in the way he spoke.
They would occasionally glance at each other as they walk. Even through the darkness, Smokescreen could see the pain in the singer's eyes when he asked that question. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to retract it, but it was too late.
"It's a long story, but the short version… she died when I was really young. Like… when I was just a baby. I only really know of her through hearsay and stories that my dad tells me. I'll tell you more in the future, it's just…" Roland's voice trailed off, bearing so obvious an uncomfortable vulnerability that he didn't want to trudge through. Smokescreen could see him stop at a path that forked to a direction that seemed more isolating, the place growing more and more dangerous and the prospect of walking growing more exhausting.
"Ro…" Was all Smokescreen could respond with for a moment. Living in conditions of war had beget Smokescreen to the concept of constant loss, and even he wasn't sure where his own creators were at this point. Regardless, he pushed away those straying thoughts from his processor, focusing his gaze upon a Roland that looked on the verge of wanting to further recede into an uncomfortable silence. He gently knelt down in front of his companion, faceplates easing into as gentle of an expression he could muster. "I'm… sorry to hear, that bud… I know it's not much, but…"
"It's okay…" It was clear from Roland's tone that it wasn't.
Smokescreen wasn't one to have any working knowledge of how to comfort and reassure another, especially in moments of vulnerability. He loathed to be on the side where it was he himself confessing something he normally would hide or try to cloak with a veneer of strength and attitude. Yet, the thought of being the person on the other side, the one trying to reassure the other… maybe he could try that on, and he wanted to. The more he learned about Roland's vulnerabilities, the more his processor began to percolate and poke at the definitions of what protection actually meant and the vow he wanted to uphold for his companion's sake. It almost disturbed at how much Earth was changing his behaviors that he took for granted, centuries of isolation and knowing Cybertron's demise seemingly beginning to be undone in a manner of cycles.
Primus, maybe the short lifespans of human beings did implant something in his processor.
Regardless, Smokescreen only shook his helm and laid a gentle servo towards his companion's shoulder, trying for an awkward attempt at a hug or at least a reassuring touch. This was the closest he had come to any human being in terms of physical presence, realizing that even his own helm rivaled the size of Roland's entire body.
"It's not okay. That's still a loss, Ro… Ah, frag it, Roland." Smokescreen struggled to find the words that he hoped would reassure his companion. A Cybertronian in emotional distress he felt marginally better equipped to comfort, but that comparison was not saying much. "I know I'm still a rookie, but I can still tell when another person's hurtin', ya know?" He could see Roland's attention being caught with that, the tears flowing from his eyes illuminated by the shine of the Autobot's optics. "It's just us two right now, Ro… and I promise you, I won't judge whatever you say."
That seemed to have gotten through to Roland, at least. He kept himself kneeled, hoping that the closer proximity would provide a greater measure of comfort, risky as it was.
"I see myself in Esther and John…" He was talking, that was a good sign. He didn't want to pressure his companion, so he stayed his glossa in silence, encouraging him with a soft nod of his helm. "And I see so much of my mom in Esther. That movie… made me really miss… what could've been, but it also reminds me of… how… difficult trying it is trying to make it and what happens to them is…"
That was where Roland truly began to lose it, having since covered his mouth to try and gather some sort of control. However, even that attempt was futile, and Smokescreen could hear the signs of an emotional break happening in real time, the hitched breaths to the elevated chemical telltale signs of stress.
"I'm here, Ro…"
There was far more to the story, but Smokescreen was by no means about to force that out. This wasn't how the expected the road trip to progress, nor was he sure that he could even help address what he had a feeling were problems that were far too large than any one Autobot could fix. However, the absence of his duties and the absence of more threatening Decepticons led Smokescreen to find the wherewithal to attempt to meet his companion where he was.
He wanted Roland to feel better.
He wanted to hear the smile in his voice.
He could sense Roland beginning to approach him, arms outstretched in an attempt at some sort of embrace. It was an awkward attempt but before long, Smokescreen could feel an organic sensation brushed up against the warm metal of his faceplates. He gently embraced and held his companion close, optics closing as he could feel the sensation of the singer's tears flowing down his faceplates and to the dirt. He would gently try and massage Roland's back as he sobbed out in full, hearing the pattern of hitched breaths and letting him pour out his emotions until he felt ready to let go.
The more the war became distant, the more Smokescreen felt like he was getting a better handle on how humans ticked beyond simply just their mere appearances and their magnitude in number.
The aftermath of such a cathartic release was unsurprisingly an awkward affair. Smokescreen wasn't surprised at both the increased reading of oxytocins and also the exhaustion from his companion. It was a slog trying to gather his belongings and packing them into his alternate form as Smokescreen folded back into being a vehicle. However, he knew that trying to force Roland awake any further wouldn't do him any favors.
"You'll be alright, Smokescreen? I'm… sorry for that… I know I'm not in the best place and I'm really sorry that you had to see that I…"
"Ro… it's genuinely okay." Smokescreen said through the sound system, waiting until his companion was safe and secure. "I wasn't expecting that either. I…" He hesitated to reveal a growing vulnerability, knowing it was an attachment that he could not risk blooming into a word he refused to contemplate. "When you sang that song for me the other night, I…"
"You… what?..."
Smokescreen began to pull back onto the dirt roads, too lost in his processor to care about the impracticalities of the terrain he was driving upon.
"I've been thinking about how I see ya, Ro." He figured he needed to get to the point before he himself began to get emotional. Perhaps not to the extent that his companion would but seeing Roland's vulnerabilities began to get him down on the path of thinking about things that he was still consciously and unconsciously avoiding. "I know we're helping each other. You getting me to Tranquility, and I getting you to your show in Los Angeles. But… well… when I said I didn't want to be alone, I meant it.
"I've been on my own for more than I'd like to admit. I got more to say on that, but for now… I'll just say you're the first person I've talked to for a long while, Ro. And… you've made being on Earth more than interesting. You've helped me not feel alone, and I hope I've provided the same feeling, man.
"I… and you better hold me to this promise. You don't owe me anything for this, it's literally in my code. Roland. My job is to protect those who can't fight. I made a promise to myself that I'll protect ya. S'long as I can help it, no 'Con will ever lay a hand on you. You got that?"
He could feel Roland's hand on the steering wheel tighten alongside strained whispers of 'yeah… yeah.' He figured to give the human until the morning to percolate, but Smokescreen wanted to get this sentiment off his spark before it would inevitably be lost to the whims of his processor focusing on needing to get to Tranquility. He fumbled about his systems to properly warm the interior, encouraging Roland to get some recharge before he himself began to unwind.
"Smokescreen… one favor?..."
"What is it, bud?"
"If you can… find the song "La Vie en rose" by Edith Piaf and play it… you wouldn't mind?"
With radio functions, that probably wasn't going to be too difficult.
"I'll play it for ya."
"Thanks Smokescreen…"
Before long, the sounds of French chanson began to fill through the interior as Smokescreen tried to find a proper place to hide, camouflage, and recharge for the night, speeding through the lonely streets wreathed in utter darkness except for his headlights. He didn't understand the language, but he could see the mood that it placed Roland in as the singer began to gradually fall asleep on the car seat. As he drove, his processor was filled with thoughts he wasn't ready to confront and realizations he wasn't ready to internalize. He knew intellectually the kind of bond he was beginning to develop with Roland. He thought the lack of time would preclude such a bond, especially in Cybertronian terms. Yet, such qualification turned out to be a wash considering what the past few days have been.
He just wasn't ready to begin to even think about that very word.