Author's Notes: See chapter one for disclaimer and explanation (got this part memorized yet?).
Love, Life, and Death
By Annie-chan
Chapter Six: Rejection
Hikô awoke the next morning, the sun on its way through the sky, shining brightly. It contrasted darkly with the young man's mood. He felt scarcely better than he did the night before, his thoughts cluttered with self-hatred and remorse. He had to go see Kôran as soon as possible. He hoped they all could put what happened yesterday behind them.
He rose and dressed. After a few bites of something to eat—which puzzled his mother and sister, for he usually had a healthy appetite like most the men his age—he walked the short distance to Kôran's house. He stopped in front of the door, suddenly afraid to even let her see him.
What if she hates me now? he thought fearfully. What I did yesterday was unforgivable. I hate myself for it. She must feel no different about me!
Nevertheless, he knocked on the door. Light footsteps were heard through the door, and it opened slowly, hardly making a sound. It was her.
"H-Hikô!" she nearly stuttered, clearly surprised at his appearance. A look of fury passed through her eyes, and he braced himself for some kind of attack, but none ever came. "Hikô, what a surprise," she said dryly. "Please come in."
He dared another look into her eyes. No anger shone in them anymore. Only sadness and a deep regret. His heart ached at the sight of the one woman he loved feeling such sorrow. He opened his mouth to—what? Apologize? Explain himself? Throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness? He closed it again when she started speaking first.
"Hikô, I…I've been thinking…about the relationship between you, Hôjun, and me…I—" She broke off. She was turned away from him, but he knew she must have been struggling not to cry. He took a step forward to offer some comfort, but quickly thought better of it and stayed where he was. She continued, her voice wavering.
"I love Hôjun…more than I could ever love anyone in this world. You are also very dear to me, but like a brother, not a lover. I want more than anything for us to…to…love each other like we used to…or used to seem to. Hôjun and me lovers, and you our dearest friend. But…but…" She nearly broke down, obviously loath to say her next sentence. "I-I can't marry Hôjun anymore. He deserves much more than an unfaithful little rat such as me."
Hikô was horrified. No! Nonono! I didn't want you to do that! I didn't want to tear you two apart! Oh, Kôran, my love, no…
He was struck speechless. All he could do was stare as she continued.
"I can't be around you anymore, either, Hikô. I'm so sorry, but we can't spend any time near each other. I just—"
Hikô finally found words to say. "No! Kôran, please don't leave Hôjun! I-I-I never meant to split you two up! I only wanted you to know how I feel! I was so stupid to think I could tell you without a hitch. I'll go as far away as I can if it will make you happy, but please stay with Hôjun! Do you know what your rejecting him will do to him?"
"I can't. It hurts to even think about him…"
"It hurts! I know it hurts!"
"Hikô…"
"You know how I feel! Please put yesterday behind you! I never meant to get between you two! I only—"
Someone knocked on the door. Both froze and fell absolutely silent. After a minute, a voice spoke through the door.
"Kôran? Are you in there? I need to talk to you."
Hôjun.
Hikô swung his gaze back to her, dismayed by the look of terror he found there. Being nearer to the door than her, he took hold of it and slowly pulled it open. An exhausted-looking Hôjun stepped wearily over the threshold. He saw Hikô, and his expression darkened minutely, but he managed to hide it very well.
"Hikô, Kôran, ohayô gozaimasu," he managed to say, forcing a smile. Hikô could just imagine all the horrible things Hôjun was thinking about him.
And I deserve it, he silently lamented.
Hôjun started to speak. "Kôran, I—"
A sob from Kôran stopped him cold.
"Hôjun…go-gomen…gomen nasai!" She buried her face in her hands, turning from both of them and collapsing to the floor in tears. Hôjun leapt forward to help her, but was halted by her agonized words. "Gomen nasai, Hôjun. I…I can't marry you anymore!"
For the second time in barely two days, Hôjun felt as if nothing were holding him up. A shriek of bitter grief and despair rose unbidden in his throat, but he forced it down, shaking with the effort. He stumbled, but managed to regain his balance before he fell to the floor.
"Dô shite…dô shite, Kôran?!?!?!" he nearly wailed, his throat threatening to let loose its howl.
"Gomen nasai…I…I can't be with you anymore!!!!!!!!" she sobbed into the skirt of her dress, which she was crying into wretchedly.
Hôjun's eyes widened as his mind clicked into place. Him. "Hikô…you love Hikô?!?!?!?!" His voice suddenly had an air of threat to it, something which frightened Kôran to no end. "Why?! I trusted you both!" His gaze whipped around the room, seeking his "best friend." He had vanished.
He turned back to the weeping girl on the floor. To the deepest Hell with pride. He went around her and threw himself at her feet.
"Don't leave me!" he begged pathetically. "I love you! I'll follow you to the ends of the world if I have to! I'd steal anything for you that you ask me to! I'd kill for you! I'd die for you! I'll do anything! Just please don't leave me!" He was clawing pitifully at the floor, his entire body quaking with the force of his cries.
"I'm sorry Hôjun," she said, barely above a whisper. "But I can't—"
"No!" he cried, and he launched himself forward, wound his arms around her, and kissed her with all his heart and soul. She stiffened, but he only tightened his grip and deepened the kiss, if it was even possible. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally released her and looked pleadingly into her eyes.
"Don't leave me," he repeated, all the tremor and upset gone. "I'll forgive everything if you'll only let me stay with you." He stroked her cheek with his fingertips. Tears fell down his face, making him look even more decrepit.
She lowered her head. Oh, it's so tempting. But, I don't deserve his love. "I'm sorry, Hôjun…but…it just wouldn't work out between us anymore."
Hôjun sucked in his breath through his teeth. Sudden, terrifyingly intense rage and hatred burned through him, searing every blood vessel and scorching every nerve end. That bastard stole her from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He let go of her and slowly stood. The tears had stopped, and he made no sound. Kôran, too, had ceased her crying, staring up at Hôjun, her eyes wide with fear at the fury flashing through his eyes. He stepped back from her, his eyes unseeing, his entire body beginning to shake. He turned around, clenching his fists, squeezing his eyes shut. He finally spoke, his voice rising with every syllable.
"Masaka…masaka…masaka!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. His ki was screaming to be released, to attack the man who brought his entire soul to ruin. "You do love him! He stole you from me! That bastard stole you from me!" His voice lowered to a near whisper, more threatening than any scream. "He will pay for this…he will pay dearly for this!"
Kôran cowered on the floor, terrified at the unfamiliar fit of rage that had taken control of her normally calm and gentle Hôjun. But, as soon as he spoke of exacting payment from Hikô, she leapt up and grabbed hold of him.
"Hôjun! Please stop! You're scaring me!" He kept repeating his promise to make Hikô pay, frightening her even more. He had seemed to go completely mad. "Yamete, Hôjun! Onegai shimasu! Yamete kudasai!"
He shoved her away from him so he could grip her by her shoulders. His eyes were wild, and a chilling grin spread over his face as he began to speak, so different from the soft, loving smile he had always given her before. "Kôran, I swear on my love for you that I'll get you back! If Hikô is out of the picture, you'll come back to me, ne? Ne?"
Oh, gods. Oh, great Suzaku. He meant to kill Hikô. She hadn't the chance to answer when he continued in the same mad, love-crazed tone.
"I'll be back, Kôran. You will be mine again, I swear it!" And with that, he turned and dashed out of her house toward his own.
Kôran dropped to her knees, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering. Silent tears made their way slowly down her cheeks. A monster. Her cherished Hôjun had turned into a monster. He was utterly mad.
But, what scared her the most was not his sudden bloodlust, but the look in his eyes as he gazed into hers not one minute ago. The rage had disappeared when he looked at her. In its place was love. Love so deep it had consumed his soul and allowed him to fall prey to—what? A demon? His own mind? What?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He ran toward his house, visions of blood and pain dancing across his mind's eye. This would be sweet. This would be very sweet indeed.
He burst in the door, finding an empty house. He wasted no time in wondering where his family was. Only one thing occupied his mind. He strode over to the small chest in the corner and opened it. Inside were his father's hunting knives. He slowly and deliberately looked over them all, lovingly fingering some of them, trying to decide which to take his revenge with. She will be mine again!
Finally, he chose one. It was one of the largest, with a relatively plain handle. But, the blade was long and wide, with a vicious-looking serrated edge. He ran his thumb lightly over the sharp edge, and a small bead of blood started to collect in the minute cut. His father used this one to saw through the thick bones of any large animals he caught in autumn for their winter supply of meat. Soon, Hikô. Soon, your bones will feel this blade slicing through them!
A hideous grin spread over his face as he imagined warm blood spilling over his hands as he stabbed the knife into his "friend's" heart and lungs. He could almost feel Hikô's body spasming in his grasp, the throes of death wracking painfully through him. Choked gasps and screams invaded his ears as he wondered at how satisfying it would be to watch the vile traitor die a slow, agonizing death. He would enjoy this. He would enjoy this very much.
He tucked the knife into the folds of his tunic and ran out the door, in search of his victim.
To be continued…
Author's Notes: Well, what d'ya think? I hope I didn't make Hôjun too crazy. But, I wanted to show how deeply Kôran's rejection of him cut into him. A trauma that great almost guarantees complete madness, I think. Anyway, please send any questions, comments, suggestions, and/or constructive criticism to mangareader@hotmail.com, onegai shimasu! As my friends would say, any flames will be read, laughed at, and then deleted.