Chapter 17: Can't stay away

And I know these scars will bleed

But both of our hearts believe

All of these stars will guide us home

- Ed Sheeran

Everything seemed to have slowed down. Even as I blinked once at Tom, then twice, it felt like someone had hit the slow-motion button.

Did I hear it right? Had he really said that he owed me a huge apology?

Is it because you're actually engaged to be married to some aristocratic lady back home and this was just a fling – your one last hurrah in America? Are arranged marriages even still a thing in these times?

"I've – I've been keeping things from you," Tom revealed quietly. "Things that I should've told you earlier."

I looked at Tom with a renewed sense of dread.

Things like how you're part of a sinister secret society that forbids you from forming romantic ties with anyone? And now you'll be punished severely by said secret society and I'll never get to see you again?

My thoughts had gone wild and there was no stopping them.

I swallowed. "Well, I'm listening if you're ready to tell me now."

Tom nodded. Emitting a sigh, he said, "Okay, well. I'm not sure how to begin. But I guess the first thing is that – I know more about you than you think…"

I gave Tom a genuinely confused look. "What do you mean?"

"Like, I knew about your family's tragic accident…"

"You did? How? And how long have you known about it?"

Tom let out his breath loudly. "After our first meeting. Your social media presence was practically nonexistent, so I asked someone to help me locate you. You mentioned your last name, if you remember. Alison Kinloch."

I frowned. "Do you mean you hired someone? Like a private investigator or something?"

"Not exactly a private investigator. This person works for Uncle Ollie and has connections. So he made some calls and unintentionally discovered your past through all the news coverage of the car crash at that time. And he also managed to track down Café Luna…"

"So that was how you ended up calling Lou for the catering gig for Blake Lively's movie premiere."

"Yeah." Tom looked pained. "I'm really sorry, Ali. It wasn't right at all, the way I went about looking for information about you –"

"But why though? Why go through all that trouble?" I shook my head, suddenly shivering despite the heated pool water I was standing in. "I'm just a nobody. A random girl you met at some party that I wasn't even supposed to have been at."

Tom stared at me, wide-eyed. "You're not a nobody, Ali. Far from it. I wanted to see you again. I knew I'd missed my chance when Danielle dragged me out of Nuovo, but I couldn't stop thinking about it – couldn't stop thinking about you. So I decided to do what I did, which I'm absolutely not proud of."

"Okay. So then we met again, and again. But it never seemed to go anywhere." I bit my lip, still confused. "Am I missing something here..?"

"I was conflicted," Tom explained, eyebrows knitted in worry. "I saw how you had your name splashed across so many news headlines at such a young age, when you lost your family and became the sole survivor of a horrific accident – I could guess how you must hate being put in the spotlight."

Tom looked deep in thought as he continued, "And the thing is, my last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend couldn't stand the lack of privacy. The constant attention from the media. And some of the fans went too far – they said a bunch of nasty things about her, found out where she worked and tried to call her up at the office, stalked her younger sister's Instagram account… It was insane. After ten months, she said she was done. She couldn't handle all the stress that came with being my girlfriend. I wasn't sure if I'd ever want to put another person through this."

My mind reeled from all of Tom's words. There was so much to take in.

"Ali? Are you okay?" Tom's eyes searched mine, uncertain.

"Uhh, I… I don't know what to say."

"It's my fault for holding back on all of this and then unloading everything at once right now. Hence the need for the huge apology." Tom frowned. "But if I were to be completely honest, there's another thing I have to apologize for…"

He took a deep breath. "I have to apologize, because after everything I've told you, about being conflicted and all – I still want you. I still want to see you. To hear you calling me Trev and feeling like I'm right where I need to be. I just can't stay away from you, Ali. No matter how hard I try, and God knows I did try my very best – but I just can't."

Could it be true? Could Tom be saying everything that I'd been secretly wanting to hear, and more?

My voice trembled as I responded, "I can't stay away from you either, Trev. It would've been so much easier if I could. Because you're right, my privacy is super important to me and your world is just so different from mine…"

"Please, please know that I would never ask you to do something you're not comfortable with, Ali," Tom said earnestly. "But if there's any way at all we can make this work, despite how apart our worlds are – I don't know, it just feels like we slip into in our own secret world anyway, whenever we're together. Or am I just being crazy here?"

Unknowingly, my eyes had begun to well up and a stray tear escaped down my cheek. I thought Tom might not have noticed, but he slowly ran a thumb across my face to wipe the tear away.

"Hey, don't cry," Tom implored in the softest, most tender tone.

"You need to stop saying all of these heart-wrenching things first," I told him with an embarrassed laugh, looking down. When was the last time I'd even cried anyway? I was such an emotional mess tonight.

"You wanted honesty, didn't you?" he teased.

"Yeah well. I guess I thought I was ready for it. But I'm so overwhelmed now."

"Okay, no more honesty for now then."

"Trev!"

"Just kidding. Here's one more bit of honesty that you're probably not ready for…"

I glanced up at Tom with curiosity as he gingerly took a step closer to me.

"I really, really want to kiss you again."

"Oh."

"But I'm happy to stay at arm's length away from you, just like everyone else, if you'd prefer that…" Tom murmured, holding up his palms.

"No," I replied immediately. My eyes looked up at the Manhattan night sky, which was too bright for any stars to be visible, but it was strangely comforting enough to know that the stars were still there somewhere – the same stars that had witnessed how an ordinary girl from Warren had been held captivated by a boy from Kingston so many months ago on that rooftop lounge.

I refocused on Tom and that pair of brown eyes that I knew, and adored. "I don't ever want you to go away again. I've got a lot of things to figure out, but I do know that I – I want you in my life."

Tom's achingly beautiful smile spread across his face. "Really?" His hand reached for mine in the water, and when our fingers intertwined, I knew I'd never felt more safe and sure.

He leaned in, and our lips were about to touch when Harrison's voice jolted the both of us apart.

"Ali Cat! Tom Cat! Did you guys start the pool party without us?!"

As Tom and I looked up at Harrison and Jayna who were standing near the edge of the pool, I could hear Jayna chiding Harrison, "Maybe it's a private session that we're not invited to! Let's give them some time to –"

"No, it's fine, Jays," I called out to her, noticing how Tom was still holding my hand beneath the surface of the water. He gave a squeeze, as if to assure me that he wasn't going to let go.

"Yeah, come on in, you two. The water's amazing," Tom added.

A moment later, Jayna and Harrison had stripped down to their swimwear and took the leap together into the pool with a magnificent splash.

Laughing gleefully as they resurfaced, Jayna and Harrison waded to where Tom and I were.

"Sooo what's new with you guys?" Jayna cooed with a big, expectant grin. "Did we miss anything?"

"No, not really," I answered nonchalantly.

"How's the birthday girl enjoying herself?" Tom prompted.

"Pretty well, thank you," Jayna replied. "And it's about to get better – I've just ordered us some shots!"

"She's unstoppable," Harrison told me and Tom. "I'm worried for my liver."

Jayna slung an arm casually over Harrison's shoulder. "The night has only begun. Brace yourselves."

I had to laugh at Harrison's dramatically horrified expression, a stark contrast to Jayna's excited, beaming face.

A catchy song by The Chainsmokers streamed in through the speakers and Jayna seized my arm. "Ali, dance with me!" she exclaimed.

Tom released my hand and threw me a smile. "It's probably a good idea to hold on to Jayna. To make sure she doesn't trip and crash into the water," he said with a chuckle.

"Heyyy, I heard that," Jayna told Tom, wrinkling her nose. "I'm not drunk… yet!"

"Jays, you're not actually planning to get flat-out wasted, are you?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "You're the designated driver for tonight, remember?"

"It's cool. We can just stay here for the night," Jayna answered breezily. "Harrison said there's plenty of room in their suite."

"Are you sure –" I pulled Jayna further away so that we were out of Harrison's and Tom's earshot. "Are you sure it's a good idea? Spending the night in the same suite as these two guys? I mean, how well do we know them, really?"

"You seem to have gotten to know Tom a lot better in the past hour," Jayna remarked smilingly. "I saw you two holding hands!"

"For someone who's more than halfway sloshed, you're pretty observant," I groaned.

"Ali, you have to tell me everything."

"There's not much to tell…"

"Did you guys kiss?! Oh my God, you did, didn't you?" Jayna squealed.

"Keep it down," I said hastily, glancing at Harrison and Tom. Luckily, their attention was fixed on the shot glasses in their hands. A second later, they'd downed the shots.

"Does this mean we can go double dating next time?" Jayna tapped at her chin with a finger thoughtfully.

"You're thinking way too far ahead. I don't even know yet what's going to happen between me and Tom. It's kind of complicated… We were in the middle of talking when you and Harrison showed up."

"Ohhh Ali, then all the more reason for us to stay the night here. You can't just leave things hanging in the air like this with Tom."

"We'll see." My gaze wandered over to Tom's direction again, and this time he must've felt it because the next second his eyes were locked into mine and his smiling lips widened.

A rush of emotions washed over me. Hope. Fear. Joy. Uncertainty. And beneath it all, was a quiet yet unmistakable soul-stirring feeling of love.