Title: Sweet Misery Part 2/?
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Category: B/A of course. Mention of X/A, W/T and various other couples, the same as in 'IOSK'.
Spoilers: Some of season six I guess. No bad character death, no failed relationships between certain witches and certain ex demons and carpenters. This is a sequel to 'If Only She Knew' so reading that first would probably help. If Only She Knew is set five years after season six and three of BtVS and AtS. So Buffy's around 26.
Summary: All things take time, Buffy and Angel's relationship being no exception.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, b/a lists, Wild Horses, Eternal Love if CC wants it.
Dedication: All the lovely folks at fanfiction.net who reviewed this story and 'IOSK'. It's so appreciated, don't stop feedbacking! :)
Feedback: Please yes. :) I adore feedback, who doesn't? Drop me a line or write a review if you're reading this at ff.net
~ Sweet Misery~
[i]" All in all you see
Everything is history
Think of all that you've been missing"[/i]
- Missing, Sheryl Crow
Part 2: Angel
I didn't know. No, that's not the important part. The important part is I didn't even think about it. Didn't even wonder. Sure, I didn't see her or talk to her for months, years sometimes but I should have
at least wondered.
After she told me about the past few years, I told her what had happened to me. Connor. Darla. Cordelia. All the things that she didn't know and perhaps didn't want to know. God, I didn't want to know about Spike but I needed to. I think we needed to. It suddenly occurred to me that this was the first real conversation we'd had in years. The first time we'd actually talked. I missed that. It just seems wrong that our worlds used to be one and the same but somewhere along the way they changed.
There's a part of me that ached when we talked about Cordelia. There's a part of me that ached when I was with Cordelia too though. It hurts no matter what - I don't know why I figured humanity would be easier than immortality. It's not. If anything it's *harder. Guess things aren't meant to be easy. That would make life boring right?
After we talked, I went back to the house, my house. Cordy wasn't there and if she was I wouldn't have known what to do or say. I suppose she went to stay with Anya or someone. Most of her clothes and belongings were gone when I checked.
I couldn't go back to Buffy's place. It's really not fair and right now, I'm so messed up things would probably go badly. So I booked in at a hotel and I'm sitting on the bed wondering how I got here. How on earth did I get this far?
My mobile rings and I pick it up eager for any kind of distraction from these thoughts.
" Angel? It's me Anya. I'm just checking to make sure you're not suicidal or anything." She says chirpily.
I can't help but smile. " I'm not suicidal."
" Oh. Good. But you wouldn't be, I guess... so how's Buffy?"
" Why do you assume I went to see Buffy?"
" How is she?" Anya says again and I can almost hear her eyes roll through the phone line.
" She's fine" I say cautiously. I never know what Anya's going to say next.
" Fine huh, you had sex?"
I *really* didn't see that coming.
" No!"
" Just wondering. It's a common human response to betrayal. Get drunk. Have sex. Feel guilty. Get even more depressed. I've been there."
" You really have." I say, remembering someone telling me about her and Spike.
Anya doesn't take it personally. " Oh, you mean I slept with Spike and so did Cordy? I guess. He *is* good in bed." She reflects.
" Damn it. I didn't mean to rub it in or depress you further. I'm sorry." She's sincere this time.
" It's okay."
" Good. And if you want moral support well, I wouldn't suggest coming round here 'cause Xander really doesn't like you, I think it's jealousy issues. Plus Cordy's here. She's not so happy herself. But if you want to talk then I'm here and I really know a lot about this stuff. Vengeance and the like." She says brightly.
" There's vengeance now?"
" There could be, if you want?" I hear a little eagerness in her voice.
" No An, I don't want." I tell her quickly.
" Fine. I suppose vengeance is a bad idea but still." She sighs wistfully.
" How's the baby?" I change the subject.
" Live and kicking. Really kicking. Boy, you have to be creative in the bedroom with this pregnancy thing, let me tell you – "
" Maybe another time."
" Okay" She says amiably.
" Are you really okay?" Anya asks me again. She doesn't give me time to answer. " You will be."
I smile.
" I'd better go. Take care"
" You too"
I turn off the phone and look around the hotel room, briefly cheered up but my momentary happiness quickly fades.
I don't recognise any of this. Not the surroundings but this feeling. It's not heartbreak or loneliness because I've been there before, I would recognise that. I don't know what it is but it's new and it's tearing me up.
I close my eyes and fight the urge to phone Buffy.
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Category: B/A of course. Mention of X/A, W/T and various other couples, the same as in 'IOSK'.
Spoilers: Some of season six I guess. No bad character death, no failed relationships between certain witches and certain ex demons and carpenters. This is a sequel to 'If Only She Knew' so reading that first would probably help. If Only She Knew is set five years after season six and three of BtVS and AtS. So Buffy's around 26.
Summary: All things take time, Buffy and Angel's relationship being no exception.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, b/a lists, Wild Horses, Eternal Love if CC wants it.
Dedication: All the lovely folks at fanfiction.net who reviewed this story and 'IOSK'. It's so appreciated, don't stop feedbacking! :)
Feedback: Please yes. :) I adore feedback, who doesn't? Drop me a line or write a review if you're reading this at ff.net
~ Sweet Misery~
[i]" All in all you see
Everything is history
Think of all that you've been missing"[/i]
- Missing, Sheryl Crow
Part 2: Angel
I didn't know. No, that's not the important part. The important part is I didn't even think about it. Didn't even wonder. Sure, I didn't see her or talk to her for months, years sometimes but I should have
at least wondered.
After she told me about the past few years, I told her what had happened to me. Connor. Darla. Cordelia. All the things that she didn't know and perhaps didn't want to know. God, I didn't want to know about Spike but I needed to. I think we needed to. It suddenly occurred to me that this was the first real conversation we'd had in years. The first time we'd actually talked. I missed that. It just seems wrong that our worlds used to be one and the same but somewhere along the way they changed.
There's a part of me that ached when we talked about Cordelia. There's a part of me that ached when I was with Cordelia too though. It hurts no matter what - I don't know why I figured humanity would be easier than immortality. It's not. If anything it's *harder. Guess things aren't meant to be easy. That would make life boring right?
After we talked, I went back to the house, my house. Cordy wasn't there and if she was I wouldn't have known what to do or say. I suppose she went to stay with Anya or someone. Most of her clothes and belongings were gone when I checked.
I couldn't go back to Buffy's place. It's really not fair and right now, I'm so messed up things would probably go badly. So I booked in at a hotel and I'm sitting on the bed wondering how I got here. How on earth did I get this far?
My mobile rings and I pick it up eager for any kind of distraction from these thoughts.
" Angel? It's me Anya. I'm just checking to make sure you're not suicidal or anything." She says chirpily.
I can't help but smile. " I'm not suicidal."
" Oh. Good. But you wouldn't be, I guess... so how's Buffy?"
" Why do you assume I went to see Buffy?"
" How is she?" Anya says again and I can almost hear her eyes roll through the phone line.
" She's fine" I say cautiously. I never know what Anya's going to say next.
" Fine huh, you had sex?"
I *really* didn't see that coming.
" No!"
" Just wondering. It's a common human response to betrayal. Get drunk. Have sex. Feel guilty. Get even more depressed. I've been there."
" You really have." I say, remembering someone telling me about her and Spike.
Anya doesn't take it personally. " Oh, you mean I slept with Spike and so did Cordy? I guess. He *is* good in bed." She reflects.
" Damn it. I didn't mean to rub it in or depress you further. I'm sorry." She's sincere this time.
" It's okay."
" Good. And if you want moral support well, I wouldn't suggest coming round here 'cause Xander really doesn't like you, I think it's jealousy issues. Plus Cordy's here. She's not so happy herself. But if you want to talk then I'm here and I really know a lot about this stuff. Vengeance and the like." She says brightly.
" There's vengeance now?"
" There could be, if you want?" I hear a little eagerness in her voice.
" No An, I don't want." I tell her quickly.
" Fine. I suppose vengeance is a bad idea but still." She sighs wistfully.
" How's the baby?" I change the subject.
" Live and kicking. Really kicking. Boy, you have to be creative in the bedroom with this pregnancy thing, let me tell you – "
" Maybe another time."
" Okay" She says amiably.
" Are you really okay?" Anya asks me again. She doesn't give me time to answer. " You will be."
I smile.
" I'd better go. Take care"
" You too"
I turn off the phone and look around the hotel room, briefly cheered up but my momentary happiness quickly fades.
I don't recognise any of this. Not the surroundings but this feeling. It's not heartbreak or loneliness because I've been there before, I would recognise that. I don't know what it is but it's new and it's tearing me up.
I close my eyes and fight the urge to phone Buffy.