Title: Sweet Misery 4/?
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Category: B/A of course. I think I'm going to make it a little more Dawn/Spike centric too but the focus will remain on B/A. Mention of X/A, W/T, and various other couples, the same as in 'IOSK'.
Spoilers: Some of season six I guess. This is a sequel to 'If Only She Knew' so reading that first would probably help. If Only She Knew is set five years after season six and three of BtVS and AtS. Everyone's all grown up and hey what do ya know, grown up Dawn isn't bratty.
Summary: All things take time, Buffy and Angel's relationship being no exception.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, b/a lists, Wild Horses, CC's fic site.
Dedication: Everyone who's feedbacked me on this story, thank you!
Feedback: *begs and smiles brightly*
~ Sweet Misery ~
i"Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain And feelings of aggression are the absence of the love drug in your veins" i
- Gunning Down Romance, Savage Garden
Part 4: Cordelia
" Ah! The ritual burning of photographs and belongings?" Anya asks brightly as she sees me thumbing through photographs.
I look up and smile. " Not quite. I was just looking at them."
All these *stupid* pictures of me and Angel. On a skiing holiday to Switzerland, at our beach house in Malibu, at a hundred parties and gatherings. None of them at home or any of them meaningful. I look at them and I don't feel anything except regret that they don't mean anything anymore.
" What are you looking for?" She asks, kneeling onto the floor beside me.
" Can you tell?" I ask and hold up a photo. I'm smiling the dazzling Queen C smile and wearing a red dress that I remember skimmed across my skin and cooled me in the hot summer air. Angel has his arm around me and is wearing an Armani suit, the first couple of shirt buttons undone.
" Tell what?" Anya frowns, breaking my chain of thought.
I shrug helplessly. " That in a couple of years we'd be broken up? Does it look like something's wrong?"
Anya peers at the picture a little and she shakes her head.
" I guess you can't." I scoop the pictures up in my arms and put them back into their box. Maybe one day they'll matter, maybe I'll look at them and smile instead of thinking how unbelievably shallow we were. That's Los Angeles for you, right?
" Me and Xander are going out to dinner. You can come if you want" She offers.
" Nah" I shake my head. " I think I'll go out." I say decidedly.
" You sure? Shouldn't you be - "
" Sitting here moping and getting fat on ice cream? Nope. You guys go out, have fun."
" Okay" Anya says and pats me on the shoulder before leaving. Xander calls bye and the door closes.
I go to their bathroom and empty out my cosmetics bag on the floor. I carefully select a lipstick - Autumn Rose whatever that means and start applying it. At least this is one thing I can do, heck I spent all of High School perfecting the skill of making myself look beautiful. Well helping fight demons too - oh and cheerleading but I'd say a good part of High School was spent doing my makeup. Especially in Math class. Me and Harmony would sit at the back and bitch over people whilst applying makeup. This was before she became a vampire, before I became a seer, before all this crap.
I was just Cordy, no I was Queen C and it was damn good. Sure I was a bitch and sure I was mean and now I feel bad about the way I acted but like I said, it was *damn* good.
I run a brush through my hair and it falls around my face. It's long and brown again, like in High School and I think I like it this way.
Ugh, I slip out of a vest top and joggers. I'm not being moping girl anymore. Sitting around looking at old photographs? Please, that's something *Buffy* would do. Not me, not Cordelia.
I choose a dark purple dress from my suitcase. The silk's a little creased but I know I'll look good in it whatever. It has thin straps and a neckline that dips low front and back. It's short, several inches above my knees and my new D&G sandals will go perfectly.
I grab a handbag and head out the door, remembering to lock it with the key Anya gave me.
I turn on the radio of my car and flick stations for a couple of seconds.
" I ain't taking shit off no-one Baby that was yesterday"
Suitably fitting, I think and turn up the volume. Someone from a nearby house yells something but I don't care. Something like shut the hell up I guess. I ignore it. This is Los Angeles, goddamn it, what do you expect? That's the thing about this city. Expect everything. Expect nothing. LA will surprise you either way. Love it or hate it, it doesn't matter. LA's always the same and always different.
I'm briefly reminded of a time years ago, after the break up with Xander when I pulled up in front of Sunnydale High dressed to kill, determined to forget him and oh it looked like I did but my heart broke a little every time I passed him in the corridors.
But this is different, I suddenly don't care. Really, genuinely. Not about Angel or any of this. He can go to Buffy and they can have their angst and drama and precious eternal love but I don't care. I'm movin' on, something they don't seem to be able to do.
I drive and drive till I reach a club. As I reach the bar a blond guy offers to buy me a drink. He's kinda timid looking, fits my mental picture of that ex of Buffy's, Riley? Something like that. I size him up and reject him. " Sorry honey, you're not my type"
He'll get over it. I'm sure there are plenty of girls who wouldn't mind a drink from a cute guy like that. Maybe there'd have fun leading him around on a leash and having him bend over backwards for them too. But me, I'm not one of them. He leaves and I accept a margherita from a tall dark skinned guy who kinda reminds me of Gunn. Y'know what? The bitch is back. Really truly and it's damn good.
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Category: B/A of course. I think I'm going to make it a little more Dawn/Spike centric too but the focus will remain on B/A. Mention of X/A, W/T, and various other couples, the same as in 'IOSK'.
Spoilers: Some of season six I guess. This is a sequel to 'If Only She Knew' so reading that first would probably help. If Only She Knew is set five years after season six and three of BtVS and AtS. Everyone's all grown up and hey what do ya know, grown up Dawn isn't bratty.
Summary: All things take time, Buffy and Angel's relationship being no exception.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, b/a lists, Wild Horses, CC's fic site.
Dedication: Everyone who's feedbacked me on this story, thank you!
Feedback: *begs and smiles brightly*
~ Sweet Misery ~
i"Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain And feelings of aggression are the absence of the love drug in your veins" i
- Gunning Down Romance, Savage Garden
Part 4: Cordelia
" Ah! The ritual burning of photographs and belongings?" Anya asks brightly as she sees me thumbing through photographs.
I look up and smile. " Not quite. I was just looking at them."
All these *stupid* pictures of me and Angel. On a skiing holiday to Switzerland, at our beach house in Malibu, at a hundred parties and gatherings. None of them at home or any of them meaningful. I look at them and I don't feel anything except regret that they don't mean anything anymore.
" What are you looking for?" She asks, kneeling onto the floor beside me.
" Can you tell?" I ask and hold up a photo. I'm smiling the dazzling Queen C smile and wearing a red dress that I remember skimmed across my skin and cooled me in the hot summer air. Angel has his arm around me and is wearing an Armani suit, the first couple of shirt buttons undone.
" Tell what?" Anya frowns, breaking my chain of thought.
I shrug helplessly. " That in a couple of years we'd be broken up? Does it look like something's wrong?"
Anya peers at the picture a little and she shakes her head.
" I guess you can't." I scoop the pictures up in my arms and put them back into their box. Maybe one day they'll matter, maybe I'll look at them and smile instead of thinking how unbelievably shallow we were. That's Los Angeles for you, right?
" Me and Xander are going out to dinner. You can come if you want" She offers.
" Nah" I shake my head. " I think I'll go out." I say decidedly.
" You sure? Shouldn't you be - "
" Sitting here moping and getting fat on ice cream? Nope. You guys go out, have fun."
" Okay" Anya says and pats me on the shoulder before leaving. Xander calls bye and the door closes.
I go to their bathroom and empty out my cosmetics bag on the floor. I carefully select a lipstick - Autumn Rose whatever that means and start applying it. At least this is one thing I can do, heck I spent all of High School perfecting the skill of making myself look beautiful. Well helping fight demons too - oh and cheerleading but I'd say a good part of High School was spent doing my makeup. Especially in Math class. Me and Harmony would sit at the back and bitch over people whilst applying makeup. This was before she became a vampire, before I became a seer, before all this crap.
I was just Cordy, no I was Queen C and it was damn good. Sure I was a bitch and sure I was mean and now I feel bad about the way I acted but like I said, it was *damn* good.
I run a brush through my hair and it falls around my face. It's long and brown again, like in High School and I think I like it this way.
Ugh, I slip out of a vest top and joggers. I'm not being moping girl anymore. Sitting around looking at old photographs? Please, that's something *Buffy* would do. Not me, not Cordelia.
I choose a dark purple dress from my suitcase. The silk's a little creased but I know I'll look good in it whatever. It has thin straps and a neckline that dips low front and back. It's short, several inches above my knees and my new D&G sandals will go perfectly.
I grab a handbag and head out the door, remembering to lock it with the key Anya gave me.
I turn on the radio of my car and flick stations for a couple of seconds.
" I ain't taking shit off no-one Baby that was yesterday"
Suitably fitting, I think and turn up the volume. Someone from a nearby house yells something but I don't care. Something like shut the hell up I guess. I ignore it. This is Los Angeles, goddamn it, what do you expect? That's the thing about this city. Expect everything. Expect nothing. LA will surprise you either way. Love it or hate it, it doesn't matter. LA's always the same and always different.
I'm briefly reminded of a time years ago, after the break up with Xander when I pulled up in front of Sunnydale High dressed to kill, determined to forget him and oh it looked like I did but my heart broke a little every time I passed him in the corridors.
But this is different, I suddenly don't care. Really, genuinely. Not about Angel or any of this. He can go to Buffy and they can have their angst and drama and precious eternal love but I don't care. I'm movin' on, something they don't seem to be able to do.
I drive and drive till I reach a club. As I reach the bar a blond guy offers to buy me a drink. He's kinda timid looking, fits my mental picture of that ex of Buffy's, Riley? Something like that. I size him up and reject him. " Sorry honey, you're not my type"
He'll get over it. I'm sure there are plenty of girls who wouldn't mind a drink from a cute guy like that. Maybe there'd have fun leading him around on a leash and having him bend over backwards for them too. But me, I'm not one of them. He leaves and I accept a margherita from a tall dark skinned guy who kinda reminds me of Gunn. Y'know what? The bitch is back. Really truly and it's damn good.