DAY 14.
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!
Spike didn't dare open his eyes. He didn't need to do it to know where his face was resting. He could feel it. He could even *smell* it. And he could also tell the soul was still there, hammering like mad in his head.
Clem: I'm sorry for the… Spike?
Spike had gotten up and lifted a chair, and was now breaking one of its legs. Once it was done, he handed the piece of wood to his demon friend.
Spike: Stake me.
Clem: What?!?
Spike: Please. Stake me.
Clem: Spike, are you out of your mind? You just came back, and you're asking me to stake you? Is anything wrong?
Spike: Don't ask. Just stake me.
Clem looked at the broken chair's leg warily, but still didn't take it.
Clem: Are you sure you don't want to talk about it first?
Spike: Yes, I'm sure. Now stake me.
Clem: Spike, you really should…
Spike: Oh come on! Don't worry, I won't die. Well, I will at first, but I'll come back tomorrow. I mean, today.
Clem was now looking at him as if he was a madman.
Clem: Hmm… Have you been around Dru lately?
Spike: I'm *not* crazy! First I get dusted twice by the sunrays, then whatever I do nothing turns out right… I keep living this bloody day!
Clem: Right… Hum… Maybe you should get some sleep…
Spike: I already tried that yesterday! (he forced the chair's leg in Clem's hands) Just. Stake. Me.
Clem (putting the stake aside): I think you're really not in your right mind.
Spike (ignoring him): You know, that might actually work. So far I haven't been staked yet. Just sunbathed too long. You don't want to stake me? No problem. I know a lot of people who're just waiting to kill me!
* * * * * * * * * *
Somewhat later, Spike entered vociferously in the demon bar.
Spike: Hello everybody! Hey! RatFace! Haven't seen ya in a while, huh?
The demon immediately stood up and walked to Spike but stopped.
Spike: What? Don't tell me you're afraid! Hey! It's me, your foe! I killed your brothers! C'mon bastard! Remember when I stole your –
Spike's body was suddenly thrown to a wall.
Spike (smiling): Good demon! But hey, I'd prefer the quick way. (gave a stake to the demon) Hurry up! I'm sick of being stuck in this day!
As he said so, the demon took the stake and Spike returned to dust.
* * * * * * * * * *
DAY 15:
A scream. A fall off the bed. A pizza box. Clem's gossip.
Spike just stood up and walked away from the crypt, completely ignoring Clem's surprise and questions. He arrived in front of a church's door, smashed it down and entered in the church. He glanced everywhere and finally found what he was looking for: holy water. He sighed, took a glass, filled it with the liquid and swallowed it in one gulp, ignoring the unbearable pain slowly spreading to his whole body.
* * * * * * * * * *
DAY 16:
This time, Spike was checking all the "how-to-kill-a-vampire" ways when Clem tried to stop him.
Spike: Thanks Clem, I know what you've done. But, I'm… busy… and tired…
Clem: So you'd better get some rest!
Spike: No. There is one way left.
Clem: One way for what?
Spike was already out, walking to the train station. He lay down on the train rails and waited. Spike had been waiting for a while and was beginning to wonder if he'd have to wait until dawn, when he eventually heard the sound of the train coming. He adjusted his head on the rails and closed his eyes, until, unknown to him, the clock's hands backed off again.
* * * * * * * * * *
DAY 17:
Spike experienced his usual pizza waking.
Spike (growling): AAARRRRGGGG!!!!!
Clem (softly): I'm really sorry for the-
Spike: I KNOW!!
Clem: Oh… (beat) Hum…
Spike: SHUT UP! (suddenly feeling guilty)… I'm sorry Clem… I know all you did for me but… I've tried sun, stake, holy water, decapitation… Would you inject me a garlic concentrate?
Clem: I don't know what you did after you left, but you don't need to do such things…
Spike: I have to! What else can I do? Being forgiven is impossible, apologizing is almost infeasible and I don't manage to die! What can I do?
Clem: Did you get the chip off?
Spike: I don't ca-… (he paused) Hey! That's the point!
He stared at Clem with his "Born to kill" look.
Spike: I know a way to figure this out quickly… (evil grin)
* * * * * * * * * *
Spike stepped again in front of the Summers' house, a huge grin on his face. Patiently, he waited for the door to open, ready for action.
Xander: Hey, goodnight ladies, or should I say, good morning! And don't –
Not letting Xander finish his sentence, Spike punched him wildly with most of his strength, probably breaking a nose in the process. And right after that, he smiled. He felt no pain. Absolutely nothing. Which could only mean one thing: no more chip… Spike rejoiced.
Spike: God it feels soooo good!
With that, he turned round and walked away, while Buffy and Dawn were helping Xander up.
Buffy: Xander, what happened?
Dawn: It's like I heard…
As both of them took a peek outside, they saw the vampire hurrying away. Dawn finished:
Dawn: … Spike talking…
One look at Xander's bleeding nose and they all understood what had happened. Xander stood up, his hand below his nostrils in an attempt to stop the bleeding, while looking angrily outside.
Xander: Looks like bleached boy got rid of the chip…
Making his way towards the nearest manhole before the sun would rise, Spike smirked. This time he was going to have a hell of a good time… A sudden strong hand laying on his shoulder made him turn round, and before he could realize it the Slayer had punched him down, lowering a stake upon his heart.
Spike skillfully blocked the attack by grabbing Buffy's wrist only inches from his chest, and with a quick kick in the stomach he sent her flying above his head and rolling behind him. In an instant, he was up again, ready to face the Slayer's next attack. The upset and determined look on her face wasn't lost on him. They began to circle around each other.
Spike: Hey pet. Up for a good fight?
Buffy (angrily): Got the chip out, did you?
Spike: To be honest, no. Well, in fact yes, but that's not what I sought in the first place, even if it's a side effect I happen to appreciate.
Buffy: I should have known that the chip was the only thing that prevented you from being evil.
Spike: You're wrong. See, I tried to be better. I really tried. For so many bloody days. But it never turned out right, you always threw me out, like the outcast I've always been.
Buffy frowned, but her grip on the stake was still tight.
Buffy: So as soon as you had the chip out, you decided to come back to make our lives a hell again? How many people have you already killed?
Spike smirked. With a quick look, he noticed the position of the soon to rise sun.
Spike: I'd love to chat longer with you, love, but I really have a tight schedule.
He lunged at Buffy, ducking to dodge the wooden stake, and in a quick blow he knocked her hard enough to make her fall back because of the sudden dizziness. With a satisfied smile, he looked over her laying body, until he heard Dawn and Xander running in their direction. He said under his breath:
Spike: Don't worry Slayer. I'll come back to take care of you later today…
He lifted the manhole cover and nimbly jumped down into the sewers he knew so well.
* * * * * * * * * *
Xander: Buffy, are you ok?
Buffy quickly got up to her feet.
Buffy: Yeah, I'm ok.
Noticing that Spike was already gone, she glanced questioningly at her friend and her sister.
Xander: He left to the sewers.
Buffy: I'd better track him down before he kills anyone.
Xander: I'll go with you.
Buffy: No. You stay here with Dawn at home. I prefer to know both of you are safe in there. Now that he doesn't have the chip to stop him anymore, I'm the only one able to fight him effectively.
Xander took Dawn by the shoulder and began to lead her back to the house, leaving Buffy alone in the street.
Xander: Come on Dawn. We'd better be off.
Dawn (sadly): Why is Spike acting that way?
Xander: He's a vampire, Dawn. He's evil. No one should have ever forgotten that.
* * * * * * * * * *
Spike had left the sewers thanks to a manhole conveniently located in a narrow dark alley between two high buildings. So high that the sun probably never lighted up this area, Spike thought.
He casually leant his back against a wall, and absentmindedly lit a cigarette. So the chip was out. And he probably now had the Slayer and her bloody Scoobies on his back, for all he cared.
His keen vampire senses suddenly alerted him that someone was coming, and obeying to his predator's instincts, he hid in the darkness and observed a potential prey. Young female adult. Probably a tender flesh. Carrying a dust bag and putting it in the large bin that was merely yards from him… He could hear her blood flowing in her veins so clearly… And before he could realize it, his human face turned into his demon one, all fangs out and his eyes glowing yellow in anticipation.
Feeding during the day wasn't exactly recommended, but it wasn't as if he could just wait for the night, living the same day over and all, and this alley was sun-proof anyway. Besides, he was determined to have as much fun as he could now he knew the chip was out, to make up for all those years of deprivation.
Silently, he crawled behind the young woman while she was beginning to make her way towards the street. In a flash, he was on her, and he barely heard a scream escape her throat before he snapped her neck. Ah, the sweet sound of screams again… Now that the chip was out, he'd be able to hear plenty of them…
* * * * * * * * * *
An hour or so after sundown, Buffy came back home to sum up the situation with Xander and Dawn.
Dawn: Did you find him?
Buffy: Nope… He couldn't leave the sewers before nightfall, so I looked for him there until then. But he knows the sewers way better than I do, and he probably knows where to hide. I've been to his crypt too, and Clem doesn't know where he is, he hasn't seen him since early this morning. After nightfall, I looked for him in the city center, but he could be anywhere now.
Xander: What wouldn't we give for a location spell right now, uh?
All three of them then thought silently about the two witches, one gone and one in England with Giles, until Buffy eventually broke the silence.
Buffy: Yeah. But for the time being we'll have to find him on our own. I'll patrol all night if it's needed, but he'll be a big pile of dust before morning.
Buffy suddenly saw her sister paling, staring through the window.
Buffy: What's going on Dawn?
She turned round to look at what could have caught her attention. Spike, in the middle of the street, snapping the neck of a walker and then feeding from him…
Buffy: Wait for me here. I won't be long.
* * * * * * * * * *
On his way to pay the Slayer a new little visit, Spike smiled as he sank his teeth into his last prey's fresh skin. It felt so good to feed once more from human blood. Compared to pig's one it was like a four-star meal.
Buffy: There you are.
Spike looked up from the neck he was feeding from to see the Slayer standing in front of him, her hands on her hips and holding a stake. He slowly slid his fangs out of the flesh and tossed the corpse aside, wiping the trickle of blood that was dribbling down his chin with the back of his hand. He smirked.
Spike: Hey, Slayer, have been looking for me? I told ya I'd be back for you later today.
Buffy: Looks like you went way past your mooneyes state over the summer.
Spike: In fact, only over the past few days. No matter what I do, you'll always reject me. That at least I understood.
Buffy (bitterly): A while ago I thought you might be able to become a better man. How wrong I was.
Spike: I might have a soul now, but hey, I'm still a vampire. Killing people, feeding from them… That's what we vampires do. That's our nature.
Buffy: A soul? I really should stake you before you begin to ramble too much…
After saying that, she leapt on the vampire, holding the stake threateningly frontward, but Spike easily avoided the attack by swirling on the side and kicked her roughly, sending her down on the ground.
Spike then suddenly felt a slight pat on his back. He turned round with a low annoyed growl, and quickly snapped the neck of whatever creature had dared do such a thing.
That was when he saw it. The look in her eyes. Fear. And death. A shiver of shame and pain ran down his spine, as he let the body fall limply on the ground. He stared at her unbelievingly, until Buffy's cry pierced his ears.
Buffy: DAWN!!
Spike stood still, unable to react, horrified by his own acts.
Spike (muttering): God Nibblet, what did I do?
He hadn't moved an inch when Buffy furiously drove her stake deep into his chest.
* * * * * * * * * *
DAY 18:
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!
Spike looked up. Clem. The crypt. The pizza box. He quickly got up and grabbed Clem by the shoulders in an attempt to make him stop babbling.
Spike: Clem, Clem! Listen to me, this his extremely important. Is this the first day you see me back here?
Clem: Why, yes!
Spike sat back on the bed, slightly relieved. In fact, if he hadn't been so hetero he might have French kissed Clem. Tears began to slowly roll down his cheeks while he buried his face in his hands. They were tears of sadness and happiness at the same time, sadness because he had killed Dawn, his Little Bit, the one he had protected so dearly over the last summer; and happiness because the fact that he was living the same day meant she was alive again.
He couldn't get that look on her face off his mind. Hurting. Obsessing. How could he have done that to her? The memory of it ached painfully in his mind. Fighting the Slayer, who could defend herself, who had played with his heart for so long, seemed almost legitimate. But Dawn… She had never done anything to him. She was fragile and innocent.
Then the vision of the other people he had killed that day replaced the one of Dawn. Innocent people, as innocent as Dawn was; people that probably were to yet other people what Dawn was to him. His tears redoubled at this thought.
Clem was looking at him with genuine concern.
Clem: Er… Spike? Are you ok?
Spike: The soul… It didn't change anything… I'm still a monster… A bloody stupid monster…
Clem: A soul? You… You have a soul now?
Spike: As if it made any difference… I'm disgusted with myself even more than that day when I tried to… force myself on Buffy…
Spike got up and began to walk towards the door.
Clem: Where are you going? You just arrived, and the sun will rise in an hour or so!
Spike: I… need to go check something.
* * * * * * * * * *
Spike gave a quick look through the Summers' window. She was there, on the couch, listening to Xander's joke. Safe and alive. The sound of her laughter made him smile.
Reassured, he turned on his heel and headed for the place he had decided to go to this new today.
* * * * * * * * * *
Anya gasped when she opened the door to her apartment and saw the vampire standing in front of her after she had heard someone knock.
Anya: Spike? What are you doing here? I thought you had left?
Spike: I had. Look, I don't have much time. I heard you were a demon again. And I need some help.
Anya seemed to hesitate.
Anya: What kind of help?
Spike: A teleportation. I… don't really have much time to travel.
Anya hesitated a little longer, but Spike eventually managed to convince her. She looked at him weirdly when he gave her the coordinates of the place where he wanted to be teleported.
Anya: Are you sure this is where you want to go? I mean, it's like… The middle of nowhere.
Spike: That's where I want to go. Those are the coordinates of a cave actually, and if you could make us appear inside the cave, I really wouldn't mind. It's probably the beginning of the afternoon around there, and you know that we vampires don't really like being outside during the afternoon.
Anya: Ok, I'll try my best.
* * * * * * * * * *
Spike looked around as he and Anya appeared in a cave. Despite the darkness, he could tell it was the right one. That demon's cave where he had endured all those trials to win his soul…
Spike: That's perfect Anya. Thanks.
Anya: Do you want me to wait for you? To teleport you back?
Spike: No, it's ok. You can go.
Spike watched as Anya disappeared in front of him. With a sight, he began to walk farther into the silent cave. After a while he grew impatient and called.
Spike: Oh come on! I know you're here!
A disembodied voice eventually answered him.
(voice): I see you are back, vampire. What is it you want?
Spike (angry): What I want? You dare ask me what I want? 'tis you who cursed me with a dysfunctional soul!
(voice, calmly): I gave you what you asked for.
Spike: I know I asked for a soul. But this one doesn't work properly, I'm the same with or without it, I can still kill people, so take it back!
(voice): What has been granted can't be taken back.
Spike: But it doesn't work! I'm the same monster I was before!
(voice): A soul cannot not work.
Spike: Then how could I be able to kill and feed from people, exactly like I did for over a century?
(voice): Not *exactly*. There is a difference.
Spike: Stop this crap! You know, you should really work on this after-sales service of yours. 'tis bloody obvious you -…
Spike's voice trailed off as he realized the demon was right, in a way. It *had* been different. He had felt guilty. Not immediately after the kills, but he had. For Dawn of course, but also for those he didn't even know. He finally admitted:
Spike: Ok. You may be right. But I had thought that if I had a soul I wouldn't be able to kill anyone, like the P-… (Spike hesitated, guessing that the demon probably didn't know the name he liked to give to his grandsire) Hmm… Like Angel. That it would make me as close to a human as possible.
(voice): Souled humans kill each other every day, the ability to kill is not due to a lack of soul. A soul only gives one the possibility to choose. The choice is then up to you.
Spike: Maybe, but that's not the choice I wanted to make!
A strange sensation overwhelmed Spike as he felt the demon was reading his mind.
(voice): Your behavior was not due to a choice you made, but to your impulsiveness.
Spike pondered over that. He was right. He had always been impulsive. As soon as he had known the chip was out, he had felt the urge to kill, exactly like that day when he had found that he could hit Buffy and had thought that it was because the chip didn't work anymore. The demon interrupted his thoughts.
(voice): Do you still want me to take back your soul?
Spike: Hmm, well… No, I think I'll cope. Anyway I don't think you'd be able to take it back for more than a day… (beat) Do you mind if I stay here until tomorrow?
***********************
We hope this chapter wasn't too depressing... But hey, we had to go through that.
The next chapter's title will be "Having some fun", if that can cheer you up...
Oh, and thanks for all the great reviews! You have no idea how motivating it is!
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!
Spike didn't dare open his eyes. He didn't need to do it to know where his face was resting. He could feel it. He could even *smell* it. And he could also tell the soul was still there, hammering like mad in his head.
Clem: I'm sorry for the… Spike?
Spike had gotten up and lifted a chair, and was now breaking one of its legs. Once it was done, he handed the piece of wood to his demon friend.
Spike: Stake me.
Clem: What?!?
Spike: Please. Stake me.
Clem: Spike, are you out of your mind? You just came back, and you're asking me to stake you? Is anything wrong?
Spike: Don't ask. Just stake me.
Clem looked at the broken chair's leg warily, but still didn't take it.
Clem: Are you sure you don't want to talk about it first?
Spike: Yes, I'm sure. Now stake me.
Clem: Spike, you really should…
Spike: Oh come on! Don't worry, I won't die. Well, I will at first, but I'll come back tomorrow. I mean, today.
Clem was now looking at him as if he was a madman.
Clem: Hmm… Have you been around Dru lately?
Spike: I'm *not* crazy! First I get dusted twice by the sunrays, then whatever I do nothing turns out right… I keep living this bloody day!
Clem: Right… Hum… Maybe you should get some sleep…
Spike: I already tried that yesterday! (he forced the chair's leg in Clem's hands) Just. Stake. Me.
Clem (putting the stake aside): I think you're really not in your right mind.
Spike (ignoring him): You know, that might actually work. So far I haven't been staked yet. Just sunbathed too long. You don't want to stake me? No problem. I know a lot of people who're just waiting to kill me!
Somewhat later, Spike entered vociferously in the demon bar.
Spike: Hello everybody! Hey! RatFace! Haven't seen ya in a while, huh?
The demon immediately stood up and walked to Spike but stopped.
Spike: What? Don't tell me you're afraid! Hey! It's me, your foe! I killed your brothers! C'mon bastard! Remember when I stole your –
Spike's body was suddenly thrown to a wall.
Spike (smiling): Good demon! But hey, I'd prefer the quick way. (gave a stake to the demon) Hurry up! I'm sick of being stuck in this day!
As he said so, the demon took the stake and Spike returned to dust.
DAY 15:
A scream. A fall off the bed. A pizza box. Clem's gossip.
Spike just stood up and walked away from the crypt, completely ignoring Clem's surprise and questions. He arrived in front of a church's door, smashed it down and entered in the church. He glanced everywhere and finally found what he was looking for: holy water. He sighed, took a glass, filled it with the liquid and swallowed it in one gulp, ignoring the unbearable pain slowly spreading to his whole body.
DAY 16:
This time, Spike was checking all the "how-to-kill-a-vampire" ways when Clem tried to stop him.
Spike: Thanks Clem, I know what you've done. But, I'm… busy… and tired…
Clem: So you'd better get some rest!
Spike: No. There is one way left.
Clem: One way for what?
Spike was already out, walking to the train station. He lay down on the train rails and waited. Spike had been waiting for a while and was beginning to wonder if he'd have to wait until dawn, when he eventually heard the sound of the train coming. He adjusted his head on the rails and closed his eyes, until, unknown to him, the clock's hands backed off again.
DAY 17:
Spike experienced his usual pizza waking.
Spike (growling): AAARRRRGGGG!!!!!
Clem (softly): I'm really sorry for the-
Spike: I KNOW!!
Clem: Oh… (beat) Hum…
Spike: SHUT UP! (suddenly feeling guilty)… I'm sorry Clem… I know all you did for me but… I've tried sun, stake, holy water, decapitation… Would you inject me a garlic concentrate?
Clem: I don't know what you did after you left, but you don't need to do such things…
Spike: I have to! What else can I do? Being forgiven is impossible, apologizing is almost infeasible and I don't manage to die! What can I do?
Clem: Did you get the chip off?
Spike: I don't ca-… (he paused) Hey! That's the point!
He stared at Clem with his "Born to kill" look.
Spike: I know a way to figure this out quickly… (evil grin)
Spike stepped again in front of the Summers' house, a huge grin on his face. Patiently, he waited for the door to open, ready for action.
Xander: Hey, goodnight ladies, or should I say, good morning! And don't –
Not letting Xander finish his sentence, Spike punched him wildly with most of his strength, probably breaking a nose in the process. And right after that, he smiled. He felt no pain. Absolutely nothing. Which could only mean one thing: no more chip… Spike rejoiced.
Spike: God it feels soooo good!
With that, he turned round and walked away, while Buffy and Dawn were helping Xander up.
Buffy: Xander, what happened?
Dawn: It's like I heard…
As both of them took a peek outside, they saw the vampire hurrying away. Dawn finished:
Dawn: … Spike talking…
One look at Xander's bleeding nose and they all understood what had happened. Xander stood up, his hand below his nostrils in an attempt to stop the bleeding, while looking angrily outside.
Xander: Looks like bleached boy got rid of the chip…
Making his way towards the nearest manhole before the sun would rise, Spike smirked. This time he was going to have a hell of a good time… A sudden strong hand laying on his shoulder made him turn round, and before he could realize it the Slayer had punched him down, lowering a stake upon his heart.
Spike skillfully blocked the attack by grabbing Buffy's wrist only inches from his chest, and with a quick kick in the stomach he sent her flying above his head and rolling behind him. In an instant, he was up again, ready to face the Slayer's next attack. The upset and determined look on her face wasn't lost on him. They began to circle around each other.
Spike: Hey pet. Up for a good fight?
Buffy (angrily): Got the chip out, did you?
Spike: To be honest, no. Well, in fact yes, but that's not what I sought in the first place, even if it's a side effect I happen to appreciate.
Buffy: I should have known that the chip was the only thing that prevented you from being evil.
Spike: You're wrong. See, I tried to be better. I really tried. For so many bloody days. But it never turned out right, you always threw me out, like the outcast I've always been.
Buffy frowned, but her grip on the stake was still tight.
Buffy: So as soon as you had the chip out, you decided to come back to make our lives a hell again? How many people have you already killed?
Spike smirked. With a quick look, he noticed the position of the soon to rise sun.
Spike: I'd love to chat longer with you, love, but I really have a tight schedule.
He lunged at Buffy, ducking to dodge the wooden stake, and in a quick blow he knocked her hard enough to make her fall back because of the sudden dizziness. With a satisfied smile, he looked over her laying body, until he heard Dawn and Xander running in their direction. He said under his breath:
Spike: Don't worry Slayer. I'll come back to take care of you later today…
He lifted the manhole cover and nimbly jumped down into the sewers he knew so well.
Xander: Buffy, are you ok?
Buffy quickly got up to her feet.
Buffy: Yeah, I'm ok.
Noticing that Spike was already gone, she glanced questioningly at her friend and her sister.
Xander: He left to the sewers.
Buffy: I'd better track him down before he kills anyone.
Xander: I'll go with you.
Buffy: No. You stay here with Dawn at home. I prefer to know both of you are safe in there. Now that he doesn't have the chip to stop him anymore, I'm the only one able to fight him effectively.
Xander took Dawn by the shoulder and began to lead her back to the house, leaving Buffy alone in the street.
Xander: Come on Dawn. We'd better be off.
Dawn (sadly): Why is Spike acting that way?
Xander: He's a vampire, Dawn. He's evil. No one should have ever forgotten that.
Spike had left the sewers thanks to a manhole conveniently located in a narrow dark alley between two high buildings. So high that the sun probably never lighted up this area, Spike thought.
He casually leant his back against a wall, and absentmindedly lit a cigarette. So the chip was out. And he probably now had the Slayer and her bloody Scoobies on his back, for all he cared.
His keen vampire senses suddenly alerted him that someone was coming, and obeying to his predator's instincts, he hid in the darkness and observed a potential prey. Young female adult. Probably a tender flesh. Carrying a dust bag and putting it in the large bin that was merely yards from him… He could hear her blood flowing in her veins so clearly… And before he could realize it, his human face turned into his demon one, all fangs out and his eyes glowing yellow in anticipation.
Feeding during the day wasn't exactly recommended, but it wasn't as if he could just wait for the night, living the same day over and all, and this alley was sun-proof anyway. Besides, he was determined to have as much fun as he could now he knew the chip was out, to make up for all those years of deprivation.
Silently, he crawled behind the young woman while she was beginning to make her way towards the street. In a flash, he was on her, and he barely heard a scream escape her throat before he snapped her neck. Ah, the sweet sound of screams again… Now that the chip was out, he'd be able to hear plenty of them…
An hour or so after sundown, Buffy came back home to sum up the situation with Xander and Dawn.
Dawn: Did you find him?
Buffy: Nope… He couldn't leave the sewers before nightfall, so I looked for him there until then. But he knows the sewers way better than I do, and he probably knows where to hide. I've been to his crypt too, and Clem doesn't know where he is, he hasn't seen him since early this morning. After nightfall, I looked for him in the city center, but he could be anywhere now.
Xander: What wouldn't we give for a location spell right now, uh?
All three of them then thought silently about the two witches, one gone and one in England with Giles, until Buffy eventually broke the silence.
Buffy: Yeah. But for the time being we'll have to find him on our own. I'll patrol all night if it's needed, but he'll be a big pile of dust before morning.
Buffy suddenly saw her sister paling, staring through the window.
Buffy: What's going on Dawn?
She turned round to look at what could have caught her attention. Spike, in the middle of the street, snapping the neck of a walker and then feeding from him…
Buffy: Wait for me here. I won't be long.
On his way to pay the Slayer a new little visit, Spike smiled as he sank his teeth into his last prey's fresh skin. It felt so good to feed once more from human blood. Compared to pig's one it was like a four-star meal.
Buffy: There you are.
Spike looked up from the neck he was feeding from to see the Slayer standing in front of him, her hands on her hips and holding a stake. He slowly slid his fangs out of the flesh and tossed the corpse aside, wiping the trickle of blood that was dribbling down his chin with the back of his hand. He smirked.
Spike: Hey, Slayer, have been looking for me? I told ya I'd be back for you later today.
Buffy: Looks like you went way past your mooneyes state over the summer.
Spike: In fact, only over the past few days. No matter what I do, you'll always reject me. That at least I understood.
Buffy (bitterly): A while ago I thought you might be able to become a better man. How wrong I was.
Spike: I might have a soul now, but hey, I'm still a vampire. Killing people, feeding from them… That's what we vampires do. That's our nature.
Buffy: A soul? I really should stake you before you begin to ramble too much…
After saying that, she leapt on the vampire, holding the stake threateningly frontward, but Spike easily avoided the attack by swirling on the side and kicked her roughly, sending her down on the ground.
Spike then suddenly felt a slight pat on his back. He turned round with a low annoyed growl, and quickly snapped the neck of whatever creature had dared do such a thing.
That was when he saw it. The look in her eyes. Fear. And death. A shiver of shame and pain ran down his spine, as he let the body fall limply on the ground. He stared at her unbelievingly, until Buffy's cry pierced his ears.
Buffy: DAWN!!
Spike stood still, unable to react, horrified by his own acts.
Spike (muttering): God Nibblet, what did I do?
He hadn't moved an inch when Buffy furiously drove her stake deep into his chest.
DAY 18:
Clem: SPIKE! IT'S YOU!!
Spike looked up. Clem. The crypt. The pizza box. He quickly got up and grabbed Clem by the shoulders in an attempt to make him stop babbling.
Spike: Clem, Clem! Listen to me, this his extremely important. Is this the first day you see me back here?
Clem: Why, yes!
Spike sat back on the bed, slightly relieved. In fact, if he hadn't been so hetero he might have French kissed Clem. Tears began to slowly roll down his cheeks while he buried his face in his hands. They were tears of sadness and happiness at the same time, sadness because he had killed Dawn, his Little Bit, the one he had protected so dearly over the last summer; and happiness because the fact that he was living the same day meant she was alive again.
He couldn't get that look on her face off his mind. Hurting. Obsessing. How could he have done that to her? The memory of it ached painfully in his mind. Fighting the Slayer, who could defend herself, who had played with his heart for so long, seemed almost legitimate. But Dawn… She had never done anything to him. She was fragile and innocent.
Then the vision of the other people he had killed that day replaced the one of Dawn. Innocent people, as innocent as Dawn was; people that probably were to yet other people what Dawn was to him. His tears redoubled at this thought.
Clem was looking at him with genuine concern.
Clem: Er… Spike? Are you ok?
Spike: The soul… It didn't change anything… I'm still a monster… A bloody stupid monster…
Clem: A soul? You… You have a soul now?
Spike: As if it made any difference… I'm disgusted with myself even more than that day when I tried to… force myself on Buffy…
Spike got up and began to walk towards the door.
Clem: Where are you going? You just arrived, and the sun will rise in an hour or so!
Spike: I… need to go check something.
Spike gave a quick look through the Summers' window. She was there, on the couch, listening to Xander's joke. Safe and alive. The sound of her laughter made him smile.
Reassured, he turned on his heel and headed for the place he had decided to go to this new today.
Anya gasped when she opened the door to her apartment and saw the vampire standing in front of her after she had heard someone knock.
Anya: Spike? What are you doing here? I thought you had left?
Spike: I had. Look, I don't have much time. I heard you were a demon again. And I need some help.
Anya seemed to hesitate.
Anya: What kind of help?
Spike: A teleportation. I… don't really have much time to travel.
Anya hesitated a little longer, but Spike eventually managed to convince her. She looked at him weirdly when he gave her the coordinates of the place where he wanted to be teleported.
Anya: Are you sure this is where you want to go? I mean, it's like… The middle of nowhere.
Spike: That's where I want to go. Those are the coordinates of a cave actually, and if you could make us appear inside the cave, I really wouldn't mind. It's probably the beginning of the afternoon around there, and you know that we vampires don't really like being outside during the afternoon.
Anya: Ok, I'll try my best.
Spike looked around as he and Anya appeared in a cave. Despite the darkness, he could tell it was the right one. That demon's cave where he had endured all those trials to win his soul…
Spike: That's perfect Anya. Thanks.
Anya: Do you want me to wait for you? To teleport you back?
Spike: No, it's ok. You can go.
Spike watched as Anya disappeared in front of him. With a sight, he began to walk farther into the silent cave. After a while he grew impatient and called.
Spike: Oh come on! I know you're here!
A disembodied voice eventually answered him.
(voice): I see you are back, vampire. What is it you want?
Spike (angry): What I want? You dare ask me what I want? 'tis you who cursed me with a dysfunctional soul!
(voice, calmly): I gave you what you asked for.
Spike: I know I asked for a soul. But this one doesn't work properly, I'm the same with or without it, I can still kill people, so take it back!
(voice): What has been granted can't be taken back.
Spike: But it doesn't work! I'm the same monster I was before!
(voice): A soul cannot not work.
Spike: Then how could I be able to kill and feed from people, exactly like I did for over a century?
(voice): Not *exactly*. There is a difference.
Spike: Stop this crap! You know, you should really work on this after-sales service of yours. 'tis bloody obvious you -…
Spike's voice trailed off as he realized the demon was right, in a way. It *had* been different. He had felt guilty. Not immediately after the kills, but he had. For Dawn of course, but also for those he didn't even know. He finally admitted:
Spike: Ok. You may be right. But I had thought that if I had a soul I wouldn't be able to kill anyone, like the P-… (Spike hesitated, guessing that the demon probably didn't know the name he liked to give to his grandsire) Hmm… Like Angel. That it would make me as close to a human as possible.
(voice): Souled humans kill each other every day, the ability to kill is not due to a lack of soul. A soul only gives one the possibility to choose. The choice is then up to you.
Spike: Maybe, but that's not the choice I wanted to make!
A strange sensation overwhelmed Spike as he felt the demon was reading his mind.
(voice): Your behavior was not due to a choice you made, but to your impulsiveness.
Spike pondered over that. He was right. He had always been impulsive. As soon as he had known the chip was out, he had felt the urge to kill, exactly like that day when he had found that he could hit Buffy and had thought that it was because the chip didn't work anymore. The demon interrupted his thoughts.
(voice): Do you still want me to take back your soul?
Spike: Hmm, well… No, I think I'll cope. Anyway I don't think you'd be able to take it back for more than a day… (beat) Do you mind if I stay here until tomorrow?
***********************
We hope this chapter wasn't too depressing... But hey, we had to go through that.
The next chapter's title will be "Having some fun", if that can cheer you up...
Oh, and thanks for all the great reviews! You have no idea how motivating it is!