Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8, and all characters referred to herein, are the property of Squaresoft.
Chapter 13-Speaking To The Heart
A sleepy murmur emanated from Squall's throat as he roused himself from sleep, pale white light meeting his vision as it filtered in through the thin curtains in the Infirmary. What time is it? he thought, glancing bleary-eyed at the clock on the far wall.
After midnight. Squall pushed a hand through his tousled hair as he stood up, yawning in the direction of his boots and jacket that sat in a chair in the corner. Squall had spent the past twenty-four hours in the Infirmary's second room, partially to nurse his own exhaustion from the past two stress-filled days and nights, but the majority of his decision to take up temporary residence in the Infirmary centered on Zell. Although he had yet to regain consciousness, Nida and Xu were convinced he would make a full recovery.
Squall had been incredibly grateful to the two of them afterward. He'd thanked them both profusely after he and Rinoa had gotten the word from them about Zell. The Xerevin he'd consumed had taken its toll, and taxed his body and mind considerably, but it was Squall's heartfelt admission on the terrace that had given Zell a reason to keep fighting. Nida firmly believed that was what had kept Zell hanging on while they'd filtered the drugs out of his system. Nida sported a sheepish, but grateful grin at Squall's thanks, while Xu simply accepted it with a quiet resignation. But she seemed troubled by something, and Squall was at a loss to figure out what. Now that he remembered, he hadn't seen Xu for a while. Apparently from what Nida had told him earlier, she'd holed herself up in Cid's office after she'd finished working on Zell, and hadn't set foot outside since.
After deciding he'd talk to her about that later, Squall ambled into the Infirmary's main room, white socked feet padding soundlessly across the floor toward the other room where Zell was sleeping. The metal door shushed open, and Squall stuck his head in.
"Zell? You awake?"
There was no answer. Squall really hadn't expected one, but he'd been hoping all the same. Zell was still asleep, lying on his back, and stretched out down the length of the bed, a thin blanket pulled up to his waist. Zell's black and red jacket was draped over the small chair in near the window, moonlight touching the blue flames on the shoulders. Zell's sneakers were piled there, too, along with his Ergheiz gloves.
Squall walked over to Zell's right side, kneeling down next to the bed. Zell looked a lot better than he had during the course of the past week. The color was back in his face, and the scrapes and bruises he'd incurred in the fall from the tree were almost healed. He reached out , lifting Zell's hand off its resting place on his stomach, and took it in his own. He trailed his bare fingers gently over the network of scars that lined his wrist, frowning slightly at the sight. Dr. Kadowaki had said Zell had probably been slitting them for years, and there were still the most recent ones there as well. Squall felt an hollow ache build up inside his heart. He couldn't understand how anyone could resort to doing something like this to rid themselves of their emotional pain. Even when Squall was at his loneliest, he never even entertained the possibility of actually hurting himself like that.
Of course I can't understand… I'm not Zell… He sighed, and squeezed Zell's hand. "Oh man, Zell…"he murmured. "I wish I could've been there for you then. We were both so lonely…you tried too hard, and I didn't try hard enough…hell, I didn't try period," He sighed, tears threatening to form in his eyes. "But, Zell…I'm here now…and I'm not gonna shut you out again. I'm gonna help you through this--I don't care how long it takes…" Squall reached over to his chest with his free hand, grasping Griever between his fingers. Please, Zell…please wake up …I don't care if it's just for a second…c'mon…call me 'baby', tease me, tell me to lighten up--I don't care… just talk to me…I need to tell you…I need to--" Squall lost his voice to a lump in his throat that he couldn't seem to swallow, and tears brimmed beneath his tightly shut eyes, spilling over his face. "I need to say…thank you…"
"…Squall…?"
Squall's head snapped up, his eyes practically flying open. Zell was staring back at him, his eyes only half-open and slightly foggy with exhaustion and the after-effects of the detox protocols he gone through. But the bright blue Squall knew like the back of his gunblade was still there, and it was the best sight he'd seen in the last twenty-four hours.
"Hey, buddy…" Squall whispered, completely heedless of the fact that he still had tears in his eyes. "Are you okay…? How do you feel…?"
Zell actually managed a tired smile. "…S'all good, baby…" he said, his voice rough with sleep, but still under toned with his trademark humor. Then his face turned serious. "…Squall, dude…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry I freaked you out up there…I dunno what got into me…I just --I just wanted it to stop hurtin'…"
"Zell, it's all right. I understand. You don't have to be sorry for that, and I don't want you to be."
Squall knelt closer to the bed, tightening his grip on Zell's hand. "If anybody needs to apologize, it's me. For not being the kind of friend you needed me to be. I kept shoving you away when you were hurting, and I didn't wanna hear about your problems…your pain…" Squall swallowed hard before going on. "No matter what I did, you never stopped trying to knock down my walls, and melt the ice I'd built up around my feelings… I didn't understand why before…but I do now." Squall's fingers shifted to the chain around his neck, tugging Griever upward toward Zell's eyes. Confusion crossed his face for a minute, but it was slowly replaced by recognition.
"…Squall…when…when did you…? …how long have you…?" Zell asked. He tried to sit up, but the lingering pain in his ribcage chose that particular moment to start a protest march, and he groaned, wincing with the effort.
"Whoa, Zell…take it easy!" Squall pushed him back down gently. "You're still bruised up from the fall. Don't try and move yet, okay?"
Zell grimaced and laid down again, squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for the wave of pain in his chest to die down. He was surprised that Zell was feeling the aches of his injuries now of all times, when he hadn't shown an inch of discomfort up on the terrace. Another thing that had him wondering was why he'd taken this long to wake up. True, he'd been under extreme stress, coupled with the drugs in his system, but the detox process should have compensated for all that. By all rights, Zell should've been conscious long ago, but he'd only just woken up. Why was that?
"…Hey…" Zell's voice pulled Squall back to reality. He lifted his head and found Zell staring back at him, a half-amazed, half-amused look on his face. "…Hey… am I seein' things…? Squall Leonhart…the big, bad, kick-ass hero of the whole freakin' planet…cryin'…?"
Squall was knocked off balance slightly by the comment, forgetting that he still had tears streaks on his cheeks. He quirked an eyebrow at Zell, pretending to be deeply offended, and said , "Hey , I'm happy, okay? You got a problem with that?" He punched Zell's arm gently.
"…Nah…" Zell chuckled, Squall grinning back at him. "…Wow…I haven't seen you smile like that since we were kids, man… Feels good, huh…?"
Squall nodded. "Yeah. I wish it hadn't taken something like this to bring it out of me, though. Look, Zell…not to get off subject here, but…you've got a lot of issues to work through. You know that, right?"
Zell nodded. "…Yeah... I…I don't wanna go back to where I was, but…I dunno how--I dunno where to go from here…I got so much comin' down on me, Squall…I'm scared…"
"I know, Zell. You've got every right to be. But you're gonna go through this by yourself--we all wanna help you. Me, Noa, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, Seifer…none of us wanna lose you to these demons you're fighting, Zell. Especially not me."
Zell nodded. He'd gone silent now after working himself into a sitting position without setting off the pain in his ribs again, his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around them. He looked so lost, and Squall was suddenly afraid of what might be going through his friend's mind. He reacted on instinct, reaching out for Zell in a protective manner that was all too familiar for him. But unlike other times when he'd done it as a simple, unattached concern that a superior officer would show to another soldier who was under his command, Squall's motives for doing it now were solely for the purpose of comforting Zell.
"Hey," he said softly, his right hand closing around the back of Zell's neck, "listen, you don't have to deal with this right now, Zell. The only thing you should be worrying about is getting some rest. It's pretty late, and I think we could both stand to get some sleep. Hey…you think you'll be up to handling visitors tomorrow? The whole Garden's been worried about you."
Zell raised his eyes to Squall's. He hesitated for a second, then nodded. "Yeah…yeah, I'd like that…"
Squall smiled. "Great. I know for a fact that Selphie wants to be the first person in here tomorrow." Squall patted Zell's shoulder, feeling a wave of relief inside him when the blonde boy offered a smile of his own in response. Squall rose from his spot next to the bed when Zell caught his wrist and squeezed gently, an unspoken question passing between them as blue eyes met gray ones.
"Don't worry, Zell. I'm not going anywhere." And to emphasize the point, he readjusted his position near the bed, taking Zell's hand again as he settled back down on the floor.
Zell yawned expansively, lying back against the bed, slowly surrendering to the pull of sleep. He gazed down at Squall's hand holding his own, his fingertips touching against the scars on his wrists, and suddenly realized he wasn't wearing his gloves. "…Squall…I…I need to tell you about…"
"Zell, it's okay. It can wait. Just get some sleep, all right? We can talk about it whenever you're ready." Squall said reassuringly. "I'm here for you, okay?"
"…Thanks, man…" Zell trailed off into silence, and finally fell asleep. Squall felt his own weariness finally seeping back into his body and let himself drift off as well.
But there was still one thing he'd hadn't been able to explain--two things actually.
What had happened to Zell on the terrace?
And why was he suddenly sure he'd seen it somewhere before?
***
Seifer wandered aimlessly though the Garden, heading for nowhere in particular. He hadn't really been sleeping tonight--just tossing and turning every once in a while in his old quarters, which Quistis had generously offered to him since he hadn't wanted to leave until he knew if Zell was going to be all right. She'd done the same for Fujin and Raijin as thanks for helping to keep things calm and moderately same that night.
Seifer had been taken aback by her kindness throughout all this. She was being remarkably understanding given all the hell he'd helped unleash, and he was grateful for that. Even if deep down he didn't feel worthy of the compassion.
But he could handle all that--all the things he'd done as Ultimecia's knight. It haunted him, of course, but all that paled in comparison to the torment he was feeling now. Every jab, every taunt, every sneer and cruel gesture he'd ever made toward Zell --they all came flooding back to his mind, ringing in his ears mercilessly.
Cry-ba--by Ze--ll!! Cry--ba--by Ze--ll!!
Awww, whassamatter, sissy-boy?
Whatcha gonna do about it…CHICKEN WUSS!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Seifer winced, barely repressing the disgusted shudder that rolled down his back. He'd never been one to dwell too heavily on the past, but then again he wasn't the same person he was back then. Not anymore. At least that's what he hoped anyway. He'd done so much wrong to everyone, especially Zell, and he had no idea how he was ever going to be able to balance the scales for that. He didn't even know if it was possible. But he wouldn't stop trying. That much he did know.
Before he knew it, Seifer found himself standing in the middle of the ballroom. Moonlight from the terrace just beyond him spilled across the ceiling columns and onto the cold marble floor, lending a slightly eerie appearance to the area. But it wasn't the subdued light around him that made Seifer stop short in the middle of the room, but the sight of someone standing outside looking out into the night beyond.
Quistis was there, her back to him, standing with her arms wrapped around her sides. Her hair was unbound--unusual for her--, the long blonde strands carried by the strong breeze blowing in. She looked so isolated and detached from everything, Seifer noticed. She looks just like I feel right now…maybe I should just leave her alone…
He turned to go, but before he could entertain the thought of retreating, a voice called out, "Seifer?"
Seifer turned back around and saw Quistis looking back at him more than a little surprised. The breeze that was blowing picked up a bit, carrying her hair to the side. Moonlight played briefly against the blue of her eyes and seemed to subtract years from her face. The whole effect was stunning--almost bewitching in its way, and Seifer found himself staring at her like he'd been hypnotized. A fact that wasn't lost on Quistis as she suddenly broke into soft, amused laughter.
Oh man… Seifer rubbed the back of his head, looking considerably abashed. "Sorry, uh…I'm not… I'm not buggin' you or anything, am I?"
"You were staring," Quistis said, clearly enjoying Seifer's embarrassment.
"Y-yeah…" he stumbled out, his face red. "Sorry…I-I can just go…"
"Seifer, it's all right. I was teasing." She motioned for him to join her. "I could use some company."
"Uh, sure…okay…" Seifer walked over to the balcony, leaning against the railing. His face was still slightly crimson, but it was fading now that the initial shock had worn off. He was privately relieved that no one had seen him get so tied up in knots the way he just had. Zell would've laughed himself sick if he'd seen this. "So…" he said, searching for words, "you couldn't sleep either, huh?"
"No. And Hyne knows I've tried. I can't seem to get my mind off Zell."
"Yeah, me either. You think he's gonna make it?" Seifer asked.
"Nida and Xu seem to think so," Quistis replied.
Seifer shook his head. "I mean with the emotional stuff. You didn't see him up here that night, Quistis." He put his face in his hands and sighed . "I've never seen anybody look so lost. All I could think about was part of the reason he had that damn gun to his head was all the grief I gave him. And then it got me remembering all the fights I had with Squall, and the way he reached out to Zell, begging him not to pull the trigger…geez…" he groaned . "Why do we do it, Quistis? Why do we hurt each other like that when we're kids? It doesn't make sense to me anymore."
"Sense doesn't apply when childhood's involved, Seifer," Quistis sighed. "It's probably the most illogical time in a person's life besides adolescence. Childhood's always been more about emotion than anything else, and you don't always think about the consequences of all the things you say or do. The fact that the names and the taunts we throw at each other have any kind of lasting effect on someone doesn't always cross our minds."
"Ain't that the truth," Seifer muttered bitterly. Quistis looked over at him, studying his face. The arrogance and attitude that once held dominance there was long since gone. Instead there was pain, regret, and an unspeakable loneliness glaring back at her. She had no doubt that he wasn't the person he once was, and she couldn't quite describe the way it made her feel.
Quistis moved closer to him, her hands closing on his right arm in support. Seifer shifted a bit, moving his free hand over hers. "I don't even know where to start with them as far as making amends goes. I mean…I scarred Squall, I tortured him in prison, I treated Zell like trash for years--geez…!" Seifer groaned, frustrated. "Where am I supposed to go from here?"
There was silence for a moment. Then,
"…Come home…," Quistis said quietly. "Come back to the Garden."
"What…?"
"Come back, Seifer," Quistis went on. "This is your home. I know you believe that no one could ever forgive you for all that's happened, but it's not true. I forgive you. And I've…I've missed you…terribly…"
Seifer was dumbstruck at the declaration as Quistis continued. "All this heartache surrounding Zell…it's made me realize how fragile life really is. And I don't want to go on another moment without telling you the truth…"
Seifer blinked, completely confused. "Quistis, what…what're you…what're you trying to tell me…?"
The answer came then, but not at all in the way he expected. Quistis leaned into him, her arms closing around his neck. Then her lips claimed his, the sensations rolling over his body in shockwaves of conflict, unbearably slow one second, then agonizingly sweet the next. He tensed inside out of pure instinct, but then, after a second, melted into her. He wrapped one arm, then both around her waist, his eyes sliding closed as he shivered slightly in her embrace.
Quistis breathed in the scent of Seifer's presence against her, wondering blindly how she was still managing to stay upright, since it felt like her spinal cord had evaporated into thin air. Seifer's arms around her had quite a bit to do with it of course, but still…She felt warmth like nothing she'd ever known flood through her body and soul as Seifer laid a hand to her cheek, his tongue brushing briefly across her lips, sending a shudder of ecstasy down her back. She was aching inside as she finally pulled away, twin tears of unsaid emotion slipping down her face as she opened her eyes again, only to be confronted by the pale emerald of Seifer's own looking back at her.
"Wow…" he breathed, his voice sending a shiver of hope and something else Quistis couldn't quite name through her as a soft smile grew across his face. "You've got one helluva way of making a guy feel wanted, Instructor."
"I should've done it long ago," she whispered into his neck. "I wasn't ready before, but I am now. And I refuse to be a coward about it again." She trailed fingertips across his lips. "Please, Seifer…come home."
Seifer sighed lightly, drawing her closer, his cheek in her hair. "Hey…how could I say no after a kiss like that?"
Quistis chuckled softly. "Shameless flatterer."
"You really think they'll forgive me, huh?" he asked. "Squall and Zell and everybody else?"
"I have," Quistis raised her head, her lips brushing his chin. "But remember…you have to forgive yourself, too. Everything else will be easy after that."
Seifer looked off into the night as Quistis rested her head on his shoulder.
"I hope so," he murmured.
***
"Do you think he's awake yet?" Selphie asked as she trudged down the main staircase near the elevator. Irvine and Rinoa were on either side of her as they descended the stairs on their way to the Infirmary. They'd all gotten up early this morning to check up on Zell, intending to surprise both him and Squall since they knew he'd been bunking there to keep a closer eye on Zell's progress.
"Probably. Nida said he was doing a lot better yesterday afternoon, so he oughta be up and around by now," Irvine flicked a stray lock of hair out of his eyes as they continued on. "I'll bet all the gil in my wallet that Squall's probably in with him now."
"You'd win that bet, I'm sure," Rinoa smiled. She, out of everyone knew how much all this drama with Zell had changed Squall. She'd always suspected that he wasn't as cold and indifferent as he seemed to be, and while she had a lot to do with bringing all that to the surface after so many years of resistance and keeping people at a distance, Rinoa wasn't arrogant enough to believe she was solely responsible for it. Zell was warm and reachable, and there was no fear of him turning to ice the way Squall used to before he changed. He was just one of those types that everyone felt at ease with, and Rinoa was just incredibly grateful that Squall had been able to save him that night. She couldn't even fathom what the loss would've have done to all of them, especially him.
"So has anyone seen Qusitis?" she asked. Irvine and Selphie exchanged a look between them, suddenly looking sheepish about the subject of the blond instructor.
"What? What'd I miss?" Rinoa queried.
"Well, uh…" Irvine's cheeks turned slightly pink as he tugged his hat down over his eyes a little. Selphie for her part just smiled knowingly. Rinoa grabbed them both by the arm, and pulled them to a stop in the middle of the hallway.
"All right, spill you two," Rinoa prodded. "Where's Quistis?"
Irvine cleared his throat, adjusting his hat again. "Well…she's kinda…kinda…indisposed at the moment…" His cheeks were twice as red now.
"Indisposed…" Rinoa repeated. "Indisposed with what exactly?"
"Not what--who." Selphie grinned. "Who being Seifer. There were upstairs on the terrace. They must've been there all night because we found them up there fast asleep in a rather…cozy position if you catch my meaning."
"You're kidding! Did they see you?" Rinoa asked intrigued.
"Nah. Selphie wanted to go over there and bust 'em right there, but I convinced her keeping the info for future teasing would be a better idea." Irvine grinned.
Rinoa? You're not upset, are you?" Selphie asked then as they started walking again. "I mean, I know you and Seifer had…something a while back…"
"No, I'm not upset, Selphie. It was never serious between us, and I think we both knew that deep down. I'm just surprised, is all. I didn't know she felt that way about him."
"Hey, guys!" a voice called from behind. The others turned to see Nida coming down the hall toward them.
"Hey, Nida. You comin' to check up on Zell?" Irvine asked.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I didn't have a chance last night. I've been trying to get Xu out of Headmaster Cid's office."
"She's still in there?" Irvine scratched his head. "What the heck's she doin'?"
"Dunno," Nida shrugged. "I can't get her to talk to me."
"You don't think she's up to anything sneaky again, do you, Nida?" Selphie asked suspiciously.
Nida shook his head. "No. She's definitely not trying to ship Zell off or anything, Selph. I know that for a fact." Nida told her as they reached the door to the Infirmary. "Trust me, she's worried about him too. She knows she was wrong, and she's trying to make up for it." Selphie didn't look any too convinced, but she let it go for the moment. Zell was the important thing right now.
The group ushered themselves into the Infirmary, noticing the side room next to Zell's was empty. Nida crossed over to Zell's room, opening it, the door shushing quietly to the side. Squall was sitting on the floor, his head down on his knees, which were pulled up to his chest, his left arm wrapped around them. His right arm was stretched down the length of the bed's right side next to Zell, who held Squall's hand lightly in his own. They were both fast asleep.
"Squall?" Rinoa bent down next to him, shaking him gently by the shoulders. He stirred a bit from his spot next to the bed, lifting his head off his knees.
"…Noa…? …Guys…?" he asked raggedly, rubbing at his bleary eyes.
"Hey," Irvine knelt next to him, "you been in here all night, Squall?"
"Yeah," Squall yawned, working himself upright. "Zell woke up for a few minutes around midnight."
"He did?" Selphie darted past Irvine, and almost bowled Rinoa over trying to get in front of Squall. " Is he okay?? Did he say anything???"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…easy, Selph," Squall steadied her. "Zell's fine except for his ribs. He's still a little banged up, but physically, he's gonna be okay. I don't know about his state of mind, though. He's scared, and I don't blame him."
"He wants to get better though, doesn't he?" Selphie asked. "I mean, he wasn't talking about dying again, was he, Squall?"
Squall shook his head firmly. "No, thank God. But Zell's got a whole lifetime of pain to work through, and it's not gonna be easy for him. He knows that, and he wants to deal with it, but he's gonna need all of us to help him through. I mean, everything he's told us so far--Zell didn't have to say anything about that. He could've lied to us, but he didn't, and the fact that he opened up like the way he did says a lot about him wanting help."
"But he's gonna need more than that, though," Nida put in. "I mean, there's no quick solution for something like this, and there's no time frame on how long all this could take, either."
"Doesn't matter," Irvine crossed his arms, a determined set to his jaw. "Whatever Zell needs, he's got it."
"Goes without saying," Rinoa added, accompanied by a nods from Selphie.
"Great. I knew you guys would say that." Squall smiled. "Hey," he looked around the room for a second, "aren't we missing someone? Where's Quistis? I thought she'd be with you guys."
Rinoa cleared her throat and tried not to smile too widely. Irvine was blushing, something Squall thought was impossible, and Selphie was wearing a knowing I've-got-a-secret smirk on her face.
"Oh boy…do I even want the answer to this?" Squall asked. But before anyone could offer another word, the intercom warbled to life.
*Squall, this is Xu. Please report to Headmaster Cid's office. I repeat, please report to Headmaster Cid's office.*
"Oh, Hyne," Selphie groused. "Now what does she want?"
"Man, finally…" Nida sighed. "I was starting to think she'd never let anyone back in there. Squall…"
Squall nodded. "I'm going. Guys, if Zell wakes up, tell him were I went, and that I'll be back in a while, okay?" He headed out of the room, but stopped short. "Talk to him, guys. Let him know you're here for him. That's the best medicine in the world right now."
The group nodded in unison. "We will," Rinoa said.
After taking a minute to retrieve his boots and jacket from the other room, Squall headed for the elevator. He'd planned on speaking to Xu anyway, so this was the perfect chance to do it. A minute later, he stepped off the elevator and into the office. The place was something of a mess. There were papers scattered across Cid's desk. Books were piled up next to the computer on the right side of the room, the humming and rattling of the printer humming along, a stray sheet of printout paper shuffling to the floor every now and again.
Holy Hyne, Xu…what the hell have you been doing in here? Squall ambled into further into the room, taking in the moderate chaos before him. "Xu? Are you here?"
"Here, Squall," a tired voice said from the other side of the room. Xu stood up and crossed toward him. As she did, Squall finally got a good look at her, barely able to keep from staring at her.
She looked…haggard to say the absolute least. Xu always prided herself on looking her best at all times, but it looked as if she'd just risen from the grave. Her hair was a disheveled mess, deep lines of exhaustion etched into her face like scribblings on some phantom chalkboard. The circles under her eyes almost gave the impression that someone had blackened both of them with a baseball bat. Several times in fact. Still, being the consumate professional she was, Xu straightened in the blink of an eye, snapped herself to attention, and saluted.
Squall shook himself, and returned the gesture. "Reporting as ordered," he said formally.
"At ease, Squall, it wasn't an official order." Xu relaxed, brushing fingers across her forehead. She looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep in the last week, to say nothing of last night.
"Are you okay?" Squall asked. "Nida said you've been in here since yesterday, Xu. What's going on?"
"I've been…busy," Xu replied shortly.
"Obviously. But busy with what?" Squall's eyes fell on a folder lying on Cid's desk. "What is this, Xu?" Squall picked it up, his eyes roaming over the writing on the front. As soon as the words registered in his mind, Squall felt his anger beginning to rise up from the pit of his stomach. He glared over at Xu, who was finally opening her mouth to speak. Not that she got the chance.
"This, Xu?" Squall asked loudly. "Commitment papers to Deling City Hospital?! This is what you've been busy with???"
"Squall--" she started, but Squall cut her off.
"My God, Xu, what the hell is wrong with you?! I can't believe you're still on this insane crusade to get Zell admitted to a hospital! Especially after Headmaster Cid gave you that warning!! Are you crazy or just stupid??!"
"Squall, this isn't--
"Isn't what?! What it looks like? You know I thought after you told us about your friend and everything that happened to her changed your mind about this, Xu. And the way you and Nida helped save his life…I thought you'd learned something from all this, but I guess not." Squall shook his head, disgusted. "Y'know, I take it back. I'm the one who's stupid--stupid for thinking you actually had a heart underneath that uniform. You're a disgrace to the Garden, Xu."
Xu was either hiding her emotions toward all this or she was just too tired to care, because her voice and face betrayed nothing. "Squall, let me explain--"
"Explain what?! I've heard enough!" Squall was absolutely infuriated. This was the biggest slap in the face he'd ever witnessed, and he had no intention of letting it go unpunished. "I'm going to see Cid right now, Xu, and I'm gonna make DAMN sure you answer for this!" Xu opened her mouth again, but Squall cut her off with a hard glare.
"Don't you dare open your mouth, Xu," Squall growled. His voice was ice. "There's nothing--and I mean NOTHING--that could make me stay here and listen to anything you have to say!" He snapped around and headed for the elevator.
But then…
"Ixos thanos hic tsoltas valens timnet."
Squall froze.
"Chros non regnes hox vocses," Xu continued from behind him, her voice calm and clear. "I am the Messenger with destiny in my wings. Time cannot still my words."
Squall went cold inside. His anger was crashing, burning, going down in flames, and being swiftly replaced by shock. He turned around slowly, his face the portrait of confusion, and met Xu's eyes.
They were full of nothing but concern.
"Xu…" Squall stumbled for words, "how did…how did you…where'd you…how…?"
Xu walked over to him, her hands closing on his arms. "Sit down, Squall," she said quietly.
"We have a lot to talk about."
To be continued…
Next Chapter…Zell and Seifer try to bury the past, and Xu reveals the cause of Zell's emotional upheavals to the others in "Questions And Answers".
Chapter 13-Speaking To The Heart
A sleepy murmur emanated from Squall's throat as he roused himself from sleep, pale white light meeting his vision as it filtered in through the thin curtains in the Infirmary. What time is it? he thought, glancing bleary-eyed at the clock on the far wall.
After midnight. Squall pushed a hand through his tousled hair as he stood up, yawning in the direction of his boots and jacket that sat in a chair in the corner. Squall had spent the past twenty-four hours in the Infirmary's second room, partially to nurse his own exhaustion from the past two stress-filled days and nights, but the majority of his decision to take up temporary residence in the Infirmary centered on Zell. Although he had yet to regain consciousness, Nida and Xu were convinced he would make a full recovery.
Squall had been incredibly grateful to the two of them afterward. He'd thanked them both profusely after he and Rinoa had gotten the word from them about Zell. The Xerevin he'd consumed had taken its toll, and taxed his body and mind considerably, but it was Squall's heartfelt admission on the terrace that had given Zell a reason to keep fighting. Nida firmly believed that was what had kept Zell hanging on while they'd filtered the drugs out of his system. Nida sported a sheepish, but grateful grin at Squall's thanks, while Xu simply accepted it with a quiet resignation. But she seemed troubled by something, and Squall was at a loss to figure out what. Now that he remembered, he hadn't seen Xu for a while. Apparently from what Nida had told him earlier, she'd holed herself up in Cid's office after she'd finished working on Zell, and hadn't set foot outside since.
After deciding he'd talk to her about that later, Squall ambled into the Infirmary's main room, white socked feet padding soundlessly across the floor toward the other room where Zell was sleeping. The metal door shushed open, and Squall stuck his head in.
"Zell? You awake?"
There was no answer. Squall really hadn't expected one, but he'd been hoping all the same. Zell was still asleep, lying on his back, and stretched out down the length of the bed, a thin blanket pulled up to his waist. Zell's black and red jacket was draped over the small chair in near the window, moonlight touching the blue flames on the shoulders. Zell's sneakers were piled there, too, along with his Ergheiz gloves.
Squall walked over to Zell's right side, kneeling down next to the bed. Zell looked a lot better than he had during the course of the past week. The color was back in his face, and the scrapes and bruises he'd incurred in the fall from the tree were almost healed. He reached out , lifting Zell's hand off its resting place on his stomach, and took it in his own. He trailed his bare fingers gently over the network of scars that lined his wrist, frowning slightly at the sight. Dr. Kadowaki had said Zell had probably been slitting them for years, and there were still the most recent ones there as well. Squall felt an hollow ache build up inside his heart. He couldn't understand how anyone could resort to doing something like this to rid themselves of their emotional pain. Even when Squall was at his loneliest, he never even entertained the possibility of actually hurting himself like that.
Of course I can't understand… I'm not Zell… He sighed, and squeezed Zell's hand. "Oh man, Zell…"he murmured. "I wish I could've been there for you then. We were both so lonely…you tried too hard, and I didn't try hard enough…hell, I didn't try period," He sighed, tears threatening to form in his eyes. "But, Zell…I'm here now…and I'm not gonna shut you out again. I'm gonna help you through this--I don't care how long it takes…" Squall reached over to his chest with his free hand, grasping Griever between his fingers. Please, Zell…please wake up …I don't care if it's just for a second…c'mon…call me 'baby', tease me, tell me to lighten up--I don't care… just talk to me…I need to tell you…I need to--" Squall lost his voice to a lump in his throat that he couldn't seem to swallow, and tears brimmed beneath his tightly shut eyes, spilling over his face. "I need to say…thank you…"
"…Squall…?"
Squall's head snapped up, his eyes practically flying open. Zell was staring back at him, his eyes only half-open and slightly foggy with exhaustion and the after-effects of the detox protocols he gone through. But the bright blue Squall knew like the back of his gunblade was still there, and it was the best sight he'd seen in the last twenty-four hours.
"Hey, buddy…" Squall whispered, completely heedless of the fact that he still had tears in his eyes. "Are you okay…? How do you feel…?"
Zell actually managed a tired smile. "…S'all good, baby…" he said, his voice rough with sleep, but still under toned with his trademark humor. Then his face turned serious. "…Squall, dude…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry I freaked you out up there…I dunno what got into me…I just --I just wanted it to stop hurtin'…"
"Zell, it's all right. I understand. You don't have to be sorry for that, and I don't want you to be."
Squall knelt closer to the bed, tightening his grip on Zell's hand. "If anybody needs to apologize, it's me. For not being the kind of friend you needed me to be. I kept shoving you away when you were hurting, and I didn't wanna hear about your problems…your pain…" Squall swallowed hard before going on. "No matter what I did, you never stopped trying to knock down my walls, and melt the ice I'd built up around my feelings… I didn't understand why before…but I do now." Squall's fingers shifted to the chain around his neck, tugging Griever upward toward Zell's eyes. Confusion crossed his face for a minute, but it was slowly replaced by recognition.
"…Squall…when…when did you…? …how long have you…?" Zell asked. He tried to sit up, but the lingering pain in his ribcage chose that particular moment to start a protest march, and he groaned, wincing with the effort.
"Whoa, Zell…take it easy!" Squall pushed him back down gently. "You're still bruised up from the fall. Don't try and move yet, okay?"
Zell grimaced and laid down again, squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for the wave of pain in his chest to die down. He was surprised that Zell was feeling the aches of his injuries now of all times, when he hadn't shown an inch of discomfort up on the terrace. Another thing that had him wondering was why he'd taken this long to wake up. True, he'd been under extreme stress, coupled with the drugs in his system, but the detox process should have compensated for all that. By all rights, Zell should've been conscious long ago, but he'd only just woken up. Why was that?
"…Hey…" Zell's voice pulled Squall back to reality. He lifted his head and found Zell staring back at him, a half-amazed, half-amused look on his face. "…Hey… am I seein' things…? Squall Leonhart…the big, bad, kick-ass hero of the whole freakin' planet…cryin'…?"
Squall was knocked off balance slightly by the comment, forgetting that he still had tears streaks on his cheeks. He quirked an eyebrow at Zell, pretending to be deeply offended, and said , "Hey , I'm happy, okay? You got a problem with that?" He punched Zell's arm gently.
"…Nah…" Zell chuckled, Squall grinning back at him. "…Wow…I haven't seen you smile like that since we were kids, man… Feels good, huh…?"
Squall nodded. "Yeah. I wish it hadn't taken something like this to bring it out of me, though. Look, Zell…not to get off subject here, but…you've got a lot of issues to work through. You know that, right?"
Zell nodded. "…Yeah... I…I don't wanna go back to where I was, but…I dunno how--I dunno where to go from here…I got so much comin' down on me, Squall…I'm scared…"
"I know, Zell. You've got every right to be. But you're gonna go through this by yourself--we all wanna help you. Me, Noa, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, Seifer…none of us wanna lose you to these demons you're fighting, Zell. Especially not me."
Zell nodded. He'd gone silent now after working himself into a sitting position without setting off the pain in his ribs again, his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around them. He looked so lost, and Squall was suddenly afraid of what might be going through his friend's mind. He reacted on instinct, reaching out for Zell in a protective manner that was all too familiar for him. But unlike other times when he'd done it as a simple, unattached concern that a superior officer would show to another soldier who was under his command, Squall's motives for doing it now were solely for the purpose of comforting Zell.
"Hey," he said softly, his right hand closing around the back of Zell's neck, "listen, you don't have to deal with this right now, Zell. The only thing you should be worrying about is getting some rest. It's pretty late, and I think we could both stand to get some sleep. Hey…you think you'll be up to handling visitors tomorrow? The whole Garden's been worried about you."
Zell raised his eyes to Squall's. He hesitated for a second, then nodded. "Yeah…yeah, I'd like that…"
Squall smiled. "Great. I know for a fact that Selphie wants to be the first person in here tomorrow." Squall patted Zell's shoulder, feeling a wave of relief inside him when the blonde boy offered a smile of his own in response. Squall rose from his spot next to the bed when Zell caught his wrist and squeezed gently, an unspoken question passing between them as blue eyes met gray ones.
"Don't worry, Zell. I'm not going anywhere." And to emphasize the point, he readjusted his position near the bed, taking Zell's hand again as he settled back down on the floor.
Zell yawned expansively, lying back against the bed, slowly surrendering to the pull of sleep. He gazed down at Squall's hand holding his own, his fingertips touching against the scars on his wrists, and suddenly realized he wasn't wearing his gloves. "…Squall…I…I need to tell you about…"
"Zell, it's okay. It can wait. Just get some sleep, all right? We can talk about it whenever you're ready." Squall said reassuringly. "I'm here for you, okay?"
"…Thanks, man…" Zell trailed off into silence, and finally fell asleep. Squall felt his own weariness finally seeping back into his body and let himself drift off as well.
But there was still one thing he'd hadn't been able to explain--two things actually.
What had happened to Zell on the terrace?
And why was he suddenly sure he'd seen it somewhere before?
***
Seifer wandered aimlessly though the Garden, heading for nowhere in particular. He hadn't really been sleeping tonight--just tossing and turning every once in a while in his old quarters, which Quistis had generously offered to him since he hadn't wanted to leave until he knew if Zell was going to be all right. She'd done the same for Fujin and Raijin as thanks for helping to keep things calm and moderately same that night.
Seifer had been taken aback by her kindness throughout all this. She was being remarkably understanding given all the hell he'd helped unleash, and he was grateful for that. Even if deep down he didn't feel worthy of the compassion.
But he could handle all that--all the things he'd done as Ultimecia's knight. It haunted him, of course, but all that paled in comparison to the torment he was feeling now. Every jab, every taunt, every sneer and cruel gesture he'd ever made toward Zell --they all came flooding back to his mind, ringing in his ears mercilessly.
Cry-ba--by Ze--ll!! Cry--ba--by Ze--ll!!
Awww, whassamatter, sissy-boy?
Whatcha gonna do about it…CHICKEN WUSS!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Seifer winced, barely repressing the disgusted shudder that rolled down his back. He'd never been one to dwell too heavily on the past, but then again he wasn't the same person he was back then. Not anymore. At least that's what he hoped anyway. He'd done so much wrong to everyone, especially Zell, and he had no idea how he was ever going to be able to balance the scales for that. He didn't even know if it was possible. But he wouldn't stop trying. That much he did know.
Before he knew it, Seifer found himself standing in the middle of the ballroom. Moonlight from the terrace just beyond him spilled across the ceiling columns and onto the cold marble floor, lending a slightly eerie appearance to the area. But it wasn't the subdued light around him that made Seifer stop short in the middle of the room, but the sight of someone standing outside looking out into the night beyond.
Quistis was there, her back to him, standing with her arms wrapped around her sides. Her hair was unbound--unusual for her--, the long blonde strands carried by the strong breeze blowing in. She looked so isolated and detached from everything, Seifer noticed. She looks just like I feel right now…maybe I should just leave her alone…
He turned to go, but before he could entertain the thought of retreating, a voice called out, "Seifer?"
Seifer turned back around and saw Quistis looking back at him more than a little surprised. The breeze that was blowing picked up a bit, carrying her hair to the side. Moonlight played briefly against the blue of her eyes and seemed to subtract years from her face. The whole effect was stunning--almost bewitching in its way, and Seifer found himself staring at her like he'd been hypnotized. A fact that wasn't lost on Quistis as she suddenly broke into soft, amused laughter.
Oh man… Seifer rubbed the back of his head, looking considerably abashed. "Sorry, uh…I'm not… I'm not buggin' you or anything, am I?"
"You were staring," Quistis said, clearly enjoying Seifer's embarrassment.
"Y-yeah…" he stumbled out, his face red. "Sorry…I-I can just go…"
"Seifer, it's all right. I was teasing." She motioned for him to join her. "I could use some company."
"Uh, sure…okay…" Seifer walked over to the balcony, leaning against the railing. His face was still slightly crimson, but it was fading now that the initial shock had worn off. He was privately relieved that no one had seen him get so tied up in knots the way he just had. Zell would've laughed himself sick if he'd seen this. "So…" he said, searching for words, "you couldn't sleep either, huh?"
"No. And Hyne knows I've tried. I can't seem to get my mind off Zell."
"Yeah, me either. You think he's gonna make it?" Seifer asked.
"Nida and Xu seem to think so," Quistis replied.
Seifer shook his head. "I mean with the emotional stuff. You didn't see him up here that night, Quistis." He put his face in his hands and sighed . "I've never seen anybody look so lost. All I could think about was part of the reason he had that damn gun to his head was all the grief I gave him. And then it got me remembering all the fights I had with Squall, and the way he reached out to Zell, begging him not to pull the trigger…geez…" he groaned . "Why do we do it, Quistis? Why do we hurt each other like that when we're kids? It doesn't make sense to me anymore."
"Sense doesn't apply when childhood's involved, Seifer," Quistis sighed. "It's probably the most illogical time in a person's life besides adolescence. Childhood's always been more about emotion than anything else, and you don't always think about the consequences of all the things you say or do. The fact that the names and the taunts we throw at each other have any kind of lasting effect on someone doesn't always cross our minds."
"Ain't that the truth," Seifer muttered bitterly. Quistis looked over at him, studying his face. The arrogance and attitude that once held dominance there was long since gone. Instead there was pain, regret, and an unspeakable loneliness glaring back at her. She had no doubt that he wasn't the person he once was, and she couldn't quite describe the way it made her feel.
Quistis moved closer to him, her hands closing on his right arm in support. Seifer shifted a bit, moving his free hand over hers. "I don't even know where to start with them as far as making amends goes. I mean…I scarred Squall, I tortured him in prison, I treated Zell like trash for years--geez…!" Seifer groaned, frustrated. "Where am I supposed to go from here?"
There was silence for a moment. Then,
"…Come home…," Quistis said quietly. "Come back to the Garden."
"What…?"
"Come back, Seifer," Quistis went on. "This is your home. I know you believe that no one could ever forgive you for all that's happened, but it's not true. I forgive you. And I've…I've missed you…terribly…"
Seifer was dumbstruck at the declaration as Quistis continued. "All this heartache surrounding Zell…it's made me realize how fragile life really is. And I don't want to go on another moment without telling you the truth…"
Seifer blinked, completely confused. "Quistis, what…what're you…what're you trying to tell me…?"
The answer came then, but not at all in the way he expected. Quistis leaned into him, her arms closing around his neck. Then her lips claimed his, the sensations rolling over his body in shockwaves of conflict, unbearably slow one second, then agonizingly sweet the next. He tensed inside out of pure instinct, but then, after a second, melted into her. He wrapped one arm, then both around her waist, his eyes sliding closed as he shivered slightly in her embrace.
Quistis breathed in the scent of Seifer's presence against her, wondering blindly how she was still managing to stay upright, since it felt like her spinal cord had evaporated into thin air. Seifer's arms around her had quite a bit to do with it of course, but still…She felt warmth like nothing she'd ever known flood through her body and soul as Seifer laid a hand to her cheek, his tongue brushing briefly across her lips, sending a shudder of ecstasy down her back. She was aching inside as she finally pulled away, twin tears of unsaid emotion slipping down her face as she opened her eyes again, only to be confronted by the pale emerald of Seifer's own looking back at her.
"Wow…" he breathed, his voice sending a shiver of hope and something else Quistis couldn't quite name through her as a soft smile grew across his face. "You've got one helluva way of making a guy feel wanted, Instructor."
"I should've done it long ago," she whispered into his neck. "I wasn't ready before, but I am now. And I refuse to be a coward about it again." She trailed fingertips across his lips. "Please, Seifer…come home."
Seifer sighed lightly, drawing her closer, his cheek in her hair. "Hey…how could I say no after a kiss like that?"
Quistis chuckled softly. "Shameless flatterer."
"You really think they'll forgive me, huh?" he asked. "Squall and Zell and everybody else?"
"I have," Quistis raised her head, her lips brushing his chin. "But remember…you have to forgive yourself, too. Everything else will be easy after that."
Seifer looked off into the night as Quistis rested her head on his shoulder.
"I hope so," he murmured.
***
"Do you think he's awake yet?" Selphie asked as she trudged down the main staircase near the elevator. Irvine and Rinoa were on either side of her as they descended the stairs on their way to the Infirmary. They'd all gotten up early this morning to check up on Zell, intending to surprise both him and Squall since they knew he'd been bunking there to keep a closer eye on Zell's progress.
"Probably. Nida said he was doing a lot better yesterday afternoon, so he oughta be up and around by now," Irvine flicked a stray lock of hair out of his eyes as they continued on. "I'll bet all the gil in my wallet that Squall's probably in with him now."
"You'd win that bet, I'm sure," Rinoa smiled. She, out of everyone knew how much all this drama with Zell had changed Squall. She'd always suspected that he wasn't as cold and indifferent as he seemed to be, and while she had a lot to do with bringing all that to the surface after so many years of resistance and keeping people at a distance, Rinoa wasn't arrogant enough to believe she was solely responsible for it. Zell was warm and reachable, and there was no fear of him turning to ice the way Squall used to before he changed. He was just one of those types that everyone felt at ease with, and Rinoa was just incredibly grateful that Squall had been able to save him that night. She couldn't even fathom what the loss would've have done to all of them, especially him.
"So has anyone seen Qusitis?" she asked. Irvine and Selphie exchanged a look between them, suddenly looking sheepish about the subject of the blond instructor.
"What? What'd I miss?" Rinoa queried.
"Well, uh…" Irvine's cheeks turned slightly pink as he tugged his hat down over his eyes a little. Selphie for her part just smiled knowingly. Rinoa grabbed them both by the arm, and pulled them to a stop in the middle of the hallway.
"All right, spill you two," Rinoa prodded. "Where's Quistis?"
Irvine cleared his throat, adjusting his hat again. "Well…she's kinda…kinda…indisposed at the moment…" His cheeks were twice as red now.
"Indisposed…" Rinoa repeated. "Indisposed with what exactly?"
"Not what--who." Selphie grinned. "Who being Seifer. There were upstairs on the terrace. They must've been there all night because we found them up there fast asleep in a rather…cozy position if you catch my meaning."
"You're kidding! Did they see you?" Rinoa asked intrigued.
"Nah. Selphie wanted to go over there and bust 'em right there, but I convinced her keeping the info for future teasing would be a better idea." Irvine grinned.
Rinoa? You're not upset, are you?" Selphie asked then as they started walking again. "I mean, I know you and Seifer had…something a while back…"
"No, I'm not upset, Selphie. It was never serious between us, and I think we both knew that deep down. I'm just surprised, is all. I didn't know she felt that way about him."
"Hey, guys!" a voice called from behind. The others turned to see Nida coming down the hall toward them.
"Hey, Nida. You comin' to check up on Zell?" Irvine asked.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I didn't have a chance last night. I've been trying to get Xu out of Headmaster Cid's office."
"She's still in there?" Irvine scratched his head. "What the heck's she doin'?"
"Dunno," Nida shrugged. "I can't get her to talk to me."
"You don't think she's up to anything sneaky again, do you, Nida?" Selphie asked suspiciously.
Nida shook his head. "No. She's definitely not trying to ship Zell off or anything, Selph. I know that for a fact." Nida told her as they reached the door to the Infirmary. "Trust me, she's worried about him too. She knows she was wrong, and she's trying to make up for it." Selphie didn't look any too convinced, but she let it go for the moment. Zell was the important thing right now.
The group ushered themselves into the Infirmary, noticing the side room next to Zell's was empty. Nida crossed over to Zell's room, opening it, the door shushing quietly to the side. Squall was sitting on the floor, his head down on his knees, which were pulled up to his chest, his left arm wrapped around them. His right arm was stretched down the length of the bed's right side next to Zell, who held Squall's hand lightly in his own. They were both fast asleep.
"Squall?" Rinoa bent down next to him, shaking him gently by the shoulders. He stirred a bit from his spot next to the bed, lifting his head off his knees.
"…Noa…? …Guys…?" he asked raggedly, rubbing at his bleary eyes.
"Hey," Irvine knelt next to him, "you been in here all night, Squall?"
"Yeah," Squall yawned, working himself upright. "Zell woke up for a few minutes around midnight."
"He did?" Selphie darted past Irvine, and almost bowled Rinoa over trying to get in front of Squall. " Is he okay?? Did he say anything???"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…easy, Selph," Squall steadied her. "Zell's fine except for his ribs. He's still a little banged up, but physically, he's gonna be okay. I don't know about his state of mind, though. He's scared, and I don't blame him."
"He wants to get better though, doesn't he?" Selphie asked. "I mean, he wasn't talking about dying again, was he, Squall?"
Squall shook his head firmly. "No, thank God. But Zell's got a whole lifetime of pain to work through, and it's not gonna be easy for him. He knows that, and he wants to deal with it, but he's gonna need all of us to help him through. I mean, everything he's told us so far--Zell didn't have to say anything about that. He could've lied to us, but he didn't, and the fact that he opened up like the way he did says a lot about him wanting help."
"But he's gonna need more than that, though," Nida put in. "I mean, there's no quick solution for something like this, and there's no time frame on how long all this could take, either."
"Doesn't matter," Irvine crossed his arms, a determined set to his jaw. "Whatever Zell needs, he's got it."
"Goes without saying," Rinoa added, accompanied by a nods from Selphie.
"Great. I knew you guys would say that." Squall smiled. "Hey," he looked around the room for a second, "aren't we missing someone? Where's Quistis? I thought she'd be with you guys."
Rinoa cleared her throat and tried not to smile too widely. Irvine was blushing, something Squall thought was impossible, and Selphie was wearing a knowing I've-got-a-secret smirk on her face.
"Oh boy…do I even want the answer to this?" Squall asked. But before anyone could offer another word, the intercom warbled to life.
*Squall, this is Xu. Please report to Headmaster Cid's office. I repeat, please report to Headmaster Cid's office.*
"Oh, Hyne," Selphie groused. "Now what does she want?"
"Man, finally…" Nida sighed. "I was starting to think she'd never let anyone back in there. Squall…"
Squall nodded. "I'm going. Guys, if Zell wakes up, tell him were I went, and that I'll be back in a while, okay?" He headed out of the room, but stopped short. "Talk to him, guys. Let him know you're here for him. That's the best medicine in the world right now."
The group nodded in unison. "We will," Rinoa said.
After taking a minute to retrieve his boots and jacket from the other room, Squall headed for the elevator. He'd planned on speaking to Xu anyway, so this was the perfect chance to do it. A minute later, he stepped off the elevator and into the office. The place was something of a mess. There were papers scattered across Cid's desk. Books were piled up next to the computer on the right side of the room, the humming and rattling of the printer humming along, a stray sheet of printout paper shuffling to the floor every now and again.
Holy Hyne, Xu…what the hell have you been doing in here? Squall ambled into further into the room, taking in the moderate chaos before him. "Xu? Are you here?"
"Here, Squall," a tired voice said from the other side of the room. Xu stood up and crossed toward him. As she did, Squall finally got a good look at her, barely able to keep from staring at her.
She looked…haggard to say the absolute least. Xu always prided herself on looking her best at all times, but it looked as if she'd just risen from the grave. Her hair was a disheveled mess, deep lines of exhaustion etched into her face like scribblings on some phantom chalkboard. The circles under her eyes almost gave the impression that someone had blackened both of them with a baseball bat. Several times in fact. Still, being the consumate professional she was, Xu straightened in the blink of an eye, snapped herself to attention, and saluted.
Squall shook himself, and returned the gesture. "Reporting as ordered," he said formally.
"At ease, Squall, it wasn't an official order." Xu relaxed, brushing fingers across her forehead. She looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep in the last week, to say nothing of last night.
"Are you okay?" Squall asked. "Nida said you've been in here since yesterday, Xu. What's going on?"
"I've been…busy," Xu replied shortly.
"Obviously. But busy with what?" Squall's eyes fell on a folder lying on Cid's desk. "What is this, Xu?" Squall picked it up, his eyes roaming over the writing on the front. As soon as the words registered in his mind, Squall felt his anger beginning to rise up from the pit of his stomach. He glared over at Xu, who was finally opening her mouth to speak. Not that she got the chance.
"This, Xu?" Squall asked loudly. "Commitment papers to Deling City Hospital?! This is what you've been busy with???"
"Squall--" she started, but Squall cut her off.
"My God, Xu, what the hell is wrong with you?! I can't believe you're still on this insane crusade to get Zell admitted to a hospital! Especially after Headmaster Cid gave you that warning!! Are you crazy or just stupid??!"
"Squall, this isn't--
"Isn't what?! What it looks like? You know I thought after you told us about your friend and everything that happened to her changed your mind about this, Xu. And the way you and Nida helped save his life…I thought you'd learned something from all this, but I guess not." Squall shook his head, disgusted. "Y'know, I take it back. I'm the one who's stupid--stupid for thinking you actually had a heart underneath that uniform. You're a disgrace to the Garden, Xu."
Xu was either hiding her emotions toward all this or she was just too tired to care, because her voice and face betrayed nothing. "Squall, let me explain--"
"Explain what?! I've heard enough!" Squall was absolutely infuriated. This was the biggest slap in the face he'd ever witnessed, and he had no intention of letting it go unpunished. "I'm going to see Cid right now, Xu, and I'm gonna make DAMN sure you answer for this!" Xu opened her mouth again, but Squall cut her off with a hard glare.
"Don't you dare open your mouth, Xu," Squall growled. His voice was ice. "There's nothing--and I mean NOTHING--that could make me stay here and listen to anything you have to say!" He snapped around and headed for the elevator.
But then…
"Ixos thanos hic tsoltas valens timnet."
Squall froze.
"Chros non regnes hox vocses," Xu continued from behind him, her voice calm and clear. "I am the Messenger with destiny in my wings. Time cannot still my words."
Squall went cold inside. His anger was crashing, burning, going down in flames, and being swiftly replaced by shock. He turned around slowly, his face the portrait of confusion, and met Xu's eyes.
They were full of nothing but concern.
"Xu…" Squall stumbled for words, "how did…how did you…where'd you…how…?"
Xu walked over to him, her hands closing on his arms. "Sit down, Squall," she said quietly.
"We have a lot to talk about."
To be continued…
Next Chapter…Zell and Seifer try to bury the past, and Xu reveals the cause of Zell's emotional upheavals to the others in "Questions And Answers".