I woke. Thousands of feathers crushed my body down, fluttering and tearing
holes through my skin as no real feather could. The white softness felt
like shards of glass, ripping flesh and pelting down. What world had I just
escaped, that would abandon me to this cruel reality? What had I done for
this? Who was I? Who had I been?
And the feathers rained down relentlessly.
The pain made me arch my back, which only brought myself closer to the falling feathers. My mouth opened to howl out anguish, but I found myself unable to.
Why?
And I had no tears. No outlet to express the pain. What was happening?
Dim flickers haunted my vision - grey. Grey. His hair was grey. Red blood. Red eyes. Pattern blue.
One lone feather struck my breast in such a way that it twisted into my heart. Whatever being had silenced me must have ceased, for I shrieked my need for mercy.
"PLEASE! PLEASE!" I shuddered, huddling into myself as best I could, "Stop! Stop. Just. just." I choked as one speared my throat, and my eyes burned white with pain, "Just let me see him again."
And then.
I still do not understand what happened, just then. My sense of reality fissured - the feathers were falling, and my body was torn, but I could not feel the pain, nor numbness. I didn't feel anything - even the lack of feeling was not there. It just. wasn't.
And, more importantly, Kaworu hovered above me.
While I was slowly dissolving in this unexpected heaven, I caught his smile - wistful, almost. Definitely apologetic. Two white, white hands lowered slowly, outstretched towards me.
"Are you all right?" Those sympathetic eyes, that soft smile, eased my soul like raindrops on dry, dry earth.
For the first time in six years, I smiled.
"Kaworu? Kaworu-kun? Is that you?" A soft tear trailed down my cheek, but was nothing compared to his blessedly soft fingers, which followed it, tracing the wet trail. A supple palm cupped my cheek, more gently than air, but with more. substance. More feel than air had.
"I am here, as you wished for me to be." His arms trickled and snaked around me like water, till he was holding me closer than should have been possible. But this was impossible. I was floating, marred by feathers, being embraced by someone who had died because I had obeyed him in the one thing I should not have.
Gently, Kaworu kissed each place where my skin was pierced, and I felt - not the pain - but the flutter of his lovely mouth over each imperfection. His eyes were peaceful, half-lidded and serene.
If I burn forever for this moment, it will be worth it. The feathers are as they should be, now - just whispery, harmless white whirling around us.
Six years of hell on earth for one moment of peace.
It was worth it.
And the feathers rained down relentlessly.
The pain made me arch my back, which only brought myself closer to the falling feathers. My mouth opened to howl out anguish, but I found myself unable to.
Why?
And I had no tears. No outlet to express the pain. What was happening?
Dim flickers haunted my vision - grey. Grey. His hair was grey. Red blood. Red eyes. Pattern blue.
One lone feather struck my breast in such a way that it twisted into my heart. Whatever being had silenced me must have ceased, for I shrieked my need for mercy.
"PLEASE! PLEASE!" I shuddered, huddling into myself as best I could, "Stop! Stop. Just. just." I choked as one speared my throat, and my eyes burned white with pain, "Just let me see him again."
And then.
I still do not understand what happened, just then. My sense of reality fissured - the feathers were falling, and my body was torn, but I could not feel the pain, nor numbness. I didn't feel anything - even the lack of feeling was not there. It just. wasn't.
And, more importantly, Kaworu hovered above me.
While I was slowly dissolving in this unexpected heaven, I caught his smile - wistful, almost. Definitely apologetic. Two white, white hands lowered slowly, outstretched towards me.
"Are you all right?" Those sympathetic eyes, that soft smile, eased my soul like raindrops on dry, dry earth.
For the first time in six years, I smiled.
"Kaworu? Kaworu-kun? Is that you?" A soft tear trailed down my cheek, but was nothing compared to his blessedly soft fingers, which followed it, tracing the wet trail. A supple palm cupped my cheek, more gently than air, but with more. substance. More feel than air had.
"I am here, as you wished for me to be." His arms trickled and snaked around me like water, till he was holding me closer than should have been possible. But this was impossible. I was floating, marred by feathers, being embraced by someone who had died because I had obeyed him in the one thing I should not have.
Gently, Kaworu kissed each place where my skin was pierced, and I felt - not the pain - but the flutter of his lovely mouth over each imperfection. His eyes were peaceful, half-lidded and serene.
If I burn forever for this moment, it will be worth it. The feathers are as they should be, now - just whispery, harmless white whirling around us.
Six years of hell on earth for one moment of peace.
It was worth it.