Scene Five: Mary Kathryn Gallagher aka Hermione Ann Granger
Hermione Ann encounters the Dark Lord Voldemort outside Hogwarts on her way to
Hogsmeade with her friend Harry Potter.
"Isn't it sweet," Voldemort taunted. "Harry Potter has a girlfriend."
"My feelings for Harry can best be described in a monologue from the ABC made
for TV movie "A Gymnast too Thin" staring Deborah Gylson."
"Carolyn, Carolyn, you were the only one who taught me what I really needed to
survive here. You showed me the doughnut shop next to the public restroom with
the thick walls. You let me borrow you trash bag to wrap my body in when I
jumped rope. You were the one who counted my peas when I thought I wasn't
eating eenough. Without you, I would have fallen for the low fat diet scheme; I
may have even eaten a 250-calorie energy bar. You were the one who got me
through this. You told me the things that others were afraid to mention."
"What is the meaning of this? What are you doing?" The dark wizard cried
exasperated.
"Sometimes, when I get nervous, I put my fingers under my arms, like this. And
then I smell them. It's bad, I know, it's bad."
"It's not going to stop me from cursing Harry." He pulled out his wand.
"My feelings for you, Voldemort, dark lord on high, can best be described in a
monologue from the Fox dramatic television series 'Boot Camp'.
"Drill Instructor Smith is evil. I don't even think his mother loves him."
"Of course my mother doesn't love me, I killed her. What are you thinking crazy
girl? Stop doing that, it's disgusting."
**********
AN: Want to add to this madness? Email your SNL scene to nmartin@mail.com, and
I'll put it up with the next one.
Hermione Ann encounters the Dark Lord Voldemort outside Hogwarts on her way to
Hogsmeade with her friend Harry Potter.
"Isn't it sweet," Voldemort taunted. "Harry Potter has a girlfriend."
"My feelings for Harry can best be described in a monologue from the ABC made
for TV movie "A Gymnast too Thin" staring Deborah Gylson."
"Carolyn, Carolyn, you were the only one who taught me what I really needed to
survive here. You showed me the doughnut shop next to the public restroom with
the thick walls. You let me borrow you trash bag to wrap my body in when I
jumped rope. You were the one who counted my peas when I thought I wasn't
eating eenough. Without you, I would have fallen for the low fat diet scheme; I
may have even eaten a 250-calorie energy bar. You were the one who got me
through this. You told me the things that others were afraid to mention."
"What is the meaning of this? What are you doing?" The dark wizard cried
exasperated.
"Sometimes, when I get nervous, I put my fingers under my arms, like this. And
then I smell them. It's bad, I know, it's bad."
"It's not going to stop me from cursing Harry." He pulled out his wand.
"My feelings for you, Voldemort, dark lord on high, can best be described in a
monologue from the Fox dramatic television series 'Boot Camp'.
"Drill Instructor Smith is evil. I don't even think his mother loves him."
"Of course my mother doesn't love me, I killed her. What are you thinking crazy
girl? Stop doing that, it's disgusting."
**********
AN: Want to add to this madness? Email your SNL scene to nmartin@mail.com, and
I'll put it up with the next one.