JDHGamer: Hello and welcome to the second chapter. Well, a review is in.
And well, I always like to comment on reviews, because I kinda like to
argue. lol
Anyway, it pointed out that the story went into the main part too quickly, you may also discover that the ending doesn't come very quickly either. lol
And the "giant paragraph" somewhere in the middle, probably my "speech", it's not a spelling error, really. It's just a very long thing that Tenchi says, I MIGHT make a revision where his speech is split into two paragraphs. As far as going straight into the thick of things…well, just give me ONE way I can add something to it, and I might do it, but as far as my reason for doing it, well…the main thing is that if I wanted to make the story longer, I'd describe the one depressing week in explicit detail, making the reader incredibly depressed as well, and possibly making them not want to read the story because it's so darn depressing. lol
Anyway, that's it for now…so just enjoy the second chapter…
Chapter 2
Down in Washu's lab, Tenchi had all sorts of things attached to his head.
"What is all of this for, anyway?" Tenchi asked.
"Well, we have to transport you there mentally rather than physically, considering both that this universe was made for souls specifically, and that I'll have to pull out Sakuya mentally as well, so I might as well have you both exiting the same way, rather than having to use two ways at once, which would be very difficult. Also, it allows me to track you better." Washu replied.
"There isn't any chance this thing will fry my brain, is there?"
"Well, there's always a small margin of error. But unless something goes wrong with the system, which is incredibly unlikely, it should be perfectly safe. It worked in the simulations I ran, anyway."
"Well, that's kinda reassuring." Tenchi replied, not sounding at all assured.
"Just relax, Tenchi, everything will be fine." Washu said, using the controls to transfer Tenchi's mind into the void universe.
The world around Tenchi blurred and faded to black, suddenly, he was sent through a roller coaster ride, universes contained in spheres zooming past. He caught glimpses of various possibilities, different courses his life may have taken. As he began to speed up, they all became a blur, and eventually he came to a stop, and a stop was all it was, it appeared that inertia was not a factor, because he was just standing in place, or at least it seemed, the whole time as things flew past him. The blur of universes began to clear and he realized that the blur was no longer that of the universes, but that of wherever he had ended up, which turned out to be his apartment in Tokyo, at least that's what the place looked like.
"Washu, is this the place?" Tenchi asked.
Out of his watch popped a hologram of Washu, "Yeah, it certainly is!" She replied.
"This doesn't exactly look like a void, Washu."
"Well, as I said before it contains Sakuya's soul, so it seems that she created this out of her memories. It almost guarantee's she's here. Either her, or someone else who's seen your apartment."
"I'm sure it's her, I KNOW it's her! She's here, somewhere, I can feel it…"
Meanwhile, it was a brand new day at the Masaki Residence…
"Well, at least it stopped raining…" Sasami said, trying to cheer at least SOMEONE up, but even she herself was hopelessly worried about Tenchi, it had already been three days.
"However, Mihoshi could always be counted on to be clueless about everything, "Well, Tenchi's been in many dangerous situations before, he'll probably get out of this one too!" Well, maybe not this time, because
"She has a point, for once." Kiyone said.
"Yes, but he's never been in one of those situations without us to help him. What if he needs us?!" Ayeka said.
"Have faith, my grandson's spirit is strong, and I'm certain he'll prevail." Grandpa said.
"Yeah, he doesn't need us, he never did…" Ryoko said.
"Wasn't it Tenchi he said that he'd probably not be alive if not for us?" Ayeka commented.
"Oh, he was just saying that to make us feel better."
"Think about all the times when he needed help, when Kain almost killed his mother, when Haruna took him into her fantasy world. If it weren't for us, he wouldn't be here, he may not have even been born."
"Yeah, we've done lots of things that saved Tenchi's life." Sasami said.
"Meow!" Ryo-Ohki agreed.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…"
"Mayuka, are you okay?" Sasami asked.
"Yeah…I just miss him…"
"We all do. But he'll be back, I'm sure."
"Yeah, he promised…"
To be continued in Chapter 3
JDHGamer: Once again, the chapter is a little bit short, but I may be doing the third chapter today, so you'll be able to read it soon. ;)
Anyway, it pointed out that the story went into the main part too quickly, you may also discover that the ending doesn't come very quickly either. lol
And the "giant paragraph" somewhere in the middle, probably my "speech", it's not a spelling error, really. It's just a very long thing that Tenchi says, I MIGHT make a revision where his speech is split into two paragraphs. As far as going straight into the thick of things…well, just give me ONE way I can add something to it, and I might do it, but as far as my reason for doing it, well…the main thing is that if I wanted to make the story longer, I'd describe the one depressing week in explicit detail, making the reader incredibly depressed as well, and possibly making them not want to read the story because it's so darn depressing. lol
Anyway, that's it for now…so just enjoy the second chapter…
Chapter 2
Down in Washu's lab, Tenchi had all sorts of things attached to his head.
"What is all of this for, anyway?" Tenchi asked.
"Well, we have to transport you there mentally rather than physically, considering both that this universe was made for souls specifically, and that I'll have to pull out Sakuya mentally as well, so I might as well have you both exiting the same way, rather than having to use two ways at once, which would be very difficult. Also, it allows me to track you better." Washu replied.
"There isn't any chance this thing will fry my brain, is there?"
"Well, there's always a small margin of error. But unless something goes wrong with the system, which is incredibly unlikely, it should be perfectly safe. It worked in the simulations I ran, anyway."
"Well, that's kinda reassuring." Tenchi replied, not sounding at all assured.
"Just relax, Tenchi, everything will be fine." Washu said, using the controls to transfer Tenchi's mind into the void universe.
The world around Tenchi blurred and faded to black, suddenly, he was sent through a roller coaster ride, universes contained in spheres zooming past. He caught glimpses of various possibilities, different courses his life may have taken. As he began to speed up, they all became a blur, and eventually he came to a stop, and a stop was all it was, it appeared that inertia was not a factor, because he was just standing in place, or at least it seemed, the whole time as things flew past him. The blur of universes began to clear and he realized that the blur was no longer that of the universes, but that of wherever he had ended up, which turned out to be his apartment in Tokyo, at least that's what the place looked like.
"Washu, is this the place?" Tenchi asked.
Out of his watch popped a hologram of Washu, "Yeah, it certainly is!" She replied.
"This doesn't exactly look like a void, Washu."
"Well, as I said before it contains Sakuya's soul, so it seems that she created this out of her memories. It almost guarantee's she's here. Either her, or someone else who's seen your apartment."
"I'm sure it's her, I KNOW it's her! She's here, somewhere, I can feel it…"
Meanwhile, it was a brand new day at the Masaki Residence…
"Well, at least it stopped raining…" Sasami said, trying to cheer at least SOMEONE up, but even she herself was hopelessly worried about Tenchi, it had already been three days.
"However, Mihoshi could always be counted on to be clueless about everything, "Well, Tenchi's been in many dangerous situations before, he'll probably get out of this one too!" Well, maybe not this time, because
"She has a point, for once." Kiyone said.
"Yes, but he's never been in one of those situations without us to help him. What if he needs us?!" Ayeka said.
"Have faith, my grandson's spirit is strong, and I'm certain he'll prevail." Grandpa said.
"Yeah, he doesn't need us, he never did…" Ryoko said.
"Wasn't it Tenchi he said that he'd probably not be alive if not for us?" Ayeka commented.
"Oh, he was just saying that to make us feel better."
"Think about all the times when he needed help, when Kain almost killed his mother, when Haruna took him into her fantasy world. If it weren't for us, he wouldn't be here, he may not have even been born."
"Yeah, we've done lots of things that saved Tenchi's life." Sasami said.
"Meow!" Ryo-Ohki agreed.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…"
"Mayuka, are you okay?" Sasami asked.
"Yeah…I just miss him…"
"We all do. But he'll be back, I'm sure."
"Yeah, he promised…"
To be continued in Chapter 3
JDHGamer: Once again, the chapter is a little bit short, but I may be doing the third chapter today, so you'll be able to read it soon. ;)