Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz.
Notes: OCD stands for "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder".
Thank you so much to all of my reviewers… I love you… *muah* ^_^
"But, I can't help it!"
Chapter 3: Illegal Operations
* * *
"So, it's incurable?" Manx sat collected at the Koneko's warped table, her cup of tea untouched. An open laptop set beside her. She waited for Count D's answer while he sipped his hot treat.
"No, I suppose it isn't. However…" the beautiful man took another sip. "Most of the time, it will go away on its own. It simply needs time. And perhaps a good deal of therapy."
"So how long do you think it will take?" The laptop said. Manx noticed that Persia's window wasn't open, and she maximized it. The shadowed man appeared on the screen.
"Well…." Sip. "It all depends on how bad they are. Please, miss, could you bring one of them down? I'd like to evaluate them myself."
Manx did as told and stepped upstairs. A few moments later, after a lot of crashing noises, she returned, Aya behind her.
The man didn't look good at all. His eyes were bloodshot, rimmed with purple, and carried heavy bags. He looked like a stressed-out housewife. He carried a feather duster in one hand and a dirt devil in the other. His eyes widened considerably as he saw the pair sitting at the table.
"WHY. AREN'T. YOU. USING. COASTERS!?!?!?"
D smiled sweetly. "I'd say… one or two years."
Manx blanched. Persia had an illegal operation.
* * *
"Goddamnit! I don't need this right now!" Takatori swung his golf club again. "You idiots have some sort of freak disease! Now, SIT!"
Farfarello was perfectly behaved. He sat quietly in his strait jacket before Takatori, legs crossed, smiling like a five-year-old with a lollipop.
The others, however, weren't doing so well.
They were all running in a line, going in circles around the room. Schuldich was in the lead, hopping like a bunny, his thumb in his mouth. Next came Crawford, who was river dancing, chasing Schu and flicking him off from behind. Finally came Nagi. He was bent over with his arms behind him, wiggling his hands like a fish. His face came dangerously close to Brad's behind. They kept doing that for twenty minutes.
"Sit DOWN! That woman that called should be here any minute now."
As if on cue, Count D walked through the door at that moment, teacup in hand, cheongsam swishing by his legs. "I believe you were expecting me?"
"Damn right, woman! Explain this!"
D decided to play along.
The man's cheeks reddened and he smiled affectionately, tossing his hair. "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting… I had to care for the animals… I just care about them…" he licked his lips, "so very much…"
"FIX THIS!"
A little flying… thing… buzzed into the room. It went to sit on D's shoulder affectionately.
"Why, Q-chan! Thank you for joining me."
"WHAT'S THE DEAL, LADY!?" Takatori raised his golf club.
The cute flying thing tilted its head in confusion.
D took a sip out of his teacup. "The disease is incurable, however, it does go away with time."
"I DON'T CARE. JUST FIX IT."
Sip. "Judging by how they're acting, I think those three will be back to their normal selves within a few years."
"WHAT!? Well, what about the other one?"
"What other one?" Q-chan tipped its head.
"The one in the #@$%ing strait jacket."
D turned to look at Farfarello. "What's wrong with him?"
"He's being SANE."
"Oh…"
Farfarello smiled cutely. "God likes you! So I like you too!"
* * *
"THIS PLACE IS SO DIRTY!!!"
Fujimiya Aya raced back and forth across the floor of the Koneko, vacuum in hand. The floor was dirty! So dirty! Not pleasing to Fujimiya Aya, no sir!
Omi sat scrunched up in the corner, looking left and right with bloodshot eyes. There was something bad out there. It was coming to get them. It would destroy them, eat their livers and spit out their ears! Meep!
Yohji lay sprawled out on the stairs, pleasure spilled across his features.
His hand was where it probably shouldn't be.
And if Manx's ears were right, Ken was running back and forth upstairs. She sighed and stood, placing her hands on the table. "I guess I'll be staying here for awhile, then." She faced D. "Count D, would you mind watching them while I get my things?"
"Not at all." D smiled brightly. Q-chan popped out from nowhere. "I'd be more than happy to."
Manx nodded her thanks and left, leaving Persia alone with the Chinese man and… fluffy flying thing.
A few moments of silence past, the room devoid of sound save for Aya's mad hatter vacuum.
"……So…" Persia tried to make conversation. "…What's it like working at a cursed pet shop?"
"Oh God, Yohji-kun, don't do that! You could start a fire!!"
"No waaa~y, Omi…" He drawled. "You're too tensed up…"
"EEEEEPP! YOHJI-KUN! DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
Persia and D went into silence again.
"AAAHH!"
"DAMN YOU! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THE STEPS! THE STEPS!!!!!" Aya ran about madly trying to find some appropriate cleaning supplies.
D sipped his tea and smiled. Persia had another illegal operation. It was going to be a long year.
* * *
Bradley Crawford sat in his favorite chair, unmoving. He stared straight ahead, face completely stern and devoid of emotion. He hadn't blinked for a few hours. Naoe Nagi sat on the floor, his body rocking back and forth, yelling out "Go!" "Die, you bastard!" and "Damnit, I died!" sporadically. Farfarello stood happily by the window, watching the birds. The birds made God happy, so they made Farfie happy. Schuldich knelt down by Brad awkwardly.
"What are you doing, Braddy?"
No answer.
"What are you doing, Braddy?"
No answer.
"What are you doing, Braddy?"
Crawford gave Schu the Pinky Finger [1].
Schul smirked. //I can think of a lot of things to do with that pinky finger…// And he did. He made sure Brad did, too.
"Shit!" Crawfish quirked out.
The red-haired telepath smiled. "Why'd you say a bad word, Brad? Why'd you say a bad word, Brad?"
Q-chan sat behind Nagi's laptop, tapping the keys cutely. A loud "bleep!" sounded from the tiny speakers. Q-chan had an IM.
2Sxy2HavAPenis: Q-chan, darling. How are things going over there?
FlfyThng4omHll: Greetings, my friend. My presently indisposed companions seem to be indubitably settling down for the more favorable.
Nagi began humming some music. Was that from Everquest? Farfarello sighed contentedly. "Happy music… it makes God smile…"
Schuldich hopped over to Nagi happily. "Hallo, Nagikins! Wie geht's dir?" He poked the brunette. Nagi opened his eyes slowly. The boy leaned forward towards Schuldich, his nose twitching. First Schu's chest, then stomach, then…
Then Nagi got some very hentai mental images from Schu and ran across the room. "Wait, Nagikins! Don't run away!" Nagi ran further. "Where are you going? Hey? Where are you going? Where are you going? Where?" He sucked his thumb.
2Sxy2HavAPenis: Not too well, I suppose?
FlfyThng4omHll: Squeak.
* * *
"What the hell did you do now, Count?"
"Mr. Detective! So glad you were able to join us."
"I heard some loud-ass screaming down the street and I figured it was your doing. Hey, get this thing off me!"
"Q-chan, be nice to the handsome man."
"So what did you do NOW?"
"They just got sick from being bitten by my kittens. It's no big deal."
"Heeheh…"
"What the #@$#!? Count, why is this guy's hand on my ass?"
"I don't surely know. Ask the lucky man why."
"Yummy…"
"YOHJI-KUN! Come help me secure the 50th fire alarm!"
Twitch. "Count… why is there a vacuum trying to suck up my ass?"
"I don't surely know. Ask the lucky vacuum why."
"Your butt is dirty, I tell you!"
Twitch. "Count… why is there a foot in my ass?"
"I don't surely know. Ask the lucky foot why."
"Tee hee! It's a soccer ball!"
Twitch. "Count…"
Sip. Smile.
Manx walked down from upstairs. She looked horribly worried, exhausted, and stressed beyond belief. "Weiss. Assemble."
D and Leon eventually gathered all four of the boys before the redheaded woman. Omi was going nuts thinking the house would cave in on them, Ken was kicking his feet in the air, Aya was rubbing the floor with a rag, and Yohji was… touching himself. They continued to attempt escape, so the two men had to hold them in place.
Manx held a black folder in her hand.
"Weiss… you have a mission."
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
End chapter 3. ^_^ I've only seen Petshop once, so if it's very OOC, I'm sorry… ;_;
[1] Giving someone the "pinky finger" is like calling them a homo.
Review, onegai! ^__^