Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz.
Notes: OCD stands for "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder".
Pre-mission stuffs. Sorry this chapter is so short. Then again, they all are. ^_^0
"But, I can't help it!"
Chapter 4: Hark, the Farfarello sings!
* * *
"Weiss no shoku. MISSION ga hazure da."
"BOOOOOORIIIIIING."
"Quiet, all of you."
"OH GOD, the TV… it talks!!!!" The petit blonde yelped.
"Omi, come back out from under the couch."
Persia cleared his throat. "Thank you, Manx."
Weiss, the great hunters of the dark, were all listening attentively.
"Yohji! Don't touch me there, your hands are dirty!"
"Your target is Mr. –"
"SOCCER BALL!"
"—Takashita Mondai."
"OH. MY. GOD." Aya shook and pointed a finger at the screen.
"What is it, Abyssinian? Do you know the target?" Manx questioned.
Several moments of silence passed.
"THERE'S A PIECE OF LINT ON THE TV!!!!!!"
* ~ * ~ *
"Hello, and welcome to Estet's latest rehab seminar, "Killing for Dummies." a tall, black-haired woman in her mid 20s welcomed.
There were eight people in the room: Four girls and four boys. Some of those were debatable.
Schuldich sucked his thumb innocently. "Why do we gotta come here? Why do we gotta come here? Why do we gotta come here?" Crawford flicked him off.
Brad was surprised as some very graphic mental images came from the redhead. "S.O.B."
"Alright now everybody settle down…"
"Friends fighting makes God cry…" Farfarello sniffled. "I don't want anybody to be sad…"
"YES!!!!!! 553 EXPERIENCE POINTS!!!!!!"
"Um… Mr. Naoe? Please, shut up."
"BUT I HAVE TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL!"
The woman decided it was time for introductions. She opened her arms to the group. "My name is Ungha."
"Why do you have such an ugly name? Why do you have such an ugly name?"
Twitch. "Because when the author was talking about cybering with her friend, they started looking for something better to say than "moan". So they came up with UNGHAA. It's true."
Schu's eyebrows rose at the idea. He sent some images in the woman's direction. //Unghaa…//
Ungha shuddered. Motioning with her hand to Schuldich, she continued. "Everyone, please tell the group your name, and why you're here." She sat down.
Schuldich hopped up from his seat, thumb in mouth. "I'm Schuschu!" He posed. "Why am I here? Why am I here?
Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I—"
"Alright!" Unghaa interrupted. "Who's next?"
The woman glanced at Crawford. He sat unmoving, unblinking, although through his uber-shiny glasses you probably couldn't tell. She walked over and prodded him with a crowbar in order to get him to move.
The man jumped from his seat. He raised his middle finger to the group. "$#%@ you." He sat back down.
"Alright……………….. Next?"
Farf stood up in his strait jacket, smiling like a schoolgirl. "My name is Jei von Farfarello von Angel." He smiled for a moment before continuing. "I am here because my God willed it unto me!"
Crawford commented. "Bullshit."
"…. Ok. Now, the small brunette?"
"NAOE NAGI WA ICHIBAN! [1] A WINNER IS ME! A WINNER IS ME! [2]"
"…(Perhaps the others will be more promising.) Alright, who's next?"
A small blue-haired girl stood, twirling an umbrella. She wore a pink frilly dress, lip-gloss, blue eye shadow, pink blush, white high heels, and her hair swirling in spirals around her face.
She looked like an idiot.
She twirled the umbrella before she spoke. "Tot is here to learn to kill others, instead of Tot!" She ran herself through with the umbrella as demonstration.
Everyone's attention was distracted from the beautiful sight of Tot's dying body by Farfarello's yelling. "GOD DOES NOT LIKE SUICIDE! STOP MAKING HIM CRY!" And then he broke down, sobbing.
After Tot's body was dropped off at the morgue, the introductions continued. A woman with short dark hair stood. "Hell."
"No cursing, please!"
"Shut the #@%$ up."
"That includes you, Mr. #@$# you."
"Cursing hurts God…" Sniffle. "Please, stop…"
The other two women stood with Hell, and posed. "Schoen!" "Noi!"
Altogether they finished, "SCHREIENT!"
Nagi cooed. "Oh, awesome, I get to fight some man-women…"
"TOT IS BACK!!"
Nagi stood and waddled over to the girl. He stuck his nose out and sniffed. "She don't smell dead."
"YAY!" Farfarello piped up.
"Goddamnit." Crawford was promptly smacked by Jei von Farfarello von Angel.
"I think she smells dead…" Schu added, sucking his thumb.
* * *
"Omi, I'm begging you, please get some info on the target…"
"BUT MANX! What if some hacker decides to try to get in?? What if I get a virus?? What if I catch the l33t disease? THE L337 D153453!!"
Manx sighed. It just wasn't going to work. The mission would be a failure. But they couldn't just ignore Weiss for a few years. They only way one could leave Kritiker was through death, and she just wasn't willing to do that. She turned to go find the others.
"AAH!!" Manx screeched at the sight before her.
Aya and Ken rushed in at the sound, and Omi spun around in his chair, alarmed.
Kudou Yohji lay sprawled upon the basement couch; naked as the day he was born. His silky locks spilled down his face in golden ripples, his toned skin glistening with fresh sweat. His face spoke of ecstasy, eyelashes fluttering, his hand steadily working its magic.
Everyone was silent for a minute.
"GOOD GOD, KUDOU! LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THE COUCH!"
"IT'S A SOCCER BALL! KICK IT, KICK IT!!"
"I'LL GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!"
Manx sank to her knees. "Oh God…"
"I GOT A GOAL!"
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
[1] "Naoe Nagi is the best!"
[2] Thank you, The Jar. ^.~
Ah. I love it. Review, onegai shimasu. I love all of my reviewers. So much. ^___^ *huggle snuggle glomp!*