Part 2
Carter was totally exhausted by the time he arrived at the seminar. His train had arrived at the El station late so he had had to run all the way from the platform to the lecture hall. He came tearing into the room and practically collapsed as he bent over, head between his knees, and tried to get out an apology in between gasping for breath.
"I'm sorry…overslept…totally forgot…stupid El train… I ran…lots of running!" he stopped and looked up, noticing for the first time that he had been apologising to empty air. Susan, Luka and Gallant were sitting down at desks around the room looking at him with a mixture of amusement and, in the case of Luka, total unconcern. Carter looked around for the seminar leader but couldn't see anybody else. "He's not here yet?" he managed to get out, still panting for breath. He was answered by a series of 'nuh uh''s and head shakes. Boy, he felt like and idiot!
He walked quickly to a corner of the room and threw his coat over the back of a chair. This was just a little weird…hadn't the seminar had started late in his dream as well? He started to pace around the room to clear his head, picking up things that were lying around and putting them down again without really looking at them. He was standing over by the large TV looking through the pile of sexual-harassment videos when there was the sound of somebody opening the door; he turned to see Abby walking into the room holding a cup of coffee and looking beautiful with her hair curling around her face…or at least he thought so. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about her like that, especially as he was meant to be with Susan, so he decided to ignore the strange feeling of dèja-vu and concentrate on hiding his feelings from Abby. He only hoped he could do it.
"I thought I was late," Abby said, looking around the room at the faces of her colleagues and noting the absence of anything resembling a lecturer.
"You *are* late!" Carter replied sounding a little more pissy than he had intended. They shared a look, which she was the first to break, but he continued to follow her with his eyes as he moved to the back of the room and she started to take her coat off.
"Does anybody know how long this is supposed to last?" Susan asked.
"All day I think," Luka replied from behind the newspaper he was reading.
"What are they going to do, show us videos?" Abby asked.
"Sexual harassment videos," Susan added sarcastically. Carter thought how unattractive she was when she was being sarcastic, but he pushed this thought to the back of his mind as he joined in the conversation.
"Role playing and long lectures is what I heard. Acting out inappropriate behaviour. You two should excel at that," he added, indicating both Abby and Susan but secretly blaming Susan the most.
"Would you drop it?" Susan asked, exasperated at his attitude. He really didn't want to be there right now, and there was something about the whole situation that was strangely familiar. He didn't like it at all.
"At least I'm not the one who put that thing in Weaver's locker," Susan said accusingly.
"Yeah, right," Carter replied, not really thinking what he was saying. Susan then turned to Abby who just laughed and said "Don't look at me!" Luka also denied it, smiling and shaking his finger at the two girls, and nobody even considered accusing Gallant the clean-cut medical student! Everything was quiet for a few moments and Carter was using the time to collect his thoughts when the silence was interrupted by Susan's laughter.
"But you should have seen her face! God, I wish I had a camera!" she was saying.
"This isn't funny," Carter said sourly, more annoyed at the fact that he had almost managed to figure out what was so familiar about this scenario and the conversation when she had started to laugh than at anything else.
"Sure it is!"
"No it's not," he replied forcefully. She turned around to give him a look, daring him to make a scene in front of their friends. He stared straight back at her until she broke the gaze and turned to speak to Abby.
"This is going to be a very long day," Susan said. Carter couldn't help but echo the sentiment silently as he watched the woman he loved talking to his girlfriend.
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The day dragged on as they waited for the lecturer to arrive. After an hour everybody was getting a little stir-crazy; Abby and Susan had gotten into a little argument over a piece of Walt Whitman poetry written on the blackboard, at which point Susan had started singing and in desperation Carter had led an abortive attempt to lead the group out of the building…he just wanted to get out of there but for some reason everybody else seemed determined to stay put! He had managed to forget his experience of 'yesterday' but it left him with a permanently bad mood. Everything put him on edge, especially the banal conversation which he was sure he had heard before, and it wasn't long before he and Susan were fighting about Mark.
"What is your problem today? What are you so pissy about?" she rounded on him.
"You know what my problem is," he said pointedly. Alright so he wasn't especially in love with Susan, but that didn't stop him being a little jealous. After all, she was his girlfriend, why was she seeing somebody else?
"You are kidding me! Still? You are still mad about that? You know what, John, grow up!" She turned to Abby and started to explain the situation. "I spent the night at Mark's the night before last and he won't let it go. I slept on the sofa, I was on the couch and he thinks I slept with Mark."
"Can we not talk about this here?" Carter leaned forward, worried. He didn't want his personal life publicised, especially in front of Abby. He darted a quick look at her to gauge her reaction. What would she think of him? Would she think he was some sort of jealous freak, or would she just think he was pathetic? Susan just continued talking, oblivious to the fact that he was uncomfortable and ignoring the looks he was sending her way:
"Several years ago Mark had a crush on me," she was saying, "and now we're friends. *Friends*, which is more than I can say for us if you keep this up!" she said to Carter. This was too much for Carter; he got up and moved down to the front of the room so that he was sitting next to Carter and Abby.
"Yeah, a harmless night spent in a recently single man's apartment who is still desperately in love with you!" He tried to ignore Abby's eyes on him as he sat down next to her.
"Mark isn't in love with me! I helped the guy out!" Susan replied. "You know, when you find out why I was over there you're going to feel small. Very, very small."
"So tell me!" Carter didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of this. He really didn't care all that much whether Susan slept with Mark or not. Mark was almost a father figure to him, he respected the guy, and he had no reason to hate him. A voice inside him said he was doing it for Abby's benefit, so that she could see things weren't serious between him and Susan, but he pushed it to one side. It was then that he heard Luka say something that almost tore his world apart:
"Abby's been sleeping on *my* couch. Nothing's happened," he stated simply.
Carter didn't know where to look. He stared at Luka, and then at Abby who explained that she needed a new place to stay until she found a new apartment and Luka helped her out. Carter bit on his lip to stop him from yelling out at her that she could have stayed with him. Susan noticed him trying to keep his emotions hidden and moved in for the jugular.
"You're probably more upset about that than my staying at Mark's" she observed dryly.
"No I'm not!"
"Carter's still stuck on you," Susan said to Abby.
"Can we just change the subject!" He slammed his hand down on the desk and got up to walk away. He couldn't believe Susan had just said that to Abby! He didn't even know himself how he felt about her so he certainly didn't think she should be the one to bring it up. He turned around and his eyes caught Abby looking back at him. As soon as their eyes met they both looked away but in that instant Carter was sure he had seen something in her eyes…was it interest? Reciprocation? He wasn't sure, but as he talked at random to Luka and the rest of the group about sport and what their parents did his mind was on that look…
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Carter remained in a bad mood for the rest of the day. There were some good points, like the way Abby would look over at him sometimes when she thought he wasn't looking, or the way she seemed to edge her seat nearer to his after Susan's revelation. Then there were the bad points, like getting cut whilst fencing with Luka and watching Abby tend to the other guy and not to him, or the way everybody seemed to gang up on him simply because his family had money.
He was actually glad in the end when the lecturer finally turned up. At least now they could get on with it and he could be home in a few hours, away from all these personal questions. He made his way down to the front of the class with the others and sat down in front of the lecturer, determined to keep his head down and get through the rest of the day so he could just go home and curl up in bed, and hopefully forget about today!
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That evening after the seminar everybody went their separate ways. Luka went back to his apartment whilst Gallant and Abby walked towards County to start their shifts, leaving Carter and Susan standing by themselves outside the building. Carter was watching Abby walk away, lost in thoughts of how beautiful she was and what a fool he had made of himself today, when he heard Susan telling him how wonderful she thought Abby was and how she didn't think anything was going on between her and Luka. Carter wondered why she was telling him this, especially when the next thing she did was ask him to kiss her…
It wasn't a passionate kiss, it wasn't even a loving kiss…if anything it was like kissing his sister! Carter didn't want to be the one to admit that there was nothing there between them, but luckily for him she admitted that she hadn't felt anything either. They just didn't have any chemistry, plain and simple. They just stood there in front of each other in silence, neither of them really upset that it was over, until Susan finally broke the silence.
"You should tell her," she said.
"Who?" he asked, pretending not to know who Susan was talking about. They both knew she meant Abby, however, so giving up the pretence he continued. "Tell her what?"
"That you're desperately in love with her and can't live another moment without her." Susan stated simply.
"Really?!" he laughed.
"You're hopeless!" she said, laughing too, "You'll figure it out."
The two of them parted friends. Carter admitted that he was the one who put the dildo in Weaver's locker, thereby solving Susan's day-long crusade! He gave her a wink as he turned and walked off into the night, leaving her smiling after him.
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As he walked along Carter felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He realised that in part his behaviour with Susan was because he wanted out of the relationship and that night she spent with Mark was the perfect excuse for him to start a fight. They were much better as friends, and the advice she gave him with regards to Abby proved that. Maybe she was right and he was desperately in love with Abby, but he wasn't going to say anything until he was sure of her feelings. After all, she was living with Luka again, and he wouldn't put it past the Croatian to manipulate the situation to his advantage. Abby was vulnerable, and perhaps she would look over one day to see Luka staring back at her, being there for her when Carter wasn't, and she'd think "why not?" She had gone out with him before so it would be easy to just slip into the old routine, an old relationship that both of them had been comfortable with….NO, he had to stop thinking like this! He was driving himself crazy!
He walked up the steps to the front door of the Carter Mansion and opened it himself without waiting for the night butler. He was so distracted by the images swimming about in his head of Abby kissing Luka that he wasn't really looking where he was going…he walked right into one of the hall tables and managed to send the vase sitting on top of it flying.
"Oh man!" Carter said, picking up the largest of the pieces and placing them on top of the table for the maid to clear away in the morning. "Gamma is going to kill me. This was a present from the Swedish Ambassador!"
He cleared up as much as he could and then walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge. He needed something to take his mind off of Abby and Luka and the only thing he could think of was to eat. He found a strawberry cheesecake sitting on a plate on one of the shelves and he pulled it out. He sat down at the kitchen counter fully intending to only have a couple of bites, but before he knew it he had eaten the whole thing! He felt slightly nauseous, but at least that feeling stopped him thinking about Abby being alone with that euro-doctor!
The day had drained Carter emotionally. He could barely stand up as he dragged himself up the stairs and into his bedroom. He switched on the shower in his bathroom and felt the water temperature. He smiled as he felt the cold water start to come through warm. Thank God they got the hot water working again, he thought. He stepped into the shower and sighed as the warm water ran down his neck and back, relaxing his tired muscles. He was so glad Gamma had called a plumber in to fix the pipes as he couldn't have gone without a shower, especially after the freezing one he had had this morning!
He got out of the shower and dried himself off, pulling on an old pair of sweat-pants before crawling under the covers of his bed and snuggling down to sleep. As he slept he started to think about how he should approach Abby: should he meet her after her shift ended tomorrow or should he wait until they were both on together? How would she react? And was it really the right thing to do after all?
He grunted slightly in his sleep as he turned over and snuggled closer into the pillows. There was plenty of time to sort out all of these questions tomorrow…
Carter was totally exhausted by the time he arrived at the seminar. His train had arrived at the El station late so he had had to run all the way from the platform to the lecture hall. He came tearing into the room and practically collapsed as he bent over, head between his knees, and tried to get out an apology in between gasping for breath.
"I'm sorry…overslept…totally forgot…stupid El train… I ran…lots of running!" he stopped and looked up, noticing for the first time that he had been apologising to empty air. Susan, Luka and Gallant were sitting down at desks around the room looking at him with a mixture of amusement and, in the case of Luka, total unconcern. Carter looked around for the seminar leader but couldn't see anybody else. "He's not here yet?" he managed to get out, still panting for breath. He was answered by a series of 'nuh uh''s and head shakes. Boy, he felt like and idiot!
He walked quickly to a corner of the room and threw his coat over the back of a chair. This was just a little weird…hadn't the seminar had started late in his dream as well? He started to pace around the room to clear his head, picking up things that were lying around and putting them down again without really looking at them. He was standing over by the large TV looking through the pile of sexual-harassment videos when there was the sound of somebody opening the door; he turned to see Abby walking into the room holding a cup of coffee and looking beautiful with her hair curling around her face…or at least he thought so. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about her like that, especially as he was meant to be with Susan, so he decided to ignore the strange feeling of dèja-vu and concentrate on hiding his feelings from Abby. He only hoped he could do it.
"I thought I was late," Abby said, looking around the room at the faces of her colleagues and noting the absence of anything resembling a lecturer.
"You *are* late!" Carter replied sounding a little more pissy than he had intended. They shared a look, which she was the first to break, but he continued to follow her with his eyes as he moved to the back of the room and she started to take her coat off.
"Does anybody know how long this is supposed to last?" Susan asked.
"All day I think," Luka replied from behind the newspaper he was reading.
"What are they going to do, show us videos?" Abby asked.
"Sexual harassment videos," Susan added sarcastically. Carter thought how unattractive she was when she was being sarcastic, but he pushed this thought to the back of his mind as he joined in the conversation.
"Role playing and long lectures is what I heard. Acting out inappropriate behaviour. You two should excel at that," he added, indicating both Abby and Susan but secretly blaming Susan the most.
"Would you drop it?" Susan asked, exasperated at his attitude. He really didn't want to be there right now, and there was something about the whole situation that was strangely familiar. He didn't like it at all.
"At least I'm not the one who put that thing in Weaver's locker," Susan said accusingly.
"Yeah, right," Carter replied, not really thinking what he was saying. Susan then turned to Abby who just laughed and said "Don't look at me!" Luka also denied it, smiling and shaking his finger at the two girls, and nobody even considered accusing Gallant the clean-cut medical student! Everything was quiet for a few moments and Carter was using the time to collect his thoughts when the silence was interrupted by Susan's laughter.
"But you should have seen her face! God, I wish I had a camera!" she was saying.
"This isn't funny," Carter said sourly, more annoyed at the fact that he had almost managed to figure out what was so familiar about this scenario and the conversation when she had started to laugh than at anything else.
"Sure it is!"
"No it's not," he replied forcefully. She turned around to give him a look, daring him to make a scene in front of their friends. He stared straight back at her until she broke the gaze and turned to speak to Abby.
"This is going to be a very long day," Susan said. Carter couldn't help but echo the sentiment silently as he watched the woman he loved talking to his girlfriend.
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The day dragged on as they waited for the lecturer to arrive. After an hour everybody was getting a little stir-crazy; Abby and Susan had gotten into a little argument over a piece of Walt Whitman poetry written on the blackboard, at which point Susan had started singing and in desperation Carter had led an abortive attempt to lead the group out of the building…he just wanted to get out of there but for some reason everybody else seemed determined to stay put! He had managed to forget his experience of 'yesterday' but it left him with a permanently bad mood. Everything put him on edge, especially the banal conversation which he was sure he had heard before, and it wasn't long before he and Susan were fighting about Mark.
"What is your problem today? What are you so pissy about?" she rounded on him.
"You know what my problem is," he said pointedly. Alright so he wasn't especially in love with Susan, but that didn't stop him being a little jealous. After all, she was his girlfriend, why was she seeing somebody else?
"You are kidding me! Still? You are still mad about that? You know what, John, grow up!" She turned to Abby and started to explain the situation. "I spent the night at Mark's the night before last and he won't let it go. I slept on the sofa, I was on the couch and he thinks I slept with Mark."
"Can we not talk about this here?" Carter leaned forward, worried. He didn't want his personal life publicised, especially in front of Abby. He darted a quick look at her to gauge her reaction. What would she think of him? Would she think he was some sort of jealous freak, or would she just think he was pathetic? Susan just continued talking, oblivious to the fact that he was uncomfortable and ignoring the looks he was sending her way:
"Several years ago Mark had a crush on me," she was saying, "and now we're friends. *Friends*, which is more than I can say for us if you keep this up!" she said to Carter. This was too much for Carter; he got up and moved down to the front of the room so that he was sitting next to Carter and Abby.
"Yeah, a harmless night spent in a recently single man's apartment who is still desperately in love with you!" He tried to ignore Abby's eyes on him as he sat down next to her.
"Mark isn't in love with me! I helped the guy out!" Susan replied. "You know, when you find out why I was over there you're going to feel small. Very, very small."
"So tell me!" Carter didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of this. He really didn't care all that much whether Susan slept with Mark or not. Mark was almost a father figure to him, he respected the guy, and he had no reason to hate him. A voice inside him said he was doing it for Abby's benefit, so that she could see things weren't serious between him and Susan, but he pushed it to one side. It was then that he heard Luka say something that almost tore his world apart:
"Abby's been sleeping on *my* couch. Nothing's happened," he stated simply.
Carter didn't know where to look. He stared at Luka, and then at Abby who explained that she needed a new place to stay until she found a new apartment and Luka helped her out. Carter bit on his lip to stop him from yelling out at her that she could have stayed with him. Susan noticed him trying to keep his emotions hidden and moved in for the jugular.
"You're probably more upset about that than my staying at Mark's" she observed dryly.
"No I'm not!"
"Carter's still stuck on you," Susan said to Abby.
"Can we just change the subject!" He slammed his hand down on the desk and got up to walk away. He couldn't believe Susan had just said that to Abby! He didn't even know himself how he felt about her so he certainly didn't think she should be the one to bring it up. He turned around and his eyes caught Abby looking back at him. As soon as their eyes met they both looked away but in that instant Carter was sure he had seen something in her eyes…was it interest? Reciprocation? He wasn't sure, but as he talked at random to Luka and the rest of the group about sport and what their parents did his mind was on that look…
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Carter remained in a bad mood for the rest of the day. There were some good points, like the way Abby would look over at him sometimes when she thought he wasn't looking, or the way she seemed to edge her seat nearer to his after Susan's revelation. Then there were the bad points, like getting cut whilst fencing with Luka and watching Abby tend to the other guy and not to him, or the way everybody seemed to gang up on him simply because his family had money.
He was actually glad in the end when the lecturer finally turned up. At least now they could get on with it and he could be home in a few hours, away from all these personal questions. He made his way down to the front of the class with the others and sat down in front of the lecturer, determined to keep his head down and get through the rest of the day so he could just go home and curl up in bed, and hopefully forget about today!
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That evening after the seminar everybody went their separate ways. Luka went back to his apartment whilst Gallant and Abby walked towards County to start their shifts, leaving Carter and Susan standing by themselves outside the building. Carter was watching Abby walk away, lost in thoughts of how beautiful she was and what a fool he had made of himself today, when he heard Susan telling him how wonderful she thought Abby was and how she didn't think anything was going on between her and Luka. Carter wondered why she was telling him this, especially when the next thing she did was ask him to kiss her…
It wasn't a passionate kiss, it wasn't even a loving kiss…if anything it was like kissing his sister! Carter didn't want to be the one to admit that there was nothing there between them, but luckily for him she admitted that she hadn't felt anything either. They just didn't have any chemistry, plain and simple. They just stood there in front of each other in silence, neither of them really upset that it was over, until Susan finally broke the silence.
"You should tell her," she said.
"Who?" he asked, pretending not to know who Susan was talking about. They both knew she meant Abby, however, so giving up the pretence he continued. "Tell her what?"
"That you're desperately in love with her and can't live another moment without her." Susan stated simply.
"Really?!" he laughed.
"You're hopeless!" she said, laughing too, "You'll figure it out."
The two of them parted friends. Carter admitted that he was the one who put the dildo in Weaver's locker, thereby solving Susan's day-long crusade! He gave her a wink as he turned and walked off into the night, leaving her smiling after him.
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As he walked along Carter felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He realised that in part his behaviour with Susan was because he wanted out of the relationship and that night she spent with Mark was the perfect excuse for him to start a fight. They were much better as friends, and the advice she gave him with regards to Abby proved that. Maybe she was right and he was desperately in love with Abby, but he wasn't going to say anything until he was sure of her feelings. After all, she was living with Luka again, and he wouldn't put it past the Croatian to manipulate the situation to his advantage. Abby was vulnerable, and perhaps she would look over one day to see Luka staring back at her, being there for her when Carter wasn't, and she'd think "why not?" She had gone out with him before so it would be easy to just slip into the old routine, an old relationship that both of them had been comfortable with….NO, he had to stop thinking like this! He was driving himself crazy!
He walked up the steps to the front door of the Carter Mansion and opened it himself without waiting for the night butler. He was so distracted by the images swimming about in his head of Abby kissing Luka that he wasn't really looking where he was going…he walked right into one of the hall tables and managed to send the vase sitting on top of it flying.
"Oh man!" Carter said, picking up the largest of the pieces and placing them on top of the table for the maid to clear away in the morning. "Gamma is going to kill me. This was a present from the Swedish Ambassador!"
He cleared up as much as he could and then walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge. He needed something to take his mind off of Abby and Luka and the only thing he could think of was to eat. He found a strawberry cheesecake sitting on a plate on one of the shelves and he pulled it out. He sat down at the kitchen counter fully intending to only have a couple of bites, but before he knew it he had eaten the whole thing! He felt slightly nauseous, but at least that feeling stopped him thinking about Abby being alone with that euro-doctor!
The day had drained Carter emotionally. He could barely stand up as he dragged himself up the stairs and into his bedroom. He switched on the shower in his bathroom and felt the water temperature. He smiled as he felt the cold water start to come through warm. Thank God they got the hot water working again, he thought. He stepped into the shower and sighed as the warm water ran down his neck and back, relaxing his tired muscles. He was so glad Gamma had called a plumber in to fix the pipes as he couldn't have gone without a shower, especially after the freezing one he had had this morning!
He got out of the shower and dried himself off, pulling on an old pair of sweat-pants before crawling under the covers of his bed and snuggling down to sleep. As he slept he started to think about how he should approach Abby: should he meet her after her shift ended tomorrow or should he wait until they were both on together? How would she react? And was it really the right thing to do after all?
He grunted slightly in his sleep as he turned over and snuggled closer into the pillows. There was plenty of time to sort out all of these questions tomorrow…