She had told Mike Franks within the hours between the shootout and their departure from California that he should go back to Mexico and get out of her mess, but she was quickly made privy to just how deep stubbornness runs in his veins.
"Already in it." He told her, and that was that.
It took some major convincing and some pull as Director on her part, but she had managed to get what evidence she and Mike had uncovered transferred to Washington where Gibbs and his team would be able to work on tracking down the remaining members of the KGB case they worked and hopefully weed out who had put the hit out on her, Decker, and Gibbs.
When the armored car she's in pulls up to her house she can see twice as much security stationed around. Unmarked vehicles lining up and down her street, patrolmen wandering the perimeter of her house. She doesn't need to be told that her home security system has probably been updated in her absence, it would be a foolish move for them not too.
She doesn't even care that the agents had swept through her home and likely reached a new level of personal violation, she's just so relieved to be back in her own space.
Well, partly relieved. The other part of her is dreading the aftermath of everything. After all, she hadn't really intended to walk out of that diner alive.
She's only been home for a little over two hours when her phone rings.
"Shepard." She answers automatically.
"At your front door."
It surprises her that he waited this long to show up, she had assumed he would have been there even before she arrived.
He looks tired, probably no more than she does, but she sympathizes with him all the same. It had only just begun and she was already so tired of it all. Another reason why she had hoped all would have been taken care of in California.
She gives a quick nod of approval to the agent stationed on the street directly across from her front. She's sure they had been briefed that Gibbs or his team would likely stop by unannounced, but she wants her security to know its okay with her all the same.
"Here to interrogate me some more?" She asks, walking towards her study. The formalities of inviting him in weren't really needed anymore. Not after all these years.
He expectantly trails after her, "There's still things you're neglecting to fill me in on."
Immediately she heads towards the heavily stocked liquor cabinet and grabs the most expensive bottle of Bourbon she has. It was meant to be saved for a special occasion, but she supposes not getting a bullet to the head would suffice.
"You were told the broad strokes, that should be enough for an investigation." She pours them both a glass. It was pointless to ask if he wanted one, she knew him too well.
"I'm not here fishing for information for the case, I'm trying to figure out why the hell you walked into that diner in the first place."
She swallows a mouthful of her drink and her to refrain from topping off her glass so soon.
"I told you, I was trying to right some wrongs."
Gibbs scoffs, "That what you told Mike? Maybe you were able to spin a story to him but I know you better than that. You aren't reckless or stupid."
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think, then." And Mike Franks is no fool, she wanted to add.
It was absolute lie and the both of them knew it. There probably wasn't a person on earth that knew her better than he did. It's one of the reasons she left in the first place; she knew he would be her downfall if she had stayed with him any longer. A loving one, but a downfall all the same.
"You're a bad liar." He counters.
She sits her own glass down on her desk and shoots a glare in his direction, "I'm an excellent liar."
Gibbs takes a small sip of his drink before sitting it down besides hers, "When you're not lying to me you are."
"I don't know what you want me to say, Jethro." It's more harsh than she intends it to be but she can't find the energy to care, "I made a choice, walking into that diner to settle the score was my penance."
The look he gives her is eerily similar to the one he wore when she revealed her desperation to go after The Frog. Not quite judgmental - lord knows he would never look down at her for settling a score - but something akin to betrayal.
"That what you're telling yourself?"
It was, actually.
"It's the truth. I'm allowed to atone for the things I've done."
"You don't get to do that anymore," He says, "After all the things you did to become Director you don't get to just walk into danger and throw that away."
And by all the things she did he meant leaving him on a plane with a letter but neither of them will come out and say that directly.
"I was doing what I had too before my mistake spiraled out of control." She hated this. She hated arguing semantics and reasons with him.
"You were protecting yourself."
It was an accusation that finally pushed her over the edge.
She truly doesn't mean to yell but her breaking point had been about 48 hours earlier when she walked out of the diner alive.
"I was protecting you!"
Falling in love with him all those years ago had been a complete accident. Even when their partnership had turned physical when they were undercover she had thought it would simply be sex and nothing else. That was fine by her, she could have her cake and eat it too when it was simply that. But then one night while they were in Serbia she had looked over at him and realized that somewhere along the line she had fallen in love with him. And that itself was more dangerous than anything.
"Jen-" He begins, but she doesn't give him the opportunity to speak.
"No," She growls, taking a step closer to him, "You listen to me Jethro Gibbs. I did not walk into that diner because I trying to save myself, or my reputation, or whatever else you may think happened. The moment I knew Decker was killed because of a mistake I made, I knew you and I were next. I stepped into that diner to make sure no one else died because I was too much a of coward to pull the trigger the first time, especially the love of my life. So you can continue to be angry at me for that and everything I have ever done to you, but I will not apologize for protecting you. Not ever."
By the time she realizes the words that had came out of her mouth, it was too late.
"Jenny..."
If she weren't so mortified by what she admitted too she would have been more celebratory that she rendered him speechless.
"I think you should go, Jethro."
"No, I don't think I should."
Maybe if she were a stronger woman she would have put up a better fight and pushed him out the door, but every bit of fire she had left in her was extinguished when she felt his hand brush against her cheek bone.
"I can't do this again." There's a brokenness to his voice that's so foreign it makes her sick to her stomach because she knows he's referring to Shannon's death, the one thing she's swore to never make him retell.
It heals her and hurts her and it's the closest thing to saying that maybe he still wants her that she'll ever get.
"You should go." She repeats, but her heart isn't in it and he knows that.
"Once upon a time you have asked me to stay." He reminds her gently, running the back of his fingers down her cheek and the sensation makes her want to cry.
"You said no last time." Her voice is wobbly and she hates it because she should make him leave.
"This isn't last time."
"There wasn't supposed to be a next time, Jethro."
And there wasn't, but he presses his lips against hers in a ghost of a touch and very last bit of fight she had left rushes out of her.
They're halfway to her bedroom when it occurs to her that she kept her deal with Mike after all.
It was a terrible idea.
A/n: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. This is not the end yet, so be prepared for more coming.
As always, Ali.