(Sorry it has taken me so long to update. Suffice to say that my little brat nephew not only made his presence known this weekend, but he had several little friends to help him! Anyway, we are now in the closing straits, only one more chapter after this one, so I'm sorry but the mushy stuff is going to come into play now. I hope that it doesn't disappoint as it is a bit rushed. Enjoy.)
Part 9
The alarm woke him up the next morning, as usual, and he managed to drag himself out of bed and into the shower. Bracing himself for the day ahead he actually relished the cold shower when it hit him, giving him the opportunity to clear his head and think through what he was about to do...he wasn't really going to go through with this, was he? What was he, some sort of glutton for punishment?
He thought about this for a second and admitted to himself that where Abby was concerned, yes, he was something of a masochist. The fact that he had stayed close to her over the past two years waiting for something to happen even though he knew that Abby would never let anybody stay close to her; the fact that he could have done anything with this opportunity to relive this day over and over again, learned to speak another language or play an instrument, but he had chosen to spend them at the seminar just so he could see Abby; the fact that no matter what she did to him the day before he always came back for more. These were all things trying to tell him something, no question about it.
He was a sick man.
He dried himself off and got dressed before heading downstairs to the kitchen. He turned the corner and prayed silently that she would still be in there. He really wanted to speak to somebody
"Hi Mom." He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. If she was a little surprised by this show of affection she didn't show it, but she did look at him with a renewed sense of interest.
"Is there something wrong, John?" she asked as he poured himself a glass of juice and came back to sit at the kitchen counter.
"No," he answered quickly, then just as quickly changed his mind. "I mean yes, there is...Mom, did you love Dad?"
Eleanor Carter was a little taken aback by this question and didn't really know how to answer it. "I'm not sure exactly what you mean..."
"Did you love Dad when you married him or did you just like him? You know, did you love him the second you saw him or was it something you made yourself do over time?"
"You mean was your father my Soul-mate, my one true love," she stated simply, not phrasing it as a question but he answered anyway.
"I guess that's it. So was he?"
"John why do you want to know this now?" she stood up, extremely agitated, and walked over to the sink to wash up her coffee cup. "I have to be in Boston in a few hours. We can talk about this when I get back."
"Mom, please, I need to know now! I need to know that I'm not about to go out and make the biggest mistake of my life today! I need to know that I'm not going to sacrifice everything for what I think is the real-deal only to find out that the real-deal doesn't exist and I'd have been better settling for something comfortable. Mom, I don't want to break my heart!" *That was suitably overdramatic* he thought.
His mother looked over at him and her eyes softened. She walked across the kitchen to the counter and took a seat beside him, placing her hands over his.
"Oh John, you can't save yourself from a little heartache. Yes I loved your father, but was he 'the one'? Probably not...and I think you'll find that he would say the same thing. I married him because he was rich and handsome and he came from a good family, and he married me because I was young, pretty, and would look good on his arm at all the family functions. It was a good match for both of us."
"So you didn't loved dad when you married him..." Carter said thoughtfully.
"I cared for him and I liked him, but as for loving him...I'm sorry to hurt you John, but I don't know that I ever did. I thought that I'd grown to love him but after..." she paused and looked away, tears in her eyes, then regrouped herself and continued "...after your brother died we just grew apart. I think it was then I realised we didn't love each other; if we had then we would have found some way of dealing with the grief. As it was we both just ignored it until it ate away at us and we were just two strangers sharing a travel itinerary."
"I never knew. I'm sorry." He put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her but she just wiped away the tears that were forming and stood up to leave.
"I really have to be going now if I don't want to miss my flight. Tell Millicent not to get her hopes up, I'll be back in a few days." She picked up her coat and bag and bent down to kiss Carter on the top of his head before leaving. She paused for a moment in the doorway of the kitchen and turned to look at her son.
"Don't ever settle," she said, waiting for him to raise his head and acknowledge what she had said. "If you can find somebody you really love and who loves you, don't throw it away because it's difficult. Don't make excuses and tell yourself it's better to be safe than sorry because nobody wins if you do that. You're my son, and you shouldn't have to settle for anybody."
He looked at her for a moment. There was something about what she had just said that sounded so familiar to him, something he and Abby might have talked about once. He wasn't sure, but talking to his mother had for once made him feel a little better, helped him to firm up his resolve for the unpleasant task ahead of him.
"Thanks Mom." She smiled at him and walked out the door.
Carter continued to sit at the counter for a few minutes before getting up and heading out the house, determined to do what he had managed to avoid for months now.
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He walked up the steps at the front of the house and was about to buzz when the door suddenly opened and he found himself face to face with Susan, the woman he had come over to talk to. The woman who, in a couple of minutes, was probably going to want to inflict a great deal of pain onto him.
"Carter!" she sounded a little shocked to find him there and took a step back, but she quickly regained herself and smiled at him, leaning forward to place a kiss on his cheek. "What are you doing here?"
"Susan, I think we need to talk. Can we go upstairs?" He was nervous and kept staring at the half-open door, debating with himself whether to push this or turn around and run.
"Sure we'll talk," she said, a little confused by his restlessness, "but couldn't we do it on the way to the seminar? We're going to be late otherwise and I can't deal with one of Kerry's little rants at the moment."
"It's really important Susan. I wouldn't come here so early otherwise." He gave her the puppy dog stare, the one he knew always got him his own way, and he could see her resolve wavering.
"Maybe we could get a cup of coffee or something..."
"We've got time. Trust me."
"Okay then, sure. Come on up." She held open the door for him to enter and they both walked up the stairs to her apartment. Once inside she moved to the kitchen to pour some of the slightly cold coffee into two mugs while Carter took a seat on one side of the coffee table. She brought the mugs into the sitting room and set them down on the table, then took a seat opposite him. She watched him for a few moments, waiting for him to say something, but she could see that whatever nervous excitement had overtaken him downstairs had obviously left him now. The poor boy needed a little push to get his momentum going again so she decided to be nice and give it to him. As he continued to mutter something to himself quietly she broke the silence.
"Come on, spill. What did you have to talk to me about?"
He looked down at his feet for a few moments and took a deep breath, steeling himself up for the torrent of abuse he knew would come after he had finished having his say. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat he eventually raised his eyes to meet Susan's. He cleared his throat and then began to speak.
"It's like this Susan...
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"I don't believe it!" Susan slammed down her mug on the coffee table in front of her and stood up. She started to walk away from where Carter had been sitting but changed her mind and started to walk back. She pointed an accusatory finger at him: "You've got a lot of nerve!"
"It's not like you think..."
"It's not like I think???" She laughed incredulously. "Did you just come into my apartment, tell me you wanted to break up with me, and then ask me for my help in getting back together with your old girlfriend? Was that what just happened?"
"Abby wasn't exactly my girlfriend..." he started to say in his defence. Big mistake!
"WAS IT?????!!!!!!!!"
She had started to turn a vivid shade of red, something Carter had decided was not a very good sign at all. In the face of her fury he cowed and lost all his conviction that this was even worthy of being considered a last resort, and answered her like a child being told off by its mother..
"Yes Ma'am."
"THEN IT'S EXACTLY LIKE I THINK! You arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, 'couldn't-be-more-in-love-with-himself-if-he-tried' asshole!!!"
Carter had flinched with every word she said and by the time she had finished he was nothing more than a quivering wreck on her couch. Somehow seeing that she had broken his spirit seemed to calm Susan down almost immediately. She shook her head to see if this feeling of calmness could be shaken off...no, she really did feel better after yelling at Carter. In fact, once the initial shock at being dumped was over she didn't really feel anything. Why was that?
She considered this for a moment as she watched his nervously wring his hands together, waiting for her to resume her shouting at him. He looked so lost: it had obviously taken a great deal for him to come over to see her and tell her how he felt, so she decided to take pity on him. She sat down beside him on the couch and reached out to take his hand. At first he pulled away, but when he realised that she wasn't about to gouge his eyes out with her nails he relaxed a little and let her.
"I shouldn't have said all that to you."
"No, you're right, I am an asshole. There are worse things you could have called me."
"Like what?"
"Um...Jerk?"
"Prick." She corrected him, joining in the game and finding appropriate insults.
"Dickhead?"
"Bastard."
"Butt-munch..." Susan looked at him and felt the corners of her mouth twitching into a smile. She met his gaze and could see that he had uttered this phrase in all seriousness, causing her laughter to break forth. This lasted for some moments before she managed to get her breath enough to ask:
"Butt-munch? Where on earth did you hear the word 'Butt-munch'?" She was laughing so hard by now that tears were pouring out of her eyes. Carter joined in with her laughter, seeing that she needed it and glad that laughing at him meant she wasn't shouting at him. After a while they stopped laughing and both sat in silence with their thoughts.
"I'm sorry Susan," Carter eventually said, not looking at her.
"No, it's okay. I'm a big girl Carter," she joked, nudging his shoulder to make him lighten up a little. "I knew what I was getting myself in for when I started going out with you. I was never supposed to be The One: You all but told me you didn't want to be the rebound guy and I go ahead and let myself be your transitional person. I guess I was just hoping I'd have you a little longer before you realised that Abby was perfect for you. Selfish I know, but what can you do?"
"Susan, I didn't want to hurt you. I just knew I had to say something before either of us became stuck in something we couldn't get out of, no matter how much we wanted to."
"I understand, but your timing sucks Carter! You couldn't have waited until after the seminar, or maybe even told me yesterday so that I would have had time to deal with it before having to spend the whole day together...oh my God! This is about yesterday isn't it? You're still mad that I spent the night round Mark Greene's house! I can't believe that you would be such a low, petty..." She had worked herself into quite a state again and looked like she was about to attack him so he was quick to reassure her.
"It's got nothing to do with that Susan! I know that Mark's a good friend of yours and I respect him more than anybody; I should never have behaved like a jealous idiot. The truth is that I've been wanting out of this for a while now, almost from the beginning, but I've never broken up with anybody before, they've always been the ones to break up with me. You seemed so happy, though, and I thought that it was just me being stupid and wanting what I couldn't have. Then this whole business with Mark came up and I thought this was my chance, I could turn this into a big deal and maybe you'd be so frustrated at my unreasonable behaviour that you'd dump me and we could both get on with our lives. All I can say is I'm sorry. It was beneath me and unfair to you. I should have just come out with my feelings in the first place."
She had managed to calm down while he was speaking. A lot of what Carter was saying made a lot of sense, they weren't a good couple, but she still wanted to make him squirm for a little bit.
"So you got involved in a relationship with somebody you had no feelings for whatsoever? What would you have done if I had fallen in love with you?"
"You weren't in any danger of falling in love with me and we both know it. You were still in love with Dix, so I was as much your transition guy as you were mine." She had looked up at him as soon as he had mentioned her old boyfriend and stared hard.
"How did you know about Dix?"
Oops!
"Um, I guess you must have mentioned him to me." He was thinking on his feet here, but it was entirely possible that she'd already told him about Dix. After all she was always talking to him about things and he just switched off.
"No, I'm pretty sure I didn't talk to my current boyfriend about my ex."
Crap!
"Well...maybe you told one of the nurses at work and I overheard the gossip." That had to be right. The nurses were always gossiping about something.
"I didn't tell anybody about Dix. That was a part of my life I left behind in Phoenix and I didn't want to be reminded of it all the time. So how did you find out about him?"
Oh God, she's not going to let this one go. This was going to take some clever diversionary tactics.
"It doesn't matter how I found out. The fact is that we both went into this relationship in love with other people. I wasn't the only person using somebody in this relationship, so maybe we should be honest with each other and just call it."
"Yeah," she said sadly, "it was just nice to be with somebody, y'know? I really miss him...Anyway, back to my earlier question," she said, shaking herself out of her little reverie. "Why are you breaking up with me 20 minutes before we have to attend a day long seminar together? Are you some kind of glutton for punishment?"
"No, not exactly!" He laughed at how close her question was to his own thoughts from earlier. "I knew you'd agree with me that this relationship wasn't going anywhere and I wanted to end it as soon as possible. I'm sorry to sound so callous, but I wanted to be able to have a clear conscience when I talked to Abby."
"Ah yes, Abby, the reason we're here today. Not only do you want to break up with me but you want my help in chasing down your next victim."
"Don't pretend to be upset Susan because you've just told me you aren't."
"Who am I to stand in the way of true love. Okay, what do you want me to do?" she sighed. "Talk you up a little bit? Say what a great guy you are?
"I just want to spend a little time with her. She's on shift tonight after the seminar finishes but I want to take her out to dinner, somewhere where we can be by ourselves and just talk without any interruptions. She won't skip a shift if I ask her to but if *you* asked, maybe say that you'd cover for her, she might be more willing to consider it. Just talk to her, you know, woman to woman."
"I can't believe you're asking me to do this..."
"Come on, Susan, as a friend."
"This is possibly the weirdest break-up in history..."
"So you'll do it?" he asked excitedly.
"Yeeees," she sighed, "I'll do it. You're just lucky you're so adorable when you want a favour."
"Thanks you so much Susan." He leant forward and gave her a bear hug. "You've saved my life!"
"I wouldn't go that far. Come on," she said as she pulled free of his embrace and stood up to leave. "Let's go before they start wondering where we are."
He stood up and walked over to the door with her. "Okay, but can we stop off at Starbucks on the way? I want to pick up coffee for everybody." Susan stopped midway down the stairs and stared at him in mock-surprise.
"Who are you and what have you done with John Carter?" she joked. "Why do you want to take coffee in for everybody?"
He thought about this for a second and then smiled at her. "Habit."
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Susan was true to her word and made it her mission to befriend Abby that day. They spent the entire morning holed up in a corner of the lecture hall giggling like schoolgirls, and even though he couldn't hear exactly what they were talking about the occasional looks they sent in his direction told him that he was the main topic of discussion. For the most part he spent the day talking with Luka, getting to know the older doctor and discovering a mutual love of Motzart. Once you got to know him Luka wasn't so bad, Carter decided, and he promised himself that he would make an effort to be nicer to him. Talking to Luka he could see that his interest in Abby was that of a friend, a very good friend, and that any jealousy on his part would be a waste of energy.
Shortly after 11 o'clock Susan left Abby and came over to sit beside Carter. She leaned closer to him and whispered conspiratorially in his ear.
"She's great."
"I know."
"No, I mean it. She's really great. I like her. I should thank you for breaking up with me otherwise I would never have gotten to know her."
"What did you talk about?"
"Everything and nothing. What TV we watch, what food we like...I told her there was nothing between us, that it was over before it started."
"Right," Carter nodded as he listened to her talk, then jumped straight into what was on his mind. "So...did she say anything about me?"
Susan gave a quiet laugh. "You want me to pass her a note in study hall?"
"Susan!"
"Okay, okay. I think if you were to ask her out you wouldn't be disappointed."
"REALLY!?" He was excited by this news and raised his voice without thinking, causing the others in the room to turn and look at him.
"SSHH!" Susan hissed at him as he slumped down in his chair, blushing furiously. "You really impressed her with the whole Whitman thing. Hell, you impressed me as well. I'm beginning to see what a catch I let slip through my hands!"
He laughed softly and then reached out for her hand. "Thank-you Susan."
"You're welcome Carter," she said, returning the pressure of his hand. "Now go over there and talk to her...and don't you undo any of my good work over there!"
"Thank-you," he said again before rising and walking over to take a seat beside Abby.
~~~
"Hey Abby."
"Hi Carter. Nice work on the recital."
"Thank you. I'm glad you liked it."
"I loved it, Whitman's one of my favourite poets."
"Really? Mine too!"
"Really? Funny how you can know somebody for so long and never know the little things like that about them."
"Yeah. We've not really been talking much lately, have we? I've missed it...I've missed you. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just go out and talk, catch up on old times?"
"I'd like that. I've missed you too," she said quietly.
"Great! I mean, not great that you missed me, although that is, but not really, but great that you want to go out to dinner, if you do. Do you? How about tonight? We can blow off the others after this thing is over and then go out and get some dinner somewhere. How about Italian? I know you like Italian."
"You're incorrigible!" she laughed, amused by his nervous excitement. "I'd love to, Carter, but I can't tonight. I've got a shift."
"Couldn't you swap? Please Abby, it would be just like old times," he pleaded. He could see that she was wavering slightly and thought he would push a little. "I'll clear it with Weaver if that's what you're worried about?"
This seemed to be the deciding factor. "No," she said firmly as she turned to face him. "Susan's already said that she'd help cover for me. I think I've come down with something walking to this seminar and I'm spending the evening in bed to recover! I'll go in in the morning and will probably have to do all the dirty jobs for a while, but I think it will be worth it," she smiled at him, a broad smile that he returned.
"Excellent. We'll go out to that Italian place round the corner and we can talk, really talk. You won't regret it Abby!"
"I'm beginning to already!" she laughed and they shared a look before the door opened and the seminar leader walked into the room and threw his bag onto the table, bringing them back to the business of the day.
"Could you all come down to the front of the room while I take a register."
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During the rest of the seminar Carter found it hard to keep his eyes off Abby. He found it kind of ironic that they were in the middle of a sexual harassment seminar and he couldn't stop himself from having illicit thoughts about one of the fellow 'students!'
After the seminar they said their goodbyes and walked around the corner to the little Italian restaurant they had noticed earlier. It was quite busy as it was 7 o'clock on a Saturday night, but the manager managed to squeeze them into a corner table. While they waited for the waiter to arrive with their drink order they passed the time discussing Fear Factor, a programme that Carter had become rather an expert in since he discovered that it was Abby's favourite. Again he was forced to admit to himself that it was so bad it was good. He couldn't stop himself in the end, and had managed to get hold of some tapes of old shows. He hated it, but he loved it!
The waiter brought their drinks over and took their order. They ate their meals quietly, occasionally discussing something that had happened at work or a favourite quote from Whitman, and just as the waiter came to take their dishes away a violinist came over and started to serenade them.
"I love a man who can play an instrument," Abby said wistfully, losing herself in the music.
"I can play the piano," he said eagerly, glad to be able to impress her a little more.
"You never told me you play the piano," she sounded a little surprise.
"There is so much you don't know about me Abby."
"I'm discovering that. You read Whitman, you play the piano, you watch Fear Factor...It's like you know exactly what I want from an evening."
Carter shifted uncomfortably as she said this. "Yeah, it's kinda funny!" he laughed nervously. "Listen, do you think we could go somewhere and talk? Maybe back to my place, have some coffee or something? There really is something important I have to tell you," he added, seeing the look of uncertainty in her eyes. She considered a few moments before replying.
"OK," she smiled, holding out her hand for him to escort her from the restaurant. As they walked towards the Carter Mansion he explained to her about the time loop he appeared to be stuck in, how he had tried everything he could to change the events of the day but for some reason he kept waking up in his bed the next day and nothing had changed. He told her about the suicide attempts, his breakdown, even about his little jaunt to Punxatawney, but he decided that he wouldn't tell her about his disastrous attempts to woo her...all he needed right now was another slap around the face.
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They both sat watching the hands of the clock as they moved nearer and nearer to midnight. With ten seconds to go Abby held her breath and gripped Carter's arm tightly and watched the countdown: 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..Midnight.....
Nothing happened.
She looked up at Carter and he looked back at her.
"What?" he said, answering the puzzled look in her eyes. "I never said it happened at midnight!"
"You!" she said, releasing the breath she had held and giving him a playful slap on his upper arm. "I was really worried. I thought you were going to disappear or something!" She started to laugh, partially at herself for being so silly and partially with relief that he was still there.
"I don't know when it happens," he replied, laughing as well. "I just go to sleep and when I wake up it's always 6.30 on Saturday morning...and I've tried not going to sleep but it doesn't work." His tone become more serious, the despair showing through his voice. "Even 5 minutes is enough for the whole thing to start over again."
"You know, you didn't have to come up with this whole X-Files stuck-in-a-time-loop just for me...I would have come over anyway!" she said softly, seductively, trailing her forefinger across his cheek and along his jaw line.
"You would?" he gulped, unsure about what was happening but desperately wanting it at the same time.
"Of course. You did recite Whitman for me, after all, and what kind of girl would I be if I didn't show a little appreciation!" She leaned forward so that her chest was resting against his and placed her hands on his shoulders. Slowly, savouring every moment, she brought her head down to his and met his lips in a slow, soft, knee-trembling kiss. She started to deepen the kiss but Carter pulled away, breathing heavily.
"What's wrong Carter?"
"I can't...that is, I don't want to rush this. I don't know if I could cope seeing you again if anything happened between us tonight and it turned out that I had to repeat the day over again. I'd go mad being that close to you and knowing that you didn't remember any of it, that I had no right to touch you. Couldn't we just sit here and talk? Just enjoy this night together?"
She regarded him for a few seconds before replying.
"Sure Carter," she smiled and pressed a kiss on his lips.
They sat on the bed and talked for hours. Carter was determined to stay awake and savour every moment of being with Abby, but at some point he must have dropped off because the next thing he knew the alarm clock was telling him it was time to wake up...
Part 9
The alarm woke him up the next morning, as usual, and he managed to drag himself out of bed and into the shower. Bracing himself for the day ahead he actually relished the cold shower when it hit him, giving him the opportunity to clear his head and think through what he was about to do...he wasn't really going to go through with this, was he? What was he, some sort of glutton for punishment?
He thought about this for a second and admitted to himself that where Abby was concerned, yes, he was something of a masochist. The fact that he had stayed close to her over the past two years waiting for something to happen even though he knew that Abby would never let anybody stay close to her; the fact that he could have done anything with this opportunity to relive this day over and over again, learned to speak another language or play an instrument, but he had chosen to spend them at the seminar just so he could see Abby; the fact that no matter what she did to him the day before he always came back for more. These were all things trying to tell him something, no question about it.
He was a sick man.
He dried himself off and got dressed before heading downstairs to the kitchen. He turned the corner and prayed silently that she would still be in there. He really wanted to speak to somebody
"Hi Mom." He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. If she was a little surprised by this show of affection she didn't show it, but she did look at him with a renewed sense of interest.
"Is there something wrong, John?" she asked as he poured himself a glass of juice and came back to sit at the kitchen counter.
"No," he answered quickly, then just as quickly changed his mind. "I mean yes, there is...Mom, did you love Dad?"
Eleanor Carter was a little taken aback by this question and didn't really know how to answer it. "I'm not sure exactly what you mean..."
"Did you love Dad when you married him or did you just like him? You know, did you love him the second you saw him or was it something you made yourself do over time?"
"You mean was your father my Soul-mate, my one true love," she stated simply, not phrasing it as a question but he answered anyway.
"I guess that's it. So was he?"
"John why do you want to know this now?" she stood up, extremely agitated, and walked over to the sink to wash up her coffee cup. "I have to be in Boston in a few hours. We can talk about this when I get back."
"Mom, please, I need to know now! I need to know that I'm not about to go out and make the biggest mistake of my life today! I need to know that I'm not going to sacrifice everything for what I think is the real-deal only to find out that the real-deal doesn't exist and I'd have been better settling for something comfortable. Mom, I don't want to break my heart!" *That was suitably overdramatic* he thought.
His mother looked over at him and her eyes softened. She walked across the kitchen to the counter and took a seat beside him, placing her hands over his.
"Oh John, you can't save yourself from a little heartache. Yes I loved your father, but was he 'the one'? Probably not...and I think you'll find that he would say the same thing. I married him because he was rich and handsome and he came from a good family, and he married me because I was young, pretty, and would look good on his arm at all the family functions. It was a good match for both of us."
"So you didn't loved dad when you married him..." Carter said thoughtfully.
"I cared for him and I liked him, but as for loving him...I'm sorry to hurt you John, but I don't know that I ever did. I thought that I'd grown to love him but after..." she paused and looked away, tears in her eyes, then regrouped herself and continued "...after your brother died we just grew apart. I think it was then I realised we didn't love each other; if we had then we would have found some way of dealing with the grief. As it was we both just ignored it until it ate away at us and we were just two strangers sharing a travel itinerary."
"I never knew. I'm sorry." He put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her but she just wiped away the tears that were forming and stood up to leave.
"I really have to be going now if I don't want to miss my flight. Tell Millicent not to get her hopes up, I'll be back in a few days." She picked up her coat and bag and bent down to kiss Carter on the top of his head before leaving. She paused for a moment in the doorway of the kitchen and turned to look at her son.
"Don't ever settle," she said, waiting for him to raise his head and acknowledge what she had said. "If you can find somebody you really love and who loves you, don't throw it away because it's difficult. Don't make excuses and tell yourself it's better to be safe than sorry because nobody wins if you do that. You're my son, and you shouldn't have to settle for anybody."
He looked at her for a moment. There was something about what she had just said that sounded so familiar to him, something he and Abby might have talked about once. He wasn't sure, but talking to his mother had for once made him feel a little better, helped him to firm up his resolve for the unpleasant task ahead of him.
"Thanks Mom." She smiled at him and walked out the door.
Carter continued to sit at the counter for a few minutes before getting up and heading out the house, determined to do what he had managed to avoid for months now.
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He walked up the steps at the front of the house and was about to buzz when the door suddenly opened and he found himself face to face with Susan, the woman he had come over to talk to. The woman who, in a couple of minutes, was probably going to want to inflict a great deal of pain onto him.
"Carter!" she sounded a little shocked to find him there and took a step back, but she quickly regained herself and smiled at him, leaning forward to place a kiss on his cheek. "What are you doing here?"
"Susan, I think we need to talk. Can we go upstairs?" He was nervous and kept staring at the half-open door, debating with himself whether to push this or turn around and run.
"Sure we'll talk," she said, a little confused by his restlessness, "but couldn't we do it on the way to the seminar? We're going to be late otherwise and I can't deal with one of Kerry's little rants at the moment."
"It's really important Susan. I wouldn't come here so early otherwise." He gave her the puppy dog stare, the one he knew always got him his own way, and he could see her resolve wavering.
"Maybe we could get a cup of coffee or something..."
"We've got time. Trust me."
"Okay then, sure. Come on up." She held open the door for him to enter and they both walked up the stairs to her apartment. Once inside she moved to the kitchen to pour some of the slightly cold coffee into two mugs while Carter took a seat on one side of the coffee table. She brought the mugs into the sitting room and set them down on the table, then took a seat opposite him. She watched him for a few moments, waiting for him to say something, but she could see that whatever nervous excitement had overtaken him downstairs had obviously left him now. The poor boy needed a little push to get his momentum going again so she decided to be nice and give it to him. As he continued to mutter something to himself quietly she broke the silence.
"Come on, spill. What did you have to talk to me about?"
He looked down at his feet for a few moments and took a deep breath, steeling himself up for the torrent of abuse he knew would come after he had finished having his say. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat he eventually raised his eyes to meet Susan's. He cleared his throat and then began to speak.
"It's like this Susan...
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"I don't believe it!" Susan slammed down her mug on the coffee table in front of her and stood up. She started to walk away from where Carter had been sitting but changed her mind and started to walk back. She pointed an accusatory finger at him: "You've got a lot of nerve!"
"It's not like you think..."
"It's not like I think???" She laughed incredulously. "Did you just come into my apartment, tell me you wanted to break up with me, and then ask me for my help in getting back together with your old girlfriend? Was that what just happened?"
"Abby wasn't exactly my girlfriend..." he started to say in his defence. Big mistake!
"WAS IT?????!!!!!!!!"
She had started to turn a vivid shade of red, something Carter had decided was not a very good sign at all. In the face of her fury he cowed and lost all his conviction that this was even worthy of being considered a last resort, and answered her like a child being told off by its mother..
"Yes Ma'am."
"THEN IT'S EXACTLY LIKE I THINK! You arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, 'couldn't-be-more-in-love-with-himself-if-he-tried' asshole!!!"
Carter had flinched with every word she said and by the time she had finished he was nothing more than a quivering wreck on her couch. Somehow seeing that she had broken his spirit seemed to calm Susan down almost immediately. She shook her head to see if this feeling of calmness could be shaken off...no, she really did feel better after yelling at Carter. In fact, once the initial shock at being dumped was over she didn't really feel anything. Why was that?
She considered this for a moment as she watched his nervously wring his hands together, waiting for her to resume her shouting at him. He looked so lost: it had obviously taken a great deal for him to come over to see her and tell her how he felt, so she decided to take pity on him. She sat down beside him on the couch and reached out to take his hand. At first he pulled away, but when he realised that she wasn't about to gouge his eyes out with her nails he relaxed a little and let her.
"I shouldn't have said all that to you."
"No, you're right, I am an asshole. There are worse things you could have called me."
"Like what?"
"Um...Jerk?"
"Prick." She corrected him, joining in the game and finding appropriate insults.
"Dickhead?"
"Bastard."
"Butt-munch..." Susan looked at him and felt the corners of her mouth twitching into a smile. She met his gaze and could see that he had uttered this phrase in all seriousness, causing her laughter to break forth. This lasted for some moments before she managed to get her breath enough to ask:
"Butt-munch? Where on earth did you hear the word 'Butt-munch'?" She was laughing so hard by now that tears were pouring out of her eyes. Carter joined in with her laughter, seeing that she needed it and glad that laughing at him meant she wasn't shouting at him. After a while they stopped laughing and both sat in silence with their thoughts.
"I'm sorry Susan," Carter eventually said, not looking at her.
"No, it's okay. I'm a big girl Carter," she joked, nudging his shoulder to make him lighten up a little. "I knew what I was getting myself in for when I started going out with you. I was never supposed to be The One: You all but told me you didn't want to be the rebound guy and I go ahead and let myself be your transitional person. I guess I was just hoping I'd have you a little longer before you realised that Abby was perfect for you. Selfish I know, but what can you do?"
"Susan, I didn't want to hurt you. I just knew I had to say something before either of us became stuck in something we couldn't get out of, no matter how much we wanted to."
"I understand, but your timing sucks Carter! You couldn't have waited until after the seminar, or maybe even told me yesterday so that I would have had time to deal with it before having to spend the whole day together...oh my God! This is about yesterday isn't it? You're still mad that I spent the night round Mark Greene's house! I can't believe that you would be such a low, petty..." She had worked herself into quite a state again and looked like she was about to attack him so he was quick to reassure her.
"It's got nothing to do with that Susan! I know that Mark's a good friend of yours and I respect him more than anybody; I should never have behaved like a jealous idiot. The truth is that I've been wanting out of this for a while now, almost from the beginning, but I've never broken up with anybody before, they've always been the ones to break up with me. You seemed so happy, though, and I thought that it was just me being stupid and wanting what I couldn't have. Then this whole business with Mark came up and I thought this was my chance, I could turn this into a big deal and maybe you'd be so frustrated at my unreasonable behaviour that you'd dump me and we could both get on with our lives. All I can say is I'm sorry. It was beneath me and unfair to you. I should have just come out with my feelings in the first place."
She had managed to calm down while he was speaking. A lot of what Carter was saying made a lot of sense, they weren't a good couple, but she still wanted to make him squirm for a little bit.
"So you got involved in a relationship with somebody you had no feelings for whatsoever? What would you have done if I had fallen in love with you?"
"You weren't in any danger of falling in love with me and we both know it. You were still in love with Dix, so I was as much your transition guy as you were mine." She had looked up at him as soon as he had mentioned her old boyfriend and stared hard.
"How did you know about Dix?"
Oops!
"Um, I guess you must have mentioned him to me." He was thinking on his feet here, but it was entirely possible that she'd already told him about Dix. After all she was always talking to him about things and he just switched off.
"No, I'm pretty sure I didn't talk to my current boyfriend about my ex."
Crap!
"Well...maybe you told one of the nurses at work and I overheard the gossip." That had to be right. The nurses were always gossiping about something.
"I didn't tell anybody about Dix. That was a part of my life I left behind in Phoenix and I didn't want to be reminded of it all the time. So how did you find out about him?"
Oh God, she's not going to let this one go. This was going to take some clever diversionary tactics.
"It doesn't matter how I found out. The fact is that we both went into this relationship in love with other people. I wasn't the only person using somebody in this relationship, so maybe we should be honest with each other and just call it."
"Yeah," she said sadly, "it was just nice to be with somebody, y'know? I really miss him...Anyway, back to my earlier question," she said, shaking herself out of her little reverie. "Why are you breaking up with me 20 minutes before we have to attend a day long seminar together? Are you some kind of glutton for punishment?"
"No, not exactly!" He laughed at how close her question was to his own thoughts from earlier. "I knew you'd agree with me that this relationship wasn't going anywhere and I wanted to end it as soon as possible. I'm sorry to sound so callous, but I wanted to be able to have a clear conscience when I talked to Abby."
"Ah yes, Abby, the reason we're here today. Not only do you want to break up with me but you want my help in chasing down your next victim."
"Don't pretend to be upset Susan because you've just told me you aren't."
"Who am I to stand in the way of true love. Okay, what do you want me to do?" she sighed. "Talk you up a little bit? Say what a great guy you are?
"I just want to spend a little time with her. She's on shift tonight after the seminar finishes but I want to take her out to dinner, somewhere where we can be by ourselves and just talk without any interruptions. She won't skip a shift if I ask her to but if *you* asked, maybe say that you'd cover for her, she might be more willing to consider it. Just talk to her, you know, woman to woman."
"I can't believe you're asking me to do this..."
"Come on, Susan, as a friend."
"This is possibly the weirdest break-up in history..."
"So you'll do it?" he asked excitedly.
"Yeeees," she sighed, "I'll do it. You're just lucky you're so adorable when you want a favour."
"Thanks you so much Susan." He leant forward and gave her a bear hug. "You've saved my life!"
"I wouldn't go that far. Come on," she said as she pulled free of his embrace and stood up to leave. "Let's go before they start wondering where we are."
He stood up and walked over to the door with her. "Okay, but can we stop off at Starbucks on the way? I want to pick up coffee for everybody." Susan stopped midway down the stairs and stared at him in mock-surprise.
"Who are you and what have you done with John Carter?" she joked. "Why do you want to take coffee in for everybody?"
He thought about this for a second and then smiled at her. "Habit."
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Susan was true to her word and made it her mission to befriend Abby that day. They spent the entire morning holed up in a corner of the lecture hall giggling like schoolgirls, and even though he couldn't hear exactly what they were talking about the occasional looks they sent in his direction told him that he was the main topic of discussion. For the most part he spent the day talking with Luka, getting to know the older doctor and discovering a mutual love of Motzart. Once you got to know him Luka wasn't so bad, Carter decided, and he promised himself that he would make an effort to be nicer to him. Talking to Luka he could see that his interest in Abby was that of a friend, a very good friend, and that any jealousy on his part would be a waste of energy.
Shortly after 11 o'clock Susan left Abby and came over to sit beside Carter. She leaned closer to him and whispered conspiratorially in his ear.
"She's great."
"I know."
"No, I mean it. She's really great. I like her. I should thank you for breaking up with me otherwise I would never have gotten to know her."
"What did you talk about?"
"Everything and nothing. What TV we watch, what food we like...I told her there was nothing between us, that it was over before it started."
"Right," Carter nodded as he listened to her talk, then jumped straight into what was on his mind. "So...did she say anything about me?"
Susan gave a quiet laugh. "You want me to pass her a note in study hall?"
"Susan!"
"Okay, okay. I think if you were to ask her out you wouldn't be disappointed."
"REALLY!?" He was excited by this news and raised his voice without thinking, causing the others in the room to turn and look at him.
"SSHH!" Susan hissed at him as he slumped down in his chair, blushing furiously. "You really impressed her with the whole Whitman thing. Hell, you impressed me as well. I'm beginning to see what a catch I let slip through my hands!"
He laughed softly and then reached out for her hand. "Thank-you Susan."
"You're welcome Carter," she said, returning the pressure of his hand. "Now go over there and talk to her...and don't you undo any of my good work over there!"
"Thank-you," he said again before rising and walking over to take a seat beside Abby.
~~~
"Hey Abby."
"Hi Carter. Nice work on the recital."
"Thank you. I'm glad you liked it."
"I loved it, Whitman's one of my favourite poets."
"Really? Mine too!"
"Really? Funny how you can know somebody for so long and never know the little things like that about them."
"Yeah. We've not really been talking much lately, have we? I've missed it...I've missed you. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just go out and talk, catch up on old times?"
"I'd like that. I've missed you too," she said quietly.
"Great! I mean, not great that you missed me, although that is, but not really, but great that you want to go out to dinner, if you do. Do you? How about tonight? We can blow off the others after this thing is over and then go out and get some dinner somewhere. How about Italian? I know you like Italian."
"You're incorrigible!" she laughed, amused by his nervous excitement. "I'd love to, Carter, but I can't tonight. I've got a shift."
"Couldn't you swap? Please Abby, it would be just like old times," he pleaded. He could see that she was wavering slightly and thought he would push a little. "I'll clear it with Weaver if that's what you're worried about?"
This seemed to be the deciding factor. "No," she said firmly as she turned to face him. "Susan's already said that she'd help cover for me. I think I've come down with something walking to this seminar and I'm spending the evening in bed to recover! I'll go in in the morning and will probably have to do all the dirty jobs for a while, but I think it will be worth it," she smiled at him, a broad smile that he returned.
"Excellent. We'll go out to that Italian place round the corner and we can talk, really talk. You won't regret it Abby!"
"I'm beginning to already!" she laughed and they shared a look before the door opened and the seminar leader walked into the room and threw his bag onto the table, bringing them back to the business of the day.
"Could you all come down to the front of the room while I take a register."
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During the rest of the seminar Carter found it hard to keep his eyes off Abby. He found it kind of ironic that they were in the middle of a sexual harassment seminar and he couldn't stop himself from having illicit thoughts about one of the fellow 'students!'
After the seminar they said their goodbyes and walked around the corner to the little Italian restaurant they had noticed earlier. It was quite busy as it was 7 o'clock on a Saturday night, but the manager managed to squeeze them into a corner table. While they waited for the waiter to arrive with their drink order they passed the time discussing Fear Factor, a programme that Carter had become rather an expert in since he discovered that it was Abby's favourite. Again he was forced to admit to himself that it was so bad it was good. He couldn't stop himself in the end, and had managed to get hold of some tapes of old shows. He hated it, but he loved it!
The waiter brought their drinks over and took their order. They ate their meals quietly, occasionally discussing something that had happened at work or a favourite quote from Whitman, and just as the waiter came to take their dishes away a violinist came over and started to serenade them.
"I love a man who can play an instrument," Abby said wistfully, losing herself in the music.
"I can play the piano," he said eagerly, glad to be able to impress her a little more.
"You never told me you play the piano," she sounded a little surprise.
"There is so much you don't know about me Abby."
"I'm discovering that. You read Whitman, you play the piano, you watch Fear Factor...It's like you know exactly what I want from an evening."
Carter shifted uncomfortably as she said this. "Yeah, it's kinda funny!" he laughed nervously. "Listen, do you think we could go somewhere and talk? Maybe back to my place, have some coffee or something? There really is something important I have to tell you," he added, seeing the look of uncertainty in her eyes. She considered a few moments before replying.
"OK," she smiled, holding out her hand for him to escort her from the restaurant. As they walked towards the Carter Mansion he explained to her about the time loop he appeared to be stuck in, how he had tried everything he could to change the events of the day but for some reason he kept waking up in his bed the next day and nothing had changed. He told her about the suicide attempts, his breakdown, even about his little jaunt to Punxatawney, but he decided that he wouldn't tell her about his disastrous attempts to woo her...all he needed right now was another slap around the face.
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They both sat watching the hands of the clock as they moved nearer and nearer to midnight. With ten seconds to go Abby held her breath and gripped Carter's arm tightly and watched the countdown: 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..Midnight.....
Nothing happened.
She looked up at Carter and he looked back at her.
"What?" he said, answering the puzzled look in her eyes. "I never said it happened at midnight!"
"You!" she said, releasing the breath she had held and giving him a playful slap on his upper arm. "I was really worried. I thought you were going to disappear or something!" She started to laugh, partially at herself for being so silly and partially with relief that he was still there.
"I don't know when it happens," he replied, laughing as well. "I just go to sleep and when I wake up it's always 6.30 on Saturday morning...and I've tried not going to sleep but it doesn't work." His tone become more serious, the despair showing through his voice. "Even 5 minutes is enough for the whole thing to start over again."
"You know, you didn't have to come up with this whole X-Files stuck-in-a-time-loop just for me...I would have come over anyway!" she said softly, seductively, trailing her forefinger across his cheek and along his jaw line.
"You would?" he gulped, unsure about what was happening but desperately wanting it at the same time.
"Of course. You did recite Whitman for me, after all, and what kind of girl would I be if I didn't show a little appreciation!" She leaned forward so that her chest was resting against his and placed her hands on his shoulders. Slowly, savouring every moment, she brought her head down to his and met his lips in a slow, soft, knee-trembling kiss. She started to deepen the kiss but Carter pulled away, breathing heavily.
"What's wrong Carter?"
"I can't...that is, I don't want to rush this. I don't know if I could cope seeing you again if anything happened between us tonight and it turned out that I had to repeat the day over again. I'd go mad being that close to you and knowing that you didn't remember any of it, that I had no right to touch you. Couldn't we just sit here and talk? Just enjoy this night together?"
She regarded him for a few seconds before replying.
"Sure Carter," she smiled and pressed a kiss on his lips.
They sat on the bed and talked for hours. Carter was determined to stay awake and savour every moment of being with Abby, but at some point he must have dropped off because the next thing he knew the alarm clock was telling him it was time to wake up...