A/N : Wow..the 10th Chapter..I can't believe it. This is the longest fic I
ever wrote.And it's still going. I just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to
all the people who reviewed , and please continue to do so , your reviews
keep this story ( and me ) alive. So here we go with another chapter.
Ain't Missing You At All.
~ Chapter 10
His lips taste like honey, or just something sweet .
I break the kiss and I look at him , but I can't . And I want to go away , I made a foolish thing. I try to push myself out of his arms , but he holds me tight.
" Ken , I'm sorry , I..Um.."
Ken , looks confused , oh God , I made him think he did something wrong ?
" It was my fault. " He says and breaks the embrace . " I 'm sorry. It was stupid."
Stupid? You think.this..was stupid ?
" Um...I...I have something to do." I say and I walk away from him , leaving him behind.
I don't look back. Why did he have to do this ? Damn you Ken !
Somewhere , a bit further , I stop and I slowly turn and look behind. He still stands there , with his face at the lake , looking at some imaginary point , with his hands in his jacket's pockets.
I don't notice the cold outside , despite the fact it's snowing , and the wind blows , and I'm wearing nothing than a pair of black jeans and a black leather jacket , without gloves to protect my hands.
Should I walk further and leave him there ? Well , he said it was stupid didn't he ?
I know about Yuriko and him . Omi told me about her. About her and him . I can't compare myself to her , I'm not worth it. I'm sorry Ken.
It was stupid.
* * * * * Omi gazed at Ken half of dinner time. The next half at Angie. The kid knows something. I can feel it. Before dinner Ken had a small talk with Omi in the kid's room . I entered trying to find my CD between Omi's , and I saw the two of theme there.
Ken was standing at the window , next to Omi's desk , looking at the snow. Omi stood on the desk's chair , playing with a pencil. Both looked worried and sad.
You don't usually see Ken with a face like that. Well...as far as I remember , I never saw Ken with a face like that.
I entered the room and asked Omi about the CD .
" Search it, but I don't think it's here." Omi answered me showing his CD's.
I tried to find it , but I was mostly paying more attention to their conversation . They talked like it was something I wasn't supposed to know. Well..like anybody tells something in this house to me.
I didn't once heard one of theme asking me : " Youji can you help me with this ? "
Not that I would of helped anyway...Whatever.
I couldn't find my CD , despite Omi had a lot of theme. Damn it was my favorite!
" So what are you kids up to ? What's with the long faces ? " I asked theme.
Ken woke up from his melancholy and looked at me , and then at the snow outside.
" Nothing. We're just bored."
" Yeah.."
So I left . This kids have too many secrets for me.
Tonight is Christmas. You should see the lights outside. I can see half of the city from the balcony here. So many lights and laughter's I can hear .
I put a jacket on me. It's cold out here , so I light a cigarette as I stay , just looking at the city.
Suddenly, next to me appears a shadow, dressed in a long black blouse , with long sleeves.
" Youji ! Sorry , I haven't noticed you were here." She turns to go inside.
" It's okay , you can stay here with me." I smile. She smiles me back.
She looks with a lost look at the city , embracing herself.
" So.are you ok?"
" Me? Yeah.sure..why shouldn't I be?"
" Just asking."
We stay here since almost a half an hour . I think I finished almost all my cigarettes . I'm glad that doesn't bother her , like Omi. That kid ! I hope someday he'll start smoking and an annoying brat will be all over him to tell him he's gonna die if he smokes longer.
" Youji , what time is it ? ' She asks.
" Last time I checked it was about 9:30 . Why ? "
" Nothing. Good night. " She says to me as she walks inside.
I stay a while longer on the balcony , and I think I hear the door closing. Or it was just me ? Ah.my cigarettes are finished.guess I'll go to bed.
* * * * *
I step outside into the neon lights , the only ones with me tonight. This time I took my gloves. Not that I notice the cold outside.
Tonight I want to be alone , with myself , I don't know why . I think I do too much thinking. I once told Omi that too much thinking is bad for his health. If he would hear me right now he will say the same thing to me.
I haven't talked to Ken since yesterday .
Why did I had to kiss him ? Yes , I like him very much , I can say I love him in a way , but I can't fall for him more. It's gonna be the same as it was with Brad . I know it will. I just don't want to be hurt again .
I hope he won't talk to me about it. Is not gonna be any use to it.
Where am I going anyway ? I wake up from my thinking , realizing I'm somewhere near the "kitty in The House" .
If I go further , a couple of blocks away , I'm gonna be back at Schwarz . Why not ? I look into my wallet and I see the same old key for the door. I wonder if they changed the locks.
Without realizing , I finally end up here, right in front of their door. I don't hear anything, but , still, I think this is a very bad idea. A REALLY bad one. But something makes me open the door.
As I step inside I don't see much . Nothing's changed , except no one is here. I walk slowly trough the house , but I see no one. The moved ? Maybe they had a mission..
Or celebrating Christmas in a...yeah.right...Brad and Christmas. Nah..
Suddenly, a slight sound comes to my ears. Something ... a voice..I don't know , but it comes from Farfie's cell. I rush at it and I knock at the door, as I hear the Irishman's voice:
" Come in Angie."
I open it slowly , and there I see him , hanging upside down from the ceiling.
" How did you knew it was me ? "
" You're the only one who knocks." He answers.
I go in front of him , as his yellow snake-eye finds mine.
"Hey.." I smile. " Where are the others?"
" To Takatori , to get instructions for the mission. Where are you ? "
" What ? " I hate it when he talks like that . Usually I don't understand the meaning of his words when he starts with the deeper meanings.
" Nagi misses you . "
" I know.."
I'm so glad Farfarello still talks with me . Coherently I mean. I feel the need to excuse myself to him. Normally he would have hated me for leaving theme.
" I'm sorry I left.."
" Don't. your only mistake is that you didn't left sooner."
I look at him surprised, then I smile. He understands it.
" Thank you. But I have to go again . "
" Go. "
I really have to leave , even if my heart doesn't let me. I wished I could see Nagi.
" I'll tell Nagi you miss him too. "
" Wha--."
Sometimes I ask myself if the man doesn't also read minds. But I bend slowly and kiss his fore head , and I leave , closing all doors , leaving darkness , again , behind me.
* * * * * *
It was nuts for me , going there . I risked being caught , but I got lucky. Way too lucky.
So now , I'm leaving my jacket on the couch , and I look at the clock. 11: 45. Almost midnight .
It's so quiet in the house now. Everybody is sleeping , and the tree is the only one that lights the living room . I see some broken branches. Guess Aya tripped because of it again . God , he told us almost screaming today these words as he was helped by Omi to rise after he tripped ( again) :
" I. Hate.Trees!!"
And he left . I made him a nice breakfast and he was happier after that . Aya and I finally started getting along. God , he even tells me "Good morning" . That is unbelievable! Omi , Ken and I laughed all day when we heard Aya .
I have to admit , all this time while I was with WeiB , I finally felt like I had a family .There were lots of laughs , beautiful days walking in the park or at the football field , or sometimes at the contests where Omi was participating , where he always won of course.
I went into my room and got the 4 boxes wrapped in colored paper. There went all my money . But I didn't regretted anything.
I took Omi some hardware stuff , it took me a long time 'till I finally found out what he needed for his computer, while convincing him not to take theme because he needs the money. That was 'fun' . It was two days since I brought theme , and Omi told me he almost found the money to buy theme. I freaked out then...and finally convinced him to wait , because of stupid reasons , like he needs the money for better stuff . Uh.the boy is a hard job...
Aya? Heh..Aya was a hard one ! What can you get this guy for Christmas ? The greatest challenge of my life! It took me a long time 'till I noticed the small statues with Chinese Dragons he has in his room , next to his books.
Then , a loooooong day was ahead of me to find the best one. And I finally did. I personally think is the best good looking Dragon I saw ! Red , not to big , not too small , with Jade eyes . I knew it would be perfect from the first moment I saw it.
Oh yeah, and I got Youji the gift of his life ! A black T-Shirt with the fabulous inscription :
Smoking is bad . But attracts the ladies.
I'm sooooooo in trouble when he's gonna see it. But I also got something serious, like this black shirt I saw. It has a simple black model , a bit shiny , but very classy , with jade-like buttons. He'll love it.
And Ken ? Ken was the funnies part . I had to go trough all football stores in town , and it was so weird , me being the only girl at the football department in the Mall. But who got the autographed ball ? ME !
So , here I am , in the middle of the night , arranging the presents under the tree.
After that I walk on the hallway , to my room . it's the last one ,so I get to pass near everyone's doors. I check everyone, first Youji who has this stupid habit of leaving the windows open , 'because is hot' yeah..basically because of the smoke from his cigarettes , and he falls asleep with theme open . In the middle of the winter !
But , finally this time he closed theme.
Everyone's asleep , no one moves an inch . God I feel like a mother or something. It's stupid..
So I go to my room , and as I stay here , in my bed , I think about poor Nagi . All alone in the snow , in some kind of stupid mission , in the middle of Christmas. But I close my eyes , knowing that when he gets home , under his pillow he'll find the book he wanted so much .
Christmas is only once a year , that's the least I could do for him .
But , still , after a long day , and all the things that happened to me , I feel so empty. I don't know why. I feel alone.
Even if inside the house is pretty hot , I feel cold. Just like everything that it is outside now.
Frozen.
Ain't Missing You At All.
~ Chapter 10
His lips taste like honey, or just something sweet .
I break the kiss and I look at him , but I can't . And I want to go away , I made a foolish thing. I try to push myself out of his arms , but he holds me tight.
" Ken , I'm sorry , I..Um.."
Ken , looks confused , oh God , I made him think he did something wrong ?
" It was my fault. " He says and breaks the embrace . " I 'm sorry. It was stupid."
Stupid? You think.this..was stupid ?
" Um...I...I have something to do." I say and I walk away from him , leaving him behind.
I don't look back. Why did he have to do this ? Damn you Ken !
Somewhere , a bit further , I stop and I slowly turn and look behind. He still stands there , with his face at the lake , looking at some imaginary point , with his hands in his jacket's pockets.
I don't notice the cold outside , despite the fact it's snowing , and the wind blows , and I'm wearing nothing than a pair of black jeans and a black leather jacket , without gloves to protect my hands.
Should I walk further and leave him there ? Well , he said it was stupid didn't he ?
I know about Yuriko and him . Omi told me about her. About her and him . I can't compare myself to her , I'm not worth it. I'm sorry Ken.
It was stupid.
* * * * * Omi gazed at Ken half of dinner time. The next half at Angie. The kid knows something. I can feel it. Before dinner Ken had a small talk with Omi in the kid's room . I entered trying to find my CD between Omi's , and I saw the two of theme there.
Ken was standing at the window , next to Omi's desk , looking at the snow. Omi stood on the desk's chair , playing with a pencil. Both looked worried and sad.
You don't usually see Ken with a face like that. Well...as far as I remember , I never saw Ken with a face like that.
I entered the room and asked Omi about the CD .
" Search it, but I don't think it's here." Omi answered me showing his CD's.
I tried to find it , but I was mostly paying more attention to their conversation . They talked like it was something I wasn't supposed to know. Well..like anybody tells something in this house to me.
I didn't once heard one of theme asking me : " Youji can you help me with this ? "
Not that I would of helped anyway...Whatever.
I couldn't find my CD , despite Omi had a lot of theme. Damn it was my favorite!
" So what are you kids up to ? What's with the long faces ? " I asked theme.
Ken woke up from his melancholy and looked at me , and then at the snow outside.
" Nothing. We're just bored."
" Yeah.."
So I left . This kids have too many secrets for me.
Tonight is Christmas. You should see the lights outside. I can see half of the city from the balcony here. So many lights and laughter's I can hear .
I put a jacket on me. It's cold out here , so I light a cigarette as I stay , just looking at the city.
Suddenly, next to me appears a shadow, dressed in a long black blouse , with long sleeves.
" Youji ! Sorry , I haven't noticed you were here." She turns to go inside.
" It's okay , you can stay here with me." I smile. She smiles me back.
She looks with a lost look at the city , embracing herself.
" So.are you ok?"
" Me? Yeah.sure..why shouldn't I be?"
" Just asking."
We stay here since almost a half an hour . I think I finished almost all my cigarettes . I'm glad that doesn't bother her , like Omi. That kid ! I hope someday he'll start smoking and an annoying brat will be all over him to tell him he's gonna die if he smokes longer.
" Youji , what time is it ? ' She asks.
" Last time I checked it was about 9:30 . Why ? "
" Nothing. Good night. " She says to me as she walks inside.
I stay a while longer on the balcony , and I think I hear the door closing. Or it was just me ? Ah.my cigarettes are finished.guess I'll go to bed.
* * * * *
I step outside into the neon lights , the only ones with me tonight. This time I took my gloves. Not that I notice the cold outside.
Tonight I want to be alone , with myself , I don't know why . I think I do too much thinking. I once told Omi that too much thinking is bad for his health. If he would hear me right now he will say the same thing to me.
I haven't talked to Ken since yesterday .
Why did I had to kiss him ? Yes , I like him very much , I can say I love him in a way , but I can't fall for him more. It's gonna be the same as it was with Brad . I know it will. I just don't want to be hurt again .
I hope he won't talk to me about it. Is not gonna be any use to it.
Where am I going anyway ? I wake up from my thinking , realizing I'm somewhere near the "kitty in The House" .
If I go further , a couple of blocks away , I'm gonna be back at Schwarz . Why not ? I look into my wallet and I see the same old key for the door. I wonder if they changed the locks.
Without realizing , I finally end up here, right in front of their door. I don't hear anything, but , still, I think this is a very bad idea. A REALLY bad one. But something makes me open the door.
As I step inside I don't see much . Nothing's changed , except no one is here. I walk slowly trough the house , but I see no one. The moved ? Maybe they had a mission..
Or celebrating Christmas in a...yeah.right...Brad and Christmas. Nah..
Suddenly, a slight sound comes to my ears. Something ... a voice..I don't know , but it comes from Farfie's cell. I rush at it and I knock at the door, as I hear the Irishman's voice:
" Come in Angie."
I open it slowly , and there I see him , hanging upside down from the ceiling.
" How did you knew it was me ? "
" You're the only one who knocks." He answers.
I go in front of him , as his yellow snake-eye finds mine.
"Hey.." I smile. " Where are the others?"
" To Takatori , to get instructions for the mission. Where are you ? "
" What ? " I hate it when he talks like that . Usually I don't understand the meaning of his words when he starts with the deeper meanings.
" Nagi misses you . "
" I know.."
I'm so glad Farfarello still talks with me . Coherently I mean. I feel the need to excuse myself to him. Normally he would have hated me for leaving theme.
" I'm sorry I left.."
" Don't. your only mistake is that you didn't left sooner."
I look at him surprised, then I smile. He understands it.
" Thank you. But I have to go again . "
" Go. "
I really have to leave , even if my heart doesn't let me. I wished I could see Nagi.
" I'll tell Nagi you miss him too. "
" Wha--."
Sometimes I ask myself if the man doesn't also read minds. But I bend slowly and kiss his fore head , and I leave , closing all doors , leaving darkness , again , behind me.
* * * * * *
It was nuts for me , going there . I risked being caught , but I got lucky. Way too lucky.
So now , I'm leaving my jacket on the couch , and I look at the clock. 11: 45. Almost midnight .
It's so quiet in the house now. Everybody is sleeping , and the tree is the only one that lights the living room . I see some broken branches. Guess Aya tripped because of it again . God , he told us almost screaming today these words as he was helped by Omi to rise after he tripped ( again) :
" I. Hate.Trees!!"
And he left . I made him a nice breakfast and he was happier after that . Aya and I finally started getting along. God , he even tells me "Good morning" . That is unbelievable! Omi , Ken and I laughed all day when we heard Aya .
I have to admit , all this time while I was with WeiB , I finally felt like I had a family .There were lots of laughs , beautiful days walking in the park or at the football field , or sometimes at the contests where Omi was participating , where he always won of course.
I went into my room and got the 4 boxes wrapped in colored paper. There went all my money . But I didn't regretted anything.
I took Omi some hardware stuff , it took me a long time 'till I finally found out what he needed for his computer, while convincing him not to take theme because he needs the money. That was 'fun' . It was two days since I brought theme , and Omi told me he almost found the money to buy theme. I freaked out then...and finally convinced him to wait , because of stupid reasons , like he needs the money for better stuff . Uh.the boy is a hard job...
Aya? Heh..Aya was a hard one ! What can you get this guy for Christmas ? The greatest challenge of my life! It took me a long time 'till I noticed the small statues with Chinese Dragons he has in his room , next to his books.
Then , a loooooong day was ahead of me to find the best one. And I finally did. I personally think is the best good looking Dragon I saw ! Red , not to big , not too small , with Jade eyes . I knew it would be perfect from the first moment I saw it.
Oh yeah, and I got Youji the gift of his life ! A black T-Shirt with the fabulous inscription :
Smoking is bad . But attracts the ladies.
I'm sooooooo in trouble when he's gonna see it. But I also got something serious, like this black shirt I saw. It has a simple black model , a bit shiny , but very classy , with jade-like buttons. He'll love it.
And Ken ? Ken was the funnies part . I had to go trough all football stores in town , and it was so weird , me being the only girl at the football department in the Mall. But who got the autographed ball ? ME !
So , here I am , in the middle of the night , arranging the presents under the tree.
After that I walk on the hallway , to my room . it's the last one ,so I get to pass near everyone's doors. I check everyone, first Youji who has this stupid habit of leaving the windows open , 'because is hot' yeah..basically because of the smoke from his cigarettes , and he falls asleep with theme open . In the middle of the winter !
But , finally this time he closed theme.
Everyone's asleep , no one moves an inch . God I feel like a mother or something. It's stupid..
So I go to my room , and as I stay here , in my bed , I think about poor Nagi . All alone in the snow , in some kind of stupid mission , in the middle of Christmas. But I close my eyes , knowing that when he gets home , under his pillow he'll find the book he wanted so much .
Christmas is only once a year , that's the least I could do for him .
But , still , after a long day , and all the things that happened to me , I feel so empty. I don't know why. I feel alone.
Even if inside the house is pretty hot , I feel cold. Just like everything that it is outside now.
Frozen.