A/N : I know you all are very confused about this fic aren't you ? Well,
here you will find the explication for Angie's confuse actions and taught.
For some of you this will have absolutely no sense at all , but trust me ,
it's a real life thing , so for those who don't know this or are
disturbed by this , proceed with attention .
Oh yeah , and if this REALLY sux, please just tell me and I'll delete the
friggin' thing 'kay ?
And , I'm begging you , DON'T correct my spelling!!! English is NOT my
mother language! I'm doing my best!
I Ain't Missing You At All...
Chapter 14
She had no idea how much time passed since they stood there . It wasn't so cold anymore. Even if it kept snowing on and on , the cold wind wasn't there anymore.
She opened her eyes. And flashbacks of last night came into her mind.
She put her hand to her mouth.
// What have you done Angelina ?//
She looked up to the source of the little arms surrounding her . Nagi must of fell asleep. What time was it anyway ? From the light at the horizon maybe 4 or even 5 in the morning .
//What have I done ? //
" Nagi , wake up ." She moved the little boy's hands.
"Wha--.what is it ? "
" C'mon..I'm getting you home."
"What ? Why ?"
Angie rose and looked at him. God , she was such an idiot !
" We fell asleep here . And I think they might be looking for you , and maybe someone's looking for me too . Are you okay ? You look a bit pale.I think you're gonna catch a cold."
Nagi rose and before he answered he looked around , trying to realize what happened , trying to remember what happened last night.
" No , I'm just fine." " Come."
She said and grabbed his gloved hand .
" Where ? "
" Home. "
" I don't want to go back there now !"
" Yes you are young man ! I think Schulding already damaged every single citizen's brain trying to look for you ! Now c'mon!"
Nagi didn't commented. He knew she was right. Schwarz wouldn't let a member get lost just like that without searching for the entire continent for him.
The streets were quiet and a casual lonely driver passed on it with a deep sound witch disappeared after a few seconds. They didn't talked. Angie was still troubled with her own taught to answer Nagi's questions.
As soon as they reached Schwarz apartment Angie stopped in front of the door and turned to walk away.
" Wait !"
" What is it Nagi ? "
" Are you just gonna leave like this ? "
A speedy taught ran trough her mind , in one second making her decide what she really had to say.
" Yes. I'm not coming back . Don't say anything , please, I'm already enough confused about myself . Forgive me..."
And she ran off, down the stairs and outside in the street. The tiredness was getting to her . But she didn't want to hear Nagi screaming for her to get back , so she kept on running until she hit an unknown street. There she stopped . The shops were all lighted by colored light balls , and little Santa's and reindeers. Fluffy atmosphere for the children.
She took some time to catch her breath while she was slowly heading for the park with measured steps.
The park had always been her little sanctuary , no matter she was sad or happy.
Oh , and there is the bench she always used to sit on , right near the lake. The now frozen lake.
The park and everything in it looked spooky in the faded light of the early morning. She never saw it like this before. Everything there made her think dark toughts .
~Angie's POV
What am I supposed to do now ?
I feel like a nymphomaniac . Brad, Ken , Nagi . Who's next ? Aya ? Hmm..that will sure be nuts..no..
Why my life has to be twisted like this ?
I make up my mind in a matter of seconds just so in the other to think otherwise. I could die right now and not be sorry! I wish there would be someone to understand me , someone witch I can talk to , but I have no one to turn to now.
There are only 3 people for witch I care so much I could give my life for. But they all made me suffer one way or another. Brad is an abusive person , Ken can't let go of the ghosts of the past and Nagi..Nagi is just too innocent for this . I love him but in the same time I don't. Has anybody any idea how this works ??!
Let me tell you something tough...The first ever person I really cared about was Brad .He wasn't like he acted these months. Something is wrong with him . Maybe he found someone else. Maybe he found someone else willing to give herself to him and willing to be as cold as he is , never wanting to be hugged at night or maybe someone who wasn't childish.
Isometimes acted like a child because I am one herself, even if no one knew it. Damn. , I forgot all about that.
Seventeen ...fifteen..fuck !
Maybe I really need some medical help...dad fucked my brains so hard that I don't even know what's right or wrong.
// flashback //
Angie was in the kitchen washing some dishes , singing a song quietly , laughing at herself trough the lyrics.
"I have no rival No man can be my equal ! Head me to the..."
Then she heard the door opening. She turned and in the doorstep stood a man with gray hair , dressed in dark blue pants and a yellow shirt.
She turned away , stopping her song , her smile erasing from her face.
" 'Morning dad.the food is in the microwave , I'll bring it to you in a minute."
" 'Morning hun . Got some tea ? "
" No , I drank my coffee . "
" Don't drink so much coffee , it will make you sick. Make me some tea."
" 'kay."
All of the sudden , she felt a big hand on her chest. She froze, she stopped breathing. Her heartbeats went nuts.
Rage rage rage..
She pushed the man behind her.
" Get the fucking hands off me ! "
The man looked at her confused.
"What did I do ? A father is not allowed to hug his own daughter ? "
He got close again.
" STOP! "
His arms opened.
" If you come one step closer I swear I'll kill you ."
She headed for the door and closed it with noise and ran upstairs , to her room.
" This was the last drop dad ! First beats and screams and now..."
Her eyes filled with tears of rage . That day she didn't stepped out of the room. And , at night , she packed her bags and took all the money in the house , and the Cab she stopped was the only thing that made her happy that night.
The night when she erased her whole life and started all over again.
// end flashback//
( still in Angie's POV)
I was never given any protection from my father. Except the protection I would have had If I would of let him do those things to me.
But when I met Brad he seemed so strong and proud and in charge of everything that it was impossible for me not to fall for him . Yes , he is very old , but that was the first thing that made me feel safe. He had given me the safety my father didn't . It was enough for him to stay behind me , him being very tall and me , being smaller than him , enough to make me feel that I have someone to turn to.
Until he hit me the first time . I don't remember what exactly was the reason , but I remember I cried my eyes out alone in my room that night. Then , he started to remember me more and more of my father . That was when I started to fear him , to hate him , just like it happened with him , the man that destroyed every singe proud and feminine part of me , that destroyed all my principles and what I used to believe in .
My father.
But with Brad it was something slightly different : I still loved him . But for my father I didn't had any part of compassion left ,but Brad.Brad...damn you Brad ! I still can't forget you..
// flashback//
Brad was working at his desk , all wrapped up in his paperwork , stopping from time to time to massage his temples and get rid of his tiredness and stress . Next to him , a big cup of coffee.
She opened the door and watched him. He didn't turned, he must of saw her in one of his visions.
" Yes Angie ?"
" Nothing. I just wanted to see what you were doing..that's all."
" What am I doing ? Well , I can tell you that . Little Naoe next room there sure gave me a headache.
Angie then taught it was a good time to leave. What if he hit her again ? Nagi pushed him with his telekinesis aside, and that made Brad have a big headache that day.
" Stay !" He ordered. And he rose from his chair heading to her.
Angie took one step back.
" I'm not gonna hit you ..." He said.
He took his glasses off and looked at her.
" I lost control . And ."
damn it was so hard for him to say it !
"..and I'm so-..um.sorry.."
Angie stood in shock . THE Brad Crawford was apologizing ? Well, that was a first !
" You are ? "
Stupid question.
"I am , but you're not gonna hear this twice ! "
" Oh.."
" I have lots of work now. Come back later , okay ? "
And he kissed her on the forehead , heading back to his desk.
// end flashback//
(yes , still her POV )
Those little thing were the ones that made me still love him. He didn't talked much , and he didn't told many truths , but when he did , they were from the heart. It was a part for the Crawford man that no one knew. Except for me.
But that angry and furious part was the one that ruined it all as he started more and more to remind me of my father. And I left , and found Ken.
But he wasn't anything like Brad . He was all time sweet and caring guy. But he held so close to his girl , to Yuriko , the one he lost that I had no chance of getting as close as she got to his heart.
And Nagi ? With Nagi it was something new . Nagi wouldn't understand me , not even if he would try to. Nagi lived in his own little world , but one where I am someone else, where I am an innocent person who loves him . I do love him , but...but I don't love him like he should be loved.
I'm such an idiot..
Damn you Brad ! Damn you ! I miss you so much. I miss you at night , I miss you at day.. I miss you holding me. And yes , I do remember when you crept into my bed the night when I almost killed that man , that night when I was so full of guilt and remorse.
You taught I was asleep but I felt your hand caressing my face and I felt your kiss on my cheek . I knew then you were not like the others said you were.
But now I ruined it all. Yes , I do think it was all my fault . I could of stayed and none would of happened , and Nagi wouldn't be in the situation I put him in.
Is all my fault.I'm so sorry...
(end Angie's POV )
As she sat on the bench watching the blue horizon ahead of her she reached for her pocket. There she felt it. Her little knife she always used to carry with her. Just in case something happened and her telekinesis couldn't help her.
She reached out for him and watched it. Watched how his blade sparkled in the fade light and the ruby-like color he had.
She pulled her sleeve up and then she exposed her wrist to the fade blue light outside. As she stood there she looked ghostly-like , her whole skin was pale and her face was so sad, she was close to crying.
She drew the polished blade closer to her wrist's skin .
" It's my fault...I'm so sorry..."
I Ain't Missing You At All...
Chapter 14
She had no idea how much time passed since they stood there . It wasn't so cold anymore. Even if it kept snowing on and on , the cold wind wasn't there anymore.
She opened her eyes. And flashbacks of last night came into her mind.
She put her hand to her mouth.
// What have you done Angelina ?//
She looked up to the source of the little arms surrounding her . Nagi must of fell asleep. What time was it anyway ? From the light at the horizon maybe 4 or even 5 in the morning .
//What have I done ? //
" Nagi , wake up ." She moved the little boy's hands.
"Wha--.what is it ? "
" C'mon..I'm getting you home."
"What ? Why ?"
Angie rose and looked at him. God , she was such an idiot !
" We fell asleep here . And I think they might be looking for you , and maybe someone's looking for me too . Are you okay ? You look a bit pale.I think you're gonna catch a cold."
Nagi rose and before he answered he looked around , trying to realize what happened , trying to remember what happened last night.
" No , I'm just fine." " Come."
She said and grabbed his gloved hand .
" Where ? "
" Home. "
" I don't want to go back there now !"
" Yes you are young man ! I think Schulding already damaged every single citizen's brain trying to look for you ! Now c'mon!"
Nagi didn't commented. He knew she was right. Schwarz wouldn't let a member get lost just like that without searching for the entire continent for him.
The streets were quiet and a casual lonely driver passed on it with a deep sound witch disappeared after a few seconds. They didn't talked. Angie was still troubled with her own taught to answer Nagi's questions.
As soon as they reached Schwarz apartment Angie stopped in front of the door and turned to walk away.
" Wait !"
" What is it Nagi ? "
" Are you just gonna leave like this ? "
A speedy taught ran trough her mind , in one second making her decide what she really had to say.
" Yes. I'm not coming back . Don't say anything , please, I'm already enough confused about myself . Forgive me..."
And she ran off, down the stairs and outside in the street. The tiredness was getting to her . But she didn't want to hear Nagi screaming for her to get back , so she kept on running until she hit an unknown street. There she stopped . The shops were all lighted by colored light balls , and little Santa's and reindeers. Fluffy atmosphere for the children.
She took some time to catch her breath while she was slowly heading for the park with measured steps.
The park had always been her little sanctuary , no matter she was sad or happy.
Oh , and there is the bench she always used to sit on , right near the lake. The now frozen lake.
The park and everything in it looked spooky in the faded light of the early morning. She never saw it like this before. Everything there made her think dark toughts .
~Angie's POV
What am I supposed to do now ?
I feel like a nymphomaniac . Brad, Ken , Nagi . Who's next ? Aya ? Hmm..that will sure be nuts..no..
Why my life has to be twisted like this ?
I make up my mind in a matter of seconds just so in the other to think otherwise. I could die right now and not be sorry! I wish there would be someone to understand me , someone witch I can talk to , but I have no one to turn to now.
There are only 3 people for witch I care so much I could give my life for. But they all made me suffer one way or another. Brad is an abusive person , Ken can't let go of the ghosts of the past and Nagi..Nagi is just too innocent for this . I love him but in the same time I don't. Has anybody any idea how this works ??!
Let me tell you something tough...The first ever person I really cared about was Brad .He wasn't like he acted these months. Something is wrong with him . Maybe he found someone else. Maybe he found someone else willing to give herself to him and willing to be as cold as he is , never wanting to be hugged at night or maybe someone who wasn't childish.
Isometimes acted like a child because I am one herself, even if no one knew it. Damn. , I forgot all about that.
Seventeen ...fifteen..fuck !
Maybe I really need some medical help...dad fucked my brains so hard that I don't even know what's right or wrong.
// flashback //
Angie was in the kitchen washing some dishes , singing a song quietly , laughing at herself trough the lyrics.
"I have no rival No man can be my equal ! Head me to the..."
Then she heard the door opening. She turned and in the doorstep stood a man with gray hair , dressed in dark blue pants and a yellow shirt.
She turned away , stopping her song , her smile erasing from her face.
" 'Morning dad.the food is in the microwave , I'll bring it to you in a minute."
" 'Morning hun . Got some tea ? "
" No , I drank my coffee . "
" Don't drink so much coffee , it will make you sick. Make me some tea."
" 'kay."
All of the sudden , she felt a big hand on her chest. She froze, she stopped breathing. Her heartbeats went nuts.
Rage rage rage..
She pushed the man behind her.
" Get the fucking hands off me ! "
The man looked at her confused.
"What did I do ? A father is not allowed to hug his own daughter ? "
He got close again.
" STOP! "
His arms opened.
" If you come one step closer I swear I'll kill you ."
She headed for the door and closed it with noise and ran upstairs , to her room.
" This was the last drop dad ! First beats and screams and now..."
Her eyes filled with tears of rage . That day she didn't stepped out of the room. And , at night , she packed her bags and took all the money in the house , and the Cab she stopped was the only thing that made her happy that night.
The night when she erased her whole life and started all over again.
// end flashback//
( still in Angie's POV)
I was never given any protection from my father. Except the protection I would have had If I would of let him do those things to me.
But when I met Brad he seemed so strong and proud and in charge of everything that it was impossible for me not to fall for him . Yes , he is very old , but that was the first thing that made me feel safe. He had given me the safety my father didn't . It was enough for him to stay behind me , him being very tall and me , being smaller than him , enough to make me feel that I have someone to turn to.
Until he hit me the first time . I don't remember what exactly was the reason , but I remember I cried my eyes out alone in my room that night. Then , he started to remember me more and more of my father . That was when I started to fear him , to hate him , just like it happened with him , the man that destroyed every singe proud and feminine part of me , that destroyed all my principles and what I used to believe in .
My father.
But with Brad it was something slightly different : I still loved him . But for my father I didn't had any part of compassion left ,but Brad.Brad...damn you Brad ! I still can't forget you..
// flashback//
Brad was working at his desk , all wrapped up in his paperwork , stopping from time to time to massage his temples and get rid of his tiredness and stress . Next to him , a big cup of coffee.
She opened the door and watched him. He didn't turned, he must of saw her in one of his visions.
" Yes Angie ?"
" Nothing. I just wanted to see what you were doing..that's all."
" What am I doing ? Well , I can tell you that . Little Naoe next room there sure gave me a headache.
Angie then taught it was a good time to leave. What if he hit her again ? Nagi pushed him with his telekinesis aside, and that made Brad have a big headache that day.
" Stay !" He ordered. And he rose from his chair heading to her.
Angie took one step back.
" I'm not gonna hit you ..." He said.
He took his glasses off and looked at her.
" I lost control . And ."
damn it was so hard for him to say it !
"..and I'm so-..um.sorry.."
Angie stood in shock . THE Brad Crawford was apologizing ? Well, that was a first !
" You are ? "
Stupid question.
"I am , but you're not gonna hear this twice ! "
" Oh.."
" I have lots of work now. Come back later , okay ? "
And he kissed her on the forehead , heading back to his desk.
// end flashback//
(yes , still her POV )
Those little thing were the ones that made me still love him. He didn't talked much , and he didn't told many truths , but when he did , they were from the heart. It was a part for the Crawford man that no one knew. Except for me.
But that angry and furious part was the one that ruined it all as he started more and more to remind me of my father. And I left , and found Ken.
But he wasn't anything like Brad . He was all time sweet and caring guy. But he held so close to his girl , to Yuriko , the one he lost that I had no chance of getting as close as she got to his heart.
And Nagi ? With Nagi it was something new . Nagi wouldn't understand me , not even if he would try to. Nagi lived in his own little world , but one where I am someone else, where I am an innocent person who loves him . I do love him , but...but I don't love him like he should be loved.
I'm such an idiot..
Damn you Brad ! Damn you ! I miss you so much. I miss you at night , I miss you at day.. I miss you holding me. And yes , I do remember when you crept into my bed the night when I almost killed that man , that night when I was so full of guilt and remorse.
You taught I was asleep but I felt your hand caressing my face and I felt your kiss on my cheek . I knew then you were not like the others said you were.
But now I ruined it all. Yes , I do think it was all my fault . I could of stayed and none would of happened , and Nagi wouldn't be in the situation I put him in.
Is all my fault.I'm so sorry...
(end Angie's POV )
As she sat on the bench watching the blue horizon ahead of her she reached for her pocket. There she felt it. Her little knife she always used to carry with her. Just in case something happened and her telekinesis couldn't help her.
She reached out for him and watched it. Watched how his blade sparkled in the fade light and the ruby-like color he had.
She pulled her sleeve up and then she exposed her wrist to the fade blue light outside. As she stood there she looked ghostly-like , her whole skin was pale and her face was so sad, she was close to crying.
She drew the polished blade closer to her wrist's skin .
" It's my fault...I'm so sorry..."