Chapter 3: "we've done this dance before." (rated T)
Manhattan, December, 2014
She had met him at the door of her apartment, with Bear there next to her. Bear was wagging his body and rubbing up against Reese's legs with his shoulder, knocking Reese back onto his bad leg. Gelila saw him catch himself and grimace in pain.
She gave Bear the command to sit down, "zit," while she reached out and hooked his right arm to help Reese come inside. Bear was down on his belly watching the two of them, his eyes alert, and his head angled to one side. He was whimpering softly as they went by.
She helped Reese to her couch, the nearest spot to sit down, and as he lowered himself to the seat, she latched onto the frame of a heavy ottoman with the toes of one foot, and dragged it over in front of him.
He lifted the right leg onto the top, but when he tried to straighten the knee, it was too much, almost bending backwards. Gelila grabbed one of the pillows from her couch, and slid it under the knee, to lift it up and bend it a bit.
She could see that it was better for him like that, and once he looked more comfortable, she sat down next to him on the couch, facing him. Gelila could see the look in his eyes. Exhausted. He didn't have much to say tonight.
She thought he looked like he was in pain – and from more than just the bad knee. Something else must have happened since he'd left her the other night. She remembered the bruising on his arm above the wrist, and all the long purple ones across his ribs. She wanted to see for herself, in this better light, what he was hiding under his shirt.
But she knew she would have to take it slowly. Reese was cooler, a little distant tonight. She would have to work for his trust all over again, she sensed.
What kind of life did this man lead, that put him in such physical danger each day? And why would he stay at it? What would drive him to suffer like this? She placed her hand on his shoulder, gently.
"Are you hungry?" she asked. His eyes shifted to hers, and he shook his head no.
"But, I'll bet you wouldn't turn down a hot cup of coffee?" He smiled a small smile to her, as much for the sound of her British accent as for her knowing he needed his coffee, even at this late hour. He leaned back against the high back of the couch. She looked for Bear, and realized he was still on the floor near the front door.
"Heir," she called to him over the high back. He stood up and they could hear him walk around the end of the couch, eyes shifting between the two of them. He walked directly to Reese, and laid his muzzle on his thigh, breathing out a long noisy sigh.
"Braaf," he said, telling him he was "good." Reese slid his eyes to the side, meeting hers. She was watching him, aware now that he knew the Dutch commands, too. Reese reached over to Bear's head, and ran his hand over the top, between Bear's ears, and then he scrubbed his fingers on the back of his head and neck, around the base of his ears. Bear climbed up next to Reese on the couch and laid his head on his thigh.
Gelila watched the two of them settle, and put her hand on Reese's arm. "You two stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes."
She padded softly in bare feet to her kitchen, and set up the coffee machine to brew him a cup. It made a sound like gear-noises, and then she could hear the steaming water drop down to mix with the coffee inside. A moment later, the dark fragrant brew was dripping into his mug, filling her kitchen with its aroma. She loved the smell of it, but it was far too late for her to drink any now. It would keep her awake all night.
She'd worked all day today, so she was looking forward to a good night's rest tonight. That is, until she'd gotten the call from Reese today at the office. He'd been tied up at work for days, he said, and this was his first chance to call and let her know he'd "come up for air." She'd laughed when he said it. Such odd expressions Americans had.
She'd invited him over here, to her flat. He could pick up Bear at her place, now that Bear was ready to go home. Her reunion with Reese would be a little more private here than in the middle of the office, like last time.
Gelila heated some water in the microwave for a cup of herbal tea and by the time it was done boiling, she had Reese's mug of coffee ready, and she plopped a teabag into her own mug. The smell of vanilla and hazelnut wafted up from the bubbling water. She grabbed a treat for Bear, too, from the box on the counter.
Reese liked his coffee black, and she didn't need anything in her tea, so she walked back out to the couch, and sat the mugs down on the coffee table nearby. Reese was resting against the back of the couch, with Bear at his side. She smiled at the two of them. Bear saw his treat in her hand and she flipped it to him. He caught it in mid-air and started crunching it to pieces between his back teeth. Then she turned her attention to Reese.
"Oh, I don't think I properly said hello when you came in," she said softly, smiling, and Reese smiled back with his eyes closed. She leaned over and gave him a kiss, and then leaned against him for another, but felt him pull back in pain.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" she said, jumping back. "Did I hurt you?" He was sitting forward with his hand over his chest.
"Let me see," she said softly, reaching for his shirt. He tried to stop her, his hands wrapping around hers, and shaking his head, no.
This was all too familiar. They were starting over again, just like when she had brought him to her Call Room the other night. He had held her hands back from his shirt just like this then, too.
"Please. I can help."
She had that look in her eyes. Like she wasn't going to take no for an answer. He thought about telling her it was time for him to leave, that he was tired and needed to get some sleep. All true – but he could see that she was determined to see for herself.
"I believe we've done this dance before. Remember?" She leaned against the back of the couch, and brought her lips next to his ear. Softly, she whispered, "let me."
If he didn't let her hands go, she had other things in mind to convince him, but it wasn't long before he released her hands. Smart man. He was learning. She wouldn't give in once she knew what she wanted.
One after another, she unbuttoned his buttons. It reminded her of the two of them in her Call Room that night. She felt her heart beat faster, and her skin started to heat at her throat and chest. Put that thought on hold, she said to herself. Maybe later. Let's see what trouble had come his way since he was there in her arms the other night.
She unbuttoned the front of his shirt, and slid it open, away from his chest. The white tee underneath still hid the damage, and now his eyes were open, looking at her.
This would test her, he thought to himself. He hadn't intended for her to see him like this.
"Oh, my God, John," she said when she lifted the tee. He saw the look in her eyes, like she had seen this before. It was all jumbled up in her face. She backed away for a second, and her eyes moved up and to the left, like she was searching for something in her memory. And then, she must have found it. She knew what this was.
"Who did this to you? What happened? Every time you leave – " Her words tumbled out, and then she stopped herself. She didn't want to go there.
Reese could see her staring into space for a few moments, her breathing deep and faster than normal. There were lines around her eyes, and a deep furrow between them. She brought her hands together in front of her chest and closed her eyes.
It was too much, he thought. All of this was too much for her to take. Not a surprise. What normal person could? He closed his eyes, and lowered his head. He just needed a minute, and then he could get up and say goodbye. He would take Bear and leave her in peace. He should know by now. These things never worked out. His life was too hard on the ones who cared, like her.
He remembered the look in her eyes, at the Vet office downtown. She had those beautiful eyes, those blue blue eyes, that had captured him. He thought she might be different, stronger somehow. Maybe she could understand.
But there, in her room that night, when she was so close to him, he wasn't sure. It was so hard to let someone in. He didn't know if he could. But she'd leaned in against him. He remembered her pushing him back against the door, and his hands went up around hers, just like tonight. Her lips were on his neck and he remembered the feel of them – dragging across his skin. And her breath on his ear. "Trust me," she'd said.
No, no, he had to stop her. He backed away, but she came closer. "Trust me. Let me," she was saying, and he was fighting with himself. No. Yes. And then, finally he just did. He let her go.
She looked up at him with those blue blue eyes. He couldn't look away. She was taking his shirt off, and then his vest. And then her hands were on him, and he could feel himself shuddering under them. But then he remembered the holster and his gun at his belt in back; her hands were nearly there. He tried to pull away, but she held him there against her. Even when she found it, she didn't let him back away. "Trust me," she'd said. He was torn. His head said one thing, but in his heart, something else.
She had taken him to her bed, but when she found all the cuts and blood from the crash with the motorcycle, she'd taken him to her shower. And the two of them were in there together.
He remembered the smell of her soap, and the water falling on the two of them, and the feel of her skin against his.
He remembered the two of them in her bed, later, her body stretched out on his left side. She was so warm. He could feel her heartbeat on his chest in the darkness.
Emptied. He felt emptied of everything. Like he was drifting on a slow, quiet river in the deep woods.
This must be what peace felt like.
He felt safe, with her.
But now, that was gone. Ruined. It hurt in his chest.
He shook his head. Time to go.
But just as he was gathering himself to get up, he felt her head lean down on his shoulder, and she was reaching across him with her arm, pulling him closer. Her lips were on his neck, and she dragged them across the skin to his ear.
"Stay," she said, breathy, quiet, as she reached for him.