The Lovely Loveless Marriage
by
Nin Tendo
Chapter 1:
The Day Hell Froze Over
OR
The Day Hell Finally Thawed
~ Disclaimer ~ Maybe if I was actually Japanese, I could have a better chance of inheriting Slayers (hmm...)
(An unmeasureable time after the 'nightmare' incident...)
What I wouldn't give for a single cloud in the sky, Zelas thought, sighing, slightly depressed. It's much too bright and cheery for my tastes. Damn, but this sucks eggs.
The reasons why Zelas didn't simply use a spell to call forth a storm were these:
1. Gathered in the field were an assorted bunch of creatures,
2. They all happened to be mortal enemies (and very paranoid at the moment, might I add),
3. They were all enjoying a nice cup of tea, and
4. They were seated in no man's land.
Therefore, if she called forth a storm, at least two of the others would be displeased (she wasn't entirely certain if the third would object or not), causing an argument to arise, which would ruin the lovely tea as well as start a battle in which she had no advantages.
Sitting in on the meeting were four people, three of which were monsters in nature, the fourth just happening to be the newly elected Supreme Elder of the Fire Dragon King's Temple (how they'd managed to raise the population from zero to hundreds in such a short time, Zelas had no idea).
The other two monsters were, of course, Deep Sea Dolphin and Dynast Grausherra. Ever since her early childhood, Zelas had hated Deep Sea with a passion (she couldn't actually remember WHY, which is somewhat understandable, since most childhood grudges escalate quickly, and memories of the early years are quickly forgotten). But Dynast...well...she'd never really gotten to know Dynast. In fact, he always seemed to go out of his way to isolate himself from everyone. Zelas didn't really have any really significant memories of him (Well...other than the time she'd called him a loner, and he'd turned her into a popsicle for a week), and, therefore, couldn't really figure out if he was a friend or foe (He never called, but he never sieged Wolf Pack Island, either).
Sighing again, Zelas turned toward the Supreme Elder and said, "So, tell us your proposition. I want to get back to my cold, dank cave as soon as possible. I think my lungs are losing their coat of tar." She made a disgusted face. (Though, you probably should remember that, since monsters don't HAVE lungs, it really wasn't possible to HAVE a coat of tar. But, then, this is, of course, Zelas Metallium. She probably got pleasure by simply PRETENDING that she had lungs coated with tar. But, then, if you value your life, you really wouldn't disagree with her, anyway).
The new Supreme Elder, a middle aged-looking blond, blue-eyed woman who was actually a Golden Dragon named Sandra Ta Nefar, replied, "I have heard rumors that you're discontinuing your plans to resurrect your Dark Lord, Shabranigdo. I would like you to clarify that before we move on."
Seeing that neither the brooding Dynast or the spaced-out Deep Sea were inclined to answer, Zelas answered, "Yes, that rumor just happens to be true."
Sandra smiled. "Well, then. If that is true, then I see no reason for continuing our plans to restore Lord Ceiphied."
None of the Dark Lords had been expecting this. Dolphin choked on her tea, Zelas nearly fell out of her chair, and Dynast's eyes widened (for just a second. Then he realized what he just did and returned to his former state, looking both ways to see if anyone had noticed. Making a scene like that was very embarrassing).
After a full minute of silence, Zelas glared at her silent siblings, and asked, suspiciously, "Why have you decided this all of a sudden?"
Sandra stood, looking the very definition of diplomatic. "The reason I requested a meeting with you all was so we could discuss a truce. Our subborn rivalry has continued throughout the ages, neither of us winning or losing, and we've merely succeeded in destroying the place we all call home, bit by bit. I'm unsure about the plane in which your people reside, but wouldn't it be wise to consider, that, if we accidently ended up destroying this world, that the astral plane would vanish as well, since all planes are interconnected? If the Lord of Nightmares had wanted everything destroyed, she wouldn't have created us in the first place."
"A truce..." Dynast murmered, deep in thought. "If we were to simply agree to disagree, if the monster race were to only create enough destruction to survive, if the dragon race were to restore that which we destroy, we could create a...balanced chaos. Yes, I suppose I could agree to that."
Is that the will of the Lord of Nightmares? Zelas mused.
Deep Sea giggled, nodding. "Good and evil united in peace for all eternity. How beautiful!"
Zelas grimaced and stared at Deep Sea, thoroughly disgusted. A few days after they'd all split up to cause destruction separately, she'd sent her 'sister' a little token--a manifestation of everything good in the world. The strange thing was, instead of causing her an untold amount of pain, it had warped her mentality to the point where she began to actually ENJOY good things.
To call a monster a masochist because he or she enjoyed pain was completely inaccurate. It's the monster that enjoys good things that makes the TRUE masochist (in the monster's unique viewpoint, anyhow).
"Are we all in agreement?" Sandra asked, eyes on Zelas.
Beastmaster nodded in confirmation.
"Well, that was surprisingly easy!" Sandra exclaimed. "I thought some of you would need more persuasion before commiting, but now I see that is not the case! I was thinking that we could divide the world into parts so we wouldn't interefere with each others plans, then alternate our posts every month or so. How does that sound?"
Deep Sea gave two thumbs up, Dynast nodded, and Zelas shrugged nonchalantly.
Sandra clasped her hands together and smiled. "Oh, I'm so glad that we could put all of our differences aside and agree on something like mature adults!"
This, of course, caused the egos of everyone present to swell like balloons.
Suddenly, the smile on Sandra's face lowered slightly in intensity, and she said, somewhat hesitantly, "Now, if only we could come up with a way to...seal the deal so none of us will ever feel...tempted to...change our minds..."
"Well, now!" Dolphin chirped (Her sudden exclaimation distracted the other two monsters, so they didn't uncover the...veiled insult of Sandra's). "That has an EASY solution! What better way to celebrate the union of good and evil than holy matrimony?"
Zelas delicatly hid her gagging behind a napkin.
All was silent, but then Dynast (who didn't realize that he was twitching slightly) mumbled, "Well...I've always wanted a dragon for a playtoy..." (Now he knew why they always said to be careful what you wish for. Damn Fate's sense of ironic humor...damn it all to hell...)
"I've always wanted to get married," Dolphin joined in with a chronic giggle.
"It's a wonderful idea!" Sandra exclaimed, turning to Zelas. "What do you think, Beastmaster?"
Wiping imaginary bile from her lips, Zelas cleared her throat and said, with growing confidence, "I'm afraid that I cannot...offer myself to the...task. My overpowering sense of irony forbids me to even consider it."
Dolphin rolled her eyes and drawled, "Just what does your 'overpowering sense of irony' WANT you to do?"
Zelas frowned at her hated rival as a low growl rose in her throat. She'd done her best to be civil, but that single comment had nearly sent her into a frenzy.
Barely able to hold her tongue back from starting an argument of a...slightly lesser subtility, Zelas replied, "Well, I hardly see how it is any of YOUR business, but a certain servant of mine is THE most hated monster among the Golden Dragons. I would just love to offer him up in my place."
Sandra twitched. "X-Xellos?! The one who nearly wiped out an entire clan of dragons singlehandedly?!" She sighed. "Yes, that would be very ironic indeed..."
"But wait!" Zelas exclaimed. "There's more! I know of an excellent candidate for my dear Xellos' wife. She's the last remaining Golden Dragon of her clan, they've met before, and they hate each other with a passion that makes even the War of the Monster's Fall pale in comparison!"
The other three leaned forward in morbid anticipation.
"Her name is..." Zelas concluded, pausing dramatically,
"...Filia Ul Copt!" (oooh, I didn't see THAT one coming! n_n)
~ BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK ~
(Opening Scene: A shop containing many shiny, beautiful, life sized crystals, large and small. The Lord of Nightmares enters)
LoN: Why, hello and good day to you all! Surely you've heard of the unfortunate *cough*not*cough* death of Hellmaster Phibrizzo *cough*thelittlepunkdeservedit*cough*. Oh, I must be catching a cold...
(She clears her throat)
LoN: Well, now that Hellmaster is gone, I am currently hiring people to help me out with the workload. If you would come by and but one of these lovely life-crystals, you, too, can enjoy the pleasures of having a dead body in your own living room! You will also be paid 50 silvers a month!
(She gestures toward two types of crystals)
LoN: You may either buy an authentic life-crystal, or one of these lower- grade, yet still acceptable ice-crystals. The both fulfill the same purpose, even though the ice-crystal's price is but a fraction of the life- crystals'! So, come buy and buy a crystal today! Dead bodies are installed completely free of charge!
(She smiles)
LoN: Iwillnotbeheldresponsiblefortheinevitablemeltingoftheicecrystals. Have a lovely day!
(Scene dissolves into a shot of a...beach? Radio Dude enters)
Radio Dude: And now you know...
(The Lord of Nightmares appears)
LoN: Damn, but you're annoying!
(The Lord of Nightmares tosses Radio Dude into the Sea of Chaos. Because that's what the sea was. The Sea of Chaos. Funny how that works out)
Radio Dude: ...What possessed Nin Tendo when she thought up the titlllllllleeeeee....
LoN: Heh.
(She peers at the readers)
LoN: ...What?
~ END COMMERCIAL BREAK ~
Filia Ul Copt looked around her small shop, sighing at the absence of customers. Not one person had stepped inside for three entire days. (It was strange how her store's popularity had dwindled ever since it stopped appearing on television) In fact, her last customer, a very odd man, had only browsed, asking her if she had any of the latest bestsellers....
~ BEGIN FLASHBACK ~
"Excuse me, miss, but do you have any of the lastest bestsellers?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but we only sell weapons and pottery here."
"Oh." (pause) "So, where do you keep your bestsellers?"
"I don't have any books in my inventory, sir. Could I interest you in a lovely vase instead?"
"No, that's quite alright. I would, however, like the latest bestseller, if you have it."
"Sir, I have only pottery and weapons in my store. There are no bestsellers here."
"Is that so? Well, I guess I'll just browse for a while." (He browses for a while) "You wouldn't have anything by Stephen King, would you?"
"AUGH! LASER BREATH!"
(Note from Nin: Mwahahah...the above scene was stolen from the film, "Notting Hill". It's a good movie. NOW GO SEE IT SO I WON'T GET SUED! Thank you. n_n)
~ END FLASHBACK ~
Well, the result of THAT temper tantrum had sent her ever closer to bankruptcy. If business didn't pick up soon, she'd be forced to sell the shop and live on the street!
Someone passed by her shop just then. The lady looked like she was about to enter...until she saw the needy/bloodthirsty look on Filia's face. Then she ran away.
Filia sighed in torment. How in Ceiphied's name was she going to properly raise baby Val without a steady income?!
But, just then, the door opened and a beautiful, blond middle-aged woman entered the shop.
Filia gasped as she recognized the magical signature surrounding the woman-- a Golden Dragon!
"What a lovely shop you have here," she greeted. "It's such a shame that it doesn't seem to be very popular."
"Who are you and what do you want with me?" Filia demanded, feeling apprehensive. After all, she DID abandon her role as a priestess with absolutely no notice--what if she was here to punish her or whatnot?
The lady chuckled at the look on Filia's face. "Oh, no need to be wary of ME, dear. Are you Filia Ul Copt?"
Filia relaxed considerably when she saw the woman's smile. "Yes, I am," she replied.
Smile widening, the woman replied, "And I am the newly elected Supreme Elder of the temple you used to serve, but you may call me Sandra Ta Nefar. I would like to speak with you."
"Well, I suppose that speaking to each other won't do any harm, will it?" Filia replied, anger and grief of a lesser sort filling her being as she remembered how her father figure, the last Supreme Elder, had lied and betrayed her. She told herself to be suspicious of this woman before trusting her absolutely, like she had the previous clan leader.
Leading Sandra into the back room, Filia directed a relaxing Gravos to keep an eye on the store, then led Sandra to the table, quickly wipping up a pot of tea.
"I was wondering," Sandra began, when Filia sat down, pouring the tea, "if you would consider rejoining us at the Temple of the Fire Dragon King."
Without missing a beat, Filia replied, placing the tea pot on the table, "I'm sorry, but I've sworn to never return to that temple, Miss Sandra. In fact, I will never join any community of Golden Dragons--their sins during the War of the Monster's Fall are faults I find unacceptable."
"I guessed that you would respond along those lines," Sandra said, smiling, "but I have to insist--I actually have some information about this which may persuade you otherwise."
Filia nodded, giving the go-ahead.
"Before the War of the Monster's Fall, all the dragons in this world communicated regularily, you see. We all peacefully coexisted back then, but then the war started and tensions arose quickly and in every way possible.
"Us Golden Dragons immediately saw the monster race as our enemy, along with all the other dragon clans...except for the Ancients. In fact, they wanted absolutely nothing to do with the war. Paranoia ruled the council at this time, and they began to see the Ancients as a threat--they had a dangerous weapon in their care, and their blatent refusal to fight against the monster race gave rise to horrible, terrible questions among us. Were they planning to ally themselves with the monsters when we least expected? It was strictly paranoia that drove the council to order their destruction.
"However, a small faction of Golds disagreed with that order. They didn't believe that commiting genocide against their own race would be the godly thing to do. Instead, they went into hiding, knowing full well that their small force would be utterly destroyed if they went public with their ideas.
"On that note, I might as well admit that Beastmaster's priest's attack could be considered somewhat of a blessing--all the missing dragon were assumed to have been incinerated by his power. I know beyond a doubt that is the only reason that they've managed to survive this long--if the council had suspected anything, I probably wouldn't be speaking to you right now," Sandra concluded.
Filia could only stare at the middle-aged woman for a while before she managed to swallow against her dry throat and ask, "So what you're saying is...?"
Sandra nodded. "I was the leader of that faction. When I heard of the tragedy that befell your clan, we moved into the empty temple, hoping that we may be able to take a stand and set the world straight. Over the last few months, we've been convicing all the other dragon clans to support us. So far, we've been succeeding admirably."
"You're trying to set the world straight?" Filia asked, curious.
"Yes," Sandra confirmed. "The past, our past, has seen much too many conflicts and wars. It's about time that all the fighting was put to an end, don't you think?"
Filia thought back to all the fighting she'd witnessed while traveling with Lina's group, the grief that drove Valgaav to end all things...in the end, all fighting did was destroy everything.
"Yes, you're absolutely correct, Miss Sandra," Filia finally answered.
"I knew that you would understand," Sandra replied, happily. But then nervousness entered her voice. "Though, I'm not entirely sure what you'll think of the truce we've made with the monster race..."
Filia's eyes widened and she exclaimed, "Whaaaaat?!" Then she stopped to think about it after her initial reaction. "Actually, that makes a lot of sense!"
Sandra facefaulted, surpised by the younger dragon's polar opposite reactions. Then she sweatdropped from her position on the floor, as Filia failed to notice that her guest had fallen from her chair.
"Yes..." Filia continued, "if we all cooperated, then there would be no reason for fighting, and then we could all live in peace!"
Getting up from the floor and dusting herself off, Sandra said, "As I've noted before, you don't seem to be getting many customers as of late, which is strange, considering the time of day. Can I assume that your business isn't going all that well?"
Filia sighed in depression. "It seems that no one is interested in vases and maces anymore."
"I would like to ask you once more to join my clan, if not the holy order. You must be very lonely here--the only adult dragon in miles. I assure you, if you rejoin the faith, your pay as a priestess would be considerable, but you may also decide on a different career. Either way, my clan is extremely enthusiastic about helping you raise young Valgaav. Like you, we wish to make up for our race's past sins."
"How--how can I refuse?" Filia replied, slightly bewildered.
"So you will join us?" Sandra exclaimed. "Oh, what lovely news! I must tell the others immediately." But then her voice grew hesitant. "Are you...absolutely sure about this, Filia Ul Copt?"
Filia nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes! I would do absolutely anything to be able to join your clan! They sound absolutely wonderful!"
Smirking, Sandra replied, "I'll hold you to that. If you could be at the temple within two weeks, it would be perfect--the ceremony would begin exactly on schedule."
Ceremony? Filia thought. Oh, but I never would have imagined that my joining their clan would be so important to them!
"I'll be there!" Filia replied.
"Wonderful! Wonderful!" Sandra exclaimed. "And, please, bring along your former traveling companions as well! We've heard so much about them, especially from that young man Milgazia!"
Filia sweatdropped at the thought of Lina and the gang. "Well, since you asked... I hope you'll have enough food to go around, though..."
"Oh, we will! We will!" Sandra reassured before teleporting away.
"JILLAS! GRAVOS!" Filia called.
Gravos came back from the storefront and Jillas appeared at the top of the stairs, rocking Val's egg. "Yeah, sis?" the foxman asked.
"I've decided to sell the shop," Filia announced. "We'll be moving to the Temple of the Fire Dragon King. Start packing--once I sell the shop, we're hitting the road!"
Both being used to traveling and feeling extremely cramped in the little shop, neither Gravos or Jillas had any complaints.
After selling the shop for several hundred thousand gold pieces to a man looking to open a bookstore, Filia, Jillas, Gravos, and the unhatched Valgaav set off for their new home.
Though, Filia could not help but wonder how the ceremory who go...
Author's Notes:
1. (Nin attempts to hold the laughter in, but fails immensely) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!! FILIA'S SO SCREWED!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA~!
2. Yes, I know that there is no television or bestsellers in the Slayers universe--I'm sorry, I just had to add them in. (Hey, why am I making excuses? This is a HUMOR story [so far]--I'm not being serious!)
3. So, how did I come up with this story? Why, simply a thought as I watched the Marriage Ball episode. "Hehehe...the monsters and dragons would join forces to create a better world before Filia and Xellos got hitched." Yeah. n_n
4. Oh, and I guess I should say that I really don't have anything against the Radio Dude. He just somehow became my 'Martina', you know? (Actually, he pretty much serves the same purpose as 'Anonymous Reader' in my Gundam 1/2 ficcie. Hehehe...the hell I put Anonymous Reader though...)
5. Sorry I took so long to type this out--wasn't my fault! I fell in love with a puppy at PetLand and bought it! She has medical needs, not to mention that she stains the carpet. O.o Needless to say, I've been...busy. n_n I named her Cookie. She's asleep in my lap as I type this. She's so cuuute~! n.n
6. Flames are just as welcome as any other review--though I'd prefer you'd bomb my inbox! (nin_tendo15@hotmail.com)
by
Nin Tendo
Chapter 1:
The Day Hell Froze Over
OR
The Day Hell Finally Thawed
~ Disclaimer ~ Maybe if I was actually Japanese, I could have a better chance of inheriting Slayers (hmm...)
(An unmeasureable time after the 'nightmare' incident...)
What I wouldn't give for a single cloud in the sky, Zelas thought, sighing, slightly depressed. It's much too bright and cheery for my tastes. Damn, but this sucks eggs.
The reasons why Zelas didn't simply use a spell to call forth a storm were these:
1. Gathered in the field were an assorted bunch of creatures,
2. They all happened to be mortal enemies (and very paranoid at the moment, might I add),
3. They were all enjoying a nice cup of tea, and
4. They were seated in no man's land.
Therefore, if she called forth a storm, at least two of the others would be displeased (she wasn't entirely certain if the third would object or not), causing an argument to arise, which would ruin the lovely tea as well as start a battle in which she had no advantages.
Sitting in on the meeting were four people, three of which were monsters in nature, the fourth just happening to be the newly elected Supreme Elder of the Fire Dragon King's Temple (how they'd managed to raise the population from zero to hundreds in such a short time, Zelas had no idea).
The other two monsters were, of course, Deep Sea Dolphin and Dynast Grausherra. Ever since her early childhood, Zelas had hated Deep Sea with a passion (she couldn't actually remember WHY, which is somewhat understandable, since most childhood grudges escalate quickly, and memories of the early years are quickly forgotten). But Dynast...well...she'd never really gotten to know Dynast. In fact, he always seemed to go out of his way to isolate himself from everyone. Zelas didn't really have any really significant memories of him (Well...other than the time she'd called him a loner, and he'd turned her into a popsicle for a week), and, therefore, couldn't really figure out if he was a friend or foe (He never called, but he never sieged Wolf Pack Island, either).
Sighing again, Zelas turned toward the Supreme Elder and said, "So, tell us your proposition. I want to get back to my cold, dank cave as soon as possible. I think my lungs are losing their coat of tar." She made a disgusted face. (Though, you probably should remember that, since monsters don't HAVE lungs, it really wasn't possible to HAVE a coat of tar. But, then, this is, of course, Zelas Metallium. She probably got pleasure by simply PRETENDING that she had lungs coated with tar. But, then, if you value your life, you really wouldn't disagree with her, anyway).
The new Supreme Elder, a middle aged-looking blond, blue-eyed woman who was actually a Golden Dragon named Sandra Ta Nefar, replied, "I have heard rumors that you're discontinuing your plans to resurrect your Dark Lord, Shabranigdo. I would like you to clarify that before we move on."
Seeing that neither the brooding Dynast or the spaced-out Deep Sea were inclined to answer, Zelas answered, "Yes, that rumor just happens to be true."
Sandra smiled. "Well, then. If that is true, then I see no reason for continuing our plans to restore Lord Ceiphied."
None of the Dark Lords had been expecting this. Dolphin choked on her tea, Zelas nearly fell out of her chair, and Dynast's eyes widened (for just a second. Then he realized what he just did and returned to his former state, looking both ways to see if anyone had noticed. Making a scene like that was very embarrassing).
After a full minute of silence, Zelas glared at her silent siblings, and asked, suspiciously, "Why have you decided this all of a sudden?"
Sandra stood, looking the very definition of diplomatic. "The reason I requested a meeting with you all was so we could discuss a truce. Our subborn rivalry has continued throughout the ages, neither of us winning or losing, and we've merely succeeded in destroying the place we all call home, bit by bit. I'm unsure about the plane in which your people reside, but wouldn't it be wise to consider, that, if we accidently ended up destroying this world, that the astral plane would vanish as well, since all planes are interconnected? If the Lord of Nightmares had wanted everything destroyed, she wouldn't have created us in the first place."
"A truce..." Dynast murmered, deep in thought. "If we were to simply agree to disagree, if the monster race were to only create enough destruction to survive, if the dragon race were to restore that which we destroy, we could create a...balanced chaos. Yes, I suppose I could agree to that."
Is that the will of the Lord of Nightmares? Zelas mused.
Deep Sea giggled, nodding. "Good and evil united in peace for all eternity. How beautiful!"
Zelas grimaced and stared at Deep Sea, thoroughly disgusted. A few days after they'd all split up to cause destruction separately, she'd sent her 'sister' a little token--a manifestation of everything good in the world. The strange thing was, instead of causing her an untold amount of pain, it had warped her mentality to the point where she began to actually ENJOY good things.
To call a monster a masochist because he or she enjoyed pain was completely inaccurate. It's the monster that enjoys good things that makes the TRUE masochist (in the monster's unique viewpoint, anyhow).
"Are we all in agreement?" Sandra asked, eyes on Zelas.
Beastmaster nodded in confirmation.
"Well, that was surprisingly easy!" Sandra exclaimed. "I thought some of you would need more persuasion before commiting, but now I see that is not the case! I was thinking that we could divide the world into parts so we wouldn't interefere with each others plans, then alternate our posts every month or so. How does that sound?"
Deep Sea gave two thumbs up, Dynast nodded, and Zelas shrugged nonchalantly.
Sandra clasped her hands together and smiled. "Oh, I'm so glad that we could put all of our differences aside and agree on something like mature adults!"
This, of course, caused the egos of everyone present to swell like balloons.
Suddenly, the smile on Sandra's face lowered slightly in intensity, and she said, somewhat hesitantly, "Now, if only we could come up with a way to...seal the deal so none of us will ever feel...tempted to...change our minds..."
"Well, now!" Dolphin chirped (Her sudden exclaimation distracted the other two monsters, so they didn't uncover the...veiled insult of Sandra's). "That has an EASY solution! What better way to celebrate the union of good and evil than holy matrimony?"
Zelas delicatly hid her gagging behind a napkin.
All was silent, but then Dynast (who didn't realize that he was twitching slightly) mumbled, "Well...I've always wanted a dragon for a playtoy..." (Now he knew why they always said to be careful what you wish for. Damn Fate's sense of ironic humor...damn it all to hell...)
"I've always wanted to get married," Dolphin joined in with a chronic giggle.
"It's a wonderful idea!" Sandra exclaimed, turning to Zelas. "What do you think, Beastmaster?"
Wiping imaginary bile from her lips, Zelas cleared her throat and said, with growing confidence, "I'm afraid that I cannot...offer myself to the...task. My overpowering sense of irony forbids me to even consider it."
Dolphin rolled her eyes and drawled, "Just what does your 'overpowering sense of irony' WANT you to do?"
Zelas frowned at her hated rival as a low growl rose in her throat. She'd done her best to be civil, but that single comment had nearly sent her into a frenzy.
Barely able to hold her tongue back from starting an argument of a...slightly lesser subtility, Zelas replied, "Well, I hardly see how it is any of YOUR business, but a certain servant of mine is THE most hated monster among the Golden Dragons. I would just love to offer him up in my place."
Sandra twitched. "X-Xellos?! The one who nearly wiped out an entire clan of dragons singlehandedly?!" She sighed. "Yes, that would be very ironic indeed..."
"But wait!" Zelas exclaimed. "There's more! I know of an excellent candidate for my dear Xellos' wife. She's the last remaining Golden Dragon of her clan, they've met before, and they hate each other with a passion that makes even the War of the Monster's Fall pale in comparison!"
The other three leaned forward in morbid anticipation.
"Her name is..." Zelas concluded, pausing dramatically,
"...Filia Ul Copt!" (oooh, I didn't see THAT one coming! n_n)
~ BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK ~
(Opening Scene: A shop containing many shiny, beautiful, life sized crystals, large and small. The Lord of Nightmares enters)
LoN: Why, hello and good day to you all! Surely you've heard of the unfortunate *cough*not*cough* death of Hellmaster Phibrizzo *cough*thelittlepunkdeservedit*cough*. Oh, I must be catching a cold...
(She clears her throat)
LoN: Well, now that Hellmaster is gone, I am currently hiring people to help me out with the workload. If you would come by and but one of these lovely life-crystals, you, too, can enjoy the pleasures of having a dead body in your own living room! You will also be paid 50 silvers a month!
(She gestures toward two types of crystals)
LoN: You may either buy an authentic life-crystal, or one of these lower- grade, yet still acceptable ice-crystals. The both fulfill the same purpose, even though the ice-crystal's price is but a fraction of the life- crystals'! So, come buy and buy a crystal today! Dead bodies are installed completely free of charge!
(She smiles)
LoN: Iwillnotbeheldresponsiblefortheinevitablemeltingoftheicecrystals. Have a lovely day!
(Scene dissolves into a shot of a...beach? Radio Dude enters)
Radio Dude: And now you know...
(The Lord of Nightmares appears)
LoN: Damn, but you're annoying!
(The Lord of Nightmares tosses Radio Dude into the Sea of Chaos. Because that's what the sea was. The Sea of Chaos. Funny how that works out)
Radio Dude: ...What possessed Nin Tendo when she thought up the titlllllllleeeeee....
LoN: Heh.
(She peers at the readers)
LoN: ...What?
~ END COMMERCIAL BREAK ~
Filia Ul Copt looked around her small shop, sighing at the absence of customers. Not one person had stepped inside for three entire days. (It was strange how her store's popularity had dwindled ever since it stopped appearing on television) In fact, her last customer, a very odd man, had only browsed, asking her if she had any of the latest bestsellers....
~ BEGIN FLASHBACK ~
"Excuse me, miss, but do you have any of the lastest bestsellers?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but we only sell weapons and pottery here."
"Oh." (pause) "So, where do you keep your bestsellers?"
"I don't have any books in my inventory, sir. Could I interest you in a lovely vase instead?"
"No, that's quite alright. I would, however, like the latest bestseller, if you have it."
"Sir, I have only pottery and weapons in my store. There are no bestsellers here."
"Is that so? Well, I guess I'll just browse for a while." (He browses for a while) "You wouldn't have anything by Stephen King, would you?"
"AUGH! LASER BREATH!"
(Note from Nin: Mwahahah...the above scene was stolen from the film, "Notting Hill". It's a good movie. NOW GO SEE IT SO I WON'T GET SUED! Thank you. n_n)
~ END FLASHBACK ~
Well, the result of THAT temper tantrum had sent her ever closer to bankruptcy. If business didn't pick up soon, she'd be forced to sell the shop and live on the street!
Someone passed by her shop just then. The lady looked like she was about to enter...until she saw the needy/bloodthirsty look on Filia's face. Then she ran away.
Filia sighed in torment. How in Ceiphied's name was she going to properly raise baby Val without a steady income?!
But, just then, the door opened and a beautiful, blond middle-aged woman entered the shop.
Filia gasped as she recognized the magical signature surrounding the woman-- a Golden Dragon!
"What a lovely shop you have here," she greeted. "It's such a shame that it doesn't seem to be very popular."
"Who are you and what do you want with me?" Filia demanded, feeling apprehensive. After all, she DID abandon her role as a priestess with absolutely no notice--what if she was here to punish her or whatnot?
The lady chuckled at the look on Filia's face. "Oh, no need to be wary of ME, dear. Are you Filia Ul Copt?"
Filia relaxed considerably when she saw the woman's smile. "Yes, I am," she replied.
Smile widening, the woman replied, "And I am the newly elected Supreme Elder of the temple you used to serve, but you may call me Sandra Ta Nefar. I would like to speak with you."
"Well, I suppose that speaking to each other won't do any harm, will it?" Filia replied, anger and grief of a lesser sort filling her being as she remembered how her father figure, the last Supreme Elder, had lied and betrayed her. She told herself to be suspicious of this woman before trusting her absolutely, like she had the previous clan leader.
Leading Sandra into the back room, Filia directed a relaxing Gravos to keep an eye on the store, then led Sandra to the table, quickly wipping up a pot of tea.
"I was wondering," Sandra began, when Filia sat down, pouring the tea, "if you would consider rejoining us at the Temple of the Fire Dragon King."
Without missing a beat, Filia replied, placing the tea pot on the table, "I'm sorry, but I've sworn to never return to that temple, Miss Sandra. In fact, I will never join any community of Golden Dragons--their sins during the War of the Monster's Fall are faults I find unacceptable."
"I guessed that you would respond along those lines," Sandra said, smiling, "but I have to insist--I actually have some information about this which may persuade you otherwise."
Filia nodded, giving the go-ahead.
"Before the War of the Monster's Fall, all the dragons in this world communicated regularily, you see. We all peacefully coexisted back then, but then the war started and tensions arose quickly and in every way possible.
"Us Golden Dragons immediately saw the monster race as our enemy, along with all the other dragon clans...except for the Ancients. In fact, they wanted absolutely nothing to do with the war. Paranoia ruled the council at this time, and they began to see the Ancients as a threat--they had a dangerous weapon in their care, and their blatent refusal to fight against the monster race gave rise to horrible, terrible questions among us. Were they planning to ally themselves with the monsters when we least expected? It was strictly paranoia that drove the council to order their destruction.
"However, a small faction of Golds disagreed with that order. They didn't believe that commiting genocide against their own race would be the godly thing to do. Instead, they went into hiding, knowing full well that their small force would be utterly destroyed if they went public with their ideas.
"On that note, I might as well admit that Beastmaster's priest's attack could be considered somewhat of a blessing--all the missing dragon were assumed to have been incinerated by his power. I know beyond a doubt that is the only reason that they've managed to survive this long--if the council had suspected anything, I probably wouldn't be speaking to you right now," Sandra concluded.
Filia could only stare at the middle-aged woman for a while before she managed to swallow against her dry throat and ask, "So what you're saying is...?"
Sandra nodded. "I was the leader of that faction. When I heard of the tragedy that befell your clan, we moved into the empty temple, hoping that we may be able to take a stand and set the world straight. Over the last few months, we've been convicing all the other dragon clans to support us. So far, we've been succeeding admirably."
"You're trying to set the world straight?" Filia asked, curious.
"Yes," Sandra confirmed. "The past, our past, has seen much too many conflicts and wars. It's about time that all the fighting was put to an end, don't you think?"
Filia thought back to all the fighting she'd witnessed while traveling with Lina's group, the grief that drove Valgaav to end all things...in the end, all fighting did was destroy everything.
"Yes, you're absolutely correct, Miss Sandra," Filia finally answered.
"I knew that you would understand," Sandra replied, happily. But then nervousness entered her voice. "Though, I'm not entirely sure what you'll think of the truce we've made with the monster race..."
Filia's eyes widened and she exclaimed, "Whaaaaat?!" Then she stopped to think about it after her initial reaction. "Actually, that makes a lot of sense!"
Sandra facefaulted, surpised by the younger dragon's polar opposite reactions. Then she sweatdropped from her position on the floor, as Filia failed to notice that her guest had fallen from her chair.
"Yes..." Filia continued, "if we all cooperated, then there would be no reason for fighting, and then we could all live in peace!"
Getting up from the floor and dusting herself off, Sandra said, "As I've noted before, you don't seem to be getting many customers as of late, which is strange, considering the time of day. Can I assume that your business isn't going all that well?"
Filia sighed in depression. "It seems that no one is interested in vases and maces anymore."
"I would like to ask you once more to join my clan, if not the holy order. You must be very lonely here--the only adult dragon in miles. I assure you, if you rejoin the faith, your pay as a priestess would be considerable, but you may also decide on a different career. Either way, my clan is extremely enthusiastic about helping you raise young Valgaav. Like you, we wish to make up for our race's past sins."
"How--how can I refuse?" Filia replied, slightly bewildered.
"So you will join us?" Sandra exclaimed. "Oh, what lovely news! I must tell the others immediately." But then her voice grew hesitant. "Are you...absolutely sure about this, Filia Ul Copt?"
Filia nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes! I would do absolutely anything to be able to join your clan! They sound absolutely wonderful!"
Smirking, Sandra replied, "I'll hold you to that. If you could be at the temple within two weeks, it would be perfect--the ceremony would begin exactly on schedule."
Ceremony? Filia thought. Oh, but I never would have imagined that my joining their clan would be so important to them!
"I'll be there!" Filia replied.
"Wonderful! Wonderful!" Sandra exclaimed. "And, please, bring along your former traveling companions as well! We've heard so much about them, especially from that young man Milgazia!"
Filia sweatdropped at the thought of Lina and the gang. "Well, since you asked... I hope you'll have enough food to go around, though..."
"Oh, we will! We will!" Sandra reassured before teleporting away.
"JILLAS! GRAVOS!" Filia called.
Gravos came back from the storefront and Jillas appeared at the top of the stairs, rocking Val's egg. "Yeah, sis?" the foxman asked.
"I've decided to sell the shop," Filia announced. "We'll be moving to the Temple of the Fire Dragon King. Start packing--once I sell the shop, we're hitting the road!"
Both being used to traveling and feeling extremely cramped in the little shop, neither Gravos or Jillas had any complaints.
After selling the shop for several hundred thousand gold pieces to a man looking to open a bookstore, Filia, Jillas, Gravos, and the unhatched Valgaav set off for their new home.
Though, Filia could not help but wonder how the ceremory who go...
Author's Notes:
1. (Nin attempts to hold the laughter in, but fails immensely) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!! FILIA'S SO SCREWED!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA~!
2. Yes, I know that there is no television or bestsellers in the Slayers universe--I'm sorry, I just had to add them in. (Hey, why am I making excuses? This is a HUMOR story [so far]--I'm not being serious!)
3. So, how did I come up with this story? Why, simply a thought as I watched the Marriage Ball episode. "Hehehe...the monsters and dragons would join forces to create a better world before Filia and Xellos got hitched." Yeah. n_n
4. Oh, and I guess I should say that I really don't have anything against the Radio Dude. He just somehow became my 'Martina', you know? (Actually, he pretty much serves the same purpose as 'Anonymous Reader' in my Gundam 1/2 ficcie. Hehehe...the hell I put Anonymous Reader though...)
5. Sorry I took so long to type this out--wasn't my fault! I fell in love with a puppy at PetLand and bought it! She has medical needs, not to mention that she stains the carpet. O.o Needless to say, I've been...busy. n_n I named her Cookie. She's asleep in my lap as I type this. She's so cuuute~! n.n
6. Flames are just as welcome as any other review--though I'd prefer you'd bomb my inbox! (nin_tendo15@hotmail.com)