The Lovely Loveless Marriage
by
Nin Tendo
Chapter 2:
What REALLY Happened in the War of the Monster's Fall
OR
Xellos the Trixter Priest
~Disclaimer~ If I owned Slayers, this story really WOULD be canon! (And since it's not, well...)
Note: As my sister has already pointed out, this is The Chapter Lacking Purpose. Nothing actually happens in this one, other than the gathering of the Slayers. Well, actually, stuff does happen: Zelas tortures Xellos for a while, Xellos reveals his TRUE motivations in the war, and Zelgadis will never think of Amelia the same way again, but what does that have to do with anything? Well, I guess I really should defend myself, but it's true! :P Be prepared to crack up due to my sleep-deprived humor! Wahahahahaha!!! (Seriously, my sister laughed out loud, not because of the humor, but because should couldn't believe that I'd ever write something so....cheesy. n_n)
------------------------------------
"But, Lord Beastmaster...!" Xellos protested. Again. For the nth time.
Zelas pretended to file her nails. Oh, but it was just so fun to make him squirm!
After a satisfactory pause, she blew on her nails and replied, "I've given you an order, Xellos. Now all that's left is for you to fulfill it!" She offered a sinister smile and folded her hands beneath her nose. "Or would you rather be faced with the...alternative?"
In a micro-millisecond, all color fled from Xellos' face. All color. Only a mop of purple hair and eyelashes hovered above his shoulders.
"Oh, put your face back on!" Zelas cracked, laughing at her own lame joke.
Xellos' head reappeared due to the sheer cheesiness of the punchline. Sighing in submission, he mumbled, "Oh, alright, but I still don't see the need for this."
Zelas slammed her fist onto the arm of her throne--not because she was angry, but because she oh, so loved the sensation of wooden splinters driving through her palm!
"Xellos," she said, after savoring the experience, "it doesn't matter what you think, you must only do my bidding."
His argument resurfacing, Xellos exclaimed, "But what in the name of the Lord of Nightmares do you need Always Thin Ultra Super Flexi-Wings for?! You can't even USE them!"
"DO NOT QUESTION ME!" Zelas roared, sounding very much like an oppressive dictator. She cracked up at the comparison.
Xellos sighed again and turned to leave for the neighbourhood drug store.
Recovering somewhat, Zelas exclaimed, "OH! I almost forgot! Xellos! Be at the Temple of the Fire Dragon King tomorrow at nine-oh-clock sharp! You don't want to be late for your own wedding!"
Xellos froze in mid-step. Then he fell to pieces. Quite literally.
Zelas snorted at the pile of disintegrated Xellos.
"He's so friggin' melodramatic," she drawled, rolling her eyes.
============================================
!!!COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!
(Scene: An army of black and golden dragons soaring through the sky)
Goldie: Is the package secure?
Blackie: Yes, sir. And we should be arriving at our destination shortly.
Goldie: Ah. Excellent.
(Blackie notices something purplish appear on one of the inconspicuous floating rocks up ahead)
Blackie: Wait a second! What the hell is th--
(A sudden explosion kills most of the dragons instantly. Only those furthest from the attack were spared. Milgasia stands.)
Milgasia: (in monotone) This party died rather unexpectedly.
(Xellos suddenly appears before him)
Xellos: Boo!
Milgasia: (in monotone) EEK.
(Milgasia flees)
(Xellos smirks and proceeds to rummage through the gore. Quickly finding what he was looking for, Xellos lifted up the package, a look of immense satisfaction gracing his face.)
Xellos: Trix are for monsters NOW.
(Xellos proceeds to cackle the way only he can)
!!!END COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!
(Nin: Hopefully my cousin will forgive me for borrowing his "Revenge of the Rabbit" idea)
==============================================
Previous to recent developments, Zelgadis Greywords had been silently and determindly stalking down the old, foliage overtaken path in search for his ever sought cure. He didn't care that all previous attempts had failed, or that any future would rather undoubtably result in failure. He didn't even care that he was the living and breathing embodiment of Murphy's Law. No, he didn't even allow himself to ponder that. All he cared about was continuing on and searching fir the cure he KNEW was out there somewhere, probably where he least expected!
And speaking of expectations, Zelgadis certainly did not expect the author to suddenly switch scenes to HIS miserable existance--it WAS one of those crazy Xellos/Filia fans, after all. What would she want with HIM?
So, Zelgadis didn't exactly know that he was being written about, so he simply just continued his perpetual trek to wherever, knowing that he wouldn't actually arrive anywhere until someone began to write about him.
Thus, he was quite surprised to hear a voice behind him. A moment later, he managed to identify it's owner as Amelia.
"Oh, Mr. Zelgadis!" she said, but her voice had been warped with sensuality and....LUST?!
"A-A-A-Amelia?!" he exclaimed, freezing in his tracks, unable to turn around.
A pair of slender arms wound their way around his chest from behind, and a curvatious female form pressed up against his back. A huge amount of blood rushed up to Zelgadis' head, turning his face a fierce purplish color, and he nearly passed out.
Suddenly, Zelgadis found himself hurled through time and space, only to arrive a few miles from the Temple of the Fire Dragon King.
The mischievous laughter behind him was enough for Zelgadis to piece together the puzzle.
Whirling around to find empty air, Zelgadis shouted, "XELLOS!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"
"So, he got you, too, huh, Zel?" a voice asked from behind him.
Turning around yet again, Zelgadis found himself face-to-face with Gourry and Lina.
"I wonder what he's up to this time," Lina continued.
"Lina, where are we?" asked a confused Gourry. Lina bopped him on the head and turned him around to look at the temple.
"WHOA!" Gourry exclaimed. "What kind of thug would vandalize such a holy place?!"
Lina saw red.
Zelgadis sweatdropped at the charred form of Gourry.
"ANYWAY," Lina went on, "it's about TIME that you noticed us standing here-- you were staring straight at us when you first appeared! Boy, you must have had something huge on your mind to not notice ME."
The heat rose in Zelgadis' cheeks. "Uh."
Fortunately for Zelgadis, Lina's interest was diverted.
Unfortunately for Zelgadis, it was because Amelia had just appeared behind him.
"Amelia!" Lina exclaimed, pushing Zelgadis to the side so she could see her better. "Hey there!"
"Oh, hello, Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry," answered Amelia, looking around in confusion. "What just happened? I was just in Seyruun, and suddenly I'm standing right next to the Temple of the Fire Dragon King!"
"Xellos is up to his old tricks again," Lina informed her.
Amelia finally noticed the frozen chimera desperatly wishing for the earth to swallow him up. Rushing around him so she could see his face, she greeted, "Hello, Mr. Zelgadis! How are you?"
"Uh," Zelgadis replied, face growing ever warmer.
Amelia gasped. "Mr. Zelgadis! You look feverish! Are you sick?" She moved to feel his forehead.
"No!" Zelgadis replied, perhaps a little too loudly as he backed away. "I'm not sick at all! I'm fine--really!!!"
Amelia looked skeptic, but he was saved by yet another unexpected arrival.
"Oh, hello everyone," Filia greeted, stepping up to them while carrying Valgaav's egg, followed by two grunting and groaning beastmen carrying far too many bags. "I never would have thought that I'd find you here of all places!"
"There hasn't been another prophecy, has there?" Lina asked, suspiciously.
"Huh?" replied Filia. "Oh, no, not at all! It's just that you've all been invited to the ceremony!"
"Ceremony?" Lina asked, then she put two and two together. "Are they serving food there?!"
"Well, Sandra assured me that there was plenty, but I'm still not sure that there will be enough for everyone," Filia answered, awkwardly.
"Where?!" Lina demanded.
"At the temple," Filia replied.
Lina grabbed the unconscious Gourry and ran ahead, shouting, "FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!!!"
Amelia latched onto Zelgadis' hand and raced after them, hollering, "Wait for us, Miss Lina!"
Filia sighed and followed at a slightly slower pace, so Jillas and Gravos would be able to keep up. But if she knew what was in store for her, she would have sped off in the opposite direction.
And, of course, neither Lina, Gourry, Amelia, or Zelgadis stopped to wonder just why Xellos had felt the need to drop them all off at the temple--they were much too busy running to even think about it.
Author's Notes:
1. Yes, I am evil, just in case you wanted to ask. ;) I was so mean to everyone in this chapter! lol Remember, it's all in good fun! n_n (I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist doing that to poor Zelgadis--it's just that that kind of thing always seems to happen to him (remember Miwan and the lake dragon fisherman dude?), and I felt the need to continue tradition! :P
2. Just in case anyone was confused (mainly male fans :P), at the beginning, Zelas was forcing Xellos to go on a pad run. (It was irresistable--I simply HAD to do that!)
3. I promise that something will actually happen in the next chapter. n_n
by
Nin Tendo
Chapter 2:
What REALLY Happened in the War of the Monster's Fall
OR
Xellos the Trixter Priest
~Disclaimer~ If I owned Slayers, this story really WOULD be canon! (And since it's not, well...)
Note: As my sister has already pointed out, this is The Chapter Lacking Purpose. Nothing actually happens in this one, other than the gathering of the Slayers. Well, actually, stuff does happen: Zelas tortures Xellos for a while, Xellos reveals his TRUE motivations in the war, and Zelgadis will never think of Amelia the same way again, but what does that have to do with anything? Well, I guess I really should defend myself, but it's true! :P Be prepared to crack up due to my sleep-deprived humor! Wahahahahaha!!! (Seriously, my sister laughed out loud, not because of the humor, but because should couldn't believe that I'd ever write something so....cheesy. n_n)
------------------------------------
"But, Lord Beastmaster...!" Xellos protested. Again. For the nth time.
Zelas pretended to file her nails. Oh, but it was just so fun to make him squirm!
After a satisfactory pause, she blew on her nails and replied, "I've given you an order, Xellos. Now all that's left is for you to fulfill it!" She offered a sinister smile and folded her hands beneath her nose. "Or would you rather be faced with the...alternative?"
In a micro-millisecond, all color fled from Xellos' face. All color. Only a mop of purple hair and eyelashes hovered above his shoulders.
"Oh, put your face back on!" Zelas cracked, laughing at her own lame joke.
Xellos' head reappeared due to the sheer cheesiness of the punchline. Sighing in submission, he mumbled, "Oh, alright, but I still don't see the need for this."
Zelas slammed her fist onto the arm of her throne--not because she was angry, but because she oh, so loved the sensation of wooden splinters driving through her palm!
"Xellos," she said, after savoring the experience, "it doesn't matter what you think, you must only do my bidding."
His argument resurfacing, Xellos exclaimed, "But what in the name of the Lord of Nightmares do you need Always Thin Ultra Super Flexi-Wings for?! You can't even USE them!"
"DO NOT QUESTION ME!" Zelas roared, sounding very much like an oppressive dictator. She cracked up at the comparison.
Xellos sighed again and turned to leave for the neighbourhood drug store.
Recovering somewhat, Zelas exclaimed, "OH! I almost forgot! Xellos! Be at the Temple of the Fire Dragon King tomorrow at nine-oh-clock sharp! You don't want to be late for your own wedding!"
Xellos froze in mid-step. Then he fell to pieces. Quite literally.
Zelas snorted at the pile of disintegrated Xellos.
"He's so friggin' melodramatic," she drawled, rolling her eyes.
============================================
!!!COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!
(Scene: An army of black and golden dragons soaring through the sky)
Goldie: Is the package secure?
Blackie: Yes, sir. And we should be arriving at our destination shortly.
Goldie: Ah. Excellent.
(Blackie notices something purplish appear on one of the inconspicuous floating rocks up ahead)
Blackie: Wait a second! What the hell is th--
(A sudden explosion kills most of the dragons instantly. Only those furthest from the attack were spared. Milgasia stands.)
Milgasia: (in monotone) This party died rather unexpectedly.
(Xellos suddenly appears before him)
Xellos: Boo!
Milgasia: (in monotone) EEK.
(Milgasia flees)
(Xellos smirks and proceeds to rummage through the gore. Quickly finding what he was looking for, Xellos lifted up the package, a look of immense satisfaction gracing his face.)
Xellos: Trix are for monsters NOW.
(Xellos proceeds to cackle the way only he can)
!!!END COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!
(Nin: Hopefully my cousin will forgive me for borrowing his "Revenge of the Rabbit" idea)
==============================================
Previous to recent developments, Zelgadis Greywords had been silently and determindly stalking down the old, foliage overtaken path in search for his ever sought cure. He didn't care that all previous attempts had failed, or that any future would rather undoubtably result in failure. He didn't even care that he was the living and breathing embodiment of Murphy's Law. No, he didn't even allow himself to ponder that. All he cared about was continuing on and searching fir the cure he KNEW was out there somewhere, probably where he least expected!
And speaking of expectations, Zelgadis certainly did not expect the author to suddenly switch scenes to HIS miserable existance--it WAS one of those crazy Xellos/Filia fans, after all. What would she want with HIM?
So, Zelgadis didn't exactly know that he was being written about, so he simply just continued his perpetual trek to wherever, knowing that he wouldn't actually arrive anywhere until someone began to write about him.
Thus, he was quite surprised to hear a voice behind him. A moment later, he managed to identify it's owner as Amelia.
"Oh, Mr. Zelgadis!" she said, but her voice had been warped with sensuality and....LUST?!
"A-A-A-Amelia?!" he exclaimed, freezing in his tracks, unable to turn around.
A pair of slender arms wound their way around his chest from behind, and a curvatious female form pressed up against his back. A huge amount of blood rushed up to Zelgadis' head, turning his face a fierce purplish color, and he nearly passed out.
Suddenly, Zelgadis found himself hurled through time and space, only to arrive a few miles from the Temple of the Fire Dragon King.
The mischievous laughter behind him was enough for Zelgadis to piece together the puzzle.
Whirling around to find empty air, Zelgadis shouted, "XELLOS!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"
"So, he got you, too, huh, Zel?" a voice asked from behind him.
Turning around yet again, Zelgadis found himself face-to-face with Gourry and Lina.
"I wonder what he's up to this time," Lina continued.
"Lina, where are we?" asked a confused Gourry. Lina bopped him on the head and turned him around to look at the temple.
"WHOA!" Gourry exclaimed. "What kind of thug would vandalize such a holy place?!"
Lina saw red.
Zelgadis sweatdropped at the charred form of Gourry.
"ANYWAY," Lina went on, "it's about TIME that you noticed us standing here-- you were staring straight at us when you first appeared! Boy, you must have had something huge on your mind to not notice ME."
The heat rose in Zelgadis' cheeks. "Uh."
Fortunately for Zelgadis, Lina's interest was diverted.
Unfortunately for Zelgadis, it was because Amelia had just appeared behind him.
"Amelia!" Lina exclaimed, pushing Zelgadis to the side so she could see her better. "Hey there!"
"Oh, hello, Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry," answered Amelia, looking around in confusion. "What just happened? I was just in Seyruun, and suddenly I'm standing right next to the Temple of the Fire Dragon King!"
"Xellos is up to his old tricks again," Lina informed her.
Amelia finally noticed the frozen chimera desperatly wishing for the earth to swallow him up. Rushing around him so she could see his face, she greeted, "Hello, Mr. Zelgadis! How are you?"
"Uh," Zelgadis replied, face growing ever warmer.
Amelia gasped. "Mr. Zelgadis! You look feverish! Are you sick?" She moved to feel his forehead.
"No!" Zelgadis replied, perhaps a little too loudly as he backed away. "I'm not sick at all! I'm fine--really!!!"
Amelia looked skeptic, but he was saved by yet another unexpected arrival.
"Oh, hello everyone," Filia greeted, stepping up to them while carrying Valgaav's egg, followed by two grunting and groaning beastmen carrying far too many bags. "I never would have thought that I'd find you here of all places!"
"There hasn't been another prophecy, has there?" Lina asked, suspiciously.
"Huh?" replied Filia. "Oh, no, not at all! It's just that you've all been invited to the ceremony!"
"Ceremony?" Lina asked, then she put two and two together. "Are they serving food there?!"
"Well, Sandra assured me that there was plenty, but I'm still not sure that there will be enough for everyone," Filia answered, awkwardly.
"Where?!" Lina demanded.
"At the temple," Filia replied.
Lina grabbed the unconscious Gourry and ran ahead, shouting, "FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!!!"
Amelia latched onto Zelgadis' hand and raced after them, hollering, "Wait for us, Miss Lina!"
Filia sighed and followed at a slightly slower pace, so Jillas and Gravos would be able to keep up. But if she knew what was in store for her, she would have sped off in the opposite direction.
And, of course, neither Lina, Gourry, Amelia, or Zelgadis stopped to wonder just why Xellos had felt the need to drop them all off at the temple--they were much too busy running to even think about it.
Author's Notes:
1. Yes, I am evil, just in case you wanted to ask. ;) I was so mean to everyone in this chapter! lol Remember, it's all in good fun! n_n (I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist doing that to poor Zelgadis--it's just that that kind of thing always seems to happen to him (remember Miwan and the lake dragon fisherman dude?), and I felt the need to continue tradition! :P
2. Just in case anyone was confused (mainly male fans :P), at the beginning, Zelas was forcing Xellos to go on a pad run. (It was irresistable--I simply HAD to do that!)
3. I promise that something will actually happen in the next chapter. n_n