Mindgames – Part 7

by Pangur Bàn

Rating (PG, PG13, R) : PG13
Spoilers : probably

Disclaimer:  Steven Long Mitchell & Craig W. Van Sickle created the characters of the television series "The Pretender."  This fan fiction is purely for entertainment purposes (chiefly my own, admittedly.)  No profit is being made here. No infringement is intended. 

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The next few days were comfortable as they established routines.  They had anticipated that Angelo would prefer quite a bit of solitude and were prepared to give him a lot of room.  Surprisingly, though, he seemed to be contented to spend most of his time with them.  Sometimes teasing, sometimes animated, sometimes withdrawn and observant, Angelo was nearly always present.  The first day, they had all taken a long walk to begin to familiarize themselves with the immediate surroundings.  Angelo showed a well-developed sense of direction and distance, most likely a skill from his days of navigating the Centre's extensive ventilation system.  When on the second day he disappeared for several hours, they resisted the urge to go after him.  He returned without fanfare before sunset and went to his room to nap.  They all breathed a sigh of relief to have him back, and spent a quiet hour discussing how they needed to keep from overprotecting him.

Their fifth day dawned bright and clear.  According to the radio, it would be their last for several days.  A weather system was on its way, threatening to dump a considerable amount of snow the following day.  They decided a supply run was in order, and lists were quickly penned.  Jarod and Sydney would head into Spokane.  Angelo was reluctant to join them. 

Grace looked at him.  "Would you like me to stay here, too?"  Angelo nodded.  "Stay," he said.

Grace looked at the other two.  "You heard the man.  And don't forget the Cracker Jack."

The door closed behind them.  Grace turned to Angelo as the Ford Expedition rumbled out of the yard.  He was watching her with a strange expression on his face.  "Angelo?  Would you like to do something?"  He didn't answer, but kept his eyes on her.  She felt no threat, and sat down on the couch. 

Angelo moved to sit opposite her on the coffee table, still watching her.  "Are you all right, Angelo?" she asked softly.  No response.  "Would you like to talk?"

He shook his head.  Well, it was worth a shot, she was thinking, when he spoke.

"Timmy wants to talk now."

She caught her breath.  As far as she knew, Angelo had only rarely referred to Timmy, and never in the present tense.  She chose her next words carefully.

"Where is Timmy?"

"Timmy... inside."

Dear Lord.  Was it possible?  What now?  She wished desperately for Sydney's help.  Perhaps he had purposely waited for the others to leave to approach her. If so, she knew that now was a tremendous opportunity, and that she was way out of her depth here.  She was terrified of making a mistake and shutting Angelo – or Timmy – down.  Outwardly trying to remain calm, her thoughts cannonballed like a runaway locomotive.  Suddenly it occurred to her just how ludicrous this was, considering Angelo's empathic ability.  Outward calm meant nothing to him – he knew her turmoil.  Oddly, though, he was waiting patiently for her.

She took a deep breath.  "Angelo, tell me about Timmy."

"Timmy watches.  Knows who you are."

"Do you know who I am, too?"

Angelo nodded.  He leaned toward her, extending his hand.  His fingers touched her temple lightly.  "Hurt," he whispered.  "Sad."

He withdrew his hand and touched his own temples.  "Hurt," he said painfully.  He looked at her meaningfully.  "He hurt you and us."

She knew whom Angelo meant.  "Dr. Raines," she said as gently as she could.  Angelo hugged his arms to his chest and rocked as he nodded and whimpered.  She placed a soothing hand on his knee.  He looked up at her as she spoke.  "He won't hurt us any more."  The whimpering ceased, although he continued to hug himself and rock.

She was unsure how to proceed.  Please, God, help us, she prayed. 

***   ***   ***   ***   ***

She became aware that he was saying something under his breath.  She strained to hear.  It sounded like...

"Friend?" she asked.  He slowed his rocking, and looked at her.  "You friend," he told her.  She held his eyes and nodded.  "You Timmy's friend," he continued. 

"You are Timmy's friend, too," she said.  He held rock still and searched her face.  "You take good care of Timmy, don't you?"  Her voice was low.  "You've kept him safe for a long time.  You don't let anyone hurt him."

"Timmy safe." 

"Would Timmy like to talk to me?"

Angelo closed his eyes.  Was he considering and deciding, or was he possibly talking to Timmy?  Either way, he opened his eyes and smiled at Grace.  "Hullo."

In a flash, Grace knew she was hearing Timmy.  She could barely contain her excitement, but managed to refrain from overreacting – she hoped. 

"Hello, Timmy," she said tenderly.  "I'm so happy you're here."

His smile widened.  He looked around the room as though seeing it for the first time.  No, that wasn't quite right.  More like, I can't believe I'm finally here. 

He got up and moved around the couch, touching things.  He picked up an apple and smelled it, then licked the skin.  She stood and watched him, unwilling to interrupt.  He bit it tentatively, and chewed a small bit.  He swallowed, then spoke without turning.  "It's good."  He took another bite and set the apple down, chewing as he moved on. 

He turned abruptly and looked at her.  "You came back.  Why?"

Grace was taken aback for a minute, but intuited that anything other that a totally honest answer would put an end to this.  "I came back to the Centre twice.  When I was a child, I came back because I didn't know how to stay away."  She paused, then decided, I might as well, he knows what I'm feeling anyway.  "As badly as Dr. Raines was hurting me, it hurt worse to be away.  I was scared.  So I came back." 

Timmy nodded, and waited for her to continue. 

"The second time was last week.  I came back to get y- to get Angelo.  I didn't know you were here, too.  That makes me very happy, Timmy."

He felt her joy, and knew it was genuine.  Satisfied, he continued his tour of the cabin. 

"Timmy, do you see everything Angelo sees?"

He nodded, picking up a geode from the bookshelf.  He ran his finger over the hard exposed crystals.  "This is pretty." 

"Is Angelo seeing the geode too?" 

He glanced at her sideways and put the geode back on the shelf.  He didn't answer directly, but moved on.  She reigned herself in, chastising herself for her ignorance.  For the weeks before the raid at the Centre, she had worked at her mental disciplines obsessively, concerned that her meager skills would somehow be called upon to help reach Angelo, to perhaps give him some peace of mind.  As uncertain as she had been then, she was totally unprepared for this.  She was flying by the seat of her pants, terrified that she would hurt him.

"You won't hurt me.  You're my friend."

Grace was floored.  "Timmy – how did you know what I was thinking?"  If he had read her mind, it was unlike any other link she'd ever known.  She had felt nothing.

"Angelo knew."  He continued padding softly around the room.

She still had no idea what to do.  All she knew was that she had to be honest with him, and patient. 

"Timmy?"  He turned to face her.  She was utterly open with him.  "Angelo knows that I only want to help him.  Now that I know you're here, I want to help you, too.  I may not know the right thing to do.  If I ask you about something and you don't want to talk about it, tell me, okay?  And if I make a mistake, if I hurt you, it's not on purpose.  I'll try my best not to do that.  I promise."

He laughed.  "I know that."  His laugh was in the octave of a man's voice, but held all the wonderful honesty of a child's, and it delighted her to hear it.  "Like I said, you're my friend."  His grammar was more complete than Angelo's, she had noted.

"I'm glad you want to talk to me," she said.  "Anytime you want to, I'll be here.  And you have other friends here, too."  He didn't protest, so she continued.  "Jarod would love to see you again.  And Sydney, too.  You met Sydney before, haven't you?"

He nodded his head, still mute.  She said evenly, "It's up to you.  I won't tell them about you if you don't want me to.  But you and Angelo should both know that they are good friends to have, too.  They came back for Angelo like I did, and would be very, very happy to know about you."

He was not forthcoming with an answer.  "Well, no one says you have to decide right now.  You're in charge, Hoss."

"'Hoss.'  Jarod called Angelo that yesterday." Timmy said.

"Had he?  I don't remember," Grace said.  "Do you remember everything that Angelo does?"

Timmy nodded.  "Almost everything.  The really old stuff, no.  But I remember most of the rest.  Some things, like what Dr. Raines used to do to us, Angelo tries not to let me see.  Sometimes I do, though.  I don't think Angelo knows."

"It sounds like Angelo is your best friend."

"He knows almost everything about me."

"That's a special kind of friend to have."

"Do you have a friend like that?"

Her eyes went distant as she thought of Jon.  "I used to.  It was wonderful."

"But now it hurts?"  He looked at her with some anxiety.

"I can't talk to him anymore, and I miss that.  Yes, it hurts to miss him sometimes.  But it also makes me very, very happy to think about how good a friend he was, and how happy he made me."  Her grief had been sidelined by survival needs, but she had now come to terms with her need to remember him in spite of the pain that sometimes still knocked her about. 

"I don't want you to hurt."

"Thank you.  That's what a good friend would say.  But it's all right.  It's no fun to hurt, but I have the happy memories, too.  The happy feelings are worth sometimes having the sad ones.  And when I'm feeling sad and hurt, I try to remember the good things, too, and then it doesn't hurt as much."

Timmy considered this.  "What if you forget about the good things?"

"Then hopefully some of my other friends will help me remember."

Timmy was quiet for a moment.  When he spoke, the words came slowly.  "Angelo is my friend.  You are my friend, too."  He paused.  "I would like more friends.  Tell Jarod and Sydney I will talk to them, too."

Grace was relieved.  "I think that's a very good idea."

He closed his eyes.  "I'm tired.  We want to go to sleep."

She was reluctant to let him go, but had to trust he would be back.  "Okay, Timmy.  I'll be around when you want to come back.  And thank you."

Timmy opened his eyes again.  "For what?"

"You've given me your friendship.  That's a real gift – a whole lot of gifts, rolled into one.  I'm very happy.  Thank you."

His eyes closed, he smiled at her.  "You're welcome."

***   ***   ***   ***   ***

Angelo resurfaced briefly, announced that he was tired, and left for his bed.  Grace sat down at the table, feeling simultaneously exhilarated and wrung out.  She looked at her watch.  Less than an hour since the others had left.  How was she going to make it until they returned?  She thought in unproductive circles for twenty minutes, then got up, recognizing the need to change position and focus.  She fed a few sticks into the woodstove and settled into an armchair, concentrating on her breathing.  Come on, come on, calm down, now, she told herself.  Eventually she slowed her thoughts down enough to put most of them aside, and concentrate.

When she opened her eyes again, Angelo was watching her benignly.  I must have fallen asleep, she realized.  The sun had moved – it was almost noon. 

"Hungry." Angelo said.  He held up the apple Timmy had bitten, now browned, biting into it himself. 

"Do you want some lunch?" Grace asked.  He watched her, preferring not to answer.  "Soup sounds good to me.  How about you?"

She got up smoothly and moved into the kitchen.  She wanted to continue the comfortable routine they had established, hoping to maintain the level of trust Angelo seemed to have placed in her.  Opening the cupboard door, she called out "Tomato or clam chowder?"  Angelo regarded the apple.  "Red," he said.  "Tomato, then," she answered him. 

They sipped soup from mugs, dropping cracker crumbs on the table between them.  Angelo played with the crumbs, pushing them into small piles. 

"Angelo?"  He looked up at her, then back to his crackers.  "Is there something you want me to do?"  He was silent, and mashed his fingertip into the cracker crumbs, obliterating the piles he had made.  He stood and walked out the door.  Grace was slightly alarmed.  She watched him standing on the porch like a statue in the cold Idaho air.  After a minute, she joined him, holding a warm coat out to him.  He looked at her and smiled.  Breathing a sigh of relief, she helped him shrug into his coat.  They sat on the top step and looked out at the trees. 

"Help."  He spoke the single word without eye contact, then looked directly at her. 

"I will help you and Timmy.  We all will," she said.

"Safe."

She nodded.  "We won't let you go back there.  They won't hurt us again."  Angelo rubbed his temples, flashing to a memory of the intense pain of the electricity coursing through his head.  That pain had been a frequent visitor for most of his years at the Centre.  It was only relatively recently that Raines had discontinued all shock treatments whatsoever – about the same time that they started calling upon his talents to try to track Jarod.  A sly smile played across his lips.

"Angelo keeps Jarod safe."

Grace looked at him inquisitively.  "Did you help Jarod hide from the Centre?"

His smile broadened, his eyes mirthful. 

"Sydney has told me that you have often helped them at the Centre.  You know things, you gave them things."

Angelo was quite obviously pleased with himself.  "Help friends."

"You've got it, Hoss.  That's what friends do."

***   ***   ***   ***   ***

The afternoon grew dark with steely grey clouds.  Sunset was barely noticeable in the declining light.  Angelo and Grace spent the time talking sporadically, but Timmy did not resurface.  The temperature dropped drastically.  They carried in armload after armload of wood, piling it high on the porch after they had fully stocked the wood box.  Snow flurried like moths in the light from the cabin windows as they brought up the final loads. 

Grace stomped her feet and brushed bark and dirt off herself.  Angelo watched her and aped her motions.  She laughed and helped brush him off.  She was rewarded by a chuckle, a new sound from him.  They took the precaution of getting two snow shovels from the garage and stowing them in the cabin.  Idaho blizzards were legendary, and they were taking no chances.

"I wonder where they are?" she said, referring to Jarod and Sydney.  "Coming," said Angelo easily.  They went inside to fix hot chocolate.  Angelo stuck his finger in the cocoa and then into his mouth.  He screwed up his face at the bitter taste. 

Headlights swung across the walls as the Expedition turned into the yard and came to a stop in front of the porch.  Grace turned off the stove and opened the door.  "The storm chased us all the way here," Sydney called.  "Help us get these things inside."  All four of them shuttled bags and boxes into the cabin.  Sydney hopped into the SUV to pull it into the garage.  Grace ran to lift the door for him.  He drove the vehicle in and cut the engine.  "It promises to be a big one," he said, climbing out.  Talk of the weather ended, however, when he saw Grace's expression.  "What is it?"

"Something's happened, Syd.  Thank God you're back." 

He searched her eyes rapidly.  No indication of danger, but she was definitely in a hurry to tell him something.  He didn't have to wait.

"Angelo approached me after you left.  He said Timmy wanted to talk to me."

Sydney was astounded.  "Timmy?" he exclaimed quietly.  "My God!" 

She nodded.  "He said Timmy was inside.  He told me that both he and Timmy knew who I was, that Dr. Raines had me."  Sydney nodded at that; they had suspected as much during the flight across country, but Angelo had seemed reluctant to say more about it during the past few days. 

"Did you talk to Timmy?"

Grace nodded again, her eyes wide.  "Briefly.  He seems to trust me, and is willing to talk to you and Jarod, too.  God, Syd, I have no idea if I screwed things up.  I had no idea what to do."

"What did Timmy tell you?"  She quickly described their short conversation.  Sydney watched her closely as she talked, his thoughts a leap ahead of her.  He asked what Angelo did afterwards and listened with his hand to his chin, nodding.  When she finished, she asked, "What should I have done?"

He shook his head.  "I have no idea.  I don't think you hurt anything.  He was looking for an opportunity to initiate this – that's why he didn't want to come with us today.  He had made up his mind to approach you alone.  He clearly identifies with you, and understandably so.  What surprises me is that he is allowing you to tell us about him.  He's been hiding for decades – this is a big change in a very short time."

Sydney was nearly wild with excitement.  "Grace, we thought that Timmy was unrecoverable.  We came very close a few years ago, but the process was interrupted and we thought the damage was irreversible..."  He went on to sketch the experimental serum they had seen such incredible results with, only to have Timmy give his final dose to Raines' newest victim, a young boy named Davy.  "Let him be a boy," Timmy had insisted.  Timmy's rapid decline was met by Angelo's supposedly permanent reemergence, and there had been no indication of Timmy's survival at all – until now.

They pulled the garage door shut and ran back to the cabin though the sharp wind.  Inside, Jarod and Angelo were unpacking the groceries like two little boys – bags were emptied on counters as they dug for treats.  Cracker Jacks were unearthed and immediately torn into, groceries forgotten. 

Sydney and Grace stowed things away, watching Angelo and talking quietly.  Angelo looked up at them once or twice, aware of their scrutiny, they knew, but not uncomfortable.

Hot chocolate finally ready, all four settled in to listen to the howling wind rise.  The woodstove was the focus of the room, and they were cozy and unconcerned about the weather outside.  Jarod and Angelo pelted each other with candy-coated popcorn in good-natured high spirits.  It was as if the excitement of the day had infected them all.

Grace sat down next to Angelo.  There was a pause in the Cracker Jack skirmish as both Angelo and Jarod grinned sheepishly.  Grace couldn't help but be amused – it was as if she and Sydney were the parents tonight, she thought.  Then she sobered.

"Angelo – we need to talk to you," she said.  He looked at her expectantly, knowing what was coming.  "I told Sydney about our talk today.  I'd like to tell Jarod now."  She watched him closely.  Angelo looked across the Cracker Jack-littered battlefield at Jarod.  Jarod looked back and forth between them.  Angelo nodded.

"Jarod," Grace began quietly, "Angelo has a secret he wants us to know."   Angelo, his eyes downcast, watched his friend across the floor in brief, nervous bursts.  Jarod sat forward, his forearms on his knees, hands clasped.  Grace continued, "Angelo is not alone.  Timmy is with him."

Jarod was stunned.  He stared openly at Angelo, who looked back nervously.  Jarod moved with easy speed across the room to kneel at Angelo's feet, searching his face.  Speaking to Grace and Sydney without looking at them, he asked, "Is it true?"

"Grace spoke with Timmy this morning," Sydney said.  Angelo nodded twitchingly.

"My God.  It's fantastic!"  Jarod's face lit as he grabbed Angelo in a bear hug.  Grace inhaled sharply; she thought the sudden movement might upset the fragile young man.  Sydney laid a restraining hand on her arm and shook his head.  He was right.  Angelo froze for a moment, she saw, but then awkwardly patted Jarod's back.

Jarod pulled away, still holding Angelo by the shoulders, again searching his face for signs of... what?  He remembered the bright, sensitive and compassionate man he had known all too briefly years before.  Angelo smiled lopsidedly and shrugged one shoulder, almost apologetically.  "Timmy inside," he offered.

"Angelo," Sydney said.  Angelo looked at the psychologist, his smile disappearing.  Sydney paused and let his face relax into a gentle smile.  It had the desired effect – Angelo relaxed visibly in response.  Only then did Sydney continue.

"This is very good news.  If you and Timmy want to talk to any of us, we're here.  We'll help you in any way we can.  You're both safe with us."

"That's a promise," Jarod added.  The seriousness of the moment could not last, given Jarod's level of excitement.  The dumping of the remainder of Angelo's Cracker Jack over his head was Jarod's way of relieving the tremendous emotional stress of the moment, Sydney supposed.  But it made for one hell of a sticky mess.

***   ***   ***   ***   ***

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