Realize
Mmmm… Uriko… My Riko…
A dreamy smile formed over the ninja's lips, and he subconsciously snuggled more deeply into the pillow his head was laying upon, his hands clutching fistfuls of the bed sheet in reflex. His mind was faintly replaying the events of the lovemaking he shared with his friend, and he had no qualms of reliving the beautiful ecstasy they made together. All of a sudden, his thoughts shifted to a different scene, and he was back in the incident that passed the previous weekend, standing up with his body pressing his lover against the wall. A frightened whimper noised in his ear, and though he wanted to stop and inquire what was wrong, a strong force made him disregard her silent plea.
"You're done fighting me, kitten?" he realized he was asking all of a sudden, blowing his heated breath on her neck. "Good… Relax, now… …no more playing."
The strange possessiveness of his words and tone of voice reminded Kenji of how he felt not long ago, the need to claim his friend as his, and not let anyone else have his way with her aside from himself. His length was secured in an area of need and desire, and the naked heat that emitted from between her thighs enticed his senses, robbing him of reason and left him with pure primal urges. He squeezed and fondled the soft mounds in his hand, flicking his thumb over the hardened nipple, hearing his lover elicit a tortured moan of surrender. With a small protesting mew, she seemed to gather up what little restraint she had left to whisper raggedly to him, "Kenji, wait a minute…"
A surge of anger poured into his veins, making his eyes narrow in frustration as the mole zoanthrope prevented her from speaking anymore by securely sealing her lips with his. There was a throaty sound of pleasure in his mouth that had emitted from the girl, but obviously it was not enough to stop her from twisting her head away from him, and refuse, "N-no. Kenji… stop."
Let her go; she wants you to stop. The teenager thought to himself, and felt a spray of icy water splash over his senses, bringing them to painful awareness when he persisted, and began to explore the curves of her body with slow, amorous strokes. Her palms splayed on his chest just then, and he easily snatched a hold of both her wrists in his grip while sliding his free hand down, heading toward the elastic waistband of his shorts. After wiggling out of them, he carelessly allowed the article of clothing to drift to the floor, indifferent to where it ended up, wanting to only concentrate on the pleasure electrifying his nerves. With the wicked intention of grinding her resistance all the more, Kenji pressed his hard erection in between the warm junction of her thighs, barely brushing against her entrance, easing a rapturous shudder from her.
She told you to stop…! A voice in his mind scolded shrilly, but he ignored it and grabbed her sides, lifting her slender form up and loosely wrapping her legs around his waist. Uriko whimpered meekly, and he silenced her with an insistent kiss, feeling as if he could not hold out much longer and needed to be inside her very soon, fill her with his essence of his existence. The tip of his shaft nudged at her opening, and instantly he felt her squirm in retaliation, turning her head away from him, breaking the liplock. "Kenji, wait…"
He growled in detectable anger, and sealed his mouth over hers again, groping her breasts with his hands at the same time, while discreetly inching his eager arousal into the silky, wet, and all-too-ready sheath of her femininity. She fidgeted as if trying to escape his embrace, twisting her lips off from his, and he could detect a sliver of fear in her voice when she commanded, "Kenji, did you hear me? I-I said stop!"
Argh, stop!! A presence that Kenji faintly recognized as his own self, yelled at him, and he dazedly paid no attention to the words, and slid his hands around her hips, placing them on the soft cheeks of her rear. Why aren't you listening to her? Let go of her now!
"Kenji! Stop!" She repeated more assertively.
To his surprise, instead of relenting to her request, he whispered with disdain coating his tone, "Shut up. Stop fighting. This is inevitable. You know it."
She noised what sounded like a choked sob. "Kenji, don't do this… I know that you hate committing terrible things, so don't do this, or you'll… you'll end up hating yourself afterwards… You promised to never hurt me again; do you want to break that? Don't… please don't rape me…"
R-Rape…? He shuddered at the word as chilly apprehension shot down his spine, but he heard himself respond to her exclamation, "No. I'm not raping you." Even as he said that, the conscious part of his mind argued, Yes, yes you are! Stop before it's too late! Oh shit, no; please don't tell me that I raped Uriko… that I hurt her in such an atrocious act… No…!!
"Then please… stop," she pleaded, a new edge of insistence in her voice, "This is rape if I say no and you do it anyway!"
"Bull, you're just trying to make me feel guilty," the ninja reasoned more to himself than to her. All the while, his conscience hollered for him to halt his actions before he violated her in the worst way possible, and shattered the binds of their friendship with his awful lust. Kenji felt his friend stop resisting him, and presumed that she accepted her fate, her succumbing just made him want to elicit a furious scream from deep within his throat. Frustration poured into his nerves as he direly wished that he could knock himself out, or free her from his embrace, any such way that would prevent him from taking her so brutally. It seems that his prayers were somehow answered, as all of a sudden, a brief flicker of force ignited in the back of his neck, but when he clung onto consciousness, blinding pain exploded in the same area and made empty bleakness fill his vision.
The male student lost his train of thought as well as his grip on reality, and knew he was drifting into an unconscious state, which he figured was better than watching the rest of his cruel crime being committed. Kenji fell deeper into the black hole of his own abyss, multiple negative emotions making groans of pain rip from his body as he hollered his frustration and ire. Furious flames flickered in the light brown pupils of his eyes, and his hands clenched into death-grip fists, practically indenting his fingernail marks into his palms. As he plunged closer to the fiery hell, tacking another notch to his unfortunately long list of sins, he prodded himself to awaken before the thought of taking his life entered his mind just as it did two years ago right after his period of being an assassin…
*****
"Uriko… No… Stop… Noooo!!!"
The emotional exclaims exploded from his lips as the sixteen-year-old jolted up in the bed, waking up from his slumber and leaving behind the trickling wake of his horrifying nightmare. His chest constricted painfully with heavy gasps while a thick sheen of sweat spread over his forehead, and he blinked in bewilderment at the darkness that met his view. For a moment, he was afraid that he was still trapped in the dream, and relaxed slightly when he glanced around and spied unfamiliar aspects of the hotel room with the enhanced night vision of his mole counterpart. The relief did not last long, however; his head whipped to the side and his eyes fell upon the peacefully sleeping form of his female companion lying next to him on the mattress.
Freaking hell… Kenji sighed and gripped fistfuls of his dark blue tress with his hands in an instinctive reflex, closing his eyes for a few quiet minutes, concentrating on easing the tension out of his stiffened muscles. But then the memory of his nightmare came rushing back to him, and his muscles instantly began to grow rigid again with the guilt lancing through him. His lips pursed into a pained pose as blunt accusations shouted in his mind, making him grimace and emit a throaty groan that expressed his angst. With a submissive whimper, he could not help from lightly throwing himself over the body of his best friend, careful in making sure that she would not be awakened from his action.
The ninja felt hot tears prick at the corners of his eyes as he lied on top of her warm form and slowly moved to sling his arm over her waist, gently embracing the brunette to him. He could only press his face into her right shoulder, since she was sleeping on her side, while the wet drops slid down his cheeks and soaked the material of the blanket that she was covered by. Unabashed, he allowed himself to weep quietly, all the while clinging to the soothing comfort of her curves against his body; he felt so icy due to the chilling emotions sweeping his senses. Mewing sleepily, Uriko shifted her position, and her companion quickly retracted in fear that she was going to wake up, watching her as she turned around and settled comfortably into her new poise.
Her long eyelashes fanned across the top of her cheeks, and her dainty pink lips parted slightly to release a little sigh of contentment as she drew her hands near her chest, clutching the bed sheet in her grasp. A soft noise drifted from in between her lips, and the feline snuggled more deeply into the mattress and comforter, rubbing her forehead along the smooth edge of the white pillow that cushioned the back of her neck and above. When it seemed that she was still slumbering and had no knowledge of what was going on around her, Kenji stopped holding his breath and visibly relaxed. Peering at her heart-shaped face, his harsh emotions withered away and were replaced with a warm feeling that inhibited his heart, chasing off the horrible accusations of his committed sin.
He reached toward her and stroked the smooth skin of her cheek with the tips of his fingers, trickling a path along down until he reached the corner of her mouth. Transfixed by the tight feeling forming in his chest and the knot dancing around within his stomach with nervousness, he slowly moved to trace her the delicate curve of her lips, drawing both the upper and lower strips. Leaving the area, he cupped her chin briefly, then relocated over to her ear, and tucked a stray strand of silky auburn tress behind her lobe. There was no way he could understand what emotions were surging through him at the moment as he began to retract his arm, or identify the strange possessive urges prickling at his nerves.
The cobalt-haired teenager released a shaky sigh and sat back, forcing himself to scoot away from her, fearing that something uncontrollable would soon take reign of his controls. He averted his gaze, and his eyes fell upon the strange silhouette of an object sitting, on what he presumed to be the table, and his brows curved into a slight frown in confusion. Wondering what it was, as the shape of the form appeared peculiar looking, and it truly was too dark for him to clearly identify, he slipped out of the bed, and headed for the small switch box at the entrance of the room. Reaching his destination, the ninja flicked on the lights, and strolled back to where the wooden structure was located, passing the turned-off television set on the way.
What is that…? He pondered, stopping just short of the table to pick up a forest green bottle, and he read the label that bared the name of a wine company quite popular amongst the people of his city, especially within the teenagers in high school and college levels. A blank, confused look flickered over his expression, but then the realization struck him hard, and he raised widened pupils in the direction of the bed, where his friend was sleeping. It could only be her wine bottle, but he knew her well, and it was not in her character to drink, since she told him many times that she loathed going to parties in sophomore year and beyond because of the alcohol guaranteed to be served at the gatherings.
But then who else's could this be…? Kenji asked himself silently, feeling a bit baffled. There was little doubt in his mind that the possibilities limited the owner of the beverage to the feline zoanthrope, but he refused to believe that she would drink for no reason. But wait… she said something about suffering from insomnia… he recalled just then, remembering the glazed look in her eyes when she giggled and stood up from the floor to join him in bed. A deeper frown marred his brows at the thought, and he listlessly turned the bottle over multiple times in his hands, as if the inanimate object would give him the answer he was seeking. This has to belong to Uriko… right…? But why would she…?
A conjecture hit him with a forceful blow all of a sudden. It was in his knowledge that wine contained alcohol, although not as heavily as certain others of its kind and that one could become drunk from consuming up to a weighted amount of the liquid. He lifted the bottle, finding out that it was only half-full with the remaining contents still inside, and there was the dark possibility lingering in the back of his mind that Uriko must have gotten at least a bit drunk herself from drinking so much of the wine. From his own personal experience, the ninja was fully aware of the fact that when in the dazed and partially conscious state, she could have done things that she normally would not when completely sober.
What if one of those included the experienced that he shared together with her and the union that succumbed to their primal urges was something she would have never done unless she had been drunk? Perhaps she only slept with him because she was half-aware of the ongoings, and had allowed him to take their kiss all the way due to the fact that resistance was not registered in her tipsy state of mind. That concept crushed his emotions, and Kenji trembled in apprehension, anxiously wishing that it was not true, and she would have chosen to be with him even without the effects of the alcohol contaminating her ability to reason. His teeth grinding together in agitation, he hurriedly set the bottle back down on the table before his fists threatened to crush it within his bare hands and injure himself.
What have I done…? He wondered as his gaze flickered upon the drowsing form of his best friend, silently watching her as she rose and fell with the rhythm of her serene breathing. What… have… I… done…??
The question repeated itself in his mind, and the male youth felt his lips curl into a deadly snarl at the thought of how he stole the girl's innocence without her consent. It was as if… no, it was, just like in his nightmare, he had raped her, violated and used her body when she was not even fully aware of what was going on. Because she had not been sober, she could not make her own decisions when her head was swimming dizzily, and he had taken advantage of her in that vulnerable state. He felt so… Combinations of shock, repulse, horror, disgust, all swirled together and attacked his raw feelings ruthlessly, just as he deserved the harsh treatment.
"Oh, no…" Kenji breathed, a pained look on his expression; his face was pale, his blood draining while his teeth clenched so hard that he thought he would crack them. "I… I raped her… I raped Uriko… My God… I can't believe… I can't believe I did that to her…"
This is not the first time either… his head snapped up at the thought. Last weekend… and then now… God, how could I have done… such a horrible thing… to my own best friend… His chest clenched painfully as his heart raced with adrenaline that surged through his system, and the ninja felt his knees wobble, so he sat down in the chair pulled up next to the table. His entire body began to tremble the second that his rear met the soft cushion, and reflexively his hands shot out to grip the armrests of his seat, crushing the soft material beneath his palms. He stared ahead blankly for an endless period of time, allowing cold indictments to continuously strike at his emotions, and wither at the already dwindling fire of his spirit barely flickering inside him.
Finally, he broke and tears spilled from his eyes, smoothly gliding down along the curve of his cheekbones, belying a salty taste when they slid inside his lips and fell onto his tongue. Ignoring them, the mole zoanthrope buried his face into his hands and felt wetness seeping into the skin of his open palms and fingers, while his shoulders shook and quivered in sync. "I-I am sorry, kitten…" he choked out as a lump lodged itself into his throat, and he found it a little more difficult to speak when he had to force the words past the blockage. "Uriko… I am so sorry… I wonder if… if you knew…"
Of course she didn't know, you fool! An icy voice harshly accused inside his mind. Why else would she have continued being your friend if she knew that you violated her not once, but twice, in the mere range of a single week! What a horrible, horrible person you are, as well as an incompetent friend…
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" Kenji murmured repeatedly, all the while sobbing into the cold comfort of his hands, unsure if he were apologizing to the inward scolding, or to the sleeping form of his zoanthrope compatriot. "I know that I don't… I don't deserve her as my friend…"
Damn right you don't… The bitter tone continued, each word somehow knowingly hitting a tender spot that made him grimace constantly throughout the period. The evil is still within; you had never ridded of it two years ago or even the previous year, as you stupidly thought so. There is no compassion inside you, only hatred, dark desperation, and the lust for destruction, to destroy people and corrupt their lives by your own sinful hands… Try as you may, waste as much energy and effort as you wish, but just know that you will never be able to redeem yourself, Bakuryu…
"N-No! I'm not Bakuryu!" He exclaimed, forgetting to keep his voice down so that his friend would not awaken, while a wild glaze of fury ignited in his eyes. "Bakuryu is dead, he's no longer a part of me! I destroyed the last remnants of my assassin counterpart last year, after I killed Xion to repay my debt to Yugo, and in doing so, I killed Bakuryu as well! He has already been decimated, forgotten, and he will never ever be able to control me and take another life again!"
Oh, how you do like to cling to your pathetic fantasies… A low, sinister chuckle that faintly made him remember the evil influence that he felt back when he had indeed taken on the identity of the assassin Bakuryu. Wake up to reality, boy. Someday, you will kill everyone you hold dear to your heart. Your zoanthrope allies, your brother Yugo, his girlfriend Alice, and ahh, you mustn't forget about your precious little 'friend' Uriko…
"Shut up. You're LYING!" Kenji declared, clutching his head in his hands at the inner turmoil; his friend stirred slightly on the bed, and he froze, waiting for her to become still again before attempting to continue speaking. "Leave me alone! I won't listen!!" I can't stand being here any longer, I have to leave… leave before this crazy voice drives me to the brink of insanity and makes me hurt Uriko…!
A merciless laughing noise echoed in his mind as the sixteen-year-old quickly ran over to where his prom attire was, and stripped off his robe to throw the suit and other accessories on. He hastily scrambled around the room and gathered together a piece of paper and a pen, writing his friend a letter, and placed it on the table with the keys, and the credit card alongside it so that she could take a taxi cab home in the morning. Making sure that he had all his belongings, Kenji strode over to the entrance and pulled open the tall wooden frame so that he could exit out into the hallway. His body halfway over the boundary, he paused and gave the sleeping Uriko on the bed an apologetic look, and then turned away before he could change his decision, and stealthily slipped away, quietly shutting the door behind him.