A/N: mentions of masturbation. Also, I am not trying to call those who go to therapy crazy, or demonize them, (I go to therapy myself) just simply trying to fit this piece into the sixties. Thanks, and enjoy the story - Cosmic

School was out.

I mean, out. Summer had started, and that meant no more homework, and more time to sulk in my bedroom! Fun.

I had my swimsuit and other stuff in my bag, because I was going to the lake with Lily after school to kick off the summer, and it really bugged me because it took up a lot of space! Darry made me bring my sunscreen even though Lily's parents would remember it, my sandals, and a towel. My folders were squished and bending.

But anyway, I stared at the clock in health, waiting for it to ring eleven-thirty. Then I would be free, free to sulk at the lake and bring everyone down. I decided to pass time by looking at the posters, posters that said things like "NO DRUGS."

I didn't do any drugs, though weed seemed interesting enough, it could give me inspiration for my writing and drawing. Meth seemed scary and coke seemed… a bit much.

There was one poster that caught my eye, because it said something about abstinence. "Wait for the right person." It was simple, but what if it said "Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die!" That cracked me up, because that's just ridiculous. People stared, but I understood, because I was just standing there, giggling at a poster about abstinence.

But did I look like a manwhore?

Lily and I didn't have sex, or even really made out, as it scared me. I wanted to wait until I was eighteen. But Lily shared that she masturbates to me, to thoughts of celebrity crushes. That shocked me, but why? That stuff's normal.

I had only twice masturbated before, when I was twelve and couldn't sleep. Was that normal too?

Other boys seemed so horny and perverted, and I just wasn't. Did that make me a baby? Was I a late bloomer?

Great, another thought to keep me up at night.

Finally, the bell rings, and I rush out of class, to freedom. I meet Lily in the hall, and we head to her parents.

Her siblings were in the car, Sunny and Shun bouncing in their seats, Jeffery reading a book, Hasumi following us.

Her mother said they needed to stop at the house so Lily could get her swimsuit, as she didn't bring her schoolbag today, like most kids.

"I wanna go now! Thanks Lily!" Sunny whined.

"Be nice." Her father scolded.

I remember when my family would go to the lake, and Darry and I would fight over silly things, I missed that, but luckily Lily's family…. (only sort of) made up for it.

We drive off to Lily's house, and I follow Lily inside to use the bathroom. I can recognize the clothes she wore last time we hung out in the hamper, a cowboy style shirt with the embroidery, and orange pants, along with some of her mom's underpants… gross!

After I finish, it's Lily's turn to use the bathroom, and for me to go into her room. I go through her drawings, lots of Lovin Spoonful stuff. Has she gone away from The Byrds? She seemed to go through phases, like every teen does I guess. I glance at her closet, looking at her shoe pile, also seeing the ankle boots she had on when we went to the Dingo. I wished I could have as much as she did, even with something as silly as shoes. Tennis shoes are perfectly fine, yet I wanted more…

I don't hate being a Greaser though. But would my parents still be alive if I was a Soc, or even middle class?

The toilet flushes, and I rush down the stairs out to the car so Lily doesn't think I was looking at her underwear or anything.

"Do you want Burger King, Ponyboy?" Her father asked.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Burgers were always my go to food!

When Lily comes out, her father asked the same thing. She replied "You know I don't eat meat."

Her father says something about getting a breakfast, and I think back to when she first went to my house, and we served her chicken. Was she mad? I saw her eat the chicken, but maybe she was just trying to be polite.

It's okay… I tell myself. She still loves me.

We drive to the Burger King, and even though we have to wake Hasumi up to order, it goes along well. I get a Whopper with no mayo and onion rings, and Lily finds some French toast sticks, something she can eat.

When we drive the short ten minutes to the lake, her siblings passed the time by singing along to The Monkees, with Lily complaining to piss them off. She hated them for some reason, maybe it was out of annoyance.

We get to the lake, and Lily's mom makes a joke about how funny it is she doesn't eat meat yet she was wearing a burger restaurant shirt. It was pretty funny, but I didn't want to point that out, for what if she was still pissed about the chicken dinner?

Anyways, we all head into the changing rooms, I change into my swim trunks, and then I wait for her father and brothers. I hear some yelling, and wonder if they need any help.

What if they're hurt?

What if Lily loses her family members like I lost mine?

I rush into the changing room, and see her father trying to control her brothers. Phew. My overactive imagination again.

I go out to see Lily and the rest of her family, who are waiting outside the changing rooms.

"It's so nice to get out of high waisted pants." Lily said. "They hurt my tummy."

"Then why wear them?" I asked, trying to let out a laugh, so she wouldn't be offended.

"Cause they're nice…"

Oh no, not again! I probably offended her, and she'll hate me and want to break up with me and…

It's time to go in the lake.

Her father and brothers are out, and they ran to the greenish water. Lily started to run too after taking off her sandals, and I ran after her.

Damn, my mood changed fast.

x

"So Ponyboy, how old were you when you lost your parents?"

Mrs Langley was a woman in her late thirties, with red hair. And she was a therapist.

When I found that out, I wanted to scream. Ain't that for crazy people? I would constantly ask Darry on the way to her house. I'm not crazy… or was I? Surely those thoughts I'm having must be just hormones, right?

But I reluctantly went to her. Now I'm talking about my parents.

"Um, last year, actually. I'm fourteen."

"Oh my, you were very young. Well, you probably have heard of the five stages of grief, right? It sounds like you're in the depression stage."

"But I've already gone through all of them! Can they come back?"

"Of course. It took the Victorians years to grieve, and everyone's different."

I guess that made sense.

"Hey, I know that kind of thing hurts, I lost my mother two years ago. But your parents would want you to keep living, and please take care of yourself. With time, it'll get better."

"I know, and I wanna keep living."

"I didn't say you don't, just trying to make you feel better. Another thing to consider is any triggers, like Father's Day. Try to come up with a plan for those triggers."

"Yeah…" This was a lot to take in, and I was getting confused. "May I take a break?"

"Of course, you can have a snack if you'd like."

I didn't feel like eating, but I sat in the kitchen, deep in thought. Could one therapy session fix all my problems? Could I be cured? When would the thoughts go away, and would they ever?

After thinking, I went back to her office.

"Alright, you ready? Now, it's okay to remember your parent. You can talk about them to people who knew them and didn't know them, and ask questions about them to keep their memory alive."

That made sense. I had been trying to push my parents to the back of my mind, but if this lady said I should remember them, so be it.

"I'll try that. Thank you."

"If you want more support, you can talk to friends, or family members. You could join a support group or even get a grief counselor. These tips might be crazy, but I would suggest taking comfort in your faith because it can help you with the grieving process and even help you get out more, or getting a pet. While pets can't replace your mom and dad, they can make you feel less lonely."

"I don't think my older brother would let me get a dog, but all those other things sound good."

"I'm glad! I think we have done some good work today! I'll see you next time, and something I recommend is keeping a journal of everything that's bothering you. That way, you'll remember something to talk about with me."

Next time? So this lady can't cure me instantly? The thought made me feel ill.

But all I just said was "Alright, see ya."

As I walked home, since Darry was too busy to pick me up, I thought about our session.

It made me feel better that my grieving was real, and okay, but not better knowing that I would have to go to more sessions, meaning I was possibly crazy. That couldn't be, I felt so normal my whole life, only to have it come crashing down.

I decided to distract myself by thinking about what Mrs Langely said. I guess I could try to talk to other people about Mom and Dad, like Darry, and Sodapop, Two-Bit, Lily, or even Steve. A grief counselor didn't sound too bad either. I think Darry would say yes to that.

Now a journal, what was bothering me? I guess getting over Johnny, and worrying about what I say, and if Lily's gonna break up with me, and maybe fear of dying.

As for triggers, what were mine? Maybe they were stuff I used to do with Mom and Dad, as I would feel kinda sad grocery shopping, which I used to do with Mom. What could I do when grocery shopping? Maybe take some deep breaths. That could work.

I was willing to take anything that would work.