Normal Again (part 2)
When they got home, Angel took Buffy upstairs and let her get changed into a white shirt with a hood and a pair of black sweat pants. She let him put her hair into a small ponytail and then they went downstairs. Willow went and got a glass of water as Xander and Dawn sat on the couch and Buffy sat in the chair facing them. Angel sat on a chair next to her and held her hand. Willow came back in and handed Buffy the water and then sat next to Xander on the couch.
"I've been having these flashes. Hallucinations, I guess." Buffy said.
"Since when?" Willow asked.
"Uh.. The night before last." She looked at Angel. "We were, uh, checking houses on that list you gave me, Will, and looking for Warren and his pals.. and then, bam! Some kind of gross, waxy demon-thing poked me."
"And when you say poke.." Xander asked.
"In the arm. It stung me or something, and.. then I was like.. no. It.. it wasn't 'like.' I was in an institution. There were, um.. doctors and.. nurses and.. and other patients. They.. they told me that I was sick. I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and.. and all of this, it.. none of it.. was real."
"Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and a vampire with a soul and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe- destroying energy?" Xander asked, then he frowned.
"I know how this must sound, but.. it felt so real. Mom was there."
"She was?" Dawn asked.
"Dad, too. They were together.. like they used to be.. before Sunnydale."
Angel wrapped his arm around Buffy and she shifted so she could lay her head on his shoulder.
Willow stood. "Okay! All in favor of research?" Xander raised his hand. "Motion passed. All right, Xander, you hit the demon bars. Dig up any info on a new player in town. Dawnie, you can help me research. We'll hop on-line, check all the.."
Buffy didn't hear the rest. The light came again and she was sitting in a chair, facing the doctor.
"..possibilities for a full recovery, but we have to proceed cautiously. If we're not careful.." The doctor started.
Joyce cut him off. "Wait. Are you saying that Buffy could be like she was before any of this happened?"
Joyce and Hank were in chairs next to her. Buffy's chair was a little separated from them however. She drew her knees up to her chest and realized that her stomach was flat.
"Mrs. Summers, you have to understand the severity of what's happened to your daughter. For the last six years, she's been in an undifferentiated type of schizophrenia."
"We know what her condition is. That's not what we're asking." Hank said.
"Buffy's delusions are multi-layered. She believes she's some type of hero."
"The slayer?" Joyce asked.
"The Slayer, right, but that's only one level. She's also created an intricate latticework to support her primary delusion. In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers.. who are as real to her as you or me. More so, unfortunately. Together they face.. grand overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters both imaginary and rooted in actual myth. Every time we think we're getting through to her, more fanciful enemies magically appear.."
"How did I miss.." Buffy said to herself.
"..and she's.."
"Warren and Jonathan, they did this to me!" Buffy tried to scramble out of her seat, but the doctor stopped her.
"Buffy, it's all right. They can't hurt you here. You're with your family."
"Angel?"
"The husband. The uh.. The vampire with the soul?" Hank asked.
"Dawn?"
"That's the sister right?" Joyce asked.
"A magical key. Buffy inserted Dawn into her delusion, actually rewriting the entire history of it to accommodate a need for a familial bond. Buffy, but that created inconsistencies, didn't it? Your sister, your friends, all of those people you created in Sunnydale, they aren't as comforting as they once were. Are they? They're coming apart. The only one that we really need to worry about holding her back is this Angel. She truly believes that she loves this vampire and is pregnant by him." Buffy whimpered at the sound of her husband being denounced like that and she lowered her head to try to block it all out.
"Buffy, listen to what the doctor's saying, it's important." Joyce said.
"Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against, including your Angel. And now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters.. just three pathetic little men who like playing with toys." The doctor said.
Buffy stared at him in anger. She loved Angel. She was pregnant by him. Their dreams were finally coming true and this doctor was saying it wasn't real. Buffy sat back in her chair and put her hands soothingly over her stomach. She actually longed for the bulge to be there. And with that thought, the light came again and she was back in Angel's arms. Her hands did rest upon her protruding stomach.
"Buffy?" Angel asked.
Buffy shook her head and bolted put of the chair. She went to the couch and sat down. Angel looked at her as she picked up a picture of her, her mother, and her father. Joyce was sitting in a swing with Buffy in her lap while Hank stood behind them, peering through the chains of the swing. As she stared at the picture, Angel came over and squeezed into the space between Buffy and the arm of the couch. Buffy laid her head on his shoulder again as she continued to stare at the picture.
After a while, Willow came in. She carried a piece of paper in her hand.
"Look, Buffy, I found the demon. Fits your and Angel's description and symptoms perfectly."
Buffy looked pensive as she put down the photo and looked at the picture of the demon.
"Look, is this it?" Willow asked. "See, it's gonna be okay. Its pokey stinger carries an antidote to its own poison."
"I feel so lost." Buffy said quietly.
"I know. You're confused. It's, it's that crazy juice inside you."
"It's more than that. Even before the demon.. I've been so detached."
"We've all been kind of slumming."
"Every day I try to snap out of it. Figure out why I'm like that."
"Buffy, look at me." Buffy looked at Willow. "You are not in an institution. You have never been in an institution."
Buffy paused and looked up at Angel. He was frowning. He knew the truth. He had been there the whole time. She looked back down at the picture in her lap and then whispered, "Yes I have."
"What?"
"Back in LA. Back when she saw her first vampires." Angel said.
"I got so scared. I told my parents and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic." Buffy said.
"You never said anything." Willow said, shocked.
"I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it, and they let me go. Eventually my parents just.. forgot."
"God, that's horrible."
Buffy started to sob and Angel pulled her closer into him. "What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic?"
"Buffy.. Buffy, you're not. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But, i.. it's the past. You've got to trust me. We're gonna get you that antidote. Xander's hunting the demon right now."
"Alone? Will, he can't. It's too strong."
"Oh, it's ok. We got help."
"Who?"
"Spike."
"Spike?"
"And Faith."
"Why didn't you ask Angel?"
"You were sleeping. Willow came in to ask, but I told her to send Spike and Faith. I wanted to stay here and take care of you. Angel said.
"Oh."
"Come on. Let's get you into bed. You'll be more comfortable."
"Ok."
Angel helped Buffy up and led her upstairs. She went to her bed and curled up by her nightstand. He went to his side of the bed and sat next to her, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Buffy stared off into space. Angel supposed that she was just really confused and wanted to find a place where she could just hide.
After a while, Buffy leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder again and he held her tight. If this wasn't real, she was going to be crushed. Angel was still the one freaky thing in her whole freaky world that still made sense. But right now, that world was being shattered because of the possibility that it didn't exist.
Dawn came into the room carrying a warm mug. "I made you some tea."
Buffy didn't look at her. Her mind was still in space. "Thanks." Dawn put the mug on the table. "I'm ok Dawn."
"The, uh, thousand-yard stare really helps sell that."
Buffy didn't respond. Angel shifted slightly and noticed that her temperature had risen. He raised his hand and felt her forehead and cheek. "You're burning up sweetie."
"I should be taller than you." Buffy said to Dawn.
"Maybe you're not done growing." Dawn replied.
"Coming apart."
"What's coming apart?"
"We have to try harder, make things better."
"I'm trying."
"Your grades.. stealing. Willow's been doing your chores, hasn't she?"
"What? No, i..it's.. it's the fever. It's cooking your brain."
Buffy leaned forward and grabbed Dawn's arm. "We have to deal with these things, Dawn, we.."
Angel pulled her back as the light came again and Joyce was sitting in front of her.
"You don't have a sister, Buffy." Joyce told her.
"Dawn?" Buffy asked, looking around in terrified confusion. Her dad was sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed, looking at her and Joyce.
"No honey. Say it. It'll help you believe it."
"I.. don't.. have a sister. I know I.. I didn't grow up with her. These monks, they.. they made her."
"It's your mind, just playing tricks on you." Hank said.
"You're our little girl, Buffy. Our one and only. We've missed you so much. Mom and Dad just want to take you home and take care of you." Joyce said.
She put her hand on Buffy's cheek and Buffy reached out to touch her mother's. The light came again and she was stroking Dawn's cheek. Startled, Buffy jerked away.
"I'm not even there, am I?" Dawn asked.
"What?" Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and then forced them open.
"You said it a second ago. You don't have a sister." Dawn stood up. "It's your ideal reality, and I'm not even a part of it."
"Dawn, I.. I didn't mean.."
"I have to go finish my chores." Dawn said, running from the room.
Buffy started to cry. Angel pulled her to him and let her sob. "I didn't mean.. It's not my ideal reality. I want.. I need.. Mommy."
"Shh, love. It'll be ok. I'm right here." Angel said softly. "Sleep now."
She did just that. Buffy laid her head on his broad shoulder and slept. It wasn't peaceful for her, that he knew. But at least she wasn't thrashing like she had. Angel didn't sleep that night, just like the night before. He was too worried about Buffy and Conner's safety.
Willow entered the room with a mug.
"Buffy, sweetie, wake up." Angel said.
Willow walked up to them. "Got yummy antidote goodness for you."
"What happened?" Buffy asked.
Willow gave her the mug. "It took a little longer than I'd hoped. No magic and all. Went boom twice, but then I got it. Just.. when it's cool, drink it all down, and.. everything should go back to normal."
"You never stop coming through. Thank you, Willow."
Willow smiled and walked to the door. Spike appeared there.
"Buffy, I'm going to help Willow ok?" Angel said. She looked at him blankly. He kissed her unresponsive lips and went to Willow at the door.
"How is she?" Spike asked.
"Make sure she drinks all that. I'm going with Willow to let Dawn know that everything's gonna be okay."
The two left and Spike walked further into Buffy's room. "You all right?"
"You need to leave me alone. You're not part of my life." Buffy said, not looking at him.
"Fine, then." He turned to leave, but stopped and looked back at her. "You know, but I hope you don't think this an.." He tried to come further into the room, but a beam of light stopped him and he jumped back, frustrated. "I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See, I figured it out, luv. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're addicted to the misery. It's why you won't tell your pals about us. Might actually have to be happy if you did. They'd either understand and help you, god forbid.. or drive you out.. where you can finally be at peace, in the dark. With me. Either way, you'd be better off for it, but you're too twisted for that. Let yourself live, already. And stop with the bloody hero trip for a sec. We'd all be the better for it. You either tell your friends about us.. or I will."
He started to leave, but Buffy stopped him. "You think you can stop me from loving Angel?"
"No, but I know what you need."
"No, you don't. What I need is Angel. I don't need anything else."
"That's where your wrong slayer. I may have Faith, but at lease she knows where she belongs. You.. you can't decide where you want to be." With that, Spike stormed out of the room.
Buffy stared after him. He was right. A part of her knew that. She made an anguished face and held the mug up. She paused, then brought the mug up to her lips, then paused again. She stared off in front of her, pondering. Then, slowly, she turned and held out the mug. Buffy tipped it over and let the contents pour out into the trash basket. Putting the mug on her night table, she let the light come back over her and then she was sitting on her bed in the mental institution.
"Buffy." The doctor said to her.
She looked at him tearfully and said, "I don't wanna go back there. I wanna be healthy again. What do I have to do?" Buffy looked at her mom. "Oh.. please, help me. I..I wanna go home, with you and dad."
"I know, Buffy. But first you've gotta get better." Joyce said.
"It's not gonna be easy, Buffy. You have to take it one step at a time. You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucinations. You understand? There are things in that world that you cling to. For your delusion, they're safe-holds, but for your mind they're traps. We have to break those down." The doctor told her.
"Slaying?" Buffy asked.
"Yes.. but I'm talking about those things you want there. What keeps you going back."
"My friends. Angel?"
"That's right. Last summer, when you had a momentary awakening, it was your friends that pulled you back in."
"They're not really your friends, Buffy. They're just.. tricks keeping you from getting healthy." Joyce said.
"You have to do whatever it takes to convince yourself of that, Buffy. Whatever it takes."
When they got home, Angel took Buffy upstairs and let her get changed into a white shirt with a hood and a pair of black sweat pants. She let him put her hair into a small ponytail and then they went downstairs. Willow went and got a glass of water as Xander and Dawn sat on the couch and Buffy sat in the chair facing them. Angel sat on a chair next to her and held her hand. Willow came back in and handed Buffy the water and then sat next to Xander on the couch.
"I've been having these flashes. Hallucinations, I guess." Buffy said.
"Since when?" Willow asked.
"Uh.. The night before last." She looked at Angel. "We were, uh, checking houses on that list you gave me, Will, and looking for Warren and his pals.. and then, bam! Some kind of gross, waxy demon-thing poked me."
"And when you say poke.." Xander asked.
"In the arm. It stung me or something, and.. then I was like.. no. It.. it wasn't 'like.' I was in an institution. There were, um.. doctors and.. nurses and.. and other patients. They.. they told me that I was sick. I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and.. and all of this, it.. none of it.. was real."
"Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and a vampire with a soul and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe- destroying energy?" Xander asked, then he frowned.
"I know how this must sound, but.. it felt so real. Mom was there."
"She was?" Dawn asked.
"Dad, too. They were together.. like they used to be.. before Sunnydale."
Angel wrapped his arm around Buffy and she shifted so she could lay her head on his shoulder.
Willow stood. "Okay! All in favor of research?" Xander raised his hand. "Motion passed. All right, Xander, you hit the demon bars. Dig up any info on a new player in town. Dawnie, you can help me research. We'll hop on-line, check all the.."
Buffy didn't hear the rest. The light came again and she was sitting in a chair, facing the doctor.
"..possibilities for a full recovery, but we have to proceed cautiously. If we're not careful.." The doctor started.
Joyce cut him off. "Wait. Are you saying that Buffy could be like she was before any of this happened?"
Joyce and Hank were in chairs next to her. Buffy's chair was a little separated from them however. She drew her knees up to her chest and realized that her stomach was flat.
"Mrs. Summers, you have to understand the severity of what's happened to your daughter. For the last six years, she's been in an undifferentiated type of schizophrenia."
"We know what her condition is. That's not what we're asking." Hank said.
"Buffy's delusions are multi-layered. She believes she's some type of hero."
"The slayer?" Joyce asked.
"The Slayer, right, but that's only one level. She's also created an intricate latticework to support her primary delusion. In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers.. who are as real to her as you or me. More so, unfortunately. Together they face.. grand overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters both imaginary and rooted in actual myth. Every time we think we're getting through to her, more fanciful enemies magically appear.."
"How did I miss.." Buffy said to herself.
"..and she's.."
"Warren and Jonathan, they did this to me!" Buffy tried to scramble out of her seat, but the doctor stopped her.
"Buffy, it's all right. They can't hurt you here. You're with your family."
"Angel?"
"The husband. The uh.. The vampire with the soul?" Hank asked.
"Dawn?"
"That's the sister right?" Joyce asked.
"A magical key. Buffy inserted Dawn into her delusion, actually rewriting the entire history of it to accommodate a need for a familial bond. Buffy, but that created inconsistencies, didn't it? Your sister, your friends, all of those people you created in Sunnydale, they aren't as comforting as they once were. Are they? They're coming apart. The only one that we really need to worry about holding her back is this Angel. She truly believes that she loves this vampire and is pregnant by him." Buffy whimpered at the sound of her husband being denounced like that and she lowered her head to try to block it all out.
"Buffy, listen to what the doctor's saying, it's important." Joyce said.
"Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against, including your Angel. And now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters.. just three pathetic little men who like playing with toys." The doctor said.
Buffy stared at him in anger. She loved Angel. She was pregnant by him. Their dreams were finally coming true and this doctor was saying it wasn't real. Buffy sat back in her chair and put her hands soothingly over her stomach. She actually longed for the bulge to be there. And with that thought, the light came again and she was back in Angel's arms. Her hands did rest upon her protruding stomach.
"Buffy?" Angel asked.
Buffy shook her head and bolted put of the chair. She went to the couch and sat down. Angel looked at her as she picked up a picture of her, her mother, and her father. Joyce was sitting in a swing with Buffy in her lap while Hank stood behind them, peering through the chains of the swing. As she stared at the picture, Angel came over and squeezed into the space between Buffy and the arm of the couch. Buffy laid her head on his shoulder again as she continued to stare at the picture.
After a while, Willow came in. She carried a piece of paper in her hand.
"Look, Buffy, I found the demon. Fits your and Angel's description and symptoms perfectly."
Buffy looked pensive as she put down the photo and looked at the picture of the demon.
"Look, is this it?" Willow asked. "See, it's gonna be okay. Its pokey stinger carries an antidote to its own poison."
"I feel so lost." Buffy said quietly.
"I know. You're confused. It's, it's that crazy juice inside you."
"It's more than that. Even before the demon.. I've been so detached."
"We've all been kind of slumming."
"Every day I try to snap out of it. Figure out why I'm like that."
"Buffy, look at me." Buffy looked at Willow. "You are not in an institution. You have never been in an institution."
Buffy paused and looked up at Angel. He was frowning. He knew the truth. He had been there the whole time. She looked back down at the picture in her lap and then whispered, "Yes I have."
"What?"
"Back in LA. Back when she saw her first vampires." Angel said.
"I got so scared. I told my parents and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic." Buffy said.
"You never said anything." Willow said, shocked.
"I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it, and they let me go. Eventually my parents just.. forgot."
"God, that's horrible."
Buffy started to sob and Angel pulled her closer into him. "What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic?"
"Buffy.. Buffy, you're not. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But, i.. it's the past. You've got to trust me. We're gonna get you that antidote. Xander's hunting the demon right now."
"Alone? Will, he can't. It's too strong."
"Oh, it's ok. We got help."
"Who?"
"Spike."
"Spike?"
"And Faith."
"Why didn't you ask Angel?"
"You were sleeping. Willow came in to ask, but I told her to send Spike and Faith. I wanted to stay here and take care of you. Angel said.
"Oh."
"Come on. Let's get you into bed. You'll be more comfortable."
"Ok."
Angel helped Buffy up and led her upstairs. She went to her bed and curled up by her nightstand. He went to his side of the bed and sat next to her, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Buffy stared off into space. Angel supposed that she was just really confused and wanted to find a place where she could just hide.
After a while, Buffy leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder again and he held her tight. If this wasn't real, she was going to be crushed. Angel was still the one freaky thing in her whole freaky world that still made sense. But right now, that world was being shattered because of the possibility that it didn't exist.
Dawn came into the room carrying a warm mug. "I made you some tea."
Buffy didn't look at her. Her mind was still in space. "Thanks." Dawn put the mug on the table. "I'm ok Dawn."
"The, uh, thousand-yard stare really helps sell that."
Buffy didn't respond. Angel shifted slightly and noticed that her temperature had risen. He raised his hand and felt her forehead and cheek. "You're burning up sweetie."
"I should be taller than you." Buffy said to Dawn.
"Maybe you're not done growing." Dawn replied.
"Coming apart."
"What's coming apart?"
"We have to try harder, make things better."
"I'm trying."
"Your grades.. stealing. Willow's been doing your chores, hasn't she?"
"What? No, i..it's.. it's the fever. It's cooking your brain."
Buffy leaned forward and grabbed Dawn's arm. "We have to deal with these things, Dawn, we.."
Angel pulled her back as the light came again and Joyce was sitting in front of her.
"You don't have a sister, Buffy." Joyce told her.
"Dawn?" Buffy asked, looking around in terrified confusion. Her dad was sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed, looking at her and Joyce.
"No honey. Say it. It'll help you believe it."
"I.. don't.. have a sister. I know I.. I didn't grow up with her. These monks, they.. they made her."
"It's your mind, just playing tricks on you." Hank said.
"You're our little girl, Buffy. Our one and only. We've missed you so much. Mom and Dad just want to take you home and take care of you." Joyce said.
She put her hand on Buffy's cheek and Buffy reached out to touch her mother's. The light came again and she was stroking Dawn's cheek. Startled, Buffy jerked away.
"I'm not even there, am I?" Dawn asked.
"What?" Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and then forced them open.
"You said it a second ago. You don't have a sister." Dawn stood up. "It's your ideal reality, and I'm not even a part of it."
"Dawn, I.. I didn't mean.."
"I have to go finish my chores." Dawn said, running from the room.
Buffy started to cry. Angel pulled her to him and let her sob. "I didn't mean.. It's not my ideal reality. I want.. I need.. Mommy."
"Shh, love. It'll be ok. I'm right here." Angel said softly. "Sleep now."
She did just that. Buffy laid her head on his broad shoulder and slept. It wasn't peaceful for her, that he knew. But at least she wasn't thrashing like she had. Angel didn't sleep that night, just like the night before. He was too worried about Buffy and Conner's safety.
Willow entered the room with a mug.
"Buffy, sweetie, wake up." Angel said.
Willow walked up to them. "Got yummy antidote goodness for you."
"What happened?" Buffy asked.
Willow gave her the mug. "It took a little longer than I'd hoped. No magic and all. Went boom twice, but then I got it. Just.. when it's cool, drink it all down, and.. everything should go back to normal."
"You never stop coming through. Thank you, Willow."
Willow smiled and walked to the door. Spike appeared there.
"Buffy, I'm going to help Willow ok?" Angel said. She looked at him blankly. He kissed her unresponsive lips and went to Willow at the door.
"How is she?" Spike asked.
"Make sure she drinks all that. I'm going with Willow to let Dawn know that everything's gonna be okay."
The two left and Spike walked further into Buffy's room. "You all right?"
"You need to leave me alone. You're not part of my life." Buffy said, not looking at him.
"Fine, then." He turned to leave, but stopped and looked back at her. "You know, but I hope you don't think this an.." He tried to come further into the room, but a beam of light stopped him and he jumped back, frustrated. "I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See, I figured it out, luv. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're addicted to the misery. It's why you won't tell your pals about us. Might actually have to be happy if you did. They'd either understand and help you, god forbid.. or drive you out.. where you can finally be at peace, in the dark. With me. Either way, you'd be better off for it, but you're too twisted for that. Let yourself live, already. And stop with the bloody hero trip for a sec. We'd all be the better for it. You either tell your friends about us.. or I will."
He started to leave, but Buffy stopped him. "You think you can stop me from loving Angel?"
"No, but I know what you need."
"No, you don't. What I need is Angel. I don't need anything else."
"That's where your wrong slayer. I may have Faith, but at lease she knows where she belongs. You.. you can't decide where you want to be." With that, Spike stormed out of the room.
Buffy stared after him. He was right. A part of her knew that. She made an anguished face and held the mug up. She paused, then brought the mug up to her lips, then paused again. She stared off in front of her, pondering. Then, slowly, she turned and held out the mug. Buffy tipped it over and let the contents pour out into the trash basket. Putting the mug on her night table, she let the light come back over her and then she was sitting on her bed in the mental institution.
"Buffy." The doctor said to her.
She looked at him tearfully and said, "I don't wanna go back there. I wanna be healthy again. What do I have to do?" Buffy looked at her mom. "Oh.. please, help me. I..I wanna go home, with you and dad."
"I know, Buffy. But first you've gotta get better." Joyce said.
"It's not gonna be easy, Buffy. You have to take it one step at a time. You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucinations. You understand? There are things in that world that you cling to. For your delusion, they're safe-holds, but for your mind they're traps. We have to break those down." The doctor told her.
"Slaying?" Buffy asked.
"Yes.. but I'm talking about those things you want there. What keeps you going back."
"My friends. Angel?"
"That's right. Last summer, when you had a momentary awakening, it was your friends that pulled you back in."
"They're not really your friends, Buffy. They're just.. tricks keeping you from getting healthy." Joyce said.
"You have to do whatever it takes to convince yourself of that, Buffy. Whatever it takes."