DISCLAIMER: I own nothing other than my own sick fantasies . . .
"It will be better soon, Draco," Snape murmured again, fighting the urge to bury his head into the Draco's blonde hair that shone silver in the flickering candle light. Silver hair, so like his father's…
.Shut up, shut up, shut up, he thought, pushing the sacrilegious thoughts out of his mind. Snape noted that the boy was no longer shaking or crying as he had been before, but wasn't letting him go either. Snape wondered. . .no. It wasn't hereditary, like blue eyes, or black hair. Besides, even if it was, it wasn't as though Draco would. . .that is to say, just because Lucius. . .
He sighed and forced himself to pull away from Draco. He let go, and gently prised Draco's arms from around him. Silently, he led the down-cast young man to the door at the back of his office, into his bedroom. It the corner of the room was an unlit fire, and two hearth chairs. He lit the fire at the careless wave of his wand. Sitting Draco in one chair, and himself in the other, he said quietly, "Tell me."
And Draco did. He told him how he had been in his dorm with Crabbe and Goyle when his father's owl had swooped through the window and landed on the back of his chair, and had given him a letter. He told him how he had opened it carelessly, thinking it to be another letter from his dotting mother, asking how he was, yet again.
He told him how he had read it first in disbelief, and then in shock, how Crabbe had asked what had been wrong. He told him how he had told Crabbe and Goyle to go off and leave him alone. He told him of how he had cried for that half hour before he had found him self in Snape's office.
And in turn, Snape listened, transfixed by the boy's shameless narrative. When Draco drew to a close, neither spoke for several minutes, although for different reasons. Draco thought of his father, how much he would miss him. . .people often thought that Lucius Malfoy beat his son, that his only son was scared of him. . .people often got it wrong. Snape also thought of Lucius. . .albeit in a different context...
~ * ~
He had known Lucius since Hogwarts. They had been friends there. . .or at least companions. When they left, they lost contact for awhile, and only met next in the shadow of the Dark Lord, at the end of one of the first Death Eater meets.
It had been dark, the middle of the night. As the masked congregation left the room to disapparate to their separate homes, Severus grabbed the arm of one of his fellow Death Eaters and dragged him into a shadowy corner of the passage way. The Death Eater struggled against the hold of his capture briefly, put stopped as Severus whispered to him,
"Lucius? It is you Lucius, isn't it?!"
A hand reached up and snatched Severus's mask from his face.
"Severus! Good gods! I thought I'd lost you forever!" gasped a startled, but happy voice. "Come on, let's go back to the Manor, fill me in with the missing years!" grinned Lucius, at the face of his old friend, who laughed and let him go.
They disapparted and appeared seconds later in the dark hall of Malfoy Manor. Laughing and joking together, they went into Lucius large study and sat by the fire, talking of years past. With out knowing it, the had both missed each other more they had imagined, Snape soon realised. As the night drew on, and Malfoy offered Snape a room for the night, which was gratefully accepted. They parted and went up to their separate rooms, as quietly as possible so as not to disturb the servants.
Snape lay in between the silk sheets of his four poster bed, unable to sleep. He lay, staring up at the canopy, thinking of Malfoy, his narrow face, his liquid grey eyes, sparkling with laughter . . .there was a knock on the door.
"Come in" called Severus, as loudly as he dared. The door swung open, and Lucius glided into the room, a secret smile on his face.
"Lucius?" questioned Snape, sitting up "What are you doing here at this time?"
Lucius said nothing as he made his way across the room, and sat on Snape's bed.
"I knew you wouldn't be able to sleep. I knew I couldn't either, for that matter," he whispered, only half answering Snape's question. To Snape's surprise, the silver haired Malfoy placed one hand on his bare chest and pushed him back down onto the bed. Saying nothing, he sat on Severus, legs straddling him. Smoothly, without a moments hesitation, he leant down over Severus and kissed him, gently, on the lips.
"Lucius," gasped Severus again, in both shock and surprise. He stared up at his friend. He was still smiling his smile. Old fires were re-lit.
"Oh, come on, Severus. . . you know you want to. . ." Lucius whispered to him, his eyes sparkling with unusual brightness. He pulled himself further upright, staring into his host's platinum coloured eyes. He murmured back at him, not looking away from those molten silver eyes," I know I want to. . .but I didn't know if you did. . ."
There was a minute pause, before Lucius leant over him, until Severus could feel his warm breath on his face. . .carefully, almost delicately, he placed his lips on Snapes. It was like nothing Snape had ever dreamed of. . .Lucius took hold of him, wrapping his strong arms around Severus's lean body, inviting him to return the kiss. They sat there, entwined in each others arms, kissing, revelling in new found desires. . .
~ * ~
Snape brought himself back to the real world sharply. It hurt to think of all the years they had spent from that night onwards . . .now lost in Lucius's murder. Out of the corner he saw Draco staring into the fire also. It was because of Draco that their relationship had ended, two years before he had come to Hogwarts. He looked so like his father. . .so elegant, gentle, but so cold, distant from the world, so much like a fallen angel. Snape smiled wryly at his out of character poetic turn. Malfoys, he commented dryly to himself, needed to be handled with caution. they twisted the mind. . .or at least his mind. Another memory, another painful twang in his consciousness. So what should he do about Draco? Become his guide and mentor? No, he decided. It was too hypercritical, after what he and Lucius had done, although in a way that Snape couldn't explain. He wasn't any good in delicate matters such as this anyway. Then what to do? The companionable silence in the room ended, and was replaced by an awkward pause.
" Sorry, about this, sir," said Draco, in a low, but calm Snape noticed, voice. Severus shook his head.
"Don't be. There isn't anything to be sorry about." LIAR, he thought viciously. Yes there is! He's DEAD for gods-sake. . .my Lucius . .dead. . . His usually steely self control was breaking down. Hiding so much for so long was taking its toll, and having to hide one more thing, one more, however small, was going to kill him slowly. . .and now there was no-one to console in. He stood up and turned away, to hide his dark thoughts from Draco, afraid that they would show on his face. Walking over to the small cabinet in the corner of the room, he asked Draco, "Would you like a drink? Coffee? Tea? There's probably something else in here somewhere" as much for something to do as to break the persisting unease in the room.
"No. Thanks, though," replied Draco.
"Sure?"
"Yeah, . . .look professor, how well do . .did you know my father?" asked Draco suddenly. Severus dropped the spoon he was holding in shock. Gods, he doesn't KNOW does he? No. . .he couldn't, they had been so careful . . .
"Fairly well. . ." he said cautiously. "Why?" Draco didn't say anything for a moment. Gods, he DOES know! Thought Severus in panic, as he watched the boy stare into the fire. Draco gave a small sigh,
"It's just something Father always said to me," he said, quietly. Severus relaxed marginally. Lucius would never have told anyone. . .especially not his own son.
"May I ask what it was he said?" he asked, equally quiet, curiosity aroused now that he was on seemingly safer ground. Draco rocked back and forth in the chair, deep in thought. Severus watched the fire light play on his hair, the resemblance to Lucius making him feel slightly nauseous.
"I know this will sound odd, sir," Draco said eventually. He paused, choosing his words carefully. "But Father always had a suspicious mind. He told me that if. . .if anything ever. . .happened to him to come and find you, sir," Draco raised his head so that he could meet Severus's gaze.
" I never. . ." his voice broke off as he stifled a sob. "I never took him seriously! I thought that nothing could EVER hurt him, but. . .gods. . ." he ended in a whisper. Snape was only half listening. He was thinking of the past again...
~ * ~
It was a twelve months before Voldemort's downfall. Severus had turned spy for Dumbledore against Voldemort's ever increasing power. He had told Lucius. . .he didn't know why, but he had. Lucius agreed not to tell Voldemort for as long as Severus distracted Dumbledore's attention away from Lucius. It seemed to have worked, for now, anyway.
They were in Snape's office in Hogwarts castle. No-one knew that Lucius was there. They sat by Severus's fire, making light conversation, for once. Severus wondered why, briefly, but didn't argue. It was pleasant enough. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, Lucius said, "This won't last forever, you know, Severus."
Severus was startled. He was painfully aware that it would have to end sometime. . .but so soon? Noticing his lover's shocked stare, Lucius smiled,
"No, I don't mean I want this to end now, fool!"
Severus relaxed a little. Lucius was never serious when he called him a fool. Lucius carried on, no longer laughing now.
"I meant...this won't last forever. Even with your help, the Aurors will find me. Look at the Lestrangs! We all thought them to be invincible." He gave a humourless laugh. "Thing is, Severus, if the Dark Lord's still in power, I won't be taken alive."
Lucius stopped and stared at the flicking flames in the fireplace.
"I am well aware of all this, Lucius. You don't have to tell me what I already know,." whispered Severus, uncertain what the blonde man was getting at.
"Severus, Narcissa is pregnant," he said with ever increasing difficulty. Severus stared into the fire, rather than looking at Lucius. They had been over this many, many times before.
"I also aware of this, Lucius. What are you getting at?" he said, his voice cold. Lucius sighed.
"I wish. . .look we've been over this before, and I don't want to again, but . . ."
"But what?" said Snape harshly.
"But." Lucius sighed again. "But when the child grows up. . .you will probably still be a teacher here. I don't want you to hold a grudge on it for something that it doesn't even know about! Please, Severus, forgive me. . .there was nothing else I could have done that night, you KNOW that. . ."
Severus stared at the floor. He knew that he was being unreasonable.
" Yes, I know, Lucius. . .and alright. I'll forgive you. If you forgive me. . ." He said softly. He hated to see Lucius in pain. It was worse when the Dark Lord performed the Cructius curse on him. . . it was all Severus could do to jump to Lucius defence. But that would mean death for both of them. A long, drawn out, torture induced death for both of them He couldn't deal with the pain that he was causing Lucius any more, he would do anything for it to stop . . .
"Of course I do Severus. You know I do."
He smiled...
~ * ~
Severus looked up from the fire and realised that Draco had been watching him expectantly for several minutes while he had daydreamed.
"Sorry about that," he muttered. "What did you say?"
Draco looked oddly at his teacher and repeated, "Do you know what he meant, sir? When he told me to find you?" The boy's face was anxious for information.
Snape felt old. He thought. What had Lucius meant? Why had he sent Draco to him? He closed his eyes to think. Him. . .what had Lucius told him to tell Draco? Had he ever told him to tell Draco anything? This was stupid. . . Finally, he remembered. The day after Draco had been born, Lucius had given Severus a letter to keep for him.
"Keep this safe for me. Give it to Draco when I die," was all he had said. Severus had never been able to get any more out of him.
Severus opened his eyes again. Slowly he stood up to go and get the letter. He didn't worry about the possible contents. At that moment in time, he couldn't have cared less about anything.
"Wait here for one moment," he commanded, and left the boy by the fire and went back into his now cold office. He went over to the bookshelf the lined one wall, and pulled out a slim volume. He opened the book at the middle, and took out the yellowing letter marked "To Draco" in red ink.
It wasn't an original hiding place. It wasn't a hiding place at all in fact. Why should anyone look for something they didn't know existed? No, it was a safe place, not a hiding place. He returned to his bedroom, where Draco was waiting. Silently, handed over the letter. Draco stared at it, recognising his father's hand writing. He went to open it and then hesitated, looking to Snape for approval. Snape said quietly, "Yes, open it. Your father gave it me to keep for you."
He watched Draco as he eagerly open the envelope, pulled out the letter and started to read. He read steadily and carefully, not wanting to miss a single letter. Sensing that the letter was drawing to a close, Severus looked into the fire, not wanting to be caught watching him.
After he had finished reading, Draco looked up at Severus.
"Sir..." he whispered. Severus looked inquiringly at the boy but said nothing. Draco coughed nervously.
"It says at the end... 'If it is appropriate, tell Severus, or at least, Professor Snape, to you, the following; 'Revenge was sweet when we we're younger… is it still? Memories are best when they kept are left unstained. Don't worry, he will understand, if...' and that's it, I think..." finished Draco. He looked up enquiringly at his teacher, who smiled back, sadly.
"Yes...revenge was sweet when we were younger..."