These next two chapters haven't changed much, a little more depth & longer conversations.
Al jumped up when he heard the knock on the door; he had been watching them. This train was in motion again, whether they knew it or not. It had been derailed a long time ago and there was now life back in it.
He saw it the moment Kim came back from seeing Adam for the first time, and he saw it today. When Kim arrived and the first thing they did was embrace. He saw both their bodies relaxed into each other. And he knew.
Kim had messaged Bob and Janet to let them know that Adam was at Al's place and wanted to see them. Bob had picked his ex-wife up on the way and they had barely spoken in the car but they couldn't have come alone; they needed each other's support. They had barely 48 hours to get their head around this. Adam had insisted that they only be told once he was ready to come back. He didn't want to draw it out for days or weeks on end. This had to be quick and before his courage faltered.
Adam still found it hard to believe that his parents actually got along. He thought that with him gone that it would have broken that last tenuous link between them and he asked Kim why. "I think they just needed to support each other, only they knew what it was like to lose their son, to lose you." He didn't quite swallow it, like he found it hard to believe that they were just the missing him and banded together.
That still didn't make sense as to why nine years later they were still friends and why Kim still saw them. He could understand in those early days but surely they would have drifted apart by now? What did they have between them anymore now that they didn't have a son? They had nothing.
When he arrived back last night he had called Kim but she couldn't come over because of her kids although she promised that first thing this morning she would be there. He had a few drinks with Al, talked vaguely about what he thought might happen now and then had a sleepless night.
When she arrived he wrapped his arms around her and they stood like that for the longest moment. His world had doubled in size; he now had two people to hang on too. Kim let him and she never wanted to let him go, in case he slipped away again.
They were sitting outside on Al's back porch sharing a coffee when Kim leant over and tapped his knee. He wasn't saying much but he was enjoying the calm before the storm and being with Kim. "You're parents are here." He nodded, took a deep breath and stood up.
His mother was already in tears and Kim stood back and let them embrace their son. Janet wasn't the only one that was crying, Bob and Adam both shed tears and Kim was an blubbering mess. Adam apologised over and over again for hurting them. He told them he had no choice.
Kim left them alone and sat inside with Al. "How are you doing?" Al thought she looked tired but there seemed to be the tiniest little bit of life creeping back into her. Adam had a strange hold on her and years apart obviously hadn't diminished that.
"A bit overwhelmed."
"It's good that he's back though. Up until he knocked on my front door I was worried he wouldn't come." They both looked through the window at Adam with his parents. His mother was almost sitting on top of him, clutching his hand tightly. How long was he going to be able to handle it was yet to be seen. Adam had never been overly close with his mother, he loved her but she always hated that he followed in his father's footsteps and ultimately her fears came true and the job took him away from her. He knew that it was going to have to deal with her wanting to hang onto him when he came back and he was trying not to let his discomfort show. Kim could see it though. Janet was too happy to notice and she couldn't blame his mother for that.
Kim had clung to her children a little bit more lately. She kept reminding them how much she loved them and Oliver had asked her once if she was okay.
"Okay? Of course I am okay, I just love you and I want you to know that."
"I do know Mom. You're just being funny. Like weird."
"I don't care." Kim smiled at her son. "Deal with it."
Oliver had smiled back at her, again with that damn smile and Kim's heart skipped a beat. She was about to shake up his whole world again and it terrified her. Kim knew how she wanted it to go, not the revelation but what happened after that but the thought that it may not happen, that Oliver may not embrace it made her hold back.
"So was I and it is good that he's here. One box ticked." Kim tipped the rest of her coffee down the sink. "I've gotta go. I need to pick up Ollie."
"How is he?" Al watched her pause for just a moment.
"Al, I can't tell them. Not yet."
"You can't keep it a secret forever, someone it going to let it slip. They need to know." Al reminded her for what felt like the hundredth time. "For both their sakes."
"Look at him Al. Do you think he's ready for that?" She pointed out the window. They both knew Adam was struggling to cope with his return to his old life. He knew that coming back here was his only choice but that didn't mean it was easy. They didn't even know if he was going to stay.
"You know, it might help him."
"It might, I just need to make sure it's good for Ollie too." Kim stared hard at Al. She wasn't about to back down on this, she had to protect her son and Al knew she had every right to do so. "You know as soon as I tell him he will be banging down my door to see Ollie. I need to make sure that Ollie is ready for that. He has only just started coming out of his shell again. I am worried it's going to be too much for him." Al just nodded; she was as stubborn as a mule when it came to her children. Like all mothers should be.
"Hey." She came back out onto the deck and rested her hand on Adam's shoulder. "I need to take off."
"Really? Are you coming back?"
"Not today. I need to pick up the kids." She felt Janet and Bob's eyes on her. Adam was almost pleading with her to stay, Kim calmed him and he was finding his parents a little overwhelming and Kim was content just to sit and not talk.
He squeezed her hand lightly. "Okay. Tomorrow?"
"Yep. Everyone is keen to see you." They had drinks at Molly's organised. Kim and Al had both tried to convince him to slow it down a little, to take his time but he wanted it over and done with. He didn't want to have to keep reliving it every time he saw someone again. He desperately needed to put this in his past and move on.
"Can I call you later?" Kim nodded. She hugged Janet, kissed Adam quickly on the cheek and Bob walked her out.
Bob looked disheartened, seeing his son again made him unimaginably happy but seeing him crawling with his demons was heartbreaking. "He's not doing that great is he?"
They leant on the car for a few minutes, Bob had that same tortured look that Adam often had when he was worried about things. Having you son come back from the dead was dream come true, seeing him struggling was a nightmare. He had his suspicions that it was going to be a rough ride and he had tried to tell his mother that, that she needed to temper her excitement but there was no holding her back. "Bob, he will. It's just been a big couple of weeks. Today is huge too, he was nervous about today but he is really happy to see you again. Give him some time."
"I can see why you don't want him to know about Ollie yet but you have to tell him soon." He held open the door of her car while she got in.
"You know I am not doing it because I don't want them to know, I am trying to do what I think is best for Oliver and for Adam. Trust me, I've done nothing but think about it, I've googled it and surprisingly there is nothing on the Internet about how to tell your child his father has risen from the dead. I am trying to figure it out."
"I know." Sliding his hand through the open window he squeezed her hand. "You know we love you Kim and thank you for everything, thank you for helping him come home. I know the reason he's back here, that he held onto this past is you."
"I'm glad he's here." She was a little teary. "Go and be with your son Bob, go love him."
It was late when he called. "How was the rest of your day?"
"It took a while to get my parents to leave." He was laughing but Kim could tell that it was forced. "It was like a six hour long therapy session."
"Tough."
"You will be there tomorrow yes?" Without a doubt he knew that he would never be able to walk through those doors without knowing she was going to be on the other side. If Al and Kim hadn't been there for him he was not sure he could have made it this far.
"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."
Gradually Kim could hear him relax a little. She could tell when he was pacing around the room or sitting down. Once he sat, he relaxed and his voice lost its tension. "Why do I feel like I am a monkey in the zoo?"
"Well people did actually like you."
"They liked the old Adam Ruzek." An unconfident Adam was a surprise. He never lacked confidence in himself or in any environment. Social situations were his forte, once upon a time. This was a whole new layer that they had to unpack.
"You are still him, Adam. We've all changed."
"I know, but I am not sure I remember that person. You buried a body, I had to bury myself."
"You know, I can still see him. I can still see Adam."
Kevin was fidgeting. "Relax Kev." Kim chuckled, although she had to admit she was nervous too. She had organised to met everyone a little earlier just to remind them about Oliver and also explain to them that Adam wasn't exactly sure of who he was, and wasn't handling things too well and he had spent six hours with his parents yesterday so was feeling a bit unsteady.
Stepping back through those doors was a step back in time. It was confronting and comforting all at once. Al was beside him and had briefly rested his hand on his shoulder. "You can do this." He took a deep breath and stepped back into his old life. "I'm back." He sounded a lot more confident than he felt as he fell back in with the very people who had made up his past. The past he never wanted to let go of.
He caught Kim's eye over the crowd of people around him, lining up to hug him and welcome him back. She looked happy; she looked beautiful.
"Did I see Kev shed a tear?" He leant in and whispered to Kim when everything settled down. The welcome home hugs subsided and they tried to fall into their old groove again thinking that's what Adam needed, just to be normal and he grinned and tolerated it. Beers were on the house, for the first few rounds at least thanks to Herrmann and Adam wasn't allowed to put his hand in his pocket at all.
Through the afternoon if ever he needed a safe place, Kim was it. "Yes, I do believe you bought him to tears. Happy now?"
"I guess some things are worth coming back for." He nudged her lightly. Erin watched them from across the table. There was a lot of love buried deep beneath years of heartache and loss. She had tried to broach the subject with Kim about what this meant for her but she refused to even discuss it, insisting that it was only about Oliver and Adam.
Kim eventually had to go. Daisy was being dropped off by her father shortly and Oliver would be home after dinner. He had gone to the Shedd Aquarium with friends today for a birthday party. It was perfect timing though today, Adam really wanted her to be there and she couldn't keep fobbing Oliver off when she went to see him. He offered to walk her out to her car, to spend another few minutes with her and to take a break from the nostalgia trip. "Thanks for today and for yesterday too. For everything."
"I'm glad I could help. Enjoy the afternoon. They are so happy to see you again." He squeezed her hand as she got into her car and turned and Kim watched him walk back towards the bar. He rested one hand on the door and Kim could see him steady himself for just a moment before straightening up and heading back inside.
He was trying desperately to shed the skin of another man, a skin that he'd worn somewhat uncomfortably for nine years. It wasn't easy.
Kim basically sat on the couch and waited for his call. The sound of his voice again was addictive and she craved it. After nine years of silence she just wanted to drink in every word. She wanted to hear him talk. "Are you okay?"
"Hmmm, I little drunk I think." Kim could hear the slight slur of his words but he did sound happy.
"But okay?"
"I am. It was good to see them all again. Even with all the hugging and crying."
"You don't look that comfortable with the hugging?" Kim hadn't been the only one to notice how reluctant he was to get close to anyone. Erin had commented on it.
"It's been a long time. I kinda avoided it, was it that obvious?" Although he hadn't avoided one hug from Kim or even Al.
"It is to me and Erin, but that's probably a girl thing."
"Sorry."
"Adam, don't be sorry. It's okay to take your time."
"How are your kids?" He didn't want to talk about himself anymore, that's all he'd done for the past two days. Her heart did start beating a little quicker when he asked about her kids but she had spoken to Erin since she'd been home and Erin had promised her that nobody talked about Oliver.
"They are good."
"They were with their Dad today yeah?" If only he knew how much she did not want him to ask that question.
"Daisy was, Oliver spent the day with friends at a Birthday Party."
"I am guessing he's not all that happy about your long dead ex turning up?"
"I haven't told him." Kim closed her eyes and leant back against the cushions. While her decision to keep Oliver from Adam at this stage was a hard decision to make, the decision to keep it from her estranged husband was easy. At this point in time they were barely speaking. Since the last time that she told him that he wasn't moving back home things had been unabarably tense. They communicated regarding Daisy and organising when he needed to pick her up or look after her but that was it and his parents would help out with Oliver when needed.
"Why not?"
"It's none of his business. We are not really talking that much at the moment." Once Steve knew that Adam was back she couldn't trust him not to tell his parents, Daisy or god forbid Oliver and he was the last person she wanted Oliver to find out from.
"I never wanted you to be unhappy. I left because I wanted you to have a chance to live a good happy life." Fortunately he seemed to drop the questions about her kids and moved on, not that talking about her failed marriage was particularly pleasant either.
"I know. I was happy for a long time, it's just these last couple of years haven't been easy." He couldn't see her but could hear the sense of loss in her voice. Kim was tracing the pattern on the cushion in her lap with her finger trying to stop her hand from shaking. Her life was a mess and Adam coming back made it messier.
"What happened?'
Kim still had her eyes closed. "Do you mind if I don't talk about it?"
"I shouldn't have asked, it's none of my business. I think I am just trying to put all the pieces together."
"Plenty of time for that."
"Maybe not. You know one day everything was just gone. I'd lost everything, my whole life." Every time Adam cried so did Kim. "I keep losing you."
"You keep finding me too."
