Oliver asking the tough questions. :)
"I talked to Adam today."
"About me?" Oliver had been quiet all evening. He had played in the backyard with Daisy, which made his sister happy as he just let her do what she wanted. Kim knew he was stewing over things, and why wouldn't he be? He had always been a bit of an over thinker, that he got from her. Thankfully he didn't get her impulsiveness though. He just thought about things, stewed over them and then buried them. Those traits came from his father.
This was not something he could ignore and bury though, they had to talk about it but Kim was willing to give Ollie some time and he obviously didn't want Daisy to know, and at this point neither did she. It was clearly bothering him because Mrs Davey had called her specifically because Oliver was upset so for as much as he wanted to brush it off and tell his Mom he was okay he clearly wasn't and Kim wasn't going to let him off.
"Yes about you." Kim had asked him to come sit with her once Daisy was asleep. She slipped an arm around his shoulder and kissed the top of his head as she pulled him in closer. Sometimes he fought being cuddled by his mother but his whole world had been turned upside down and he was scared. His mother's arms felt safe. "I know this is all confusing for you and scary but Ollie please don't think you can't ask me anything, anything at all. I want to know how you feel about all this. What do you want to know? What do you want to do."
"Is he really my Dad?"
"That really is Adam, and yes Ollie, he is your Dad."
"Was he happy?"
"Yes he is. He is confused like you and he is sad that he missed out on your whole life. Adam never would have left on that job if he'd known about you. He wants to meet you and he really wants get to know you. Yes Ollie, he is happy." Kim didn't want Oliver to have any doubts about that. "He's really happy."
"What do I call him?"
"How about we start with Adam, hey? You can call him Adam." He snuggled tighter into his mother's arms. "There is no rush. Take as much time as you want. We do this at your pace, okay?"
"Is he angry at you? Like Dad is angry at you and me?" It saddened Kim that Oliver was concerned about all the anger that surrounded them. She wanted to keep this from him, all the tension and anger between her and her husband but Oliver's questions obviously meant that she had failed.
"No, he's not. He's upset at the people who took him away from us for so long but he is not angry at you or me." He had seen enough of people's anger lately so Kim chose her words carefully. Adam was angry at the whole situation she knew that, not that he talked about it much yet but especially now the stakes had been raised way higher. Ollie didn't need to see that.
"Did you love him, like when you made me, did you love him?"
"Yes Oliver I did, so very much." That wasn't a lie, despite the rollercoaster they were riding at the time Kim had always loved Adam. "I know I told you it was a little complicated and we were trying to figure things out."
"Like you and Dad, not Adam, the other one."
"Kinda of yes, but it was very different. What happened between Adam and I wasn't like what happened here."
"He wasn't drunk all the time or didn't yell at you or hit people?"
"No Oliver, never. We just needed to grow up a little, we were a bit young and silly. I loved him so much that when I thought he died I was glad that at least I had you, a little piece of Adam. That helped me cope because I missed him so much."
"Do you still love him?"
Kim inhaled sharply. She wasn't expecting that question but she wasn't going to lie to Oliver and she had thought about it a lot over the last few weeks. Of course she loved him, she always would. Was she in love with him though? That she didn't know. "I think I always will, but that's not important right now, Oliver, you are all that matters to both me and to Adam. That's what we talked about today, about you."
He was silent for a while, mulling it over in his mind. It was all he had thought about all day, and Mrs Davey had told him it was okay to be scared and still be excited. "Do you think he would like to come to my game on Saturday?"
"Do you want me to ask him? I can ask him if that's what you really want, but remember Ollie there is no rush. He's not going anywhere." Kim wasn't sure that it needed to happen quite this quickly, although Adam was. As she suspected and hoped he was jumping in with both feet, before he left he told Kim he wanted to meet him properly and soon, he didn't want to wait and so it seemed either did Oliver. She also needed to sit down with her husband and break the news to him. That was a conversation she was not looking forward to.
He nodded his head enthusiastically although the little chew of his lip told Kim he was uncertain. "Can you?" Kim promised to call him later. Ollie would have liked her to call him right away but Kim was worried that she would have to talk him into it. What if he said No and Ollie heard it? She couldn't do that to her son.
"How's Oliver?" Adam didn't even give her a chance to say hello and she laughed.
"Well hello to you too."
Adam stuttered. He'd been on edge all evening waiting for Kim to call. He just wanted to know how Oliver was after school, if he was still okay with everything. "What? Hi, hello. How's Oliver? Have you talked to him?"
"Of course I've talked to him." Kim was curled up on the couch with a glass of red in her hand. She needed it; the past twenty-four hours had been a rollercoaster. Whatever loose plans she had for telling Adam and Oliver about each other had been blown out of the water but she was glad it was out there now and they both seemed to be coping well so far.
Kim was worried about Oliver but he seemed to be handling it and Adam was reacting better than she expected. She was waiting for the anger though, at some point things had to wobble. She expected him to be angry at her for not telling him.
"Is he okay? Like with everything?"
"Adam, just breathe."
"I can't Kim, I can't breathe. It's all I've thought about, I can't think about anything else. I have a son."
"I know, I gave birth to him remember."
"I do know that, and I hate that I missed it, I've been trying to think if I felt different, like after the day he was born, did I feel different? It's stupid isn't it?"
"No, it's sweet. You are sweet."
"What if he doesn't like me?" Adam had so many fears, he was broken and tortured and he had told her some of it but there was a lot he just wasn't ready to share. He talked about some of the places he went, the people he met and the work he did but one thing he hadn't told Kim was about the assignment and the moment they told him he had a choice to make. He didn't talk about his 'death'. Kim had asked him once and he just looked at her, shook his head and left the room.
When he came back she could see the effect it had on him, "I can't, not yet, not that." He told her and Kim just held his hand and told him it was okay.
"Adam…" Kim sighed. "I don't think you have anything to worry about."
"He might hate me for leaving?"
"Oliver doesn't hate you for leaving. He knows what happened, he always has. He knows that you had no idea I was pregnant." Kim wanted to be honest with him. "Last night he was worried, he was confused and felt like I had been lying to him but he understands. It was just such a shock for him. He doesn't hate you, he's not angry at you."
"Yes but that was before. It's okay to understand when you never thought I'd be back. I am sure you have felt that hate or disappointment, you hated me for leaving."
"Honestly yes. There were times, even before he was born I hated you for leaving but Adam that was just grief. I was grieving for you. I was grieving for your baby never having the chance to meet you. And now he has and you get to see how amazing he is. I love him so much Adam, he's my whole world. My children are my whole world." Kim wanted him to know. "I let go of that anger a long time ago, it was pointless. Nothing was going to change the fact that you weren't there, you were gone." When he started to protest Kim interrupted him. "I buried you Adam; I made peace with it. I never liked it, I hated it but I had to move on, I had a baby to raise and a life to live."
"I never wanted to hurt you, you know that right? I was trying to protect you; I wanted to save your life. I had too."
"You did, you left me with Oliver."
"If I'd know about Oliver I don't know what I would have done. Yesterday I thought why didn't you tell me, I would have stayed or if I had tried to contact you and told you what was happening I would have found a way but I couldn't and I didn't and I hate myself for that. I was angry at you for not telling me."
"I know. We all did what we thought was best, that's all you can do; can we move past this? I don't blame you and I am so happy to see you again and I can't wait to see you and Oliver together. It's always been my dream."
Adam didn't say anything. Kim could only imagine what he was feeling right now. He wasn't quite ready to let it all go but he was willing to push it back down deep within himself and focus on the most important thing in his world right now.
"Hey, Oliver wants to know if you want to come to his game on Saturday morning. If…."
"Yes."
"..if you are busy, he'll understand."
"I'm not busy. I want to come. Where? What time?"
"I will text you the details. Are you sure Adam? You can take as much time as you need. I explained this to Oliver, that it may take some time but he really wants you come to his game. He wants this."
"I want that too, more than anything. Unless you think it's too much for him?"
"Adam, he wanted me to ask you. He wants to meet you."
"Okay, then yes."
"He is nervous, but he's happy Adam."
"I'm scared too."
"Why?"
"Why do you think? I have no idea what I am doing? I don't know how to be a Dad; I wasn't expecting this at all. Not once did I think this could happen to me. A long time ago I realised that I would never be a father, and I am."
"Okay. You know, when he was born I had no idea how to be his Mom. I had this tiny helpless baby who needed me to know what he wanted when all he did was cry. I didn't know how to feed him, hold him, and change his diaper. Some days he would cry and cry and I didn't know why or how to stop it but I learnt and you will too. Adam you don't have to do anything, just come to his game that's all he wants right now. The rest we will work out, day by day."
"I don't want to fuck it up."
"Adam, I won't let you fail."
"Promise?"
"I promise. That's our boy, he's my son too and I won't put him at risk or let you break his heart. I know you won't do that either because I know you Adam."
"I'm not that Adam anymore."
"Yes, yes you are. I can see him and feel him and I know there are some big walls you've built around yourself but the Adam I fell in love with all those years ago is still there." Kim was desperate to let him know that she could feel that Adam. It was hard to get her head around the fact that Adam was so unsure of himself, that was never him, he was always so confident sometimes to his detriment but he was willing to put himself out there and make mistakes and learn from them. It was strange to see him so scared of failing.
Ollie looked at her expectantly first thing the next morning. "What did he say?"
"He said he is looking forward to seeing you on Saturday." For the first time in weeks she saw a smile on her son's face. This was all happening way faster than she expected and all she could do was pray that everything went the way that he wanted it to. She had to have faith in Adam.
Adam had been ecstatic; she could hear it in his voice when she called him. He did not even hesitate. He had a job interview lined up but he would cancel. There was no way he was bailing on his son. If he wanted to have any sort of a relationship with him he needed to take every single opportunity that came his way. He'd missed enough already.
"What did who say?" Daisy piped up as she wandered in and caught the end of the conversation. "Daddy?"
"No Darling, just a friend of Mommy and Uncle Al's" she ruffled her daughter's hair as she leant on her legs like she did most mornings until she woke up properly.
The conversation with her husband did not go quite so smoothly. He had been surprised when she sent him a message asking to meet and talk over lunch. There was always the hope that she was going to change her mind although that had certainly started to wane over the past couple of weeks and she was pushing him further and further away.
"Is Daisy ready for the weekend?"
"She is, I packed her bag and left it with her at school. What have you got planned?" Kim was determined to keep things civil between them for Daisy's sake. Ollie would pull further away from him than he already had knowing that he didn't have to pretend anymore. He had already asked if he still had to call him 'Dad'. Kim had no idea how to answer that. It was far too early to be having these conversations. She had told Ollie just to do what he felt was right and reminded him that Daisy didn't know about Adam yet so they decided to leave things how they were for now. She did love how much Oliver cared about his sister, at least she'd got that right.
"The zoo tomorrow, she keeps nagging me about it."
"She does love those animals."
Kim could see his hand creeping closer to hers and she pulled it away and grabbed her coffee cup with both hands. "Why don't you come?"
"I've got Ollie's game tomorrow morning." Kim nervously took a mouthful of coffee, which was a little too hot and she spluttered a little. "Speaking of Ollie."
"What now?" He didn't want to talk about her son again. That had been done to death.
"A couple of weeks ago I found out that his father was alive. He's back in Chicago."
"So that's what this is about?" The look he gave her made her shift a little uncomfortably in her seat. She had chosen a public place to have this conversation hoping to keep it under control. Their arguments at home had the tendency to get a little out of control. Not that he had ever been violent or aggressive towards her but some pretty nasty words could be thrown around. Being in public would hopefully negate that.
"What?"
"Your bitchiness about this separation. Are you fucking him?"
Kim wasn't at all surprised by his accusation and that was disappointing. It was sad that her husband thought that she was capable of that; he'd always had a small jealous streak. It had reared its ugly head when she had to go undercover with Jay as her husband a few months ago and it wasn't helpful. "Well thank you for your faith in me. I can tell you one thing for nothing, fucking anyone, as you so eloquently put it is the last thing on my mind right now."
"So the sperm donor lives and now let me guess, he wants to suddenly be a father. I didn't think you were quite so gullible."
"Gullible?"
"You really think he is suddenly back from the dead? Seems a little suss to me."
"Think what you want, I am telling you the truth. I had no idea he was still alive."
"Doesn't surprise me that you are running back to him, he was always some untouchable god like figure."
"How dare you? How dare you?" Kim screwed up her napkin and threw it on her plate and hissed. "You have no idea how hard this has been for me. I thought he was dead, for nine years I thought Oliver's father was dead and the out of the blue I find out he's not."
"Does Oliver know?"
"Yes he does, he dropped into see Al a couple of days ago and he met him. I had to tell him, he's a smart kid. He figured it out." Kim laid her hands flat on the table. "I didn't want either of them to find out like that. Adam had no idea either until then."
"You didn't think to call me, don't you think I had a right to an opinion?"
"I told you it wasn't supposed to happen yet. And I am telling you now."
"Yes, you are telling me. Not asking me what I think, not asking my opinion but you probably don't care what I think, you never did concerning Oliver." It was getting harder to keep his shit together, he had done what she asked and cut back on the drinking, which apparently was one of the 'big' issues but he was starting to wonder what the point was. "I don't want him anywhere near my daughter."
"This has nothing to do with Daisy." Kim countered instantly. "She does not know anything."
"This is all some fucking joke right? Suddenly I am supposed to believe that your ex is back from the dead and it has nothing to do with the fact that you want to end our marriage."
"You ended our marriage when you abused Oliver."
"Once, and I apologised. How many times do I have to say it? Huh? I raised him, I fed him and clothed him and I treated him like he was my own, but that was never good enough for him or you. Where was he?" He slammed his fist into the table. "God damn it Kim." Now they had the attention of the whole café, she felt every set on eyes on them and she looked around nervously.
Kim lowered her voice, trying to take the sting out of the conversation in the vain hope that the rest of the patrons would go back to their own business. "I swear to you, I had no idea that Adam was alive until a few weeks ago. That is the god honest truth."
"I want to meet him."
"Can I ask why?" Kim didn't understand why but she knew that he could make things even more difficult for her. Not only was she trying to protect Oliver and navigate the fact his real father was suddenly back and what that meant for Oliver and for her, she was also trying to protect Daisy. She was confused enough about what was going on as it was.
"You've got no idea who this guy is, he's been gone what nearly ten years? People change. Are you sure he is really who he says he is?" His voice had suddenly softened. The way he swung from one extreme emotion to another did little to ease Kim's concerns. "Despite what you think, I do care about Oliver."
"Trust me, don't you think we looked into it and I think I would know the father of my child."
"I guess you never forget a dick hey?" That smirk got her hackles up.
Kim snatched the bill off the table and then threw down some money; she wanted to slap him so fucking hard it wasn't funny. "I will see you Sunday night, have a good weekend with Daisy. I will call her tomorrow."