"Do you think he will still come?" Oliver had asked her nervously as they got in the car the next morning.
He had been up since the crack of dawn; Kim could hear him moving around the house way earlier than usual. The only day he got a wriggle on was game day, his energy was boundless when it came to Baseball, he loved it but that still didn't explain the unusually early start and she knew that he was nervous about Adam coming to his game. He had been let down too many times to count by Steve not turning up when he said he would.
Long after Steve had turned his back on Oliver he still looked for him at games and still got a small skip in his step when he said he would come. He never did but Oliver was desperate for Steve to throw him a bone and kept trying until he just couldn't anymore, it had taken two years but Steve had broken her son's spirit. Kim was dreading what would happen if Adam did the same, it would break her son's heart and it would break hers.
"He will. He just sent me a message, checking the time and the place. For the fourth time." Kim chuckled. Adam was a bundle of nervous energy as well. He could not wait.
Oliver couldn't help but watch the stands during warm up and kept one eye on his mother until he saw him arrive. He couldn't really remember what he looked like and especially from a distance but when he sat down beside his mother, he knew and he smiled and waved at his Mom.
"Hey." Adam slipped into the seat beside her on the bleachers and handed her a cup of coffee. He'd taken a punt and grabbed her one on the way, he needed one himself to steady himself and it seemed that old habits did die hard. He always was picking her up a coffee back in those days; she had a serious addiction to the stuff. "I'm not late am I?"
"No, not at all. They are just warming up." She pointed Oliver out to him. "He loves first base. I should have told you." flicking the peak of his cubs hat. "He's a White Sox fan."
"Atwater?" Adam shook his head and laughed and Kim melted a little. His laugh had always trickled through her and made her heart skip a beat "Bloody Atwater and his Sox obsession."
"Are you okay with this?"
"What? That he's a sox fan, no I am not." He nudged her with his shoulder. "Or watching my son play Baseball? Or sitting here with you?"
Kim ignored the flirting, that was the Adam she remembered and surprisingly she really liked it. It had been a long time since someone had made her feel good about herself, she would only get a compliment when her husband wanted sex and that hadn't happened for quite a while. Even when they weren't really on the same page Adam had the tendency to flirt with her, he often told her that it was just a natural instinct. "That Ollie wants this. He wants to meet you properly." She reassured him. "He was so excited this morning and a little nervous."
"I know how he feels and I want to meet him too. He's my son Kim. I feel like I've let him down."
"Adam you didn't let him down, you never have. Not turning up today would have been letting him down."
"I blew off a job interview this morning." He added a little sheepishly. He was torn between letting her know how happy he was and playing it a little cool. Suddenly he had a reason not to stay, coming back had always had a caveat on it, if Kim was happy he would move on once he had apologised. Now he knew that he could never leave because of Oliver. The fact that she wasn't happy in her own personal life either played on his mind. Perhaps….
"Adam, you shouldn't have done that. Ollie would have understood."
"Yes I should have. This is far more important. Kim, this is about my son. No job is going to keep me from that. I've been kept from him for too long." The words all came out in a rush.
"He appreciates it." Kim squeezed his hand quickly. "Don't be nervous."
"You know I have no idea how to be a Dad?"
"You are off to a good start." He caught Kim smiling from the corner of his eye as she took a mouthful of her coffee. "He knows you're here and I can tell he's pretty jazzed."
"Really?" Adam leant forward and watched him as he jogged back to the dug out ready for the game to start.
"He kept looking up here and then once he saw you arrive he relaxed and got this little bounce in his step. I am not saying it's father of the year kinda stuff but it's good Adam." Kim nudged him back. "I have faith in you and Oliver."
"You were worried that I would bail?"
"No. I never doubted you'd be here." Looking out across the field Kim took a moment just to appreciate the blueness of the sky, the cool breeze on her face and just being here sharing this moment. "This is just happening really fast and I am trying to get my head around it."
"You can say that again. A little more than a month ago I was just hoping to see you one more time to apologise. Now here we are, sitting at a Ball game watching our son play. It's surreal. I keep pinching myself."
"So do I." Adam was surprised when she leant her head on his shoulder for just a moment. He had to steady himself. Being close to her was intoxicating and painful. "I always wondered what you would think if you knew about him. I'm glad I am here to see it."
Kim probably missed half the game because she was watching Adam. He was transfixed, not only did she know he loved Baseball but it was also because she felt like she was watching him fall in love with his son and that was beautiful to see. He was quiet, quieter than she thought he'd be. She'd been to ball games with him before and he was loud and wild but he was just watching Oliver.
Once the game was over Adam hopped from foot to foot while they waited for Oliver to join them once they had packed their gear up. Adam had wiped his hands on his jeans several times and Kim put a hand on his arm and he jumped a little, she was worried that he was going to bolt. All they agreed to was him coming to watch, if he couldn't hang around, if he wasn't ready for this that would be okay but he insisted he wanted to meet him properly. "Just relax Adam."
"What if he doesn't like me?"
"When has a kid ever not liked you?" He always had every kid hanging off him. He was a magnet for them.
"Hi." Oliver stood close to his mother. She slipped at comforting arm around his shoulders. They were both a bundle of nervous energy and it kept shocking Kim at how alike they both were even though they'd never met before.
"You remember Adam? Right?" Of course he'd remember him, it was his long dead father returning from the grave. There was no forgetting that.
"Good game." Adam shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure what else to do with them. "That win was awesome, you've got to be happy with that." He rocked on his heels a little and Kim squeezed Oliver's shoulder.
"They haven't lost a game all season so we really wanted to beat them."
"But you've only lost two games haven't you? You're Mom told me you were a good team." Oliver beamed at both of them. The fact that Adam seemed to care made Oliver happy. "A couple of RBI's too. I'm very impressed." Kim wasn't at all surprised to see Oliver continuing to smile. Steve would have no idea what Oliver had done through the game, if he did turn up he spend most of his time on his phone so the fact that Adam had paid attention was enough for her and, judging by the look on her son's face for him too.
"That's my best game, isn't it Mom?" He looked up his mother who nodded. "The coach was really happy. He gave me best player."
"Well that's pretty exciting. We loved the game." Kim winked at Adam to let him know he was doing okay.
"My Dad…" he paused, realising what he said. "Your Pops used to grab a burger for lunch after a game when I played. Should we do that?" Adam looked at Kim for approval. "All of us."
"Can we?" Again he looked at his Mother.
"Sure."
Lunch was fun and Adam didn't want it to end. The boys talked about the game, the season so far and segued into hockey. Kim just sat back and let them go, they would pull her into their conversation every so often but she was content to watch, it was everything she was hoping it would be. Adam walked them back to their car and promised to see them again soon, he shook Oliver's hand and thanked him for asking him to come along.
Driving home she heard her phone beep with a message and without looking she knew it would be from Adam. 'He's a great kid Kim, I'm so proud of you. He's lucky he's got you as his mother.'
"Did he like me?" Kim was saddened that Oliver seemed so insecure lately. That was never Oliver; how had she not noticed how much his family life lately had beat him down? She had put a lot on his small shoulders and it wasn't fair and obviously she hadn't done as good a job at shielding him from the worst of it as she thought she had.
"He really did. We will see him again soon I promise."
Kim rang him later that night. Since he had been back in Chicago they had long conversations once the kids had gone to bed, this was their routine now. At times Adam found it easier to talk to her when he couldn't see her. He was distracted by his desire for her when they were together. Just as Oliver had been worried if Adam liked him, Adam had the same concerns and Kim reassured him that Oliver was happy and had loved meeting him and had talked about him all the way home and right through dinner.
Adam would suddenly jump from one conversation to another. "Did you think about not keeping the baby?"
Kim responded instantly, she was getting used to it. He was trying to fit everything in and make sense of it all so when a thought or a question came to mind he asked it. "Not once."
"Really?" he sounded surprised.
"Not even for a second."
"You'd just made it into Intelligence and it was what you'd worked so hard for. I know how important that was to you." From the moment he met her that was what she wanted, to be in Intelligence. It was also when he started to worry about the effect Roman was having on her when she suddenly gave up on her dream. That disappointed him, that she would give up on her dream not because it was her choice but because someone convinced her to. He never would have asked her to do that; he would have never let her do that no matter how painful it was to have to work alongside her again. He would rather leave and let her have her chance, which he did and it all went pear shaped from there.
"My career was, and still is important. I loved being in Intelligence and I think I am good at being a cop but being a mother, that trumps being a cop. I love being a Mom, I loved being Oliver's mom. It felt overwhelming but I loved Oliver so much."
"But you were pregnant and alone. Pregnant to someone I am not sure you even liked."
Kim hated his insecurities; perhaps that's where Oliver got his from. "Oh I liked him, sure we weren't in a good place but I'd like to think that the love was still there. I know it was on my side. That night, it was wild and we were probably stupid but that was us wasn't it? Young and stupid."
"I took that job because I couldn't just be your friend and I thought or felt that was all you were offering. I wanted you to miss me, I wanted you to love me."
"You got your wish."
"Not just because you were pregnant?"
"No, Adam loving you was never the issue, I had a lot of regrets about us but I never regretted that night or what it bought me. I never regretted having Oliver. I missed you so much."
"I'm glad he was here for you." Adam smiled, Kim couldn't see it but somehow she knew he was smiling. "Did you know he was a boy?"
"No, I didn't want to find out. I knew it was going to be a rough day so I wanted a surprise, something to look forward to. I always had a feeling it was a boy though."
"Why?"
"I'd convinced myself that you left me with a piece of you to help me through. That you'd created another you to fill the hole in the universe that you'd left. It never did though. Only you could fill that hole."
"Oliver helped though?"
"Oliver saved me." She whispered. "And Adam, he can save you to if you let him."