A/N - Thanks again for your reviews. Sorry the last chapter was so sad. Someone said something in a review about making this have a happy ending... I once had a conversation with a friend who said that he actually liked sad endings - not because they were sad, but because they made the reader (or the viewer, when it comes to television or movies) see that everything's not always perfect, and that the characters have some problems that just can't be fixed. My view on the subject? Well... Let's just say that I didn't completely agree with him...

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The Gift

Chapter Six - A Reason for Everything

Chandler walked into Monica's hospital room and was surprised to see that her eyes were open. He walked over to the bed and took her hand in his, fighting back the tears that he knew were going to come.

"Chandler?" she said quietly. "What's wrong?" As soon as she asked the question, she knew. "No," she said quietly, allowing the tears to flow freely. She moved her hand to her stomach. "No."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered and sat down in the chair beside her bed. He couldn't stand on his own anymore. He just wasn't strong enough. "The uh... The baby didn't make it." He finally allowed his tears to fall and squeezed her hand.

She just looked at him through tears and reached over to touch his cheek gently. "This can't be happening," she said quietly. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know," he replied, wiping away his own tears. "We'll get through this, okay? You're gonna be fine," he said rather unconvincingly. He knew that he should be trying to ease her pain, but he didn't know how. He didn't know how to ease his own pain. What was he going to do for a woman who had just lost a baby?

His statement just caused Monica's tears to come faster. He immediately got up from his chair and sat on the edge of her bed. He pulled her into his arms and held her close to him, wishing that there was something - anything - that he could do to make it all go away. She let him hold her for what seemed like an eternity as she cried until there were no tears left to cry.

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Soon Monica was at home again, trying to recover from the miscarriage. Rachel and Phoebe had been especially eager to help her in any way they could, but nothing seemed to ease the pain. Ross did his best to be there for her, but seeing his little sister in her condition was killing him. Joey, although he wanted to help, was trying to avoid both Monica and Chandler as much as he could manage. He had no idea what he was supposed to do to make it better. No one did.

Chandler spent a lot of time in Monica's apartment, although neither of them had much to say to each other. Most of their time together was spent wrapped in each other's arms, crying over the loss of their child. He wished with all of his heart that there was something he could do for her. If only there were some way to turn back time. He was blaming himself for the whole thing. It had been his idea to even start the whole baby fiasco, and he was feeling extremely guilty. He shouldn't have done this to her. She was dying inside because of his stupid suggestion. It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have been that way.

"Monica?" he called when he entered the apartment one week after the miscarriage. She exited her bedroom in a bathrobe. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. She walked over to meet him in the living room and wrapped her arms around his waist.

He kissed the top of her head before she pulled away to look up at him. He brushed her hair away from her tear stained cheeks and kissed her forehead gently. "If there's anything I can do, Mon... Please. Just tell me," he said quietly.

"Unless you can bring our baby back, I don't think there's anything you can do, Chandler," she replied, trying not to start crying again.

He led her over to the couch where they sat down together, with Monica's head resting on Chandler's shoulder. "I wish I could bring the baby back, Monica, but I can't. And you can't. Nobody can bring him back."

"Him?" she questioned after a moment's hesitation.

"I didn't want to say 'it,'" he answered simply. "And I think we would have had a boy."

Monica lifted her head to look at him and could see that he was getting teary-eyed again. "Chandler, I know that you're hurting, too... And I want to help you but... I don't think I'm strong enough," she said, her voice cracking. "I know I'm not strong enough."

"It's okay," he whispered and pulled her to him again, stroking her hair tenderly. "We can lean on each other."

"Can we talk about it? I think I need to talk about it," Monica said quietly, still resting in Chandler's arms.

"I think we both need to talk about it," he agreed. He inhaled deeply before he started. "Monica, I loved that baby. I know he was brand new, but I already loved him." He used the back of his hand to wipe away his tears.

"I did too," Monica sniffed. "That was my child - our child," she corrected herself. "It doesn't matter that he only existed for a couple of weeks. He was our baby."

"I wanted to be the perfect dad. I wanted to make up for my own childhood... I wanted this baby to be the happiest kid on the face of this planet..."

"I wanted to see him," Monica sobbed. "We didn't even get to see a sonogram."

"I wanted to see you pregnant. You... You already had that glow," he said quietly, not even bothering to wipe away his tears anymore.

"I didn't get to feel him kick. I wanted to know that there was really a baby in there... I knew, but... I just wanted to know." She knew that she wasn't making sense anymore.

But Chandler understood. "I'm so sorry, Mon," he cried. "I shouldn't have put you through this. I hate knowing that I did this to you."

"Chandler, you didn't," Monica tried to assure him. She pulled away from him so she could look into his eyes. "Don't blame yourself for this. I wanted that baby just as much as you did. You didn't force me to carry your baby. I wanted to. It... It wasn't your fault," she said through tears. "It was mine."

"No. No, Monica, I'm not going to let you blame yourself for this. It certainly wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done."

"Yes there was," she said quietly. "I... I hadn't been feeling well that night. But I was having such a good time with you, I... I just thought it would pass. I should have made you take me to the hospital sooner... I should have done something... I just didn't think I was going to lose the baby."

"Of course you didn't," he tried to soothe her. "Monica, there's no way you could have known. The doctor said that there was nothing that could have been done."

"But what if -"

"Wait. We can't do this," Chandler interrupted, the realization finally hitting him. "There can't be any 'what ifs,' Mon. That's not going to change anything. We lost a child. But we can get through this... We just have to help each other through it. We can't change the past, but maybe... Maybe this was something to set us on the right path for the future... People say that there's a reason for everything that happens."

Monica looked at him, still crying, and spoke quietly. "There had better be a really good reason behind this one, Chandler."

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Nearly three months after the miscarriage, things were slowly starting to return to normal - well, as close to normal as anyone could manage. Monica and Chandler were still spending a lot of time together, although they had made a mutual silent agreement that they wouldn't try dating at the moment. That could wait. They were still mourning the loss of their child. The others were being extremely supportive of both of them, trying to help them through the most difficult thing any of them had ever had to deal with.

Monica walked over to Joey and Chandler's apartment late one afternoon and entered after quickly knocking on the door. "Hey," she said when she saw Chandler standing in the kitchen, rummaging through a drawer. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for the Chinese take-out number. Joey's out tonight, so I thought I'd spend some quality time with some Chinese food and the television," he joked.

"Oh, really?" she smiled. "Actually I came over to see if you wanted to have dinner with me. I made lasagna."

"Well, let me think about this. Chinese food with the television or homemade lasagna with you. Hmm... I think I'll take what's behind door number two," he grinned.

"Good. I could use the company," she replied. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," he smiled and followed her over to her apartment. "This smells a lot better than any Chinese food," he said once they were inside. "Of course I wouldn't expect any less from you," he added.

"Well, they do pay me to cook well. I would hope I could handle it," she teased. She put an extra plate of lasagna on the table where he was sitting and sat down across from him. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Monica spoke again. "Chandler, I think I'm ready for us to try again."

He almost choked on his food before he looked up at her. "Excuse me?" he asked after swallowing hard.

"To try us," she responded. "I'm not ready to try for another baby. I just couldn't handle it right now if..." She trailed off, knowing that he wasn't ready for that either.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Are you sure you're ready, Mon? I don't want there to be any pressure on you to do anything about this right now. I'll wait forever for you, you know."

She smiled at him and reached across the table to take his hand. "I know," she said. "But I don't want to wait forever."

He smiled brightly at her statement, then realized something that he hadn't even thought about since the miscarriage. His smile quickly turned into a frown.

"What? What is it?" Monica asked worriedly. "Don't you want to do this anymore?"

"Of course I want to. It's just... You didn't want to until you were pregnant. Are you sure that you really want to do this?"

"Yes, Chandler. I didn't just consider it because I was pregnant. You're a great guy. I've always known that. I just hadn't thought of you in that way until you told me how you felt about me." She paused, wondering if she should tell him what she'd been thinking about since the miscarriage. "Chandler, about that night," she began quietly. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you this, but I guess I should... It was the best and worst night of my life, if that's even possible," she admitted. "I mean, before everything took a turn for the worse, I realized that I felt a connection with you that hadn't been there before. Or maybe it's been there all along and, because of our friendship, I just didn't want to feel it. I really want this, Chandler. I just want to give it a chance."

"Me too," he smiled. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I want that more than anything."