Disclaimer: I don't own RK.
Author: It is Saturday (in the fic).
This chapter has caused me some serious troubles. Hopefully the rest will be easier to write. Edo is the old name of Tokyo.
Chapter 10. I am alive
Misao slept. A small content smile brightened her face.
Nothing had changed. The sky was blue; no white clouds were there to be seen. The sun shone brightly and the morning dew glimmered. The ground was filled with green grass and flowers of all colours of the rainbow. She danced around them. She could see others also.
Himura and Kaoru were talking on her left. Both of them looking very happy. Sano and Megumi were approaching from behind her. Omasu, Okon, Shiro and Kuro were waving at her from afar. Aoshi was meditating on a big rock and Okina was taking care of the flowers.
Yahiko was there too. Nothing had changed about him. He looked just the same. Misao frowned. But he was 17 already. He should have grown.
Suddenly everything turned black. She still heard all of them, but she couldn't see them anymore. "What-?" she spoke and the echo brought her words back. 'What, what, what...'
She tried to touch her eyes, but she didn't find them. She didn't have eyes. She screamed--
And woke up breathing heavily. The change was meaningless. It still was all black and she still didn't have eyes.
Misao sat up trying to calm herself. Dreams such as that were never far away and she should have gotten used to them, but she hadn't. Every time she saw a dream such as this, she woke up practically screaming. They never went away, at least not until she would no longer remember that she had sometime in the past seen things and people.
She sighed. It was Saturday. She would leave tomorrow and go back to her life in Suzu. Back to content but not happy. Here she was not content, but strangely in here her life was more interesting. Hiding from everyone, having to watch out all the time...
All this time after her little meeting with Shimabara she had been searching for a safe place, but maybe the place or the thing she should have been searching for was not safety. After being hurt badly she had wanted to hide from everyone. Never wanting to be hurt again. She had found that from Suzu. It was a quiet and kind village where people were happy in their normal lives. Nothing exciting happened there. People were generous and helpful. She had thought herself to be lucky to have found such a place where no one intentionally hurt anyone. Everything moved forward quietly and nothing changed.
But...
She had been a wild thing from the birth and staying still in one place longer than five minutes had been too much for her. That's why she had never understood meditating. She just couldn't sit still long enough. She had learned that skill painfully and meditating had become daily.
But something was wrong.
She had it felt soon after moving to Suzu, but until this day she had ignore it. She had wanted to play with children, get to know the forests and every road. She had mentioned this to Himiko-san briefly and she had been horrified. She had said it was okay, but that she should take someone with her. Misao's desire had disappeared immediately. Somehow it had been... suffocating living in Suzu. Here she felt once again free.
Maybe the life she was living now wasn't meant for the kinds of her, for her.
*Maybe... I think I just found an answer.* she smiled. *Maybe I can find my happiness, my tomorrow again. Not like I have tried till this day and by hiding, but little by little from other people and by moving around. I think that's my way to tomorrow. Searching by moving around.*
She stood up and for the first time in five years she knew what road she would move to. She had been standing in an intersection for five years and now she finally knew which direction she wanted to walk to. It had been right before her eyes all this time but it had taken a trip to Kyoto and Yahiko for her to realize it.
She owed a lot to him for that. It was partly because of him that she had realized what road to take. She would have to repay that to him somehow in the future.
She dressed herself quickly. Somehow she felt full of energy, something she hadn't felt in years. In five to be correct. She wanted to jump, laugh, dance and clap her hands in delight. A little bit of Misao had been revived. Now she was glad that she had agreed to come to Kyoto.
She had still a lot to learn and to live to regain her happiness. It wouldn't come back with a snap of fingers. It would take time, but that was something she had. Tomorrow she would leave for a quest to find herself, she had nothing holding her back. She didn't have much money, but she didn't need more.
But tomorrow was tomorrow and today was now.
She exited her room and walked to Yahiko's. After knocking she barged in. "Wake up, slacker. It is morning already." Then before he had a change to say anything she left his room and headed downstairs. She was feeling good and that was a lot more than usually. No one would be able to ruin her good mood.
"Mei." A deep voice that sent shivers down her spine.
Hell, she would not allow him of all people ruin it. She turned to the voice with a ghostly-like little smile on her face. "Shinomori-san. How may I help you?"
"Do you have a moment?" He walked a little closer. He wasn't far from her and she almost felt his warmth on her skin. Her knees felt weaker and she wanted to just fall over to his arms.
"I am sorry, but I am very busy today. Can it wait to tomorrow?" Her voice was polite and revealed nothing of her inner feelings, which had been freed during her earlier musings. She was free to feel again. She didn't shut away feelings just to avoid being hurt anymore. Which unfortunately meant that she was way more sensitive to Aoshi.
Now the man from her thoughts just stood there and she could feel his eyes on her. It had been a long time since she had been this alive. It felt good. Being alive felt good.
"Alright." His voice caressed her senses and when he moved past her she felt faint. She had forgotten that her feelings were this strong. She would have to do something about it. If she always reacted this strongly around him... That may lead to embarrassing situations. *Well, I'll leave tomorrow. I can enjoy this that long time.* She walked to the kitchen and told them that she would go to dining room and that she was hungry. "Also, Yahiko-chan will come soon. Make something for him too, ne."
She went to the dining room and sat to a free table. It was easy to move around there. Everything was like she remembered it to be. She would leave all of this familiarity behind her again when she left, but it didn't matter. Because after she was done, she would come back. For real then. After that, she would not leave again.
She heard someone approaching. The ki she sensed told her that it was Shiro. Hopefully he had food with him because she was very hungry. Soon she smelled the sweet scent of food. He came and placed the tray on the table. "Here you go. Enjoy your meal."
She smiled at him. He was polite even though he didn't even know if she was a friend or an enemy. "Arigatou gozaimasu. I am sure I'll like it. You make such a good food here."
Misao could almost sense his wondering. He stood there for a moment before returning to the kitchen. Misao took the chopsticks and dug in. It was good as always. Even though she was a possible enemy she still got good food. She was glad about that. Having to eat only beans or something wouldn't really be pleasant.
Misao liked eating, tasting and smelling the food. Her every sense was better than before and so also eating had become a way to know the world. She hadn't really thought of it in the past, but along with so many things also that had changed when she had lost her eyes.
She heard someone coming. This time it was Yahiko. He had his food with him and he sat onto the same table with Misao. "Thanks for the rude waking." He sounded half asleep.
She smiled. She really liked him. "No need to thank me Yahiko-chan."
"You know, that doesn't make me angry anymore." He told her sleepily and yawned.
She nodded. "Good. Then one of your weak points has been won." She smiled at him and continued eating.
Yahiko stopped eating for a moment to think about what she had said and continued then. He wasn't awake enough to think clearly. He had slept ten hours and he was still half asleep and tired. He had somehow known that they would not leave late in the afternoon, but at the morning. He had been right. Today had been the first time she had been the one to barge into a room. Well, he didn't have to worry about her having seen anything.
A bang of quilt with that thought. He shouldn't think like that.
Misao finished her meal soon and stood up. Yahiko was still eating, she could hear his sticks hitting the bowl as he picked more food. "I'll be waiting in my room. Come there after you have finished. We'll leave then." She turned and could hear him mumble his 'yes'.
She walked calmly all the way to her room. Some people who she did not know by ki walked by her but she hardly noticed them. They didn't pose any threat to her nor were they important to her. To her they were just hired help and to them she was just another customer unless they were former or present members of Oniwabanshu. Then they would see her as an enemy. An enemy in her own home. It hadn't really bothered her before but now that she knew again who she was, it was a little annoying. She didn't want them to think that she would hurt them.
All because of Shimabara once again.
Shimabara had hurt her in more ways than one. He had taken away her eyes. It had been physical pain. During the time her sliced her skin and during the time the wounds had healed. It had been awfully painful and she had been helpless, but she had endured. She had survived. The pain from the wounds was gone, only scars were left.
But he had also hurt her psyche and shaken her self. She had been defiant and he had taken that away, not with a knife but with his words and with the help of the situation. She had been held captive and she had been unable to do anything. Those two had been the things that had dulled her fire.
Now she had to get that fire burning brightly again. Then she would be able to regain her defiance and she would return to the person she used to be. Well, not exactly. Too many things had changed, she had grown up and endured more than many and those things had changed her too much for her to ever wholly become Misao they knew. But she would become a person she wanted to become. That she swore to herself and to Yahiko and to her other friends.
She smiled and opened the door to her room. She was already inside when she noticed that this was not the room she had stayed in these last days. This was her own room, the room she had lived in for so many years. She had been almost five when Aoshi and others had moved there and she along with them. Okina and others had been strangers to her at the time and she had always been with Aoshi or Hannya. Or if they were both out, she was with Beshimi who played games with her, or with Hyottoko who blew fire for her and kept her entertained, or with Shikijou who took her all around the town and carried her on his shoulder, threw her in the air and told stories.
Little by little she had learned to know Okina and others better also, but they didn't really become her friends before Aoshi left with others. Then they had been all she had had. Okina had become jiya for her and others were almost like brothers and sisters. But still she missed the friends she had lost.
This room had been hers since then. She could remember everything. The drawer with a mirror on one wall, futon right next to it. Window like in her present room, tatamis as the floor. She stepped two steps inside before she understood what she was doing. If she were sighted here, she would be in sooo much trouble. They would become even more suspicious. It was a good thing that she would leave tomorrow. She was anxious to leave and anxious to return.
She turned around and left the room. She was lucky, no one saw her. She didn't want to start explaining again. She walked calmly to the room she had intended to go into. She hoped that Yahiko would come soon. She wanted to leave already. She paced around the room, unable to just sit down. Meditating would be impossible. She needed action.
She walked around the room waiting anxiously for Yahiko. She wanted to leave already. The time it took from Yahiko to eat and then come to her felt like an eternity. Backing her few things had taken only few minutes.
"At last!" She yelled at him when he finally appeared to her door. Since she couldn't see, she missed Yahiko's surprised look when she took a hold of his arm and pulled him to the stairs and down them.
"Hey! What's the hurry?" She could hear Yahiko loud and clear. He seemed to wonder something but Misao paid no attention to it. She wanted out. She ignored Yahiko's words and the strange looks she knew she was getting as she dragged him with her. For the first time in a long time she just didn't care what others thought. Why should she?
It wasn't until they were out of Aoiya that she released him. She stopped there at the stairs. The wind caressed her face and it felt good. All kind of smells from the street invaded her nose and sounds her ears. She was more aware of everything now and it felt good. She took her cane from her waist and with its help she stepped down onto the street. A smile brightened her face and it shone like a sun, which was hidden behind a curtain of clouds on the sky.
"Hey, Mei-san."
She turned to Yahiko still smiling. "Yes?"
"Are we in a hurry or something?" He also walked the stairs and stopped at her side. Misao shook her head. "Nope. I just wanted to get out. It has been some time since the last time." She smiled and took few steps forward, feeling the ground first with her cane. "Sasha-san lives near the graveyard. Do you know where it is?"
"Ummm, I am not sure..." Yahiko tried to remember the last time he had been at Kyoto. He and Sanosuke had been lost and then they had seen Megumi and Kaoru and then Kenshin had came saying that he had been at graveyard. Now where was that?
Misao laughed. "Don't worry. I know the way and I'll give you instructions on where to turn where. I know Kyoto quite well from before." Misao didn't even consider her words. She spoke freely cause now at last she was free.
"So you have lived in Kyoto? When and where?" Yahiko on the other hand paid a lot of attention to her words. Mei hardly ever spoke of the past when it wasn't necessary so he absorbed every single thing she said to his memory.
"Almost all of my life. I am an orphan. My parents died when I was very little and my grandfather who was my last relative died when I was five." Mei had a strange look on her face. She didn't smile anymore, but she didn't really look sad either.
"I am an orphan too! My parents died when I was little too. I was older than you, but still young." Yahiko smiled. They had something in common and it felt good. He really liked Mei and wanted to get closer to her. He saw Mei smile at him as she started to walk to right. "Come, this way. I'll tell you where to turn and so on, but you have to help me a little. Counting and estimating the distances is very hard so you'll tell me and guide forward."
Yahiko nodded. "Sure!" And walked to her side to listen to her.
It took them half an hour to reach Sasha's house. On their way they also bought some flowers for her. Yahiko picked and Mei bought them. Sasha did indeed live near the graveyard and after only a little trouble they arrived. It was pure luck that Himiko's husband Ikku was at the door going inside and recognized Misao. He yelled and soon Himiko came out with her daughter Jun and son Haru following soon after. Himiko hugged her friend into a tight embrace and yelled how glad she was that Mei was there and how worried she had been. Misao only hugged her briefly back before pulling away. Jun and Haru were both tugging at her sleeve to get her attention and she gave them both a small smile.
Yahiko watched this all from the side and immediately noticed the change in Mei. She was calmer and politer. Also she seemed more distant. Yahiko couldn't really understand what happened to her, but the change was great. She was like another person. This new Mei didn't seem to be in any hurry to introduce him. Or in a hurry to do anything. Smiles, bows and politeness. This was not Mei he had learned to know, but it was the one these people obviously knew.
Who was Takahashi Mei? Was she the person he saw before him now or was she the person he had learned to know at the Aoiya? Or was she something else? For a moment he remembered Okina's warnings. They had been afraid of Mei. Had they been able too her true self or was he the only one to know it? Did anyone know? Did she herself know?
Yahiko frowned. It was not an easy thing to find out. He couldn't really ask her, now could he.
"Himiko-san, I would like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Myojin Yahiko. He is also a quest at the Aoiya. He has been kind enough to assist me since his arrival. It is all thanks to him that I got here today." Mei smiled at Yahiko kindly and Yahiko doubted that no one else could separate the message in her words. She told him to play along. But if these people were her friends then why did she practically lie to them?
Yahiko smiled at Himiko not showing his inner confusion to her. He wasn't good at it, but Himiko was too exited to notice anything like that. "Thank you very much! Yahiko wasn't it? It is very hard for Mei to move around."
"Himiko-san. It is not that hard once you learn it." Mei said to Himiko in a protest, but Himiko completely ignored Mei's words. "Come on inside. Yahiko-san, would you please guide Mei-san inside? Thank you so much!"
Himiko sure moved fast. Yahiko clanged at Mei and saw her sigh and shrug her shoulders. Then she turned to Yahiko and gave him her arm saying that Himiko wouldn't be satisfied with any other way. Yahiko saw Himiko's husband smile to him apologizing.
"Do you remember when I told you why I am here? Himiko-san dragged me here. This is nothing compared to it. But she is a kind woman with a good and strong heart. I really respect her." Mei smiled to Yahiko. Those few words and that smile changed his view of her once again. She didn't act so differently as he had thought before.
So as Himiko-san wanted, he guided Mei inside.
Yahiko hadn't really known what he had waited for this day, but it turned out to be very pleasant one. Juri, Sasha's and Arata's daughter, was adorable and it made Yahiko think if Kaoru had given birth to her child yet. At first they got to know each other and then they left for a picnic. It was Himiko's idea. She had been acting extra happily all the time and for her extra happiness meant also extra activity. She spoke and made everything with amazing speed. But even in her hyper active state Yahiko found her to be pleasant and fun company. He found himself liking every single one of them.
Sasha and her husband Arata reminded him of his own parents. They loved each other very much and the atmosphere in their house was calm and loving. Juri was a lucky girl to be born into such a family.
Himiko and Ikku were both a little bit more active than Sasha and Arata. Yahiko had a feeling that there were parents who could always spare sometime to play games with their children. Jun and Haru were always on the move like their mother, but they never did anything bad. Mostly they helped in where they could.
Mei seemed to have relaxed a little now, but there was still something holding her back. He wondered what it was all the way to the river where they had their picnic. The place was at the outskirts of the town and very peaceful as well as beautiful. Yahiko smiled. This would be a great day. He had smelled and seen some of the food offered here and he couldn't wait till the got to the eating part.
The sun was shining now brightly and warmly. They had more food with them than they could eat and more sake than they could drink. Yahiko drank a little too, but he had learned the dangers of alcohol and since he didn't want to get drunk, he carefully counted his cups. Jun and Haru were playing ball games and Yahiko joined them while the older ones started to discuss about love.
Yahiko listened to them speak even though love was not his favourite subject.
Sasha told how she and Arata had met at their friend's parties at Osaka. They had met and found out that they were actually neighbours and once they had returned to Kyoto, they had been in close contact which each other. "We were actually friends first, but at some point our feelings evolved into a love." Arata told laughing.
Himiko told eagerly about a letter she had received. It hadn't been meant for her, but since it had no name on it and she had found it from the folds of a kimono she had bought, she had read it. She had fallen in love with the writer immediately. She had read that letter over and over until she had decided to find writer. Then she practically stole Ikku from altar when he was about to marry his old neighbour. "She was pissed, but there was nothing she could do. We loved each other too deeply. Later I heard that she had married some rich merchant." Himiko smiled whole-heartedly and looked at her husband lovingly.
"Your turn, Mei-san." Himiko turned her attention to Mei who had stayed silent and hoped that they would forget her.
"I-..."
"Don't be shy! There must have been someone special in your life too." Himiko smiled and all eyes were suddenly on Mei.
Yahiko threw the ball to Haru and turned to look at Mei, who looked very uncomfortable and fidgeted.
Mei was silent and seemed to be biting her lower lip. "There was once, but I haven't seen him in years and won't ever see him again. That's it. He was something like a childhood friend." She gulped her sake cup empty with one wrist movement and poured it full again.
Yahiko looked at Mei. How had she managed to squeeze so much sadness into few words? He felt his heart ache for her and he could see the same in the faces of the others.
Suddenly Himiko stood up with a smile so brighten the atmosphere. "There is something I would like to tell to all of you. First of all I must say that Juri is adorable, she'll grow into a beauty. I am glad to be a aunt to such a child."
Yahiko saw Sasha and Atara glow with parents pride at Himiko's words.
"And to continue, I have just confirmed that I myself am pregnant." She smiled and looked at her husband glowing. He looked astonished at first but then he smiled and took her wife gently in his arms. Everyone were immediately there to congratulate Himiko and Ikku. Jun and Haru both hugged their parents and asked millions of questions when things were explained to them.
"I also have something I would like to ask from Mei-san." Himiko smiled and walked to Mei. She took her hands. "Please, will you allow us to name our child after you if it is a girl?"
Mei looked shocked and then she smiled a smile that was both sad and happy. "I would be honoured, my dear friend." She pulled Himiko close and Sasha clapped her hands and soon others joined in.
They didn't leave until just before sunset. Jun and Haru were so tired that Atara and Ikku had to carry them home. They parted at Sasha's door. There Mei asked Himiko to wait a second and Yahiko not to listen to them. Yahiko was a little hurt by this but he stayed away. He still couldn't avoid hearing Himiko's loud protests over something. But in the end she gave in to Mei. They hugged for the last time and then Mei came to Yahiko. "Let's return to Aoiya."
He noticed that even though Mei had drunk amazing amount of sake during the evening, she was still rather sober. She was also very silent for some reason. After few minutes of walking in silence, Yahiko had enough and he broke it. "Jun-chan and Haru-chan were so amazing. They acted to well all the time. They never did anything bad. I am sure that I weren't so good behaving when I was a child."
Mei laughed. "I know I wasn't. I did all kind of stupid things and got into trouble all the time. For example I once painted a flower to-" She stopped for a moment. " -my caretaker's shirt when he was going to a meeting. I must have been such a problem since I never obeyed anyone but him. Every rule they made I always broke as soon as it was made."
Yahiko laughed. When he had first got to know Mei, she had seemed so superior and unruffled like Aoshi. But once he had learned more about her, she had turned into an active person. Today she had been the same as when he had learned to know her first. Little by little she had changed though. He hadn't noticed it, but she had become more open and active. It was as if there were two different persons in her.
"Umm, Mei-san. Can I ask you something?" He had to ask this, even though she wouldn't probably answer. Mei looked at him and nodded. Yahiko took a deep breath. "Why- I mean, when I first met you and today, you seemed distant, silent and calm. But in the morning when it was time to leave, you acted very differently from that. Why?"
Mei stopped walking and so did Yahiko. She seemed to ponder about something in her mind, before she smiled. "When my eyes were cut, my self was cut also." She continued walking and Yahiko followed her.
"The pain was more than I could bear. I never wanted to get hurt like that again. First I trained myself again, so that I would be able to defend myself and then I moved to a place where no one wants to hurt another. A peaceful village quite far from here. There I met Himiko-san and Ikku-san, but even though they were my friends, I couldn't open up for them. My spirit has been only barely alive for years. That is why acted like I did. I wanted to avoid pain. Such a coward." Mei laughed bitterly and then sighed.
"I didn't want to return to Kyoto, but found no excuse to avoid it. So Himiko-san forced me to come. Here my intentions were to close myself in my room and never step out of it. But then you came. Speaking with you, training with you and ... having fun with you. Those things have brought my spirit slowly back to life. The person from this morning, the way I acted, that is closest to my former self." Mei gave a quick smile to Yahiko and continued walking in silence.
Yahiko was silent also, he had a lot to think. They were already close to the Aoiya when Mei spoke again.
"Yahiko, I am going to leave tomorrow. I won't return to my village, I'll leave for a journey. I want to find what I am missing. New courage, new happiness. I want to be the person I once was again. Before that I can never return to my family and friends. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but this time I'll most definitely return." There was confidence in her voice when she spoke. "So wait for me, alright? Yahiko." She said it smiling.
He most certainly wait for her. She was a person whose friendship he never wanted to lose. "Of course! But I won't be here. I actually live in-"
"Tokyo. At Kamiya dojo. I know." Mei smiled and Yahiko looked at her confused. He had said that he was from Tokyo, but not that he lived at Kamiya-dojo. "I haven't told you that. How-"
"How did I know?" Mei interrupted. Yahiko nodded. "Yes, how did you?"
Mei smiled. "I have been in Tokyo and at the dojo. We have met before."
Yahiko frowned. "No, I would remember you."
Mei smiled. "Think Yahiko-chan. Think about all that I have told you and find out the truth." They were already very close to Aoiya and soon Mei took her first steps up the stairs. In the silence Yahiko thought about Mei. He tried to remember every word she had said to him.
She was a ninja, former member of Oniwabanshu. She used kenpo and some fan-like weapons. She had lost her eyes five years ago and because of it she had changed her name. She had hidden herself from her enemies and from her friends. She was from Kyoto. She was in love with a man she hadn't seen in a long time and she would never _see_ him again. That man was something like a childhood friend, which meant that she had known him as a child. The way she had acted in the morning was more like the person she had once been. Now, she would go for a journey and _this time_ she would return. This time. That meant she had been on a journey from which she had never returned. She had never returned to her friends. Until now.
Mei was already at the door when she heard him gasp. She smiled. So he finally realized who she had been in the past. "So you understand now, don't you Yahiko. Please, don't tell others. I don't want them to know yet."
She turned and smiled to Yahiko. "Thank you. Yahiko. You have no idea how much this time I have spent with you has changed me. We were so much alike in the past and I hope we'll be in the future also. But before I can return to the lives of the others, I have to regain myself. In the end, you'll be the only person who has ever really understood Takahashi Mei. Well, maybe Yoko-san and Keita-san both understand her also. But when I return, I'll be more like the person I was before. I won't allow Shimabara to win over me." Then she turned and walked inside.
Too shocked to move for a minute, he then run after her. He reached her just as she was opening the door to her room.
"Wait." Misao stopped and turned halfway to Yahiko. "I won't tell others. I promise you that."
Misao bowed to Yahiko deeply. "Thank you. Sleep well, Yahiko." Then with a small smile she entered her room.
Yahiko stood for a minute in the hallway and then whispered. "Good night, Misao." Then he walked to his room not knowing that those unheard words were the last ones he said to her in a long time. He did not know that was the last time he saw her for some time. Neither did he know that when he would wake up in the morning, she would be gone.
End of chapter 10.
TBC in chapter 11.
At last. I actually thought that I would never finish this chapter but here it is. I feel like I would have been writing this for eternity.
Tiian
Author: It is Saturday (in the fic).
This chapter has caused me some serious troubles. Hopefully the rest will be easier to write. Edo is the old name of Tokyo.
Chapter 10. I am alive
Misao slept. A small content smile brightened her face.
Nothing had changed. The sky was blue; no white clouds were there to be seen. The sun shone brightly and the morning dew glimmered. The ground was filled with green grass and flowers of all colours of the rainbow. She danced around them. She could see others also.
Himura and Kaoru were talking on her left. Both of them looking very happy. Sano and Megumi were approaching from behind her. Omasu, Okon, Shiro and Kuro were waving at her from afar. Aoshi was meditating on a big rock and Okina was taking care of the flowers.
Yahiko was there too. Nothing had changed about him. He looked just the same. Misao frowned. But he was 17 already. He should have grown.
Suddenly everything turned black. She still heard all of them, but she couldn't see them anymore. "What-?" she spoke and the echo brought her words back. 'What, what, what...'
She tried to touch her eyes, but she didn't find them. She didn't have eyes. She screamed--
And woke up breathing heavily. The change was meaningless. It still was all black and she still didn't have eyes.
Misao sat up trying to calm herself. Dreams such as that were never far away and she should have gotten used to them, but she hadn't. Every time she saw a dream such as this, she woke up practically screaming. They never went away, at least not until she would no longer remember that she had sometime in the past seen things and people.
She sighed. It was Saturday. She would leave tomorrow and go back to her life in Suzu. Back to content but not happy. Here she was not content, but strangely in here her life was more interesting. Hiding from everyone, having to watch out all the time...
All this time after her little meeting with Shimabara she had been searching for a safe place, but maybe the place or the thing she should have been searching for was not safety. After being hurt badly she had wanted to hide from everyone. Never wanting to be hurt again. She had found that from Suzu. It was a quiet and kind village where people were happy in their normal lives. Nothing exciting happened there. People were generous and helpful. She had thought herself to be lucky to have found such a place where no one intentionally hurt anyone. Everything moved forward quietly and nothing changed.
But...
She had been a wild thing from the birth and staying still in one place longer than five minutes had been too much for her. That's why she had never understood meditating. She just couldn't sit still long enough. She had learned that skill painfully and meditating had become daily.
But something was wrong.
She had it felt soon after moving to Suzu, but until this day she had ignore it. She had wanted to play with children, get to know the forests and every road. She had mentioned this to Himiko-san briefly and she had been horrified. She had said it was okay, but that she should take someone with her. Misao's desire had disappeared immediately. Somehow it had been... suffocating living in Suzu. Here she felt once again free.
Maybe the life she was living now wasn't meant for the kinds of her, for her.
*Maybe... I think I just found an answer.* she smiled. *Maybe I can find my happiness, my tomorrow again. Not like I have tried till this day and by hiding, but little by little from other people and by moving around. I think that's my way to tomorrow. Searching by moving around.*
She stood up and for the first time in five years she knew what road she would move to. She had been standing in an intersection for five years and now she finally knew which direction she wanted to walk to. It had been right before her eyes all this time but it had taken a trip to Kyoto and Yahiko for her to realize it.
She owed a lot to him for that. It was partly because of him that she had realized what road to take. She would have to repay that to him somehow in the future.
She dressed herself quickly. Somehow she felt full of energy, something she hadn't felt in years. In five to be correct. She wanted to jump, laugh, dance and clap her hands in delight. A little bit of Misao had been revived. Now she was glad that she had agreed to come to Kyoto.
She had still a lot to learn and to live to regain her happiness. It wouldn't come back with a snap of fingers. It would take time, but that was something she had. Tomorrow she would leave for a quest to find herself, she had nothing holding her back. She didn't have much money, but she didn't need more.
But tomorrow was tomorrow and today was now.
She exited her room and walked to Yahiko's. After knocking she barged in. "Wake up, slacker. It is morning already." Then before he had a change to say anything she left his room and headed downstairs. She was feeling good and that was a lot more than usually. No one would be able to ruin her good mood.
"Mei." A deep voice that sent shivers down her spine.
Hell, she would not allow him of all people ruin it. She turned to the voice with a ghostly-like little smile on her face. "Shinomori-san. How may I help you?"
"Do you have a moment?" He walked a little closer. He wasn't far from her and she almost felt his warmth on her skin. Her knees felt weaker and she wanted to just fall over to his arms.
"I am sorry, but I am very busy today. Can it wait to tomorrow?" Her voice was polite and revealed nothing of her inner feelings, which had been freed during her earlier musings. She was free to feel again. She didn't shut away feelings just to avoid being hurt anymore. Which unfortunately meant that she was way more sensitive to Aoshi.
Now the man from her thoughts just stood there and she could feel his eyes on her. It had been a long time since she had been this alive. It felt good. Being alive felt good.
"Alright." His voice caressed her senses and when he moved past her she felt faint. She had forgotten that her feelings were this strong. She would have to do something about it. If she always reacted this strongly around him... That may lead to embarrassing situations. *Well, I'll leave tomorrow. I can enjoy this that long time.* She walked to the kitchen and told them that she would go to dining room and that she was hungry. "Also, Yahiko-chan will come soon. Make something for him too, ne."
She went to the dining room and sat to a free table. It was easy to move around there. Everything was like she remembered it to be. She would leave all of this familiarity behind her again when she left, but it didn't matter. Because after she was done, she would come back. For real then. After that, she would not leave again.
She heard someone approaching. The ki she sensed told her that it was Shiro. Hopefully he had food with him because she was very hungry. Soon she smelled the sweet scent of food. He came and placed the tray on the table. "Here you go. Enjoy your meal."
She smiled at him. He was polite even though he didn't even know if she was a friend or an enemy. "Arigatou gozaimasu. I am sure I'll like it. You make such a good food here."
Misao could almost sense his wondering. He stood there for a moment before returning to the kitchen. Misao took the chopsticks and dug in. It was good as always. Even though she was a possible enemy she still got good food. She was glad about that. Having to eat only beans or something wouldn't really be pleasant.
Misao liked eating, tasting and smelling the food. Her every sense was better than before and so also eating had become a way to know the world. She hadn't really thought of it in the past, but along with so many things also that had changed when she had lost her eyes.
She heard someone coming. This time it was Yahiko. He had his food with him and he sat onto the same table with Misao. "Thanks for the rude waking." He sounded half asleep.
She smiled. She really liked him. "No need to thank me Yahiko-chan."
"You know, that doesn't make me angry anymore." He told her sleepily and yawned.
She nodded. "Good. Then one of your weak points has been won." She smiled at him and continued eating.
Yahiko stopped eating for a moment to think about what she had said and continued then. He wasn't awake enough to think clearly. He had slept ten hours and he was still half asleep and tired. He had somehow known that they would not leave late in the afternoon, but at the morning. He had been right. Today had been the first time she had been the one to barge into a room. Well, he didn't have to worry about her having seen anything.
A bang of quilt with that thought. He shouldn't think like that.
Misao finished her meal soon and stood up. Yahiko was still eating, she could hear his sticks hitting the bowl as he picked more food. "I'll be waiting in my room. Come there after you have finished. We'll leave then." She turned and could hear him mumble his 'yes'.
She walked calmly all the way to her room. Some people who she did not know by ki walked by her but she hardly noticed them. They didn't pose any threat to her nor were they important to her. To her they were just hired help and to them she was just another customer unless they were former or present members of Oniwabanshu. Then they would see her as an enemy. An enemy in her own home. It hadn't really bothered her before but now that she knew again who she was, it was a little annoying. She didn't want them to think that she would hurt them.
All because of Shimabara once again.
Shimabara had hurt her in more ways than one. He had taken away her eyes. It had been physical pain. During the time her sliced her skin and during the time the wounds had healed. It had been awfully painful and she had been helpless, but she had endured. She had survived. The pain from the wounds was gone, only scars were left.
But he had also hurt her psyche and shaken her self. She had been defiant and he had taken that away, not with a knife but with his words and with the help of the situation. She had been held captive and she had been unable to do anything. Those two had been the things that had dulled her fire.
Now she had to get that fire burning brightly again. Then she would be able to regain her defiance and she would return to the person she used to be. Well, not exactly. Too many things had changed, she had grown up and endured more than many and those things had changed her too much for her to ever wholly become Misao they knew. But she would become a person she wanted to become. That she swore to herself and to Yahiko and to her other friends.
She smiled and opened the door to her room. She was already inside when she noticed that this was not the room she had stayed in these last days. This was her own room, the room she had lived in for so many years. She had been almost five when Aoshi and others had moved there and she along with them. Okina and others had been strangers to her at the time and she had always been with Aoshi or Hannya. Or if they were both out, she was with Beshimi who played games with her, or with Hyottoko who blew fire for her and kept her entertained, or with Shikijou who took her all around the town and carried her on his shoulder, threw her in the air and told stories.
Little by little she had learned to know Okina and others better also, but they didn't really become her friends before Aoshi left with others. Then they had been all she had had. Okina had become jiya for her and others were almost like brothers and sisters. But still she missed the friends she had lost.
This room had been hers since then. She could remember everything. The drawer with a mirror on one wall, futon right next to it. Window like in her present room, tatamis as the floor. She stepped two steps inside before she understood what she was doing. If she were sighted here, she would be in sooo much trouble. They would become even more suspicious. It was a good thing that she would leave tomorrow. She was anxious to leave and anxious to return.
She turned around and left the room. She was lucky, no one saw her. She didn't want to start explaining again. She walked calmly to the room she had intended to go into. She hoped that Yahiko would come soon. She wanted to leave already. She paced around the room, unable to just sit down. Meditating would be impossible. She needed action.
She walked around the room waiting anxiously for Yahiko. She wanted to leave already. The time it took from Yahiko to eat and then come to her felt like an eternity. Backing her few things had taken only few minutes.
"At last!" She yelled at him when he finally appeared to her door. Since she couldn't see, she missed Yahiko's surprised look when she took a hold of his arm and pulled him to the stairs and down them.
"Hey! What's the hurry?" She could hear Yahiko loud and clear. He seemed to wonder something but Misao paid no attention to it. She wanted out. She ignored Yahiko's words and the strange looks she knew she was getting as she dragged him with her. For the first time in a long time she just didn't care what others thought. Why should she?
It wasn't until they were out of Aoiya that she released him. She stopped there at the stairs. The wind caressed her face and it felt good. All kind of smells from the street invaded her nose and sounds her ears. She was more aware of everything now and it felt good. She took her cane from her waist and with its help she stepped down onto the street. A smile brightened her face and it shone like a sun, which was hidden behind a curtain of clouds on the sky.
"Hey, Mei-san."
She turned to Yahiko still smiling. "Yes?"
"Are we in a hurry or something?" He also walked the stairs and stopped at her side. Misao shook her head. "Nope. I just wanted to get out. It has been some time since the last time." She smiled and took few steps forward, feeling the ground first with her cane. "Sasha-san lives near the graveyard. Do you know where it is?"
"Ummm, I am not sure..." Yahiko tried to remember the last time he had been at Kyoto. He and Sanosuke had been lost and then they had seen Megumi and Kaoru and then Kenshin had came saying that he had been at graveyard. Now where was that?
Misao laughed. "Don't worry. I know the way and I'll give you instructions on where to turn where. I know Kyoto quite well from before." Misao didn't even consider her words. She spoke freely cause now at last she was free.
"So you have lived in Kyoto? When and where?" Yahiko on the other hand paid a lot of attention to her words. Mei hardly ever spoke of the past when it wasn't necessary so he absorbed every single thing she said to his memory.
"Almost all of my life. I am an orphan. My parents died when I was very little and my grandfather who was my last relative died when I was five." Mei had a strange look on her face. She didn't smile anymore, but she didn't really look sad either.
"I am an orphan too! My parents died when I was little too. I was older than you, but still young." Yahiko smiled. They had something in common and it felt good. He really liked Mei and wanted to get closer to her. He saw Mei smile at him as she started to walk to right. "Come, this way. I'll tell you where to turn and so on, but you have to help me a little. Counting and estimating the distances is very hard so you'll tell me and guide forward."
Yahiko nodded. "Sure!" And walked to her side to listen to her.
It took them half an hour to reach Sasha's house. On their way they also bought some flowers for her. Yahiko picked and Mei bought them. Sasha did indeed live near the graveyard and after only a little trouble they arrived. It was pure luck that Himiko's husband Ikku was at the door going inside and recognized Misao. He yelled and soon Himiko came out with her daughter Jun and son Haru following soon after. Himiko hugged her friend into a tight embrace and yelled how glad she was that Mei was there and how worried she had been. Misao only hugged her briefly back before pulling away. Jun and Haru were both tugging at her sleeve to get her attention and she gave them both a small smile.
Yahiko watched this all from the side and immediately noticed the change in Mei. She was calmer and politer. Also she seemed more distant. Yahiko couldn't really understand what happened to her, but the change was great. She was like another person. This new Mei didn't seem to be in any hurry to introduce him. Or in a hurry to do anything. Smiles, bows and politeness. This was not Mei he had learned to know, but it was the one these people obviously knew.
Who was Takahashi Mei? Was she the person he saw before him now or was she the person he had learned to know at the Aoiya? Or was she something else? For a moment he remembered Okina's warnings. They had been afraid of Mei. Had they been able too her true self or was he the only one to know it? Did anyone know? Did she herself know?
Yahiko frowned. It was not an easy thing to find out. He couldn't really ask her, now could he.
"Himiko-san, I would like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Myojin Yahiko. He is also a quest at the Aoiya. He has been kind enough to assist me since his arrival. It is all thanks to him that I got here today." Mei smiled at Yahiko kindly and Yahiko doubted that no one else could separate the message in her words. She told him to play along. But if these people were her friends then why did she practically lie to them?
Yahiko smiled at Himiko not showing his inner confusion to her. He wasn't good at it, but Himiko was too exited to notice anything like that. "Thank you very much! Yahiko wasn't it? It is very hard for Mei to move around."
"Himiko-san. It is not that hard once you learn it." Mei said to Himiko in a protest, but Himiko completely ignored Mei's words. "Come on inside. Yahiko-san, would you please guide Mei-san inside? Thank you so much!"
Himiko sure moved fast. Yahiko clanged at Mei and saw her sigh and shrug her shoulders. Then she turned to Yahiko and gave him her arm saying that Himiko wouldn't be satisfied with any other way. Yahiko saw Himiko's husband smile to him apologizing.
"Do you remember when I told you why I am here? Himiko-san dragged me here. This is nothing compared to it. But she is a kind woman with a good and strong heart. I really respect her." Mei smiled to Yahiko. Those few words and that smile changed his view of her once again. She didn't act so differently as he had thought before.
So as Himiko-san wanted, he guided Mei inside.
Yahiko hadn't really known what he had waited for this day, but it turned out to be very pleasant one. Juri, Sasha's and Arata's daughter, was adorable and it made Yahiko think if Kaoru had given birth to her child yet. At first they got to know each other and then they left for a picnic. It was Himiko's idea. She had been acting extra happily all the time and for her extra happiness meant also extra activity. She spoke and made everything with amazing speed. But even in her hyper active state Yahiko found her to be pleasant and fun company. He found himself liking every single one of them.
Sasha and her husband Arata reminded him of his own parents. They loved each other very much and the atmosphere in their house was calm and loving. Juri was a lucky girl to be born into such a family.
Himiko and Ikku were both a little bit more active than Sasha and Arata. Yahiko had a feeling that there were parents who could always spare sometime to play games with their children. Jun and Haru were always on the move like their mother, but they never did anything bad. Mostly they helped in where they could.
Mei seemed to have relaxed a little now, but there was still something holding her back. He wondered what it was all the way to the river where they had their picnic. The place was at the outskirts of the town and very peaceful as well as beautiful. Yahiko smiled. This would be a great day. He had smelled and seen some of the food offered here and he couldn't wait till the got to the eating part.
The sun was shining now brightly and warmly. They had more food with them than they could eat and more sake than they could drink. Yahiko drank a little too, but he had learned the dangers of alcohol and since he didn't want to get drunk, he carefully counted his cups. Jun and Haru were playing ball games and Yahiko joined them while the older ones started to discuss about love.
Yahiko listened to them speak even though love was not his favourite subject.
Sasha told how she and Arata had met at their friend's parties at Osaka. They had met and found out that they were actually neighbours and once they had returned to Kyoto, they had been in close contact which each other. "We were actually friends first, but at some point our feelings evolved into a love." Arata told laughing.
Himiko told eagerly about a letter she had received. It hadn't been meant for her, but since it had no name on it and she had found it from the folds of a kimono she had bought, she had read it. She had fallen in love with the writer immediately. She had read that letter over and over until she had decided to find writer. Then she practically stole Ikku from altar when he was about to marry his old neighbour. "She was pissed, but there was nothing she could do. We loved each other too deeply. Later I heard that she had married some rich merchant." Himiko smiled whole-heartedly and looked at her husband lovingly.
"Your turn, Mei-san." Himiko turned her attention to Mei who had stayed silent and hoped that they would forget her.
"I-..."
"Don't be shy! There must have been someone special in your life too." Himiko smiled and all eyes were suddenly on Mei.
Yahiko threw the ball to Haru and turned to look at Mei, who looked very uncomfortable and fidgeted.
Mei was silent and seemed to be biting her lower lip. "There was once, but I haven't seen him in years and won't ever see him again. That's it. He was something like a childhood friend." She gulped her sake cup empty with one wrist movement and poured it full again.
Yahiko looked at Mei. How had she managed to squeeze so much sadness into few words? He felt his heart ache for her and he could see the same in the faces of the others.
Suddenly Himiko stood up with a smile so brighten the atmosphere. "There is something I would like to tell to all of you. First of all I must say that Juri is adorable, she'll grow into a beauty. I am glad to be a aunt to such a child."
Yahiko saw Sasha and Atara glow with parents pride at Himiko's words.
"And to continue, I have just confirmed that I myself am pregnant." She smiled and looked at her husband glowing. He looked astonished at first but then he smiled and took her wife gently in his arms. Everyone were immediately there to congratulate Himiko and Ikku. Jun and Haru both hugged their parents and asked millions of questions when things were explained to them.
"I also have something I would like to ask from Mei-san." Himiko smiled and walked to Mei. She took her hands. "Please, will you allow us to name our child after you if it is a girl?"
Mei looked shocked and then she smiled a smile that was both sad and happy. "I would be honoured, my dear friend." She pulled Himiko close and Sasha clapped her hands and soon others joined in.
They didn't leave until just before sunset. Jun and Haru were so tired that Atara and Ikku had to carry them home. They parted at Sasha's door. There Mei asked Himiko to wait a second and Yahiko not to listen to them. Yahiko was a little hurt by this but he stayed away. He still couldn't avoid hearing Himiko's loud protests over something. But in the end she gave in to Mei. They hugged for the last time and then Mei came to Yahiko. "Let's return to Aoiya."
He noticed that even though Mei had drunk amazing amount of sake during the evening, she was still rather sober. She was also very silent for some reason. After few minutes of walking in silence, Yahiko had enough and he broke it. "Jun-chan and Haru-chan were so amazing. They acted to well all the time. They never did anything bad. I am sure that I weren't so good behaving when I was a child."
Mei laughed. "I know I wasn't. I did all kind of stupid things and got into trouble all the time. For example I once painted a flower to-" She stopped for a moment. " -my caretaker's shirt when he was going to a meeting. I must have been such a problem since I never obeyed anyone but him. Every rule they made I always broke as soon as it was made."
Yahiko laughed. When he had first got to know Mei, she had seemed so superior and unruffled like Aoshi. But once he had learned more about her, she had turned into an active person. Today she had been the same as when he had learned to know her first. Little by little she had changed though. He hadn't noticed it, but she had become more open and active. It was as if there were two different persons in her.
"Umm, Mei-san. Can I ask you something?" He had to ask this, even though she wouldn't probably answer. Mei looked at him and nodded. Yahiko took a deep breath. "Why- I mean, when I first met you and today, you seemed distant, silent and calm. But in the morning when it was time to leave, you acted very differently from that. Why?"
Mei stopped walking and so did Yahiko. She seemed to ponder about something in her mind, before she smiled. "When my eyes were cut, my self was cut also." She continued walking and Yahiko followed her.
"The pain was more than I could bear. I never wanted to get hurt like that again. First I trained myself again, so that I would be able to defend myself and then I moved to a place where no one wants to hurt another. A peaceful village quite far from here. There I met Himiko-san and Ikku-san, but even though they were my friends, I couldn't open up for them. My spirit has been only barely alive for years. That is why acted like I did. I wanted to avoid pain. Such a coward." Mei laughed bitterly and then sighed.
"I didn't want to return to Kyoto, but found no excuse to avoid it. So Himiko-san forced me to come. Here my intentions were to close myself in my room and never step out of it. But then you came. Speaking with you, training with you and ... having fun with you. Those things have brought my spirit slowly back to life. The person from this morning, the way I acted, that is closest to my former self." Mei gave a quick smile to Yahiko and continued walking in silence.
Yahiko was silent also, he had a lot to think. They were already close to the Aoiya when Mei spoke again.
"Yahiko, I am going to leave tomorrow. I won't return to my village, I'll leave for a journey. I want to find what I am missing. New courage, new happiness. I want to be the person I once was again. Before that I can never return to my family and friends. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but this time I'll most definitely return." There was confidence in her voice when she spoke. "So wait for me, alright? Yahiko." She said it smiling.
He most certainly wait for her. She was a person whose friendship he never wanted to lose. "Of course! But I won't be here. I actually live in-"
"Tokyo. At Kamiya dojo. I know." Mei smiled and Yahiko looked at her confused. He had said that he was from Tokyo, but not that he lived at Kamiya-dojo. "I haven't told you that. How-"
"How did I know?" Mei interrupted. Yahiko nodded. "Yes, how did you?"
Mei smiled. "I have been in Tokyo and at the dojo. We have met before."
Yahiko frowned. "No, I would remember you."
Mei smiled. "Think Yahiko-chan. Think about all that I have told you and find out the truth." They were already very close to Aoiya and soon Mei took her first steps up the stairs. In the silence Yahiko thought about Mei. He tried to remember every word she had said to him.
She was a ninja, former member of Oniwabanshu. She used kenpo and some fan-like weapons. She had lost her eyes five years ago and because of it she had changed her name. She had hidden herself from her enemies and from her friends. She was from Kyoto. She was in love with a man she hadn't seen in a long time and she would never _see_ him again. That man was something like a childhood friend, which meant that she had known him as a child. The way she had acted in the morning was more like the person she had once been. Now, she would go for a journey and _this time_ she would return. This time. That meant she had been on a journey from which she had never returned. She had never returned to her friends. Until now.
Mei was already at the door when she heard him gasp. She smiled. So he finally realized who she had been in the past. "So you understand now, don't you Yahiko. Please, don't tell others. I don't want them to know yet."
She turned and smiled to Yahiko. "Thank you. Yahiko. You have no idea how much this time I have spent with you has changed me. We were so much alike in the past and I hope we'll be in the future also. But before I can return to the lives of the others, I have to regain myself. In the end, you'll be the only person who has ever really understood Takahashi Mei. Well, maybe Yoko-san and Keita-san both understand her also. But when I return, I'll be more like the person I was before. I won't allow Shimabara to win over me." Then she turned and walked inside.
Too shocked to move for a minute, he then run after her. He reached her just as she was opening the door to her room.
"Wait." Misao stopped and turned halfway to Yahiko. "I won't tell others. I promise you that."
Misao bowed to Yahiko deeply. "Thank you. Sleep well, Yahiko." Then with a small smile she entered her room.
Yahiko stood for a minute in the hallway and then whispered. "Good night, Misao." Then he walked to his room not knowing that those unheard words were the last ones he said to her in a long time. He did not know that was the last time he saw her for some time. Neither did he know that when he would wake up in the morning, she would be gone.
End of chapter 10.
TBC in chapter 11.
At last. I actually thought that I would never finish this chapter but here it is. I feel like I would have been writing this for eternity.
Tiian